The Triad

by Sarah Ettritch

  Jayne silently cursed when a tear rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away, then leaned forward and dislodged Mo’s hand when more tears threatened. Just as Jayne thought she’d mastered her composure, Mo’s arm slipped around her shoulders. The tender gesture disarmed rather than bolstered. “I just wish it would all go away, so I could be like everyone else,” she said, sniffling. “It never ends. It never—” She sobbed, and almost dissolved into a flood of tears when Mo’s arm tightened around her. Then she shook herself and furiously wiped at her cheeks. She’d always fought against wallowing in it. If she allowed herself that luxury, she’d spend all her days crying. “I might regret it, but I have to meet with him,” she said, steering the conversation back to the less upsetting topic.

  “Tell them you’ll do it, but only if you can bring your Chosen,” Mo said.

  Jayne turned to her. “What? You don’t have to.”

  “I want to,” Mo said firmly. “You don’t have to face him alone. You’re not alone anymore.”

  Jayne’s vision blurred. She wanted to close her eyes and draw strength from Mo’s compassion and support; wanted to reach for her, hold her, bathe in the comfort of Mo’s arms. But that would be wrong. She tore her gaze away and stood. “I need a handkerchief.” Jayne could feel Mo’s eyes on her as she retreated into the bedroom, hoping a handkerchief was in her knapsack. Relief flooded through her when she found one shoved inside a side pocket. On the way to the bathroom to splash water on her face, she stole a glance at Mo, who was sitting exactly where Jayne had left her, staring pensively at nothing.

  After making herself somewhat presentable again, Jayne hesitated in the bathroom doorway. What would Mo think if she were to sit in the chair, rather than next to her?

  Mo’s comm unit beeped. Jayne seized the opportunity to move closer to her and hover, still not sure where to sit.

  “So are we going to show Jayne how pilots play cards tonight?” a woman’s voice said as soon as Mo hit the connect button.

  “Les and I have already played cards with her,” Mo said, then mouthed “Ann” at Jayne.

  Jayne nodded and sat next to her. Ann’s interruption had broken the mood.

  “I meant pilots who don’t play like wimps,” Ann said, making Mo roll her eyes. “Come on, when I ran into you earlier, you said you’d be up for it.”

  “I said we might be up for it. But I’m tired. Maybe another time.”

  “You sure? How about just the three of us? We can play in your quarters, if you want.”

  “Not tonight.” Mo paused. “But thanks for asking.”

  “If you wanted to play, we could have gone,” Jayne said when Mo disconnected, though the thought of playing cards with Mo’s fellow pilots—or even just Ann—intimidated her.

  Mo shook her head. “I feel like a quiet night in.”

  That suited Jayne fine, but... “I won’t be good company.” And she no longer wanted to talk about Stewart. “I’ll meet with Stewart,” she said, hoping that would put an end to the subject for now. “And I can meet with him alone. You don’t have to come.”

  “I’m going with you.” Mo’s tone made it clear that she wouldn’t be swayed. “Make sure you tell Laura that.”

  “Actually, I was thinking of telling Lesley and asking her to tell Laura, so Lesley knows what’s going on.” Was that true, or did she want an excuse to write to Lesley?

  “Good idea.” Mo slid forward to perch on the edge of the sofa and stretch. “And don’t worry about entertaining me. I brought my violin for a reason. My audition is only a few weeks away, so I need to practice.” She turned to Jayne. “I can go to a music room, if you think I’ll get on your nerves.”

  “No, don’t do that. I’m all painted out for the day, and even if I wasn’t, your violin wouldn’t bother me. Once I’ve finished the dispatch to Lesley, I’ll just lie here and close my eyes and listen.”

  Mo’s face lit up. “Really?”

  “Yes, really.” She wouldn’t mind being serenaded by Mo and her violin every night.

  *****

  Mo glanced around her empty quarters in alarm, then turned to Ann. “She said she might go for a walk, but I didn’t think she would.”

  Ann snorted. “Why not? Because you wouldn’t be there to hold her hand?”

  Something like that. “She’s still getting used to the station.” And might be lost. Panic gripped Mo. “We have to find her!” She hurried into the corridor.

  Ann grabbed Mo’s arm. “Calm down! Beep her.”

  Of course. Feeling stupid, she pulled out her comm unit. When Jayne answered, Mo felt like scolding her and collapsing to the floor in relief. “Where are you?”

  “I found that observation deck you told me about, the one you said is never busy,” Jayne replied.

  “Observation Deck 5?” Ann murmured.

  Mo nodded. “Stay there. We’ll come and get you.” She disconnected and blew out a sigh. Ann grinned at her. “What?” Mo snapped.

  “Nothing,” Ann said, still grinning. “Are we going to get her, or not?”

  By the time they reached the observation deck, Mo’s heart had slowed to its normal pace. Jayne was sitting calmly, her sketchbook open on her lap. But no coloured pencils. Stubborn woman.

  Jayne flipped her sketchbook closed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was supposed to meet you in your quarters.”

  “You weren’t. I guess I just expected you to be there.”

  “And she was in quite the panic when you weren’t,” Ann added.

  Mo glared at her. “I thought you might be lost,” she said to Jayne. When Ann grinned at her again, she almost wished they hadn’t agreed to have supper with her. But she’d turned down Ann’s invitation to play cards the previous evening, and not many on the station had reached out to her and Jayne. Mo couldn’t deny that she appreciated Ann’s support. “Anyway, let’s go eat. My stomach was grumbling during the last half-hour of the meeting.”

  When they entered the canteen, Ann suddenly pivoted and walked back toward the entrance, motioning for Mo and Jayne to follow her. “Leeds,” Ann hissed before Mo could ask. “I spotted her at a table.”

  “Oh. Let’s go to the eatery on Deck 8, then. It’ll take forever to get our food, but we’re not in a hurry.”

  Ann nodded. “I didn’t think you’d want to eat in the same room with Leeds.”

  Jayne’s brow furrowed. “Why not? Who is he?”

  “She was kicked out of the Military Academy because of Lesley!” Ann said, her eyes bright with excitement.

  “She wasn’t kicked out because of Les.” Mo fell into step with her. “She wasn’t kicked out at all. She was sent to the Indoctrination Academy for a refresher because she couldn’t control herself.”

  Ann’s attention remained on Jayne. “She couldn’t keep her hands off Lesley. Interior had to step in. I had to meet with them, because I caught Lesley and Leeds together in Lesley’s room.”

  Mo’s temples pulsed. “You didn’t catch them together. You merely confirmed that Leeds was in Les’s room and that Les didn’t want her there, as you flaming-well know!” Though when Ann had first told Mo about what she’d seen, she’d made it sound as if Les was all over Leeds. “We’ll tell you over supper,” she mumbled to Jayne, who was probably filled with questions. “Speaking of Les, have you heard from her today?”

  “She replied to my dispatch about—” Jayne glanced at Ann “—the counsellor, but she didn’t say much. Just thanks for telling her and she’ll see us tomorrow.”

  So Jayne had also received a terse dispatch. Les had been acting weird since the awards ceremony, but every time Mo asked, she insisted nothing was wrong.

  “That reminds me, I’m going off rotation tomorrow. Do you think I can fly with you to, uh, your house?” Ann asked.

  Mo’s jaw tightened. “We’ve arranged to meet Les for supper, but I suppose we can drop you there first. But you’re not having supper with us!”

  Ann gasped. “What a disappointment! I guess I’
ll have to settle for spending time with my boyfriend, you know, the one I haven’t seen for a week.”

  Fortunately Mo wouldn’t have to witness the happy reunion. As she followed Ann and Jayne onto the elevator, her thoughts returned to Les. At least Les had agreed to Mo’s suggestion that they all meet for supper. Since Jayne would be with them, Mo wouldn’t pry over the meal, and hopefully Les wouldn’t drop a nasty surprise on her, as she had the last time they’d met for supper upon Mo’s return from 72.

  Her comm unit beeped twice. Les! She opened the dispatch. Mama wants to talk about the Joining Ceremony. She suggested we all meet with her after supper tomorrow. What do you think? Mo looked up at Jayne. “Adelaide wants to meet with us about the Joining Ceremony tomorrow after supper. Is that okay with you?”

  Jayne hesitated. “That’s fine.”

  “We’ll have to do it sometime, so it might as well be tomorrow.” Mo ignored Ann’s smirk and quickly typed a reply. Tell her okay. I’m looking forward to seeing you. Before sending it, she deleted the last line. What would she have hoped for in response? Reassurance that everything was okay? Considering Les’s insistence that nothing was wrong, maybe it was best to leave it. Les would eventually deal with or talk about whatever was bothering her. No matter what it was, Mo would support her, as always.

  *****

  Lesley hung her cloak and led the way to the Thompsons’ informal dining room. Mama looked up from her chair at the head of the table. “I expected you about half an hour ago.”

  “It was busy,” Lesley answered as she sank into the chair next to Mo, who had pulled out one of the chairs next to Mama. Jayne hesitated.

  “Sit here!” Mama slapped the table with her right hand. Jayne slinked behind her and sat in the chair to Mama’s right. Lesley silently apologized for neglecting to guide her to a seat. Jayne was a guest—and her Chosen. She reached for Mo’s hand.

  Mama tapped the pad in front of her. “I think I’ve worked out most of the guest list. About five hundred so far.”

  Mo’s jaw dropped. “Five hundred!”

  “Your papa suggested about two hundred names,” Mama said, shrugging. “Now, I have the lists you two gave me.” She picked up her pencil and turned to Jayne. “How many guests will you want to invite?”

  Jayne swallowed and tucked her hands under her legs. “Two.”

  Mama stared at her. “Two.” She held up a couple of fingers. “Two guests?”

  Jayne nodded.

  “Two.” Mama frowned. “You won’t invite your cousin and her Chosen?”

  “Those are the two I want to invite.”

  “Don’t you have a brother?” Mama pressed. “I assumed you meant him and a guest. And you must have other family—aunts, uncles, other cousins? Are your grandparents alive?”

  “No, I—I’m not close to them. I just want Carol and Ronald there.”

  Mama gave her a long look. “Your brother has to be there,” she said in the deceptively quiet voice Lesley knew meant trouble. “What do you think it will look like if your brother isn’t there? You’ll be on the steps by yourself.”

  “Nobody will know he’s not there,” Mo said.

  Mama twisted to look at her. “We’ll know! The Chosen Council will know! Anyone who knows she has a brother will know!” She turned and pointed at Jayne. “If your brother isn’t on the steps, there will be whispers.”

  Jayne shrugged. “I’m used to whispers.”

  “I don’t care if you’re used to whispers!” Mama threw down her pencil. “This isn’t just about you. This is Lesley and Mo’s Joining Ceremony too, not just your Joining Ceremony.”

  “I know. But I’m not close to my brother. We don’t get along. I don’t want him there.”

  Mama’s face tightened. “Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. It’s a Joining Ceremony. Everyone invites people they can’t stand!” She jabbed her finger against the table. “And this family has stood behind you. In return, I expect you to support this family by following tradition.”

  Mo straightened. “Oh, come on, Adelaide, you make it sound like you’re doing her a favour by accepting her into the family!”

  “No, I am merely pointing out that we have supported her 100 percent. Now it’s her turn.”

  “Who cares if her brother isn’t there?” Mo countered. “You won’t care if her brother isn’t there.”

  “Yes, I will!” Mama glared at Mo. “Have you ever been to a Joining Ceremony where the siblings weren’t present?” When Mo remained silent, Mama said, “I didn’t think so.” She turned to Jayne. “Perhaps your parents didn’t properly instruct you in the etiquette regarding Joining Ceremonies.”

  Mo shot up from her chair. “Jayne should be able to invite whoever she wants to invite! It’s her Joining Ceremony, too!”

  Mama’s face reddened. “Yes, and that’s why I expect her brother to be there!”

  Lesley looked on in shock as Mama rose and leaned across the table. Mo rarely stood up to Mama like this. She put her hand on Mo’s trembling arm and hoped Mo would sit back down, but she didn’t.

  “Jayne, in particular, can’t afford to deviate from what’s expected,” Mama said quietly.

  Mo snorted. “Oh, so you’re forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do because you’re worried that Rymellans will look down on her. That makes sense!”

  “I am trying to help her!” Mama screeched.

  “What’s all the shouting?” Papa asked from the doorway. “I can’t hear myself think.”

  Mama sniffed. “It seems the younger generation doesn’t understand tradition. Jayne doesn’t want to invite her brother to the Joining Ceremony, and Mo doesn’t seem to care.”

  Papa frowned and looked at Jayne. “Why don’t you want to invite your brother?”

  “She doesn’t get along with him,” Mama said. “As if you’re supposed to get along with everyone you invite. What do you think, Lesley?”

  She’d hoped Mama would settle it without involving her. “I have to agree with Mama. It’s tradition to stand on the steps with the immediate family.” She met Jayne’s eyes. “And she’s right, you really shouldn’t deviate from tradition. It will be odd if the only living member of your immediate family isn’t there. Those who know will wonder.”

  “I wish Carol and Ronald could stand with me,” Jayne mumbled.

  “Well, they can’t!” Mama sat back down. “So invite your brother. What’s his name again?”

  “Robert.”

  “Invite him. You’ll stand on the steps with him for five minutes and then you don’t have to bother with him again. All right?”

  After a moment, Jayne nodded.

  “And invite more relatives. You won’t have to talk to them. There will be hundreds of people there.” She twisted toward Mo as Papa, apparently satisfied the storm had passed, left the room. “Are you going to sit down?”

  Mo blew out some air and plunked back into her chair.

  “Good. Let’s move on. We have so many details to discuss!”

  Lesley glanced at Mo, and relaxed when Mo caught her eye and shrugged. Mo usually respected tradition, so it must have been Mama’s attitude that had angered her, not Mama’s insistence that Jayne invite her brother. An hour later, Lesley’s suspicion was confirmed as they put on their cloaks.

  “I’m sorry about the fuss I caused,” Jayne said. “I was being stubborn. You shouldn’t have stood up for me, Mo. I know I should invite him.”

  “I couldn’t just sit there while she talked to you like that. Yeah, you probably should invite him, but she could have been less rude about it. That crack about etiquette—” Mo shook her head. “Totally uncalled for.”

  “I don’t want to cause problems between you and Adelaide.”

  Mo waved her hand dismissively. “Ah, she’s already over it. She got what she wanted.”

  Jayne sighed. “Yeah.” She bit her lip; her eyes looked moist.

  “Hey.” Mo touched Jayne’s arm and gazed up at her
. “Adelaide was right. You’ll only have to stand with him for five minutes. And I told you, you’re not alone anymore,” she said tenderly. “You have us. Right, Les?”

  Lesley couldn’t breathe. She felt as if a tidal wave had uprooted her anchor and swept her out to sea. Why hadn’t she seen it before? How could she have missed something so obvious? It was in Mo’s voice, in her concern, on her face—in her touch! No wonder Mo had stood up for Jayne. She had feelings for her. Mo had feelings for Jayne!

  “Les?”

  Lesley swallowed. “Right.” Then she somehow managed to put one foot in front of the other and follow them out the door, even though her heart had been ripped from her chest.

  *****

  Lesley wandered aimlessly on the patio behind the Thompson house, her hands shoved into her pockets. The orientation for the commander training had ended; tomorrow she’d begin the actual training. Somehow she’d have to focus, force herself to ignore the dull ache in her chest that wouldn’t go away.

  The back door swung open. Papa emerged with a mug in his hand. “Oh!” he exclaimed when he spotted her. “I didn’t know you were home. I figured you were over at Mo’s.”

  Usually she’d jump at the chance to spend a day off with Mo, but it was painful to look at her right now. “Mo’s at the Military Academy flying sims with a friend.” She and Ann had invited Lesley along but, not in the mood, Lesley had declined and encouraged Mo to go without her.

  Papa lowered himself onto the wooden bench swing on the patio and blew on his tziva. “If I’d known you were here, I would have made you a mug.”

  She shrugged. “That’s okay, I don’t feel like tziva.”

  He studied her. “Worried about the training tomorrow?”

  Only that she wouldn’t be able to concentrate. “No.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Pretending that something in her peripheral vision had caught her eye, she pivoted away from him and forced another shrug. “Nothing.” She felt his eyes on her back.