Anywhere But Here

by Paul, JL

  When lunch finished, Fin walked me to class silently, as lost in his thoughts as I was in mine. We took our seats and prepared for our lesson hardly glancing at each other. I wondered briefly if I’d offended him by my lack of enthusiasm but shot that theory down immediately. Fin just wasn’t that way.

  “Don’t forget that I want the family essays turned in no later than Monday,” Mr. Ellis reminded us as the bell rang. I cringed. I’d forgotten all about the assignment, probably because my entire being recoiled at the thought of writing a page and a half description about every member of my family. I had to snort - I could sum the whole essay up in one word: Broken.

  “Have you even started on your essay?” Fin asked as we collected our things and worked our way out the door.

  “No,” I admitted.

  “Honestly?” he asked, his voice incredulous.

  “Yes,” I said, a bit perturbed. “Honestly. Why?”

  He lifted a shoulder as he fumbled for my hand. “I figured you’d be done already – you only have to write about Franki, right?”

  His words were like a shot of adrenaline causing excitement to surge inside of me. I could do that, right? After all, I no longer lived at home but with my aunt. The only question now was if Mr. Ellis would allow it or should I even bother to ask? Should I just do it?

  “Rena?” he said as we neared Study Hall.

  “Oh, sorry,” I said with a weak smile. “I was just wondering if I could get away with only writing about Franki.”

  He rolled his eyes, kissed my cheek, and smirked. “Cheater. That’s hardly fair. I have three half-siblings that Mr. Ellis knows about so I have to write about them.”

  “Sucks to be you,” I laughed. I hugged him quickly and escaped before he could unintentionally make me feel guiltier.

  I made an honest attempt at writing that essay during my free period but I struggled. I could describe Aunt Franki’s physical traits perfectly and even stretch them to two paragraphs, but when it came to other attributes, I was severely lacking. I’d been living with her long enough that I should know more about her. I knew she was an artist and I knew she had a thing for this Sean guy, but that was about it and that wasn’t going to fill up much space. Besides, there was no way I’d mention her crush – I couldn’t embarrass her that way.

  I gave up, crumpling the paper in my fist and shoving it in my bag. I rested my chin on the table, my eyes trained on the clock as the hands crept closer to dismissal time.

  Finally, when the day ended, I hurried to my locker, surprised to see Fin already there. I quickly exchanged books, eager to get out of the school to enjoy a little freedom.

  “I should finish around five tonight,” Fin said as we wound through the crowd, toward the parking lot. “Can you meet me then?”

  “Yep,” I said, my mood brightening at the thought of spending more time with him. “No problem.”

  He kissed me when we reached our cars but it was a soft, almost cautious kiss. I gazed at him, puzzled.

  “Rena, I know something’s on your mind,” he said before I could speak. “I won’t push you to tell me but I hope that you know me well enough by now to be able to trust me.” He cupped my cheek and kissed me again, not allowing me to respond. “Maybe later we can talk – if you want.”

  I nibbled my lip and nodded, though I didn’t know what we’d talk about. The corner of his mouth lifted as he opened my door for me. After I thanked him, I took off, eager to get away and figure out what I was going to do.

  I went home, surprised to find it empty, and grabbed an apple. There was a note from Aunt Franki declaring that she wouldn’t be home until late and that I could stick a frozen pizza in the oven if I was hungry. I took a bite of the apple, the taste comparable to cardboard, and grabbed my coat. I couldn’t sit in the house.

  I drove down to the lake and parked. I got out of the car and wandered on the frozen beach, shivering as the wind swept off the lake and bit my face. I hoped the cold would help to clear my mind and give me some sort of answers. My hopes were in vain. With a sigh, I climbed back into my car.

  The next time I parked, it was in my usual Thursday night spot. Instead of heading to Roberta’s office, however, I crossed the street and jogged to the Community Center, even though I was too early.

  Even though I recalled the way to the rink, I still followed the loud voices that echoed down the hall. I climbed the stands, finding an isolated spot near the top. Although there weren’t a whole lot of spectators, I was still amazed at the small crowd the practice session had drawn. It made me wonder if there truly was nothing better to do in town.

  I parked my feet on the bench below me so I could plant my elbows on my knees and prop my head with my hands. I watched the action below, having a little bit of difficulty picking Fin out since they weren’t wearing jerseys or practice gear with their names.

  It was then that I spotted the girls gathered close by the glass protecting the stands from the puck. I recognized each one of them as Gina and her friends plus a few others that sat with her at lunch from time to time. My anger-demon roared to life, snarling in my ear, drool hanging off its muzzle. The jealousy was so thick that I had to clench my fists in my lap to keep from charging down there and making a scene.

  “Well, hello, Rena,” a familiar voice said.

  I froze, my jealousy temporarily forgotten. I turned my head only to find Roberta parked next to me, her eyes on the ice. “What are you doing here?”

  “Relax,” she said with a loud exhale. “I finished early and spotted your car in the lot. Yes,” she said, stopping my question,” I do know what your car looks like. Anyway, I figured you’d be here so I thought I’d pop in and see how you were doing. I wasn’t actually going to speak to you but you were here all alone, looking so angry.”

  I shook my head quickly, glancing at Gina and her gang, hoping they wouldn’t notice me. “No, not at all. I’m actually waiting for Fin to finish so we can go out.”

  “Ian Finley,” she said with a smile. “That’s what I thought.”

  I rolled my eyes as I watched the hockey players fight for possession of the puck. “I never said anything about him.”

  “You’ve mentioned him before,” she said softly. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together.”

  “Just a nosy counselor?” I injected.

  “Call it what you will,” she said. She slapped her knees and smiled. “I’ll see you next week unless you feel like you need to come in before that.”

  “I’ll manage,” I said, shifting my gaze back to the rink.

  “See you, then,” she said as she rose, slowly making her way toward the aisle. I started to nod but froze, my heart clenching in fear.

  Gina had spotted me. Her first reaction was that of shock but it gradually morphed into a smug, knowing smirk.

  What was she thinking and how was I to ever get out of this one?

  Chapter NineteenMy heavy breathing kept me glued to my seat as the ice cleared and the spectators trickled out of the stands. I waited until the Zamboni started sweeping the ice before I trudged down the steps, my hands trembling. I wasn’t entirely sure if I would be able to face Fin – I certainly felt a mess and probably looked it. His expectations of some kind of deep discussion were going to be reinforced tenfold.

  I detoured to the women’s room. Fortunately, only a cleaning woman who gave me the most cursory of glances was inside so I was able to splash some cold water on my face. I was hoping to not only improve my appearance but give Gina time to clear out – if she had no intention of waiting for Fin, that is. If that was the case, then I was out of luck.

  I glanced in the mirror and shrugged at my reflection: I couldn’t hide out in the bathroom forever. I pushed through the door and as soon as I turned a corner, I spotted Fin’s tall frame leaning against a pillar. His irritated expression chilled my blood and caused my feet to get moving, until I noticed the reason for his irritation. Gina, friendless for once, was rolling back a
nd forth on the balls of her feet with a smug grin, trying to engage him in conversation.

  I wanted to scream – could feel it building inside. I wanted to yank every strand of her perfectly coiffed hair out of her head. Violent tendencies like I’d never known welled up in my chest and opened a direct line to the anger-demon. Fury propelled me forward as I struggled to control myself before I embarrassed myself and Fin.

  He lifted his head, his annoyed eyes landing on me.

  “Hey, Rena!” he called then blanched when he caught the look on my face. He positioned his body in front of Gina’s, cautiously clutching my shoulders as soon as I was in his reach. “Ready to get out of here?”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and guided me out of the building. We crossed the street to the parking lot, stopping only when we reached my car.

  “Are you all right? You looked like you were ready to commit murder.”

  The cool air had managed to calm my raging emotions and put a little sense in my head. Anger still lingered but I felt that I had a grip on it. I gave him a crooked smile. “I’m just tired of Gina, that’s all. She’s getting on my last nerve.”

  He chuckled but doubt remained etched in the crevices of his face. He kissed my cheek and then stepped back to study me better. “What do you say about hanging out at my place? My parents will be home but they’re playing Bridge tonight so we can watch movies or something.”

  I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of spending time with his parents but if they’d be preoccupied with guests, maybe they wouldn’t focus on me. And it would be nice to be with Fin somewhere not so public.

  “Sure,” I said with a soft smile. “Sounds fun.”

  He laughed genuinely and kissed me softly. “You really do suck at lying.”

  “Hey,” I protested. “I’m not lying.”

  “Whatever,” he teased, dropping a quick kiss to the top of my head. “Follow me.”

  ***

  His house was a neat ranch – the color I couldn’t be sure of in the darkening sky. Three cars were already in the driveway so I parked on the curb in front of the house. I trekked through the slushy driveway to the porch where Fin stood smiling, waiting for me to join him.

  “Come on, I’ll let them know I’m home but I’m guessing they’re so engrossed in their game, they won’t notice we’re here.” He winked as he opened the door. “It’s so nice sometimes to be ignored and not have them suffocating me with all that attention.”

  I bit my lip, my stomach knotting. Although I was rather hoping not to attract the Finleys’ attention, I couldn’t see how he enjoyed being ignored. Didn’t he feel empty inside? Not loved? Not wanted?

  Loud laughter greeted us as we stepped inside. Fin paused to take my coat and hang it in a nearby coat closet. He then took my hand and led me through the inviting living room into a small kitchen where his mother stood at a counter with a woman I didn’t know, preparing food.

  “Hello, dear,” Mrs. Finley greeted over her shoulder. She smiled at him and her smile widened when she spotted me standing ever so close to her son. “Oh, Rena! How nice to see you again.”

  “You, too, Mrs. Finley,” I muttered shyly.

  Fin’s eyes danced with amusement as he shook our joined hands. “This is Mrs. Wakefield, my mother’s best friend.”

  “Hi, Rena,” Mrs. Wakefield greeted. “Nice to meet you.”

  As we exchanged pleasantries, Mr. Finley barged into the kitchen with his companion and I was introduced to Mr. Wakefield. We made small talk – rather, they made small talk while I tried to melt into Fin’s side- and after Mrs. Finley and Mrs. Wakefield finished preparing a tray of finger sandwiches, the adults declared it was time to retire to the dining room for a rousing night of Bridge.

  Fin snatched a handful of the little sandwiches as he announced that we’d be in the rec room watching a movie then gestured for me to follow. I was more than happy to do that very thing so I gave everyone a tiny wave and shuffled after him.

  “Geez, Rena,” he groaned cheerfully as he opened a door leading to the basement. He flipped on a light that flooded the staircase before descending the steps. “You act as if you’d never interacted with a parent before.”

  “Yeah, well, whatever,” I grumbled. “I just get the feeling not many parents like me.”

  He paused halfway down the stairs in order to gape at me. My cheeks burned and I wished that I’d kept my mouth shut. “Really? Because my parents told me that they thought you were sweet even if you were a little shy.”

  That floored me for a second. I’d been certain that I’d seen something other than like in Mrs. Finley’s eyes the first time I'd met her. Maybe she’d just been appeasing her son so as to avoid some kind of argument – I had no clue. But I was nearly positive that I hadn’t been imagining it.

  He stood on the step, staring, waiting for me to answer. His face was precious – so innocent yet not really – that I couldn’t distort his view on life. I had to lie.

  “I guess I’m just shy,” I said with a coy smile. I moseyed up to him, still a step higher, and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Now, about that movie?”

  We continued down the stairs to the basement and when he hit another switch, I was totally taken aback by the huge television. I took the last step slowly as I admired the television. Fin had disappeared from my immediate view but when I dragged my eyes away from the TV, I found him perusing a rack of DVDs.

  “What are you in the mood to watch?” he asked.

  “I don’t care,” I said as I continued to admire the room. A long couch faced the TV with two matching recliners flanking it. A heavy, dark coffee table was positioned strategically in front of the sofa with two matching end tables next to the chairs. The walls were dry walled and painted a soothing off-white shade and the floor carpeted with a deep blue Berber. Movie posters were tacked to the walls from time periods that spanned several decades.

  “We have the classics, comedies, romantic comedies, horror, sci-fi…”

  “Damn,” I cursed quietly as I joined him near a homemade wooden rack that spanned a side wall of a hallway. “Wow.”

  “Yeah,” he said, slight blush on his cheeks. “My parents like movies. They belong to a DVD club.”

  “I guess,” I said, still astounded by their collection. I wondered if they’d actually watched every one of them.

  “So, what do you want to watch?”

  I snorted, having no clue where to even begin. “You pick.”

  Laughing, he ruffled my hair then trailed a finger over the titles until he found one that had only recently been released to DVD. He held it up and I nodded, not really caring what we watched. He pointed to the sofa and I took his cue. I sat down as he fiddled with the TV and DVD player. Once everything was set, he sat next to me, placing his arm on the back of the couch behind me.

  I suddenly realized that we were pretty much alone for the first time - more alone than we’d ever been. Granted, his parents could come downstairs, but from the sound of their raucous voices, it didn’t seem like that would happen anytime soon. I snuggled into him and he dropped his arm to my shoulder.

  His lips brushed the top of my head causing a small shiver to shimmy up my spine. “Rena?” His soft voice only intensified my shiver.

  “Hmm?” I inched closer, rubbing my cheek on his chest. His scent was amazing – so clean and…manly. I wasn’t sure if it was his soap or just him but I wanted to bottle it and smear it all over my pillow.

  He chuckled softly in my hair as his hand slipped further to rest on my waist. “Still with me?”

  I lifted my chin to smile at him but my breath caught at the desire raging in his eyes. The smile slipped as he leaned closer and I scooted up so our lips could meet. My eyes fluttered shut as he applied more pressure and wrapped his other arm around me. I shifted my body to face his and tossed my arms over his shoulders so I could bury my fingers in his soft curls. He slowly leaned back, taking me
with him until I was almost lying on top of him. Our lips remained firmly attached until he drew back slightly to catch his ragged breath. I bent over him, eager to continue our very pleasing activity, my ponytail falling over my shoulder.

  Releasing my hair, he ran his fingers through it, a satisfied sigh escaping his lips. “You are so lovely, Rena.”

  My heart sputtered as I kissed him again, putting all my confusing emotions into it. He groaned, parted his lips, and pressed the small of my back, forcing my body into his. The fire burning underneath my skin was nearly suffocating but I couldn’t bear to back off – I wanted the heat. Needed it.

  Fin removed his mouth from mine and dragged his lips down the side of my neck causing me to tremble uncontrollably. I slanted my head, making it easier for him to reach me while my own hands skimmed his shoulders and toured the hard muscles in his arms. Hockey had been very good to him.

  “Damn, Rena,” he breathed huskily as his mouth reached my ear. “You’re driving me crazy.” He held me as he shifted us on the couch so we were both lying on our sides.

  My hands slipped to his waist and slithered under his shirt, itching to touch his skin. He sucked in a breath at the contact and I grinned in satisfaction before kissing his throat.

  “You’re lucky my parents are here,” he chuckled, his voice still hoarse.

  “I think you’re the lucky one,” I teased then pressed my lips to his.

  “I know I am,” he mumbled against my mouth, his hands tangled in my hair.

  Just as our lips met again, a voice called down the stairs.

  “Would you kids like some popcorn?”

  We jumped simultaneously, each straightening our clothing. I scooted a couple inches away from him and patted down my hair.

  “Sure, Mom,” Fin called, a smirk twitching his lips. “I’ll come get it.”

  He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and paused the movie like we’d actually been watching it. He bent to kiss me quickly and gave me a wink.