Anywhere But Here

by Paul, JL

  “I’ll bring us some drinks, too.”

  I nodded, still too breathless to talk. I waited until he tromped up the stairs then felt around on the floor until I found my hair tie. Wandering down the hall, I located a small bathroom. As I gazed in the mirror, I hoped Fin’s eyes weren’t as wild as mine and his hair wasn’t as disheveled – his parents would definitely know what we’d been up to. That would most likely not bode well in my favor.

  I did the best I could with my hair and returned to the sofa just as Fin set a large bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and handed me a soda. I flushed, recalling instantly how it had felt to have his lips on mine and his hands in my hair.

  “You okay?” he asked, his brow creased.

  “Peachy,” I said, standing on my toes to kiss him. His arms instantly wrapped around me and I was more than a little willing to repeat our last performance but he reluctantly pulled away.

  “Um,” he said sheepishly. “Maybe we should watch the movie. I have a feeling my mother will keep checking on us.”

  Blushing once again, I sank to the sofa, too embarrassed to talk. But Fin seemed untroubled and merely sat next to me, setting the bowl on my lap before draping an arm around my shoulders. He restarted the movie and this time, we watched it, laughing in the appropriate places.

  “So, Rena,” he said playfully squeezing my shoulder. “I meant to ask you something earlier but you sort of distracted me.”

  My face blazed but I kept my head down, hoping he wouldn’t notice, and crammed a handful of popcorn in my mouth.

  “Rena?”

  I swallowed and peeked up at him, lifting a brow. “Yes?”

  “You seemed awfully upset earlier – well, actually all day.” He paused, probably giving me a chance to insert some sort of explanation but I remained mum. “Um, do you want to talk about it? Tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong,” I said, forcing my voice to be convincing. “Just, you know, not much sleep and …stuff.”

  He wasn’t buying it - that much was evident on his face. His brow crinkled as his eyes continued to search mine for truth. I was aching to drop my gaze but then my lie would be more than obvious. I grimaced inside as I waited for him to speak.

  “I…well…sometimes it seems like you have something on your mind. Something heavy,” he said, ducking to catch my eyes when I bowed my head. “Do you?”

  “Not really,” I whispered, turning my head. “Nothing I really want to talk about right now. It’s nothing, actually.”

  He did not believe me in the least – that was so apparent in his eyes – but he let it drop which was just fine with me. “Okay but I want you to know that I really like you, Rena, and I know we haven’t been…this way, for long but I’m always here for you. Yeah, that sounds corny or whatever but I honestly mean it.”

  I wanted to cry – could feel the tears burning the backs of my eyes. I was absolutely dying to fall into his arms so he could hold me and protect me from all the pain and misery and just plain old agony that followed me around like a bloodhound. I just wanted release. I wanted someone to know. I wanted someone to look at me without sympathy overflowing in their eyes and say “hey, I understand” and really mean it. But I wasn’t ready for it to be Fin. Not yet. It was too soon.

  “Thanks, but I’m fine. Really.”

  Tipping my chin, he looked into my eyes. “No, you’re not. But I won’t push. I’ll wait.”

  Biting my lower lip, I nodded, the tear buildup not yet waning. He stroked my cheek so lovingly that I began to soften but I just couldn’t confide in him. Not yet.

  He kissed me tenderly, our lips parting slowly, and then smiled. “Let’s watch the rest of this movie, huh?”

  I agreed and snuggled into him, content to munch on popcorn and forget all about the harsh, cruel world that was waiting for me, ready to bite me again once I left the safety of Fin’s arms.

  As ten o’clock grew nearer, I announced that I needed to get home. I remembered how Fin’s parents could be a little strict about school night curfews and I didn’t want to push the envelope, so to speak. He walked me upstairs where the Bridge game was breaking up and I bid them all goodnight, thanking them for their hospitality.

  “Sleep tonight, huh?” Fin said with a half-smile as he helped me with my coat.

  Sappy, gooey romantic words were on the tip of my tongue – things like I would sleep because I’d dream about him – but I managed to suppress them. I liked him, more than I probably should, and didn’t want to frighten him. Plus, I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

  “I’ll see you in the morning,” I whispered instead, quickly kissed him before any of the adults could enter the room. I rushed out the door to my freezing cold car with my conflicting emotions.

  On the one hand, I felt all gooey and sappy. It was so wonderful to be in a…relationship again. A real one. Once I got past the arrogance, Fin was a sweet, thoughtful person. He was a definite bright spot in my life – something I desperately needed.

  On the other hand, the guilt would come. I was sure I’d feel wretched when I went to bed and thought about my baby sister. How could I expect to be happy when she was out there somewhere whether locked in a cellar or in a shallow, cold grave?

  A shiver ran up my spine again but it was not pleasant in the slightest. I hated when my mind wandered down the ‘what happened to Camille’ road. My chest tightened and I had to work harder to move air through my lungs. By the time I parked in Aunt Franki’s driveway, my head was spinning and I was clutching my chest, hunched over the steering wheel, with sweat collecting on the back of my neck.

  “Breathe, Rena, breathe,” I coached as I concentrated on an extremely long icicle hanging from the eaves of the house and pushed thoughts of Camille out of my head. It took nearly five minutes to get my head to slow and my breathing to even out, though when I started worrying about Aunt Franki coming out to check on me, I almost set the whole thing in motion again.

  Finally, I was able to compose myself well enough to enter the house and make short, polite conversation before dashing off to my room. I only hoped Aunt Franki would either be in bed or engrossed in a television program.

  “Hey, how was your evening?” Aunt Franki asked as I shut and locked the front door. I kicked off my wet shoes, stalling, giving my body a few extra seconds to return to normalcy.

  “Fine,” I called as I slowly ambled into the living room. “I hung out at Fin’s house and watched movies.”

  “Oh?” she asked as she peeked at me, a brow lifted.

  “His parents were home,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes. “We were properly chaperoned and managed to control our raging, teenage hormones.”

  She snorted out a laugh and waved me away. “Go to bed you brat. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I ran down the stairs. I quickly changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth. As I climbed into bed, I fought savagely to keep Camille away from me. It worked as exhaustion claimed me quickly and prevented me from feeling the slow trek my tears made down my cheeks.

  Chapter Twenty

  A dull ache throbbed in the back of my head the next morning and my sinuses were horribly clogged. I dragged my body out of bed and hit the shower immediately. The steam from the hot water helped clear my sinuses - reducing the thudding in my head enough to where I felt as if I could function.

  After I dressed and nibbled on a piece of toast – enough to appease Aunt Franki – I was out the door, eager to see Fin and chase away my dismal mood.

  “Good morning,” Fin greeted as I approached my locker. His smile fell when he noticed my dour face. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Oh,” I said as I twirled the combination lock, turning my back to him. “Sinuses. Ugh, they are horrible today.”

  “Hmm,” he said as he leaned against a neighboring locker. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

  My throat constricted at his words, my mind immediately shooting to Roberta. Did he know about her? Had Gina spoken to him this
morning before I arrived? My hand trembled and I nearly dropped my Spanish book.

  “Er, nah. I…um, usually just take some over-the-counter stuff and it helps,” I hedged. “I, um, didn’t have any this morning. I’ll have to stop after school.”

  “Go to the nurse,” he suggested.

  I slammed the locker and faced him, hugging my books to my chest. I attempted a smile and it felt like it was there, firmly in place. “I’m fine, honest.”

  He was skeptical but took my hand anyway as we began our morning journey through the halls. I squeezed his hand, conjuring a jolt of happiness that gave me the shot I needed to give him a genuine smile.

  He pecked my cheek when the bell rang, winking before dashing off to his class. I entered mine feeling slightly uplifted and able to ignore everyone else. My mind was busy trying to absorb lessons while Camille and Fin danced in the background, vying for attention. Things remained this way until lunch when I was able to release a breath it seemed as if I’d been holding the entire morning.

  I grabbed a few items from the lunch buffet before settling at the usual table. I opened my carton of milk and lifted it to my mouth when I caught Gina out of the corner of my eye. She was sitting with her group of friends talking quietly but gesturing with her hands as if illustrating an important point. I tried to be nonchalant as I snuck glances her way, wondering what she was talking about and if it involved me in any way, but was distracted as soon as Fin dropped beside me. He pressed a quick kiss to my temple.

  “How was your morning?” he asked.

  “Fine,” I shrugged. The others, including Grant, joined us shortly after, making it even more difficult to spy on Gina.

  The mood at our table was light – everyone in high spirits due to it being Friday, and the laughter was infectious. Except for me. I forced it whenever anyone looked at me but I was so obsessed with figuring out what was going on with Gina that I hardly heard anything anyone said.

  If Fin noticed, he chose to keep it to himself, not only at lunch but also as we walked to Creative Writing together. Gina was still whirling in my mind when Fin distracted me by mentioning the dreaded family essay we were supposed to complete by Monday.

  “Ugh, don’t remind me,” I winced as we took our seats.

  He chuckled as he opened his notebook and grabbed the pen from my hand. “You really haven’t started on it yet?”

  I shook my head, avoiding his eyes. I dug another pen out of my bag, looking up only as the teacher walked into the room. I jotted down notes as he talked while making several treks around the room, tossing a dry erase marker in the air, catching it deftly. When the bell rang, I rolled my eyes as he sternly lectured us to complete our essays and hand them in on Monday.

  “Guess you won’t be coming to the game Saturday night, huh?” Fin teased, tangling our fingers together as he escorted me toward my Study Hall classroom.

  “Is it at home?” I asked.

  “Yep.”

  “I’ll be there,” I said as I stopped in front of the door and rolled to my toes to kiss his cheek. “See you later.”

  I scurried to my desk once I entered the classroom, my mind a whirlwind of emotions and confusion once again. I sighed as I slammed my books down and closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “What’s the matter, Rena?” Gina asked, her voice predictably smug.

  My head snapped up as a low moan escaped my lips. “Nothing, now move along.” I waved my hands at her as if shooing a pesky puppy.

  A wide grin stretched across her mouth, startling me more than I cared to admit. She planted her palms on my desk, bending at the waist to leer at me. “Aww, what’s the problem, huh? Embarrassed that you’re seeing a shrink?”

  I paled – could feel the blood draining from my face – but managed to swallow and keep a solemn expression. “No, what I’m seeing is a psychopath right in front of me. Now get away from me, please, so I can get some homework done. I have a date with Fin tonight.”

  Goading her was not the most brilliant thing I’d ever done but I just couldn’t resist. The girl wouldn’t rest until my life was pure hell and I had to get my jabs in wherever I could.

  Straightening, she tapped her bottom lip with a manicured nail. She screwed her face up in mock concentration while I managed to suppress another sarcastic remark. “I wonder what Fin would say if he knew you were seeing a shrink.”

  Producing a fake yawn, I leaned back in my chair, my actions seeming bored. But inside, my heart was pounding, beating my ribcage with a hammer, and my pulse raged. I blinked slowly, stalling, taking the time to keep my temper in check. The anger-demon reappeared suddenly and I wrapped its leash tightly around my wrist.

  “Fin probably would care less if I was seeing a shrink, but, since I’m not, I don’t see how it matters,” I said, lifting a brow at her.

  “I saw you talking to Roberta Simmons at the hockey practice last night,” she said, her cool façade slipping. “Don’t deny it.”

  “Why would I?” I asked, my pulse throbbing in my ears. I managed a shrug and crossed my arms over my chest. “Roberta Simmons knows my aunt. She saw me sitting in the stands and sat next to me to ask me how Franki is doing.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she considered me, searching for the lies in my eyes. I held her gaze, my breath aching in my chest, anxious to come out in quick puffs. “I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care,” I said, my control sliding a bit. It took all the strength I had left not to fall apart before her and admit that yes, I was a client of Roberta’s. “I’m telling you the truth and if you don’t believe me then I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “I happen to know that Roberta Simmons counsels teens with problems – like, alcohol abuse for example,” she said, that smarmy grin returning to her lips.

  I leaned forward, my own ugly sneer on my face. “And you would know that how…by experience?”

  “No,” she said hurriedly, pressing a hand to her chest. “I’m not that way.” She looked down on me then, and more than just physically. Her superiority grated on my nerves and nearly took precedence over my anger.

  “Oh yeah,” I said through gritted teeth. “You don’t need alcohol or drugs when you can get just as high on inventing stories about other people’s lives and trying to make them miserable.” I held up a finger to stop her from speaking even though she was too enraged to say a word. “Notice I said try to make them miserable. You haven’t succeeded.”

  She composed herself quickly. “I’m keeping my eye on you,” she warned, her voice low.

  “Whatever, you stalker,” I said, relieved when she moved from my desk to her own seat, her friends eager to hear the details of our latest confrontation.

  I kept my head bent over my desk and opened my Creative Writing notebook, wanting only to get a head start on the essay and get the stupid thing over with.

  But my eyes kept darting to Gina’s desk where she sat, her head close with her friends. I could only imagine the things she was telling them – the things she was accusing me of. More rumors, I was sure, but this time, they were cutting too close to home. I didn’t care if they all thought I was a drunk – I could deal – but I didn’t want them figuring out that I was indeed seeing a counselor. Who knew how long it would take for them to do some research on me and find all the stories on Camille. And then what?

  I rested my cheek on the blank page of my notebook, a headache returning behind my eyes. I could almost feel Gina’s gaze boring into my head but I didn’t let it bother me. I just wanted to close my eyes and wish this day away and forget it ever happened. What had I ever done to the people at this school? When I had first started, I'd left everyone alone and even fought off Fin’s advances. I hadn't asked for him to be interested in me. I hadn't wanted any friends. Why, then, did everyone think it was their own personal duty to utterly destroy me?

  I closed my eyes to stave off the impending tears. If it wasn’t for Fin and Damon, I’d run home with my tail between my
legs. I’d drop out of school all together and just get my GED.

  The tears burned hotly as I recalled my mother’s parting words the last time I’d been home. I drew in a deep breath to stifle a shudder and squeezed my eyes tighter.

  “Miss Hamilton?” Mr. Greene, the Study Hall monitor asked as he stopped before my desk. “Are you all right?”

  I lifted my head slowly and forced a neutral expression to my face. “Yes.”

  He didn’t look convinced. “Do you need to see the nurse?”

  I was aware that not only Gina and her friends, but everyone else in the classroom, was watching the exchange, straining their ears to hear what was being said.

  “No, sir,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m fine, really. I’m just dreading this homework…that’s it.”

  “Fine,” he said with a curt nod and shuffled away from my desk.

  I didn’t dare look around the classroom but picked up a pencil and started scribbling in my notebook. None of the essay made much sense - just vague rambling about how perfect my family was. Pure fiction in other words. I totally skipped over Camille, not acknowledging her existence at all. It hurt as the guilt gnawed at my gut. I hated that I was lying about her but I couldn’t stand to write about what a wonderful sister she’d been – and not been.

  Mercifully, the bell rang. I gathered my things quickly, cramming them into my bag, and raced for my locker. I didn’t think I could handle another confrontation with Gina – not without totally falling apart.

  When I spotted Fin near my car, I slipped a cool mask over my face to keep him from pestering me about my latest dilemma. As soon as I was close enough, he gathered me in his arms and kissed me hard on the mouth, regardless of the other students milling about the parking lot.

  “What do you want to do tonight?” he asked.

  “I don’t care,” I said as I felt some of my tension melt into a puddle at my feet. “Do you have something in mind?” A picture of the events that had taken place the night before on the sofa in his basement flickered in my mind and my cheeks heated.

  His sexy smile was indication enough that he had a pretty good idea what I was thinking. He kissed me again then removed my keys from my hand. He unlocked my door and pushed my hair over my shoulders. “Let’s keep it tame tonight – at least for a little while.”