Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  Suddenly the door opened, an we all jumped. ‘What ails ye? What are ya doin here?’

  ‘Ma, Mammy! Tha teacher wouldn’t let us out!’ An a young one ran te her mother.

  ‘Who wouldn’t? Wha did youse do on her?’

  ‘Nothin, Ma. Nothin at all.’

  ‘Yeah!’ they all shouted, an ran over te the mammy. ‘We were afraid we were goin te be locked up fer the night.’ An everyone was shoutin at the same time.

  Then another mammy appeared. ‘There ye are, Concepta! Wha happened te ye?’

  ‘Ah, Ma, we got locked up in here! She wouldn’t let us out!’

  Then the door opened again an Mrs Flaherty came in. The childre started cryin an holdin on te their mammy’s hands.

  ‘Would ye mind explainin te me why ye took it on yerself te keep me child locked up here a prisoner?’ Concepta’s mammy asked.

  ‘Yes! Who do ye think ye are, may I ask?’ the other mammy said, gettin very annoyed.

  ‘I beg your pardon!’ Mrs Flaherty started te say, straightenin herself up.

  ‘Don’t ye beg my pardon! Ye’re losin the run of yerself. Ye have no authority over me child after three o’clock.’

  ‘Exactly!’ screamed Concepta’s mother. ‘Ye uttered the words right outa me mouth, Mrs, so ye did.’

  Then the door opened again an another mammy appeared. ‘Philomena, are ye here?’

  ‘Ma! Ma!’ an Philomena galloped over te her mammy.

  ‘Jaysus! Wha’s happenin here? Was there an accident or somethin?’ An she was feelin Philomena’s head an lookin inta her face te see if she was hurt.

  ‘No, Ma! It was her!’ she said. ‘We weren’t gettin home.’

  The mammy went white an looked over at Mrs Flaherty. ‘Wha did ye do te me child? She’s only eight years old. I was outa me mind wit worry when she didn’t come home.’

  ‘Yes indeed, Mrs. So we all were. Are ye tryin te hold on te yer job, Teacher? Is tha it?’ Concepta’s mother shouted.

  ‘Ye’ll be well kept,’ Philomena’s mother roared. ‘Ye must have no home te go te an no childre or man of yer own. Tha’s why ye’re torturin the little innocents.’

  They were all shoutin at once, an the childre were pinchin each other an laughin behind their mammies’ backs. Mrs Flaherty said they should all leave now, an she ran outa the room. The mammies followed her, draggin the childre behind them. ‘An another thing!’ they roared after her as they slammed the door shut behind them.

  I listened te the voices goin down the passage, an then they were gone. It was quiet now, an I looked over at the winda. It was gettin late. Jackser was probably on his way over, or maybe me ma would come. But I knew tha wouldn’t happen. She wouldn’t stir herself unless he made her. An he’d be too annoyed about me not comin back. He’d come after me himself. ‘God,’ I whispered. ‘Are ye there? Don’t let him harm me. I know he’ll be annoyed I had sixpence an didn’t give it te him. So maybe he’ll go fer Mrs Flaherty instead, cos she got the money, an he’ll put her in her place. He might just take his vengeance out on her. An then he’ll forget te be annoyed wit me. OK, God. Tha’s grand. I promise I’ll be very good if tha happens.’ Me head was easin wit the pain, an I was content te settle down an wait.

  It was beginnin te get a bit dark now an still no sign of him. Then I heard a door open an held me breath. The footsteps stopped an another door opened. I could hear voices, then a door closed an the voices stopped. I was left wonderin if tha was him, an I started te shake again. I was shiverin away wit the fear, an I couldn’t stop me legs from jerkin. Please, God, help me. I promise I’ll be good. I won’t curse or fight wit anyone any more. I’ll do wha ye say. I’ll give them me other cheek when they hit me. Then I gorra picture of meself gettin milled by a crowd of childre cos I gave them me other cheek te box. An I decided tha wasn’t a good idea. I’d only get kilt. Then I heard Jackser’s hobnail boots on the passage, an me heart leapt. The door was swung open, an Jackser appeared wit Mrs Flaherty behind him. She had tha smirk on her face, an they nodded te each other.

  ‘Right you! Out!’ I jumped up from the desk an hurried out in front of him. Jackser tipped his cap at Mrs Flaherty an said, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll see te her.’ Mrs Flaherty smirked at me an looked very satisfied wit herself. ‘Get movin, ye dirty bastard! Before I put ye under a fuckin car wit me boot.’

  I started runnin ahead of him up the street, wonderin wha he was talkin about. ‘She said ye were dirty. Ye had lice crawlin in yer head.’ I looked back at him an stopped. I didn’t know wha he was talkin about. She mustn’t have mentioned about the sixpence. She made up lies, so she must have known I didn’t rob it! An why did he let her get away wit the excuse of me bein dirty? Tha’s her reason fer holdin me back? Lots of childre are dirty. She’s not supposed te do tha. I looked at Jackser, tryin te figure him out. He has no sense! He’s not like a big person at all. An tha Flaherty was afraid of him, tha’s why she lied. She just hates the sight of me, tha’s all. She’s another Jackser! I can’t understand it at all. I didn’t do anythin, an I got kilt fer nothin. I’d be better off dead, it’s always goin te be like this. If only I could run off somewhere an get a bit of peace.

  ‘Move!’ Jackser shouted. ‘I was made a show of in there. But I set her straight. I told her ye weren’t one of mine, ye were another man’s leavins!’

  Tha hurt me feelins, but I thought, yeah, ye’re right there, Jackser! But I’m glad I don’t belong te ye. An I ran faster, te get ahead of him. I didn’t want him te land his boot on me.

  Mrs Flaherty is ignorin me all mornin. She didn’t even look at me when she called the roll te see whose missin. Tha’s grand. I hope she keeps it up. I’m sittin in a desk by myself, an tha’s grand, too, cos there’s no one te fight wit me, an I can get a bit of peace. I lift me head an peep up at her through me fingers. An she’s sittin at the top of the room wit her feet on a young one’s desk. She’s pattin her hair an takin crumbs off her skirt, cos I saw her earlier, sneakin a biscuit from her drawer. She’ll probably start suckin her bull’s eyes later when she gets everyone te put their head down wit the writin.

  ‘Now! Can anyone tell me who were the Bold Fenian Men?’

  ‘Me, Mrs Flaherty! Me! Me!’

  ‘No! I don’t want you to speak. Just put your hand up.’

  I looked aroun. They all had their hands up except me an a few at the back. ‘Concepta Sweeney, Bernie Wilson, Philomena Rafters, stop that idling!’ Then she turned te the young one in front of her. ‘Majella, get me my stick.’ Majella dashed te get the stick an handed it te Mrs Flaherty. Then swished her lovely shiny ponytail wit the lovely long pink ribbon, an daintily fixed her lovely matchin pink frock an sat back down again. ‘You will get a taste of this stick if you don’t behave yourself.’ Then she looked over at me. I looked down at me desk.

  ‘Teacher! Mrs Flaherty.’ I heard a squeak an looked up. It was Concepta. ‘I forgot te give ye this, Teacher. It’s a note from me mammy fer ye, it is.’

  ‘Bring it up here.’

  Concepta wiped her nose wit the back of her hand an pulled up the leg of her knickers, they were always hangin down. An she rushed up wit the note, bangin inta desks in her hurry. We all watched Mrs Flaherty readin the note. She looked surprised an then had another look at it, an looked at the back, where there was no writin. An then shook herself an said, ‘Right! Mary, dear, would you move in here beside Majella, and you, Concepta, you sit in there beside Maria Goretti. And be a good girl. Because now I’ll be keeping an eye on you.’ I wish I was sittin beside Maria Goretti. They owned the fish an chip shop, an maybe I’d get free chips an fish. An we’d be best friends.

  We went out te the yard te drink our free bottle of milk. Some of the childre don’t bother te drink it, but I love it. Even when it’s freezin cold. It was cold now, an I was hoppin up an down tryin te get warm. Me feet were painin me from all the cuts an sores from goin aroun in me bare feet. The three pals were lookin very annoyed, cos they were separated. ‘Wha did yer
ma say in the note, Concepta?’ I asked.

  ‘Mind yer own business, smelly!’ I was wonderin if I should say somethin back, but the three of them would jump on me, an I wouldn’t have a chance. ‘There’s an awful smell,’ Concepta said, lookin at me. An then they turned their backs an walked off.

  ‘Yeah!’ I roared. ‘Ye can’t read, tha’s why ye won’t say. An ye have a snotty nose!’

  Concepta roared back, ‘At least I have knickers, an lookit, I wear shoes!’ An she caught her foot in the leg of her knickers an went backwards, landin on her arse. I ran off laughin.

  20

  I was fast asleep, then suddenly I was awake in shock. Jackser was pullin me outa the bed an shoutin somethin at me. I rubbed me eyes, tryin te come te me senses. ‘Get outa the bed. I told ya te go down te the fuckin road an watch fer the ambulance.’ I started te look fer me frock, but the floor was lifted from under me. ‘Move, ye lazy bastard! Yer mammy needs te get te the hospital!’ He landed me in the middle of the floor an smacked the frock inta me face. ‘Here! Get tha on ye an get goin.’

  I dragged the frock over me head an looked over at me ma. She was sittin on the side of the bed wit her head down, an she was moanin. She had her fists dugged inta the mattress.

  ‘Ma,’ I whispered, ‘wha’s wrong? Will ye be all right?’

  She looked up at me an her eyes were like daggers. ‘Leave me alone! Go an get tha fuckin ambulance. Oh, Jaysus!’ she started moanin, an lowered her head te the floor. I ran fer the door.

  I was just whippin back down through the flats when I heard the bells of the ambulance. The cream van shot aroun the bend an up the entrance. Me heart lifted, an I started runnin back te the flat, wavin at the ambulance an pointin te show them the way. Jackser was tryin te get me ma inta her coat, an she was moanin louder. ‘Hurry up, Sally! The ambulance is here. Ye don’t want te keep them waitin.’ The men came in wit the stretcher, an Jackser grabbed me an shouted, ‘Get out there an mind the ambulance. An make sure no one’s watchin. I don’t want them knowin me business!’

  Jackser shook me awake, I was still dozy from bein up in the middle of the night. ‘Get tha babby ready. Here, give him his bottle of tea.’ He was standin at the bars of his cot, roarin his head off wit his tongue stickin out, an I could see he was covered in shit. Charlie was sittin beside me wit his fists stuck between his knees an his hair stuck up. He was lookin aroun him, wonderin wha was goin on an where me ma was. He didn’t say a word but I could see he was really afraid. Jackser was runnin aroun lookin fer trouble.

  ‘Here’s yer trousers, Charlie. Put them on. Where’s yer shoes?’

  He stood up an dived under the bed, his hair gettin caught in the springs. ‘Ah, me head, Martha! I’m caught.’ I tried te pull him back, grabbin hold of his bare arse, an he roared even more. ‘Ah! Ye’re hurtin me head!’

  Jackser ran over an stopped dead in front of us wit his fists clenched. There was a second of silence while Jackser took in wha was goin on, an then he lifted me by me arm an landed me at the cot. Charlie flashed out from under the bed an sat himself on the floor, puttin his two feet in one leg of the trousers an tryin te stand up.

  ‘Get the babby ready, Mrs! I told ya,’ an Jackser gave me a smack on the side of me head. It sent me flyin, then he lifted Teddy from his cot an discovered he was full of shit an whipped him back down again. ‘Ah, Holy Jaysus, Mrs! I’m destroyed. Can ye not do anythin right? I’m warnin ye, clean tha child up an get him ready in his pram or I’ll be done fer ya.’

  ‘OK, Jackser. I’m doin it. I know wha ye want now, an I’ll do it.’

  He moved away, watchin me te see if I would make a mistake. An me head was pricklin, on alert fer the blow tha might come. I put the bars of the cot down an held the babby under me arms, tryin te make him lie down te wipe the shit off his arse an legs. He was strong an bashed me wit his fists an pulled me hair, shakin his legs an sendin shit flyin everywhere. I couldn’t get him te lie down, cos he was diggin in his heels an buckin his back in the air.

  ‘Get on wit it, Mrs! I haven’t all fuckin day!’

  ‘Yes, Jackser! I’m nearly ready.’ An I grabbed the babby’s feet an whipped them inta the air, an tried te clean him wit the blanket. But he twisted himself aroun an pushed himself up on his hands an started laughin. He thought we were playin a game. Jackser was in the scullery, so I said, ‘Ah! Ah! Bold!’ an he stopped te look at me. An I wiped him clean wit the blanket before he started te scream his lungs out. I lifted him out an put him on the floor an put his trousers on. He galloped off on his hands an knees inta the scullery. He keeps tryin te stand up, holdin on te the chair. Me ma says he’ll be walkin soon, cos he’s nearly ten months old.

  We were ready. I strapped the babby inta his pram, an Jackser slammed the front door shut. I followed behind him, pushin the high pram, an Teddy was sittin up, lookin aroun the side of the hood. I pushed it back so he could look out. An he was content te lie there, enjoyin the sights an the rockin pram from me pushin it. Charlie held on te the handlebars, runnin te keep up. We had te rush, cos Jackser walks fast.

  Suddenly Jackser stopped dead, an we nearly ran inta him. He was starin across the road at a man waitin fer a bus. ‘Wha’s he fuckin starin at?’ Jackser said. ‘Wait here, I’m goin te watch this fella, see who the fuck he’s starin at!’ I looked across the road te the man, who was mindin his own business, not even noticin Jackser. He was too busy watchin fer the bus. I stayed still, waitin fer Jackser te move. He does this all the time. Stops an asks people wha they’re starin at. He believes everyone is out te get him, but people don’t even notice him. ‘People are always fuckin watchin me!’ Jackser muttered. ‘One of these days I’m goin te show the bastards. People’d better watch out, you mark my fuckin words! I’ll get them!’ He gave the man a dirty look. The man was nervous an he turned his back, pretendin te look in at the shop winda. I kept me head down, ashamed cos Jackser was makin a show of us.

  People were now lookin at us as they passed by, wonderin wha was up, an Jackser was givin them all dirty looks. ‘What’s wrong wit him?’ one aul one said as she passed me. ‘Tha’s a terrible carry on.’

  ‘Move!’ Jackser suddenly roared at me. An I pushed the pram up the hill as fast as I could. Charlie gorra fright an grabbed hold of the bars, afraid he’d be left behind an Jackser’d get him. We went up Seville Place, an I noticed how quiet it was. All the childre were at school. I could hear them shoutin out their lessons when we passed by the school. I was glad I was not there, but I’d be happier if we weren’t wit Jackser. The women were walkin wit their shoppin bags, goin te get their messages fer the dinner. I wondered why we weren’t like tha. A woman passed by me, holdin a little young fella by the hand, an he was suckin on a big orange icepop. Charlie’s eyes leapt outa his head at the sight of it, an the two of them stared at each other. The little boy was about three years old, an he was wearin an overcoat wit buttons all down the front, an long trousers an boots, an a hat tha wrapped aroun his ears. His mammy was takin great care of him, wipin his mouth wit a hankie. ‘Now, son, enjoy yer icepop an don’t be gettin it all over yer coat.’ I stared at her as I rushed past her. Gawd! I’d love her fer me mammy.

  ‘Martha! Can we get an icepop?’ Charlie looked up at me. He was about the same age as tha little boy, three years. But his face looked older, a bit like an old man’s.

  ‘Yeah! If we find money, we will. Ye never know, we could be lucky.’

  We stopped at the Five Lamps on the North Strand, an I waited fer a lull in the traffic te gallop across the road, screamin at Charlie not te let go of the pram. I was tryin te catch up wit Jackser an not get us all kilt at the same time. I dodged out in front of a horse an cart turnin from Portland Row, an it was a race te see which of us got te the middle of the road first. I did!

  ‘Whoa! Whoa!’ the driver whipped the snortin horse te a standstill, the wheels of the front of the cart leavin the ground. ‘Ye fuckin little bastard, ye nearly got us all put under! I’ll fuckin kill ye if
I get me hands on ye. Wha did ye go an do tha fer?’

  I flew wit the pram, an Charlie was squealin wit fright, grippin the pram te hang on te his life. I bounced the wheels onta the footpath an had a quick look back te see if the man was runnin after me. But he was too busy tryin te steady the horse an calm him down. I slowed down, an Charlie was as white as a sheet. Me heart was goin like the clappers, but I was more afraid of Jackser than I was of the road. I didn’t want te lag behind him an drive him mad. Teddy thought tha run was great gas, an he was hoppin up an down fer more, so I shook the pram, an he roared laughin.

  We got te the top of Portland Row, an Jackser told me te wait. We were standin on the hill outside the Old Maids’ Home. ‘I’m just goin over here!’ he said, pointin te the Sunset House pub. ‘I won’t be long,’ an he rushed across the road. I stood against the railins of the Old Maids’ Home an waited. I was lookin at the name, Sunset House, an thinkin, in the cowboy fillums the two cowboys say te each other, ‘We’ll have a showdown at sunset!’ An they arrive in the middle of the street at sunset wit their spurs clankin an their boots kickin up the dust, an shoot each other. An only one walks away. The other one gets carried in a box te be buried at Boot Hill. I wondered what it must be like te think ye’re goin te die at sunset. I wouldn’t like te die. I want te grow up an be a fillum star.

  Jackser appeared outa the pub. ‘Yer mammy’s gorra new babby. It’s a boy! I’m just goin in fer a quick drink! I won’t be long.’ I was happy, not about the new babby but cos me ma would be home soon.

  The babby was whingin wit the hunger, an we were sittin on the steps rockin the pram, tryin te get him te go te sleep. It was quiet again. The workers on their bicycles were long gone back te work after their dinner break. I looked up an down the road, fed up there was nothin happenin. No one had passed fer a long time. The childre should be home from school soon, so we’ll be able te watch them play.