Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes

by Martha Long

  I looked aroun me, full of contentment, an the train was crowded wit us. All young ones about me own age. They were roarin up an down the train, shoutin fer their pals. ‘I’m up here. Come on! I’ve saved ye a seat. Move over, let her in!’

  ‘Ma!’ someone else in front of me screamed. ‘Me bag of sweets is robbed!’ She looked at me. I looked back but said nothin.

  ‘They’re here, ye gave them te me te mind!’ the one wit the roarin red head an freckles sittin beside her shouted.

  ‘Gimme them, an I hope ye didn’t touch any, cos I know how many there should be in the bag!’

  ‘I’m not a robber! An fer tha I’m not talkin te ye no more. Ye’re not me pal!’

  ‘I only said ...’

  ‘No!’ Redhead shouted back. ‘Let me out, I’m never speakin te ye again! Young one!’ Redhead turned te me. ‘Will ye swap places wit me? There’s an awful smell in this seat!’

  ‘Say tha again an I’ll give ye such a clatter in the gob, an ye won’t know wha hit ye!’

  ‘Here! Stop fightin, ye’re only goin te spoil yer enjoyment!’ The young one sittin beside me leaned across te them. ‘Ye didn’t mean wha ye said, did ye? She’s not a robber, are ye?’ she looked at Redhead.

  ‘No!’ Redhead shook her head, lookin very down altogether.

  ‘Go on, say sorry an make up.’

  ‘Yeah! I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean ye were a robber, it just came outa me mouth wrong!’

  ‘Yeah, all right! We’ll make up!’ Redhead said.

  An yer woman offered her the bag of sweets an said, ‘Go on, Rosie, take as many as ye like! An do youse want one?’ she asked, lookin at me. An the young one beside me dipped her hand in the bag an helped herself, takin a handful. An I took one, cos yer woman was lookin inta the bag an lookin very worried they might be all gone. An I didn’t want her te think I was mean. We sucked the bon bons an stood up on the seat lookin out the winda.

  A train roared past us, an we whipped our heads in. ‘Gawd, tha was very dangerous!’ yer woman beside me shouted. ‘I knew a young one who was goin down te the Sunshine Home on this very train. An she leaned her head outa the winda, an her head was knocked clean offa her shoulders, an it rolled onta the ground.’ She looked at us, her eyes bulgin. We all listened wit our mouths hangin open. ‘Yeah!’ she went on. ‘An she was suckin on a sixpence at the time, an she swallied it. An when she lost her head, the sixpence fell outa her neck an dropped te the ground!’

  I was shocked! Picturin the head rollin on the ground after been hit by the train. An the sixpence covered in blood an guts, an someone pickin it up. ‘Did someone give the sixpence te her mammy te keep as a memory?’ I asked, feelin very sad.

  ‘Yeah! Her mammy took it an examined it an said, “Yes! Tha’s the sixpence I gave me child all right. An I’ll keep it for ever,” an she started te cry, an blew her nose an walked off. It was awful!’

  I didn’t stir meself again. I was afraid te put me head near the winda in case it was knocked off by a passin train.

  I was put in a room wit six other childre. An the woman who brought us up told us te pick a bed an leave our bags there. I didn’t have a bag, so I picked a bed an sat down on it, waitin fer te see wha happens next. The other young ones opened their bags an took out all sorts of things. Slippers, an nightdresses, an pyjamas, an dolls, an teddies, an little bags wit soap an washcloths, an tubes a toothpaste, an bottles a scent even! One young one dabbed some behind her ears, an the smell was lovely. Then the woman came in an brought us down te the dinin hall, she called it. The room was huge, wit glass from ceilin te floor, an big glass doors goin out te a big green field wit trees an flowers. Hundreds of childre sat at long tables on wooden benches. An the noise was murder. I felt a bit afraid, cos I didn’t know anyone, an I didn’t know where I should sit. Everyone seemed te have their pals wit them, an I didn’t want te make a fool of meself. So I stood at the door, watchin the others racin off te their pals who kept a space fer them.

  ‘Come on!’ the woman said, puttin her arm aroun me shoulders an bringin me over te a table. An she said, ‘You can sit here!’ I sat waitin fer the food, wonderin wha we were goin te get an lookin out at the lovely green fields an thinkin how lucky I was not te have te worry about anythin. Life can be just great.

  The doors opened, an the women appeared carryin huge trays wit a mountain of sambidges, an the place erupted. ‘Over here, Sister! Us, Sister!’ One woman staggered over te the left side an another went down the middle of the room. Our table on the right went mad, standin up on the benches an screamin at a woman who was hesimitatin, not knowin which way te go an bucklin under the weight of the tray. She turned in our direction an landed the tray down on our table. Everyone dived on the tray, an there was screams from the ones who got nothin. The tray was emptied as it hit the table. I looked all aroun me, an some people had piles of sambidges. An there was nothin left fer the rest of us. I watched as they picked up their spoons an banged them on the table an stamped their feet on the wooden floor an roared, ‘We want food! We want food!’ I looked te see if the women were goin te give them a box, or even put them out, but they just put their hands te their ears an laughed an grabbed the empty trays an ran out. So I joined in the bangin an roarin. An the noise was great.

  Then more sambidges appeared, an the woman held on te the tray an handed them out te people wit their hands up. ‘Me, Sister!’ ‘No! She got some already.’ An we stood on the benches an climbed on the table as the woman backed off, tryin te hold onta the tray.

  ‘Sit down!’ she screamed as people pulled each other an slapped legs, standin on their sambidges, an people fell offa the benches, an someone roared, ‘Fuck off!’ an I grabbed a sambidge an hid it behind me back. An got another one wit me free hand. An then I sat down an stuffed meself wit lovely egg sambidge an ham, an then she disappeared wit the tray. An I wondered if we’d get more, cos I was still hungry!

  We got cups a tea from great big kettles, poured inta shiny white teacups. An when no more sambidges appeared, the ones who had more than their fair share, an who couldn’t eat any more, put them on the table an asked if anyone wanted one. I grabbed two more an looked at them ... They were squashed! An I was a bit put off cos they were sat on. But the hunger got the better of me, an I stuffed them inta me mouth, cos they were too tasty, an ye can’t waste good food!

  I woke up suddenly, an me eyes shot open. The sun was streamin through the winda, an the bedroom was lit up all golden. I’m here! An the happiness slid from me toes all the way up te me chest, an I stretched meself down inta the bed an laughed te meself. Oh, lovely! It’s so soft an warm. An the sheets are snow white. I have two, one underneath an one on top. I had a look at me blankets, a lovely pink one an two blue ones. An on the top of them, a lovely gold heavy eiderdown. I rolled onta me belly an looked aroun the room. Everythin was quiet. The other childre were still sleepin. Then I saw the young one over in the corner under the winda lookin at me. She was lookin very worried an I thought she was goin te cry! Then she turned her face away from me an faced inta the wall. Ah, well, she’s probably findin it a bit strange. Tha’s a pity, cos she could be enjoyin herself. I snuggled down inta the bed, smellin the lovely sheets an blankets, enjoyin meself no end. An I wondered wha we were goin te get te eat.

  Then the door opened, an the sister came in. ‘Rise and shine, sleepyheads!’ An she shook the blankets an tossed people’s hair an laughed. The young one in the corner started roarin her head off cryin. An the sister went over te her. ‘What’s the matter, petal?’ An then she looked at the bed an said, ‘Oh, dear me! You’ve had an accident. Stay there, I’ll be back!’

  ‘She’s after shittin the bed!’ someone roared, pointin at the young one in the corner. I gaped!

  ‘Everyone down to breakfast,’ the sister shouted, clappin her hands. ‘Come on, get washed and dressed, children. And leave Daisy alone!’

  There was a rush te the sink. An then another young one started cryin when the sister tr
ied te get her outa the bed. ‘Me bed’s wet, Sister! I wet the bed. I want te go home te me mammy!’ An she roared her head off.

  I sat up in me new knickers an vest, an wondered if I should get dressed. I wanted te wash meself an clean me teeth like the others all millin aroun the sink. But I didn’t have anythin te wash or dry meself wit. The sister rushed past me, mutterin te herself, ‘I better get clean sheets up here. Don’t worry, dear,’ she said, lookin at the one in the corner who was sittin in her shit an roarin her head off. Then she stopped an looked at me.

  ‘Come along, dear. Out of bed and get washed and dressed.’

  An I whispered, ‘I haven’t anythin te wash meself wit.’

  ‘What?’ she said, leanin down te me an lookin very distracted.

  ‘I haven’t anythin te wash meself wit, Sister!’ I croaked in a louder whisper. Not wantin anyone te hear me business. She looked aroun me, an then at me vest an knickers, an saw I didn’t have a bag.

  ‘What’s your name, angel?’ she said, an her eyes were lovely an kind.

  ‘Martha,’ I whispered, not wantin her te go but te stay wit me all day an hold me hand.

  ‘I’ll get you a towel and some soap. Meanwhile, get dressed, darling, and I’ll be back shortly.’ Then she galloped outa the room.

  I got a lovely white towel. An a pink washcloth an a new bar of Palmolive soap, an a yella comb. I was smellin lovely as we headed outa the bedroom an down te eat. We got cornflakes wit milk, an a boiled egg, an bread an butter, an cups a tea. Some of them had two an even three eggs lined up in front of them! An I wondered how they managed tha, cos we came in when the food was already on the table, an we had empty egg cups. We had te shout an complain, an the sisters looked at everyone suspiciously. But we got our eggs an our cornflakes, cos our sister knew we’d been robbed!

  ‘Hey, Sally! I’ll give ye two of me lemon sweets fer one of yer eggs,’ a young one shouted across from me te another one sittin down from me. She had three eggs in front of her an looked at them.

  ‘No! It’s worth more than tha. Have ye still got yer Flash bar?’

  ‘Ye must be jokin, I’m not as foolish as I look.’

  ‘All right, then, what else have ye got? Ye can keep yer lemons, gimme somethin else!’

  ‘Right, I can give ye two gobstoppers, take it or leave it! Do ye want te swap?’

  ‘Yeah!’ an everyone was happy except me. I was ragin. Three eggs! The bleedin robbers.

  We went out te play in the playground. There was a sandpit, an I sat on the steps an watched the young ones makin pies wit buckets an spades. I was afraid te get me frock dirty, cos it had te last me the week. So I better be careful an not get a mark on it, or Jackser would annihilate me. But I wanted te get in an make pies. So I took off me shoes an socks, an tucked me frock under the elastic of the leg of me knickers, an squatted down beside a young one, an watched te see how she did it.

  ‘Can I play wit ye?’

  ‘Yeah, but ye have te get yerself a bucket an spade, an there’s none left.’

  I watched her goin aroun on her knees, diggin a trench in a circle an makin pies in the middle. She had a snotty nose, an she kept snufflin an stickin out her tongue te lick up the snots. An I wondered how I could get me hands on a bucket an spade as I watched her.

  ‘Can I borra yours?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘What are ye makin?’

  ‘A castle!’

  I looked at it. ‘If I help ye, usin me hands, can we take turns wit the bucket an spade?’

  She looked at me. ‘Yeah! All right, then, but it’s my castle! An ye have te do what I say.’

  ‘Yeah! It’s your castle, but we do it together.’ An I swooped up the sand wit me hands an piled it inta the bucket, an after a while she let me slap the bucket wit the spade an empty it out, but it didn’t come out right an fell apart! Then she wandered off, an I was left te play wit the bucket an spade. An I spent the mornin tryin te get me pies right. But I’m not great at makin them. An I can’t figure out how te build a castle.

  We went in fer our dinner, an the lovely smell of cookin hit me as we went inta the house. We got handed a big white plate of cabbage an mincemeat, an mash potato. Mine was gone in a flash, an I looked aroun te see if anyone had left theirs, but everyone had clean plates, an then I picked up mine te lick off the gravy. Pity there’s no more! Then we were handed red jelly an ice cream. An everyone started singin ‘Jelly on the Plate’!

  When tha was gone, I was still hungry. ‘Do ye think they’ll give us any more?’ I asked a young one sittin beside me.

  ‘No! Ye only get one dinner,’ an then she gave a last lick te her plate. ‘Pity though! Tha was gorgeous,’ she said te me, lookin aroun te see if there was anythin left te eat.

  ‘We’re still waitin on our jelly an ice cream, Sister!’ the one who managed te get the three eggs roared up at the sister collectin the plates.

  ‘Ah! Go on out of that, you little chancer! I saw you polishing off your jelly and ice cream,’ the sister laughed back at her. ‘Now get your things together, because we are leaving in half an hour,’ the sister said. An we all jumped up an raced outa the dinin room an headed fer our bedrooms.

  I sat on me bed an watched the others change their frocks an comb their hair. An I got up an washed me face an combed me hair, an checked te see if me frock was clean an me socks still white. An then we all left an went te the playground. There was a big mob waitin fer the swings, an they were holdin places fer their pals. So I didn’t bother te even try waitin fer a swing. I wandered aroun lookin fer someone te play wit, maybe chasin or somethin.

  Then I saw the sister wit a mob of young ones aroun her. An she was lookin aroun fer more childre. I rushed over, an she said we were te line up an she’d call our names out. ‘Mary Doyle!’ An she looked at her notebook an took out a bag wit money an said. ‘Two shillings for you, Mary! Patty Gibbons! One shilling an ninepence for you, Patty!’

  I wondered wha was goin on. ‘Why is she givin everyone money?’ I asked a young one standin next te me.

  ‘She’s mindin our holiday money our mammies gave us. An now we’re goin on our outin down te the shops, an we can spend it.’

  Me heart sank as I watched people collectin their money an goin off one by one lookin very happy, an I knew I wouldn’t be goin wit them, cos I didn’t have any money te spend.

  I was feelin more an more foolish standin here, knowin I’d no money te collect, an they’d all know I wasn’t like them. Then the last name was called out, an the sister put her notebook in her bag. An I was left standin there, not knowin if I should follow them. The sister looked at me, an I turned away, feelin very ashamed cos I knew she’d think I was dirt. Then she came over te me an put a shillin in me hand, an I looked at it. Me heart flew inta me mouth. ‘That’s for you,’ she whispered.

  I couldn’t believe it. Tha’s an awful lot of money. I was worried. ‘Sister! Is this all fer me te spend on meself, or do I have te give ye back some or save it or wha?’

  ‘It’s for you to spend on yourself today,’ she laughed. I looked at her wit me mouth open, not believin me luck. An she grabbed me an gave me a hug, an fer a minute I was wrapped inside her coat, an then she let me go an took me hand an said, ‘We’re off, children, stay together.’ An I skipped beside her, holdin her arm wit me free hand, an I didn’t know wha was better, the hug or the shillin, but I knew I’d never been so happy in me whole life. I was light as air. I was so happy te be alive.

  All the childre were runnin aroun the bedroom goin mad. They were bangin each other wit pillas an sendin the feathers flyin everywhere. The sister will go mad when she sees the state of the place!

  ‘I can’t wait! We’re goin home in the mornin!’ Daisy roared.

  ‘Yeah!’ the rest of them roared.

  ‘I can’t wait te see me ma an all me pals! I have all me stuff ready!’ Bella wit the lovely teddy-bear pyjamas said. ‘I can’t wait fer the mornin.’

  ‘Yeah! I’m goin te get r
eady meself,’ Phillo said. Then they stamped over the eiderdowns an the pillas an the blankets thrown on the floor. An rushed te get ready.

  ‘Here, Bella! Do ye want me talcum powder? I know ye like it!’

  ‘Ah, no, Phillo! You keep it! Yer mammy bought it especially fer ye!’

  ‘Ah, no, go on, take it!’

  ‘All right, then, if ye’re sure ye want te part wit it. Here look, you take me bangle, I’m fed up wit it!’

  Phillo’s eyes lit up. ‘Gawd, Bella! Are ye sure?’

  ‘Yeah! Me ma’s goin te buy me a real silver bracelet fer me birthday, she promised me.’

  I climbed inta me bed, not even botherin te wash meself. Me nerves was shakin at the thought of goin back in the mornin. I buried me head under the blankets an faced inta the wall. I was feelin too sick te talk te anyone. The holiday is over! The week went too fast. No more lovely bed or good food, an the peace was outa this world. An the lovely sister who gave me a shillin every day te spend on meself. An I would have given back the shillin fer just one hug from her. But she never hugged me again or held me hand, cos she was too busy tryin te mind all the other childre hangin outa her. An tha Daisy one always got te hold her hand. I don’t know how she managed tha, cos every time I tried te get near her, I always got pushed back an ended up trailin behind them on me own.