Travesty

by Carrie Thomas

  I finally made eye contact with her. Baffled, I quietly questioned what was happening to me. I had never felt so protective or possessive over anyone. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I’d even been capable of such an emotion. I’d had plenty of acquaintances over the years who’d been married or had steady girlfriends. It wasn’t that I was ever close to any of them, but whenever I’d been around them, I noticed they had some sort of silent connection with their significant others. Like they didn’t even need to talk to each other, anyone in their presence could tell they were meant to be together. I never wondered what that felt like. I’d not been interested because I didn’t know what I was missing.

  “How do I look?” She turned in a circle.

  I took a moment before I answered. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to respond, I just wasn’t sure if I should keep pushing it with her. Indecision ate at me. Should I be honest and chance her looking at me like I’d grown two heads? Or should I just shrug and tell her fine? I decided to go with the truth. I hadn’t made a habit of lying to her, so I decided to be honest.

  “Beautiful,” I whispered.

  “Aww, that’s sweet, Abe,” she said smiling.

  “I didn’t say it to be sweet. It’s the truth.”

  “Thank you. Are you ready?”

  “Sure, ladies first,” I said holding my arm out for her.

  We hadn’t been into town much, so I wasn’t sure what our choices were. We’d driven here and there, but never really looked around. We’d always had a purpose for the places we were visiting.

  The conversation in the truck was easy and light. We didn’t discuss our situation or school. I guess we’d both had enough of the serious for a while. I didn’t tell Sophia, but I was becoming increasingly worried that she hadn’t remembered anything else. I tried to remain positive and help her in any way I knew how, but her future with no memory would be a tough road. I didn’t want her to have to live like that.

  “What about here?” I pointed to a Tex Mex joint off the highway.

  “What kind of food is it?”

  “We’re in Texas, sweetheart. It’s a Mexican restaurant.” I made sure to use a Southern accent so she’d laugh.

  She giggled. “Okay, I’ll try it.”

  As the waitress led us to our table, I tried to clear my mind. The last thing I wanted was for Sophia to see me preoccupied. This was supposed to be a break from all of the crap we were facing.

  I winked at her to convince her my mood was light as we slid into the booth. She wasn’t sure what to order, so I took the liberty and decided for both of us. Our food was delivered quickly and we made small talk throughout the meal. Well, it was small talk until she proceeded to tell me how she needed to go to the store for some female things. I felt like a dumbass that I hadn’t asked sooner. I didn’t have to deal with that stuff, so it wasn’t like it had entered my mind.

  “This is so good.” She groaned, taking a small bite.

  “Good, we’ll come here more often.”

  How in the hell was I getting off on her moaning about fajitas? What was wrong with me that I was turning her appreciation for food into my own soundtrack of dirty thoughts? If she knew everything I’d fantasized about since I’d slept next to her that first night, she’d probably not feel near as safe with me as she did. And I wouldn’t blame her one bit.

  It was scary the way she was overtaking every aspect of my life. No one had ever done that before. I’d never considered someone the way I did her. I wasn’t sure if it was because I felt guilty that my foster parents had committed such a vile crime toward her, or if we were truly supposed to meet and figure life out together. The thing I had to accept was it didn’t matter either way. She was counting on me to take care of her, and falling for her wasn’t included in that package.

  “Are you excited about starting school tomorrow?” I figured changing the topic would help me settle down.

  “I’m a little nervous, but it’ll feel good, doing something with myself.”

  “The transcripts I got will put you in junior year.”

  “That sounds right. Tonya told me football is big down here. She said I better learn to like it.” She laughed.

  “Yeah, that’s probably sound advice.”

  I meant what I’d told her about school and how it was going to be good for her, but I hadn’t been thinking about football or normal teenage stuff. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous about losing time with her. She would start school and hang out with her new friends and once those damn teenage guys saw her—it wasn’t gonna be good.

  “Maybe you could teach me a little bit. I don’t know anything about it. I don’t want to look stupid.”

  I hated to see her feel insecure. “You could never look stupid. We’ll start watching some games and we can toss a ball around in the yard.”

  Dinner passed quickly once we discussed football and what we thought the high school was going to be like. It was great chatting with her, and didn’t last long enough. I wanted to spend more time together before we had to go back to being brother and sister at the ranch. I knew I still had tonight, but tomorrow morning was going to come too soon. She would move on to new experiences and I’d probably lose the connection I had with her.

  After enduring a chick-flick of her choosing, we headed home. Feeling nervous, I walked us into the house, hoping she was going to like the gift I’d purchased for her in Oklahoma. I couldn’t wait to see her reaction. I’d wanted to give it to her earlier, but decided to wait until our night was winding down.

  The last thing I wanted was to bring back an unwanted memory, but if I could bring back a good one? That would be worth it. Even given our circumstances, I wanted to make sure she had every opportunity she could ever want. And if it ended up just being a hobby, so be it. Her happiness was important to me.

  “Hey, I have something for you.” I made my way back to the bedroom and she followed me.

  “What did you get?” She kicked her flip-flops off and sat on the bed with her legs folded.

  “I got it in Oklahoma. It’s nothing big, but I wanted you to have it.”

  She wasted no time ripping off the lame attempt of wrapping I’d made. Her eyes went wide with surprise. “Wow! Abe, this is awesome,” she said, taking the camera from the box. She flipped it over twice, examining it close. When she brought it up to her eye, she gasped. “I—I do this.” She shook her head, almost looking like she was trying to clear it.

  “What? What is it?” I asked, concern in my voice. I could tell by her facial expression that she’d remembered something new. I prayed it hadn’t brought back something tragic.

  “I just had a memory of a photography project I’d been working on for college. I’d spent a lot of time on it.” Her bright eyes turned up toward me, and I could have picked her up and twirled her around.

  Her face was so expressive. She was appreciative of my surprise. I’d never been one for giving gifts—I’d never thought about it. It wasn’t that I was a jerk, or that I didn’t respect women. I did. I just never thought of anyone like that. When I was with anyone else, there was a means to an end. Both knew the score going in. Attaching myself to someone emotionally was impossible because that meant we had to talk about ourselves in order to truly know one another. It wasn’t like I could tell a complete stranger, “Hey, so I get beat nearly five times a week, eat shit food when I can, and put toilet paper in my ears at night so roaches don’t climb in them.”

  But with Sophia, I never had to tell her. She already knew. She knew the details of my life without me even telling her, because even though she’d only gotten a small taste of it, she’d had the experience. She’d lived it. She knew, adding her experience up and multiplying it times four years, was exactly what I’d gone through without us ever saying a word.

  “That’s awesome, Soph,” I said, smiling. I was relieved. I’d wanted it to spark some kind of memory for her, but hadn’t expected her to remember that much. Maybe now that she knew she was wo
rking on something for college, it would spark more memories for her.

  “I can see the book in my room. It’s brown leather and it has a bunch of cool pictures I’ve been collecting for a year. I was working on them for a portfolio. Abe, my bedroom is blue. There are quotes on some hanging boards. I can see it all.”

  “Do you remember your address, or your parents?” I thought maybe I could get more out of the memory by asking questions.

  “No,” she whispered.

  “That’s okay. It’s coming back. Before too long, you’ll have it all.”

  “I hope so. I’m glad I’m remembering, but I hate having bits and pieces. It seems like everything I’m getting is irrelevant. There’s nothing substantial to help me find out who I am.”

  “That’s not true. Every piece you have is bringing back more. At least now you can start taking more pictures. We may not have your book, but we can make a new one.” I rubbed my hand over her long hair.

  “You’ll help me?”

  “Of course. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I can do whatever you need.”

  She looked up with a crooked smile and snapped a picture of me.

  “Hey! I didn’t say I’d model.” I laughed.

  “You said you’d do whatever I needed.”

  “I’m retracting that statement. I’ll help by schlepping your equipment around, or taking you to a location for a cool shot.”

  “Let me get a couple more. We need to decorate this place.” She leaned into my chest and held her left hand up as far as she could.

  I wrapped my arm around her, while she snapped some selfies. After a couple of silly-face pictures, which I probably would’ve kicked my own ass for taking under any normal circumstance, I broke out in a laugh when she pretended to lick my face.

  I hadn’t wanted to leave our position or ruin the moment, but I was wrestling with my conscience. The secret I’d been carrying since leaving Oklahoma was weighing on me. Sophia meant too much to me for me to see her hurt. My heart fluttered thinking about the rejection she would feel if I ever told her the truth about her family. I thought back to my encounter with her mom two days prior and the blood in my veins raced.

  I drove twelve miles from my old house to Sophia’s. Every house looked the same; two story brick, with a two car garage. The lawns were immaculate. It was nothing like the hell-hole I’d grown up in.

  I hadn’t thought it through enough. I’d contemplated just walking up and telling them I knew where she was. But then I had trouble coming up with a reason for not being blamed for her disappearance. So then I thought maybe the truth was the best way to go. Surely they wouldn’t believe I’d be so stupid I would actually walk right up to them, showing my face and everything if I’d taken their daughter from them.

  After sitting in my truck for ten minutes, I made the decision to knock on the door and ask for Sophia. That way, I could fake being a friend from school. At least then, I could get a feel for what was going on. Once I approached the house, I decided to abort my visit altogether. It was stupid. I’d head back to Texas and send them a letter. Before I could get back to my truck, someone noticed me.

  “Can I help you?”

  I turned around to see a beautiful—in a fake boobs kind of way—tall, dark-eyed, tanned-leg woman. Did Sophia have a sister? “Umm, I—”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m here to see Sophia,” I said waiting for her response.

  “Who?”

  Did Pat lie to me? She did seem to be terrified when I’d shown up at the house, but since I’d threatened to kill her, I figured she wouldn’t dare give me bad information. “Sophia. Blonde, blue-eyed, beautiful sixteen-year-old?” I held my right hand up to my chest, indicating how tall she would be if she’d been standing next to me.

  “You can stop. She is dead to me and her father. I don’t know who you are, but I don’t ever want to see you around here again. We are happy without having to deal with any of that.” She held her hand out and scrunched her nose up like she was annoyed I’d even brought her name up. “Leave now, or I’m calling the police.” She waved her well-manicured hand.

  “I was just—”

  “Are you deaf? I said she’s dead.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, turning back and hustling for the truck.

  Her mother looked so young and beautiful, until she started talking. How could anyone say that about someone like Sophia? I was seeing red as I drove off. I wanted to turn my truck around and yell at the lady. I was more confused now than I was before. I didn’t know what to make of everything. I needed time to figure things out.

  The only thing I was certain of was that I was going back to Texas with a secret. There was no way in hell I was putting more on Sophia than she already had. I’d spend my free time attempting to figure everything out. I wasn’t going to add anything else to her plate.

  Sophia was looking at the photos she’d snapped of the two of us, allowing me to be off in my own world. She just got me, without even trying. Which is why I couldn’t stand the thought of lying to her. If there was one thing we had between us from the beginning, it was trust. And with everything she was feeling on the inside at that particular moment in the basement, trusting me was like asking her to jump out of an airplane with no parachute.

  I didn’t relish the fact I’d be keeping secrets from her, but I wanted to protect her. And if that meant keeping her from feeling unwanted by the two people in the whole world who were supposed to love her no matter what, then that was what I was going to do. Decision made. Right or wrong.

  “I’m nervous.” I was sitting at the breakfast table, trying to eat the wonderful food Abe had prepared. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I made sure to eat at least half of it.

  “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Soph.”

  “I can’t help it.” I chewed on my bottom lip.

  “Do you want me to take you?”

  “No. You can’t miss work for me again. You’ve already missed enough.” I took my plate to the sink, giving up on the food. “Thank you for cooking me breakfast.”

  “You’re gonna do great.” He winked at me to calm my nerves. “Come on, I’ll drive you up to Tonya’s.”

  I wished I could shake the anxiety. I didn’t want to say anything to Abe, but I think I was more nervous about him not being with me all day than I was about starting a school where I didn’t know anyone. I was so used to being able to go to him whenever I felt scared. Just his presence put me at ease.

  He dropped me off, telling me again how everything was going to be fine, and I humored him by smiling and acting like he was right. He knew I was faking it, but didn’t call me on it. I thought it was sweet how he kept trying to put more money in my pocket for lunch.

  “Are you ready, beautiful girl?” Tonya asked, bringing me from my mini freak-out.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, smiling.

  “Fit, blonde hair, blue eyes—I think you got this, sis.” She chuckled, knocking her hip with mine.

  I glanced up at Abe and was surprised to see his face pale. It was slight, but I noticed it. As close as we had become, I would’ve noticed if he had a hair out of place. I smiled to try and ease whatever feeling he was having. He gave me a pitiful half smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he felt sorry for me, or if he was going to miss me.

  “I’ll see you this afternoon,” he said, walking out the back door.

  I wanted to give him one more hug before I left, but I knew we couldn’t do that. I should have probably been calling him a dick to keep up the pretense of being his sister. From now on, I’d make sure to give him two extra hugs before we left the house, purely for that reason alone. The last thing we needed was someone seeing us and thinking it was inappropriate.

  “Have you got everything from your old school?” Tonya grabbed her keys and purse.

  “Yep. Abe got it last week,” I lied.

  “Let’s go then. I called m
y mom to let her know I was bringing you in today.”

  “What does your mom do at the school?”

  “She’s the counselor.”

  “Cool. Thanks for taking me. I appreciate it.”

  “And starting tomorrow, you can ride the bus to school. I’m sure you’re going to make friends in no time, then you can be like I was and bum rides.”

  I laughed. “You had to bum?”

  “Yeah, Cal worked and played football, so we were never on the same schedule. My parents didn’t have the money for a car, so I had to beg for rides wherever I could.” She shrugged.

  As Tonya parked the car, I felt nauseated. It wasn’t necessarily because I was going into a building where I knew absolutely no one. It was more in regards to me not feeling safe. I still couldn’t shake the feeling I needed to constantly look over my shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to put the past in the past. Abe and I had talked about the importance of moving forward.

  The school wasn’t too big, but I still felt lost. It was a little intimidating to think about how I wouldn’t have anyone with me as soon as she left. I had planned on wearing a dress today, but Abe thought it would look like I was trying too hard. The last thing I wanted was to seem desperate. I ended up going with skinny jeans and a black tank top. I wore a green sweater over the tank and gold sandals. Tonya thought it was a winner. She kept telling me how all the boys were going to flip when they saw me.

  “Momma, this is Sophia Scott.” Tonya smiled big, opening the office door.

  “Hello, Sophia. It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

  “You as well.”

  “Let’s look at your transcripts right quick to check your placements.”

  I handed her my papers and swallowed back the bile in my throat. Even though I didn’t know what kind of person I used to be, I knew I didn’t like lying.

  “It looks like you could take a few senior credits this year, if you’d like to.”