Travesty

by Carrie Thomas

  I took deep breaths as I watched her push her thin-rimmed glasses up her nose as she dug through the fake paper work. My stomach was in knots. I was terrified someone was going to find us out. Between the dizzy spells and the sweating, I was ninety-nine percent sure I would be hitting a bathroom stall after our scheduled meeting. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pulled it out to see what Abe wanted. I knew it was him; he was the only one with my number.

  ABE: Take a deep breath. You got this. You’re gonna have a great day.

  He knew me so well. Smiling to myself, I did as he suggested and continued to take deep breaths. It calmed my nerves a bit. Luckily, Tonya thought my edginess was due to being at a new school.

  “Here you go. Looks like you’re on track.” Her mom handed me a schedule.

  “Thank you, Mrs. . . .”

  “Upton. Tonya calls me momma and forgets I didn’t birth everyone else.” We all chuckled.

  “Sorry, Momma. Sophia’s like a sister already, so she may be calling you that anyway.”

  “Any sister of yours is a daughter to me.” She smiled.

  “Thank you.” I returned the smile.

  “I’ve got Samantha Riley coming down to show you around. She’s a sweet girl.”

  “Thanks. I guess I’ll see you this afternoon.” I turned to Tonya.

  “I’ll have Abe pick you up today. You can get on the bus tomorrow. We don’t want to overwhelm you on your first day.”

  “Thanks, Tonya.”

  I walked out of the guidance counselor’s office feeling self-conscious. I had no idea if everything was going to work out. I wasn’t sure I could pull any of it off. I did feel a little relieved to be going to school, though. The last thing I wanted was to end up without a high school diploma.

  “Hey, you must be Sophia.”

  I looked up to see a pretty, brown-haired, emo-looking girl approach me. She must’ve had six or seven piercings in each ear. She was definitely different than me, but I found her to be attractive. She had a certain confidence about her I admired. She was petite like me, but where I was shrinking into myself, she approached me like she was six foot tall.

  “Hey, Samantha.”

  “You can call me Sam. So, where are you from?”

  “Oklahoma.”

  “Cool, one farm-town for another, huh?”

  “Something like that.” I smiled.

  “So, what are ya into? Please don’t tell me cheerleading or dance team.” She rolled her eyes as she spoke. I was about to respond when she kept going. “Drinking blood, like all those Twi-hards, is too much for me too.” She was animated and threw both of her hands up, crossing her index fingers so they looked like a cross. “Kinky-ness, I can deal with, as long as you don’t give me the details. Well, some would be okay.” She giggled. “And last but not least, I despise people who have pets and call them their children.” She never missed a step and looked at me as though she was waiting for my response.

  I cleared my throat. “Umm, no I’m not a cheerleader, and I’ve never had a dance class, but I can drop-it-like-it’s-hot in the shower. I’ve never drank blood, unless you count nicking my finger and sucking on it because I didn’t have anything to wipe it on. Kinky? I prefer to keep that kind of stuff private. And what was the last thing? Oh yeah. I’ve never owned a pet, but I’m fairly certain it’s nothing like having a baby.”

  “If I was gay, I would so be hitting on you right now. Every guy in this school will be jizzing his pants in about,” she looked at her watch, “two minutes.”

  I couldn’t help but giggle. “What’s in two minutes?”

  “First period. Everyone will get to see you then. You’ll be the talk of the school.”

  “Oh, uh—I’m not—I don’t like attention.” Gosh, how could she be so nonchalant about my impending doom?

  “You’re fresh meat in a sea of teenage boys. This is Texas. Home of the original horn-ball. You’re gonna get attention. Your body is slammin’. Trust me . . . you’ll have your pick.”

  “I like you.” I was smiling, and realized it was because of her. I hadn’t thought about being sick since I’d met her. She calmed me down, and for that, I was grateful.

  “I like you too. I just keep it real. I’m not into all the fake bullshit some girls think is a prerequisite to being a female.”

  After the first hour, I knew Sam had been right. I was the newest thing at this particular school and everyone was talking about me—they weren’t even trying to hide it. Sam attempted to help, introducing me to some of her friends, but with everyone interrupting every five minutes, it was a little overwhelming.

  The day passed pretty quickly and I had to admit, it wasn’t that bad. I felt like Samantha and I were going to be great friends. She seemed genuine and down to earth.

  At the sound of the final bell, I walked out to the parking lot and spotted Abe. I couldn’t help but smile as I made my way to him. He always looked so handsome, without even trying. Today, he had on low slung, well-worn jeans and a blue waffle thermal. His muscles were prominent, and I found myself blushing as I walked over to him.

  “So, how was the first day?” He smiled as he grabbed my backpack from my shoulder.

  “It wasn’t too bad. I made a new friend,” I said, climbing into his truck.

  “Awesome.” He backed out of the school parking lot. “I have to go by the DMV and get tags for the truck since we’re already in town. Cal told me to go ahead and take care of it while I was out. I guess they’re not open on the weekends. Then I thought we could swing by the store and get whatever you need.”

  I was surprised he’d remembered. He didn’t actually say the word tampon, but the face he’d made when he brought it up made me giggle. He was uncomfortable. It probably wasn’t that funny, but it was endearing as hell.

  “Thanks. So, I found out that they have a photography class. I’m going to talk to Mrs. Upton tomorrow and see if I can get my schedule changed.”

  “That’s great, Soph. I’m so glad your first day was good. I’m cooking tonight, your choice.”

  “I get to pick?”

  “Yep.” He raised one eyebrow.

  He looked so stinkin’ cute when he did that. It took my breath away. I didn’t exactly know what to make of it. “Homemade pizza.”

  “That, I can do.” He smiled.

  “Hey, I don’t know how you knew, but earlier when you sent that text? I was freaking out a little bit. It totally helped me.”

  “I’m glad. I knew it was all going to work out.”

  After finishing our errands, I did laundry, while Abe cooked supper. It was odd living so domestic, keeping up the pretense of our roles of brother and sister.

  “Don’t worry about my clothes. I can get to them later.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I don’t want you to feel like you have to wash my stuff, Soph. I can get it.”

  “Abe?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you not want my panties to touch your jeans?”

  His face was hilarious. I’d never seen his eyebrows go so high. Doubling over as far as I could with the basket in my hands, I giggled hysterically.

  “You think you’re funny?”

  “A little bit, yeah.”

  Before I knew it, he had the basket of clothes thrown in the floor and me in his arms. He carried me to the living room floor and straddled me.

  “Stop.” I laughed.

  “But, it’s funny and you like funny, right?”

  “No, I was just joking.”

  “Yeah, it’s funny. Look, you have pizza sauce on your face,” he said, smearing it on my cheek.

  “Gross.” I turned my head from side to side, trying to avoid the mess.

  We sat like that until we both realized what we were doing. He rolled off me and I sat up quickly. Neither of us said anything for a minute. The awkwardness grew as neither of us knew what to say.

  “Sorry, I got caught up.” He cleared his throat.

&nb
sp; “No, no, it’s fine.” I tried to reassure him.

  “I better get this in the oven so we can celebrate your awesome first day at school.”

  I couldn’t let him go without telling him how I felt. He was getting angry at himself; I could see it in his eyes. “Abe, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m glad I’m here with you. And as weird as it sounds, it feels right.”

  “I feel the same way. I just—you’ve been through so much, I think it’s best if we don’t muddy the waters. It’s hard enough to focus on remembering your past and keeping up your education right now.”

  He may as well have punched me in the gut. It hurt more than I thought it would. It’s not like I thought we would start dating and play house. But my feelings ran rampant where he was concerned. I wasn’t sure how to stop them, or even if I wanted to. Although, the shower of rejection he’d just doused me with, cooled me off for sure.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” I said walking back to the bedroom, laundry basket in hand.

  “Soph, I—”

  “It’s cool, Abe. You’re right.”

  “Yeah,” he said as he turned back around to the stove.

  Dinner was peppered with awkward silences and nervous glances. Neither of us talked much. I was embarrassed because I’d half thrown myself at him and he was . . . I don’t know what he was. He looked frustrated and angry. I could tell the attraction we felt for each other was mutual.

  I didn’t even know if I’d had a boyfriend in my life, but the butterflies I got when Abe looked at me or touched me had me thinking I hadn’t. I couldn’t see myself not being able to remember the way it felt. Either way, I guess it didn’t matter, since he wasn’t eager to act on whatever was going on between us anyway.

  Damn, I had to get a grip. Sophia actually had me thinking we could do it. For a split second, I was thoroughly convinced we could live here, in a tiny, wonderful house, on a ranch in Texas, and play house together in secret—and no one would be the wiser. That we could have a normal future together.

  I knew deep down that most of our connections were due to the extreme circumstances, but no matter what it looked like from the outside, or how much I told myself everything was moving at warped speed, I couldn’t stop it. Even if years from now, she remembered her old life and went back to it, I’d never again feel the way I felt when I was with her.

  My whole life, I’d spent time working on my mask, my façade, so no one would see the real me. I didn’t do that with her. I let her see all of me, even the bad parts. Given that she still left the state with me after seeing my rage, I’d say she wasn’t disgusted by it. Even though I was.

  I wanted to be able to just live our lives without having to constantly watch our backs, or be fearful we’d slip and say something that didn’t add up. But it would never work out. We’d already told people we were brother and sister. It was wrong on so many levels. She didn’t even remember her life, or who was in it. I was on the run, we were lying to Tonya and Cal—the only people who had helped us in any way whatsoever—and I had completely broken about five different federal laws trying to get her enrolled into school. But, even with all the cons stacked up, I cared about her so much already.

  I shook my head, attempting to clear it. I felt like I needed her at this point, but I wouldn’t do that to her. I walked down the hallway, eager to have my own space. We were too close to one another. We needed some boundaries before we crossed a line we couldn’t undo.

  She stayed silent as I picked up my things and moved them into the small office directly across the hall from the bedroom. I could feel her watching me, but neither of us acknowledged it. It felt like I was abandoning her, but someone had to draw the line in the sand. Why did I feel like we were breaking up, when I’d never had her in the first place?

  I waited until she was getting ready for bed to finally bring up that our sleeping arrangements had changed. Funny thing was, I didn’t want them to. “I’ll wait until you’re asleep to go to bed,” I said to her back as she brushed her long blonde hair.

  “Don’t bother.” Her voice was tight. She was pissed.

  “Soph, I—”

  “It’s cool. If I need you, you’re just next door.” She shrugged, not looking at me when she said it. Maybe not pissed, but definitely hurt. That made me feel even worse.

  Frustration crawled up my body. It was almost infuriating. I wanted her, hell on a slow day, I imagined six different ways of making her mine, but it was just too much. Why couldn’t she understand this was hard for me too? I felt like I needed to hit something. I walked out the door, realizing she didn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing, and slammed the door.

  I took a seat on the front porch steps in an attempt to cool off. Why did my life have to be so damn difficult? Why couldn’t I have just grown up with two normal parents who fought over money? Why did I have to go through all this bullshit and still not catch a break? Why did I have to fall for a girl who’d been kidnapped?

  I tilted my head back to the sky, as if the answer to all my questions would somehow magically appear in plain English written in the stars. I took a deep breath, wishing like hell—just once—I could have what I wanted; what I felt I deserved.

  When I went back inside to take a shower thirty minutes later, I peeked in on Sophia. She was either asleep or pretending to be, as she didn’t acknowledge me at all. I made my way down the hall to the bathroom, trying to talk myself into leaving it alone. It was better this way. After the shower turned cold, I got out and went to the small room designated as my own. I pulled a pillow and a small blanket out of the hall closet and made myself as comfortable as I could.

  I didn’t even pray for a good night’s sleep. I just wanted the next six hours to pass by quickly. I punched the crappy pillow three times, knowing it wasn’t going happen.

  “Mornin’,” I said, zeroing in on the coffee pot.

  “Hey.” Her cheeks were rosy. Apparently, she’d slept a hell of a lot better than I had. She had on the clothes Tonya had given her. The jeans rode low on her hips and a swath of skin peeked out as the blue blouse fell off her shoulder.

  “Do you need a ride to school?” I shook my head, knowing I was a fool.

  “Nah, I signed up to ride the bus.”

  I groaned at her response. I was annoyed that she would rather be on the bus, unprotected, than with me. “Sophia, I can take you. You’ll be on the bus for an extra hour every day.” She was irritating me, even though she wasn’t doing anything but resisting a ride.

  “I don’t mind. I can get some reading or homework done.” So she had decided to evade me.

  “Why are you doing your best to avoid me?” I asked, taking a drink of my coffee. I was sure it came off more abrasive than I typically responded, but I thought being honest was my best bet. I wasn’t used to having any sort of relationship with anyone. I didn’t talk shit out. If one of my co-workers pissed me off, I ignored them and went on about my business. If the girl I’d went home with for the night pissed me off, I left. I was pretty sure I was screwing this—whatever this was—up with Sophia, but I couldn’t stand the tension between us.

  She sighed. “I’m not, Abe. I signed up to ride the bus yesterday. You are working and Tonya’s busy. I didn’t want to burden anyone, the bus is available, so I took it.” She grabbed an apple and her backpack and started for the door.

  “Wait, do you need any money?”

  “No. I packed a lunch.” She held up a brown paper sack.

  “Sophia . . .” I didn’t finish my sentence, but I hoped my pleading eyes were telling her what I couldn’t.

  She sighed heavily and turned back around to face me. “We’re good, okay? I’m not mad. I need to deal with all of this other stuff anyway. I was trying to keep myself together by not thinking about it, but I realized that doesn’t work. I care about you and I know that you care about me. We’ll leave it at that for now, because we’re both a little overwhelmed. I appreciate everything you are doing for me a
nd everything you have done to get me here.”

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I was such an asshole. I knew I was looking out for myself too; I just wasn’t man enough to admit it.

  “I’m fine. I’ll see you after school.”

  And with that, she left. I felt like a jerk, but I’d believed her when she said she wasn’t mad. She was always blunt and forward, and I felt like if she had truly been angry, she would have just said so. I’d put out there how bad of an idea we would be, and she’d agreed.

  With everything going on in my head, I was surprised I’d had any kind of a productive day at work, but I did. I was learning quickly and was actually enjoying it. I loved manual labor. Being outside and working with my hands suited me. I guess I didn’t need a high school diploma after all.

  “Abe, can you check that fence line to the west? Also, grab those parts for the Dodge. We’ll work on it tomorrow. I’m not gonna have time today,” Cal asked.

  “Sure.”

  “I appreciate it. Can you keep a secret?” His smile was blinding, so I knew whatever he was about to tell me was good.

  “Yeah sure. What’s up?”

  “I think Tonya may be pregnant. We’re going to the doctor in a little bit.” He grinned.

  “Wow, that’s awesome, Cal.”

  “Yeah, I know. We’ve been trying for a while, so we’re going to throw a huge-ass party if she is.”

  I chuckled. “That sounds great. I hope you get good news.”

  “Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I hoped for their sake they were expecting. I hadn’t known them long, but I could already tell they were going to be great parents. They were both caring and loved each other deeply. Any kid would be lucky to have them in their lives.

  I got done with the fence and quickly threw the parts to the Dodge in the back of my truck. I didn’t have to spend extra time in the machine shop because I knew exactly what we needed to fix it. Plus, I had more pressing issues on my mind. I hurried up to get back to the house because I knew Sophia would be getting home soon, and I wanted to hear all about her day.