Travesty

by Carrie Thomas

“Guys, I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but—” Cal started.

  “I love her. We went with the sibling story at the beginning because we didn’t know how else to explain it. We didn’t even know each other when we met you. We’re together now.” I said it aloud to remind Sophia too.

  “Abe, we have to contact her father. She can’t stay here; she’s still a juvenile,” Cal said.

  “They don’t want her. I don’t want her with them,” I said, shocked that he couldn’t understand why, after I had explained everything.

  “How could you say that? My dad wants me. I know he does,” Sophia cried.

  “They allowed you to get kidnapped and never tried to find you!” As soon as the words left my lips, I knew I shouldn’t have said them. The look in her eyes would haunt me forever. Everything I had been through, all the physical and emotional scars, would never hurt the way the look in her eyes did. I had hurt her by trying to help, and there was nothing I could do about the decision I’d made all those months ago.

  It was black and white as far as I was concerned. If someone didn’t want you, you could tell. Just accept it and move on. That was my mentality.

  She came from a different background though. She had been with her real dad, up until she was sixteen, and she loved him. He may not have been perfect, but he’d kept her fed and clothed and didn’t abuse her. In her mind, he loved her, and I had just kept her from him for a year. I felt lower than scum.

  “Soph, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” I knelt down in front of her.

  I tried to touch her, and I didn’t care anymore that Cal and Tonya were watching. I didn’t care that we’d lied to them, or if they even kicked us out. I just wanted her to stop hurting, and to forgive me. I couldn’t lose her, she was all I had.

  “Don’t! Just don’t,” she cried, hitting my chest.

  I tried to hold onto her, to console her, but she wrestled away, leaving me kneeling on the floor, tears building in my eyes.

  “Abram, let’s take a walk,” Cal said.

  “No.” My jaw clenched. Anger washed through me, leaving me wishing I could punch something to release it. I didn’t want to leave until she forgave me. I knew if she didn’t, I might never see her again. Desperation washed over me.

  “Abe, she needs some time,” Tonya said looking me in the eye, willing me to submit.

  I had no choice. No one in the room, including Sophia, thought it was a good idea for me to stick around. I didn’t want to leave her. I felt like everything would be okay, if we just stayed with each other, and leaned on each other through all of it. But, I couldn’t fight three people at the same time—especially when two of them owned the home I was in.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, walking away. Sophia wouldn’t look at me, but I never looked away from her. I wished she would listen. I needed her to believe me.

  Hearing Abe’s words cut me like a knife. I couldn’t believe he knew where my dad was this whole time and didn’t say anything. It hurt so much. I never thought betrayal would feel so rotten. I was completely numb.

  “Sophia?”

  I looked up to see Tonya. Cal had taken Abe somewhere, I wasn’t sure where. “Yeah?” My voice didn’t sound like my own. It was weak and childlike.

  “I’m going to get you some tea and we’re going to figure this out.”

  “Okay,” I mumbled.

  My mind had been laying dormant for a year, covered in cobwebs. I was confused and blindsided. I knew my dad wanted me. He had never been overly affectionate, but he loved me. So why wasn’t he out there searching?

  “You know I have to contact your dad. Cal and I can’t have you here if someone took you. That puts us in a bad spot, babe,” she said setting the tea down.

  “I know. I want to go home. I have to figure this out.”

  “Okay, when they get back, we’ll contact the authorities.”

  “I don’t want to see him right now, it’s too much,” I sobbed. I completely lost it. I didn’t say his name, but she knew I was talking about Abe. I loved him, but it was all too much.

  “Go rest. I’ll figure this out.”

  I got up to go to the spare room, but turned around to thank her. “Thank you—for everything. I’m sorry we lied, but Abe was telling the truth when he told you we didn’t know each other when we first met you. We didn’t know what else to do.”

  “I understand, Sophia. Just go rest for a while. You’ve been through enough.”

  I nodded my head and continued walking down the hallway. I shut the bedroom door and stumbled over to the bed. My body felt heavy. I was sluggish and lethargic as I took my shoes off and got under the blankets. My tears made it harder to breathe. I tried to pace myself, but they were pouring from my eyes with no control. For some reason, the only thing I could think of was that I wished I’d had my iPod to drown out any and all noise.

  I woke up to a completely dark room. I reached for Abe, until I remembered I was at Tonya’s. I looked at the clock on the bedside table to see that it was four-forty in the morning. I couldn’t believe I’d slept so long. I must have worn myself out crying. I felt uncomfortable getting up so early in someone else’s house, so I laid there, feeling frantic until seven, when Tonya knocked on the door.

  “Hey.”

  “Good morning. How are you feeling?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure, honestly,” I said rising up. “How is Abe?”

  “Well . . .” She paused.

  “Well?” I waited.

  “He broke his hand last night after punching the side of the barn,” she said biting the inside of her cheek.

  “Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine, Soph. Cal took him to the hospital. They talked for most of the night. He’s going to give you space. Cal told him we have to contact your father and he told us everything he knew about that night. Cal’s on the phone right now with your dad, and we’re going to take you home. The police are involved now.”

  “I can’t—I don’t even know what to do.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. We’ll get you home, then we’ll figure everything else out after that, okay?”

  I nodded because there was nothing else to say. They had obviously figured out all of the details. I wanted to talk to Abe, panicked I might never see him again, but I wasn’t sure what to say and that made me feel not ready yet.

  I hadn’t seen my dad or my friends in a year. I was overwhelmed and couldn’t comprehend what to do. It made me feel small—like a child—having everyone do everything for me, but I just didn’t think I could sort it out myself.

  Before I knew it, I was on the road, traveling back to Oklahoma. Cal had somehow managed to talk the authorities into letting him return me to my home state. He’d stressed it would only traumatize me more, and he was probably right. Tonya stayed home with Ava, but I knew she was really there to watch over Abe.

  The trip took hours and I was quiet for the most part. Cal explained everything to me about the police and how I had to go to the police department after I spoke with my dad. I was frightened, but I wanted Pat and Jim to pay for what they had done, more so for Abe than for me.

  “How is he?” I finally asked when we were an hour from my house.

  “Honestly?” I nodded my head because I already knew the answer. “He’s hurting, Sophia. He was trying to protect your feelings. He just did what he thought was best.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry for everything you two have been through. It doesn’t seem right with y’all being so young to have to deal with something like this.”

  “I know Abe apologized for us and I’ve talked with Tonya, but I’m sorry we lied. We just didn’t feel like we had a choice. You and Tonya really saved us.”

  “We understand why you did it. You know, we both thought something was off, we just had no idea it was so bad.”

  “I just—I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “It’s all going to work out. We’re all here
for you. You can come to us anytime, for anything.”

  “Thanks, Cal.”

  “Anytime.” He smiled at me.

  My dad stood on the sidewalk as we pulled up. Hands in his pockets, the look on his face seemed guarded. It was odd seeing him after a year. I got out of the truck and walked up to him nervously. He grabbed for me and hugged me tight. I wrapped my arms around him, but it felt awkward.

  “Sophia, I can’t believe any of this,” he whispered in my ear. “I thought you ran away.”

  That confused me. Why would I have just left without a word? I had never so much as threatened it. “Why would you think that?” I asked, pulling away from him.

  “Let’s go inside.” He wrapped an arm around me and turned to Cal. “I’m Trent Sawyer,” he said shaking Cal’s hand.

  “Cal Brooks.” Cal adjusted his cowboy hat and followed us to the door.

  Walking inside, I noticed the house was different. In fact, there wasn’t much the same. I didn’t recognize anything. I noticed there weren’t any pictures of me either. “Why did you think I ran away?” I asked again.

  “Your letter was pretty self-explanatory. Once I read it, I just felt so bad about everything—I felt it important to give you the time you needed. The last thing I wanted to do was smother you. I hated for you to be on your own, but after everything that happened with your mom, I knew pushing you would only make you resent me. Once Finley explained how you guys talked about you not wanting to be here, I assumed you were just doing the teenage rebellion thing.”

  Finley—of course. I wasn’t surprised. She’d never liked me, even from the beginning. It made me sad my dad believed her. I guess it was because he didn’t know me, as heartbreaking as it was to accept.

  “I never wrote a letter, Dad. If I had wanted to rebel, I would’ve just thrown a party.”

  Did Finley hate me so much that she was willing to compose a runaway letter all the while I was fighting for my life? I always believed our hate for one another was more on the superficial side, almost immature. Even though I despised her, my dad married her and I went along with it because he was happy. I couldn’t fathom the true darkness in her heart if she were willing to cover up my disappearance with a letter. I couldn’t believe my dad didn’t see through her facade.

  “What do you mean you never wrote a letter? I have it in my drawer. I’ve looked at it every night to remind me you’d return when you were ready. Everything you said made sense. With your momma gone, I just—I’m sorry. I don’t exactly have a manual on raising a teenage girl.”

  “Dad . . .” I searched his eyes, dumfounded that he’d actually had no idea what I’d been through. I’d been beaten, starved, lost all memory, and was told I was nothing from two individuals I didn’t even know. “I never wrote a letter.” I said each word slowly, so that he would understand. I wanted him to have no doubts that Finley had written those words, pretending to be me.

  “Sophia, I don’t—” His expression changed with realization.

  Just as we were about to untangle the deceitful web Finley had weaved, the police showed up. I left the rest of the talking to Cal. It didn’t even feel important enough to explain. My dad didn’t ask any questions about what had happened, or if I was okay. He hadn’t even been concerned with how I’d met Abe. I assumed it was because he was too busy trying to wrap his brain around the fact his wife had lied so easily. Or maybe, he was worried about what he’d say to the cops when they questioned him on why he hadn’t reported me missing.

  Cal continued to explain to the police how Abe and I showed up in his town and he’d basically taken us in. After the lengthy questioning, my dad almost seemed annoyed with Cal for going into the details. It wasn’t like it was Cal’s fault. The investigators kept asking him questions. I answered everything I could, but otherwise, kept my mouth shut.

  Two hours later, after the police finally left, Cal headed back to Texas. I didn’t want him to go, but I couldn’t ask him to stay. So I left my dad in the house and walked him out.

  “Thanks for everything.” It was lame, but all I had.

  “Are you okay, Sophia?”

  “I will be,” I assured him.

  “If you need anything, anything at all, please call us. All it would take is a phone call.” He turned to walk back to go to his truck, but I couldn’t let him leave without saying one last thing.

  “Cal?”

  “Yeah?” He looked over his shoulder.

  “Take care of him.” At the recognition in his eyes, I added, “I love him.”

  He winked at me and said, “No problem. Y’all will find your way back to each other, if it’s meant to be.” And with that he left.

  I left my father to his own devices, and flittered through the house feeling conflicted. I waited a beat for him to call my name, but he didn’t make so much as an attempt. I was finally home, but didn’t feel the peace I’d imagined I would. Needing some sort of normalcy, I went to my bedroom, the only room in the house that hadn’t changed. I took my portfolio out and looked at all of my old photos. Running my hands over each one, my thoughts focused on Courtney. I missed her. I knew I should call her, but I wasn’t ready yet.

  I put the book up to my chest and fell back on my bed. I laid there in total darkness and cried until I had nothing left. I was finally at home, but could only bring myself to think about Texas and Abe. I missed him, and wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. Even though he’d hurt me with being dishonest, I knew he’d done it to protect me—more than my own dad had done.

  I still hadn’t heard a sound from downstairs. I wondered if my dad had even missed me while I’d been gone. Wouldn’t a normal dad be up here in my room, hugging me tight, and telling me over and over again how much he loved me? How was I going to live here and be happy when I wanted to be somewhere else? I felt like I had changed too much—gone through too much—that no matter how hard I’d tried to go back to normal, no one was going to get me.

  I had never felt so out of place or unwanted, even when I couldn’t remember who I was, or where I was supposed to be. Their lives had moved on while I was away, and possibly for the better. It was unsettling how my disappearance hadn’t affected them. Or at least, it seemed that way. They’d had no idea what I’d been through, and apparently didn’t care.

  I hadn’t been home a full night yet, and I already wanted to be back with Abe. He understood me. He knew how to comfort me, even when I wasn’t completely sure what was wrong. I missed Cal, Tonya, and Ava too. I wanted to call Abe and tell him to come get me, but I knew if I didn’t try to settle down and tie up loose ends here, I would regret it. I had to at least try to make sense of my life, even if I wasn’t sure where to start.

  The days after Sophia left passed by like molasses. I spent the first week holed up in the house, drinking more alcohol than I had consumed in my whole life. I didn’t tell Cal, but Paco kept me supplied. He came by and saw me that first night and told me to drink it away. I tried, I really did, but it went deeper than anything alcohol could fix.

  I also worked twelve hour days, doing anything I could with a cast on my arm, then would return home to do the same thing the next day. Work. Drink. Sleep. Repeat.

  My hand had healed after six weeks, and once I’d been released by the doctor, I threw myself into the ranch. I worked harder and longer, all the while wishing my life away. Cal attempted to talk me out of it, but I didn’t have anything else to do. The more I kept busy, the less I’d think about Sophia.

  I tried calling her three days after she left, but my stomach bottomed out when I heard the ringtone coming from her room. She’d left behind the phone I’d bought her. I had no other way to contact her. So I promptly smashed my phone against the wall and went to sleep in the bed we’d shared. Laying my head on her pillow, I breathed in her scent; hanging onto every piece of her that I could.

  Cal and Tonya forgave me and I ended up spending most of my time with them at their house. Of course, what followed involved multiple c
onversations with Tonya, where she had me starting from the very beginning. I’d even opened up to her about when I fell in love with Sophia. I hadn’t particularly wanted to discuss it at length, but I knew she genuinely cared about us, and confessing was somehow therapeutic for me.

  Ava was growing like a weed. Every time I held her, I thought of Sophia. She loved her so much. As pathetic as it was, I asked them every time I saw them if they had heard from her, and every time, they had the same answer. No. No one had heard from Sophia. It was as if she’d moved on with her old life and didn’t want anything to do with me or her alternate life. Couldn’t say that I blamed her, but it still hurt. I hadn’t received so much as a goodbye.

  I prayed for her every night, and I dreamt of her more than that. She overtook every part of my existence. I worried about how she was being treated at home, and if she was scared being there. I knew Oklahoma would have horrible memories for her and she may not have anyone to comfort her. She wouldn’t be taken care of the way she deserved and that pissed me off. I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling. Maybe she wanted to feel all of it, I didn’t know.

  Tonya had a small, pitiful, feel-better-Abe, birthday party for me. I appreciated the effort, but all I thought about was Sophia and how it was her eighteenth birthday. I felt like I should still get her something, even though she wasn’t here. All the ranch hands were present and they all did their best to cheer me up, leaving me truly thankful for their efforts.

  When everyone left, it occurred to me I could do something to mark her birthday, even though she would never know about it. Convincing Paco to join me wouldn’t be hard.

  “Thanks guys. I’m going to head out. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, ready to make my idea a reality.

  “We love you. Happy birthday, Abe. It’s all going to work out, babe. I just know it,” Tonya said.

  “Thanks . . . for everything.”

  I texted Paco on my way home and told him to meet me at my house in an hour. I drank four beers while I waited on his arrival. Right on time, he honked his horn. I didn’t even lock the door or turn the television off, I was too excited.