Myself (Selfish Series, #2)

by Shantel Tessier

  “Oh, that is Harry,” Becca says as she bends down and pets him. He arches his back as he makes a crying sound.

  “Was that a meow? Is that a cat?”

  “Yes,” Becca says, picking him up and placing him in front of me. “Wanna hold him?”

  “I’ll pass,” I say, and she puts him back down. The thing rubs up against my leg, and I take a step back. “Where did he come from?”

  “Remember I told you that Bradley was bringing him?”

  I nod and then look at her as she plays with her phone. “Does that mean ...?”

  “Hello, Becca. It feels like it’s been a long time,” a man says, walking into the kitchen. He wraps his arms around her and picks her up off her feet. She laughs, and when he places her back down, he turns to face me. “Hi, I’m Bradley.”

  This is going to go over about as well as my and Becca’s night on the boat last night. Thankfully, there’s no water for Ryder to toss him into.

  **

  I push open the glass shower door after my second shower of the day and step out onto the dark gray rug. I bend down to pick up the white towel and begin to dry off when I hear Becca’s voice squeal her brother’s name.

  I pause, the towel hanging over my shoulders. Dropping the towel to the floor, I slowly make my way out of the bathroom and into Becca’s bedroom. I open her bedroom door and place my ear to the crack to try to hear what’s being said.

  I hear Ashlyn’s door to her room open, and I peek to see the back of her as she walks down the hallway wearing only an oversized shirt. I close my eyes. Shit! This isn’t going to go well. “Uh, Ryder. What are you doing here?” I hear her ask as she enters the kitchen.

  “I came down because you ignored my text message,” he responds. There’s a long pause before I hear Ashlyn speak again. I can only imagine the fear that Becca is experiencing right now. Praying that I don’t leave her room for Ryder to find me here in their apartment. Naked.

  “I’m sorry. My phone is off,” she says in a rush.

  “You’d better keep it off for the next three days, princess.” I hang my head when I hear Bradley speak. Fuck!

  “I’m sorry, but who are you?” Ryder demands.

  “I’m Bradley.”

  I stand still naked and trying to hear what is being said but only hear silence. After a few long minutes, the front door slams, and I softly close Becca’s door to finish drying off. Once I get dressed, I walk out and find Becca along with Bradley standing in the kitchen. The moment she sees me, her eyes dart to the door as if she’s afraid Ryder may walk back in.

  “Where’s Ashlyn?” I ask, looking around still not seeing her.

  “She ran out after Ryder,” Bradley growls.

  I don’t say anything as I walk up to Becca and wrap my arms around her from behind. She spins around in them and pushes me away. “You need to go back to the bedroom,” she says, whispering and then returning her attention to the door.

  “I’m fine,” I argue but allow her to pull away from me. “So what was all that about?” I ask Becca, but Bradley is the one who answers.

  “Seems that Ashlyn has been doing more than working.”

  Becca narrows her eyes on the back of his head and opens her mouth to speak just as the front door swings open. Becca jumps in front of me as if her five-foot-three can hide my six-foot-two. She lets out a breath when Ashlyn slams the door behind her, letting us know she has returned alone.

  “What was that about?” Bradley asks as his brown eyes narrow just a bit.

  Ashlyn looks over at us, and I can see the unshed tears in her eyes. I decide to look up at the ceiling as if it is more interesting than their argument.

  “I don’t wanna talk about it,” she mumbles before taking off toward her bedroom. Her door shuts, and he takes off after her.

  “Why the hell didn’t you stay in the bedroom?” Becca demands the moment Ashlyn’s door closes.

  I look down at her and sigh. “He had left.”

  “He could have come back,” she argues.

  “But he didn’t,” I growl.

  She places her hands on the countertop and drops her head. “I really don’t wanna fight right now, Jaycent.”

  I walk up behind her and place my hands on her hips. “I don’t want to fight either.” I lower my face down to her neck, and she moans when I bite into her flesh. “I’d rather go to bed,” I say, reaching up and pulling on her shirt to expose her shoulder. I kiss it. “How does that sound?” She spins in my arms and leans up to place her lips on mine. I open and kiss her deeply, and my hands wander down to cup her ass.

  My head snaps up when I hear Ashlyn’s door open. Becca and I stand as we watch him too walk to the door, his bag dragging behind him. Ashlyn follows him, ignoring us. “Where are you going?” she asks him.

  I feel for the man. The woman he loves is standing right in front of him, and she doesn’t feel the same. I’ve loved Becca for years now, and when she was so far out of reach, there were days I thought I’d be better off dying than spend another day without her. I lean down and kiss her hair.

  She swallows. “Bradley. I don’t wanna lose you.”

  He looks away from her, and his jaw sharpens in anger. “And I didn’t wanna just be your friend. But we can’t all get what we want.” Then he turns around and walks out, shutting the door softly behind him.

  I lean down and whisper into Becca’s ear, “That was awkward.” Becca pulls away from me and rams her elbow into my stomach, making me cough. Moments later, Ashlyn turns around and storms off to her room, and Becca follows after her.

  I run a hand through my hair. I don’t know what to do. I’m not even sure what I just saw. I don’t really know Ashlyn all that well. The girls have only been here in New York for three weeks now, and I have spent all my time with Becca. I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. Plus, Ryder was spending all his time with Ashlyn, so it just worked out. I thought that Ashlyn and Ryder were it. Then this dude flies into New York earlier today, and Ashlyn swears they’re just best friends. And I was like okay, men and women can be friends. Then he tried to kiss her, and she totally pushed him away. I knew something was off. But I didn’t question it because it’s not my place, right?

  But Ryder is my best friend. And I’ve seen him with women before and never have I seen him look at someone the way he looked at her. He loves her. Any fool can see that. And she just proved to me she loves him.

  Thinking I can help the situation, I pull my phone out of my back pocket and go to Ryder’s name. “What are you doing?” Becca calls out as she enters the kitchen.

  “Calling Ryder,” I state right before the phone is ripped from my hand.

  “Are you crazy?” she snaps. “Just what are you going to say to him?”

  “I’m trying to calm the situation.” He needs to get his ass back here right now.

  She places her hand on her hip and points at my chest with her hand that holds my phone hostage. “You can’t just call him right after he leaves. He doesn’t even know you’re here.”

  I point back at the bedroom. “Your best friend is back there crying because your brother just walked out on her. Don’t you think he deserves to know the truth?”

  She sighs heavily. “I’ll call him. On my phone.”

  I nod. “Good idea.” She goes to open her mouth to speak, but there’s a knock on the door. “Did you text him?” she demands, looking up at me from the door.

  “No,” I snap. She’s the one holding my phone.

  Her eyes narrow on me, and there’s another knock. She moves to head toward the door, and I place my arm out to stop her. “I’ll get it.” I walk over to the door and look through the peephole. To my surprise, it’s Bradley. “Stay inside,” I tell Becca.

  “Who is it?” she asks. I don’t answer and open the door and walk out, letting it shut behind me.

  “Thought you left,” I say to Bradley, blocking the door. I liked this guy when I first met him a few hours ago but now, not so much.<
br />
  He runs his hands through his hair nervously. “I need to speak to Ashlyn.”

  “I think you’ve said enough,” I say although I don’t know exactly what he said to her. I just heard them yelling back and forth.

  “Jaycent, is it?” he says with an arch of his brow. Bastard, he knows my damn name. “No offense, but you have no idea what is going on between us.”

  “Oh, I know enough.” I cross my arms over my chest.

  His jaw sharpens. “Which is?”

  “I know she’s not in love with you like you are with her,” I say matter-of-factly. “I also know that both of you walked out of her apartment, and you’re not the one she followed.”

  He sighs heavily. “My relationship with Ashlyn is complicated.”

  “Friendship,” I correct him. “I don’t see any kind of relationship there,” I say honestly.

  “Because you don’t know ...” He cuts himself off as he raises his voice. He clears his throat. “I’m not like him.” I arch a brow in question at that. “I’m not going to walk away as easily as he did.”

  “You don’t know Ryder like I do,” I say even though I have no clue why he walked away. I wasn’t in the kitchen. I didn’t hear all of what was said or see what it was that he saw. All I know is what I heard while hiding behind Becca’s bedroom door.

  He spreads his arms out wide. “I don’t see him standing here. I am,” he growls.

  I take a step toward him. “And now, you’re leaving. Again.”

  He takes a step toward the door, and I move to block him. Ashlyn doesn’t need this tonight. She’s already upset, and this man is part of that reason. Just like I told him, I know Ryder. He’ll come back; he just needs time. And I’ll be damned if I let this fucker get in his way.

  He lets out a huff as he places his hands in his front pockets. When he removes his right hand, something falls out of his pocket. I reach down and pick it up. I look up at him in surprise when I realize what it is.

  “Do you really think I would fly twenty-eight hundred miles to bring her cat?” he asks and then chuckles nervously. He takes the gold band from me, and I stand. He was going to propose?

  “She wouldn’t even tell you she loves you, but you think she would say yes to spending the rest of her life with you?” I shake my head as if he has no chance, but my chest tightens for the man. What he must be feeling. I’ve felt it before, and it sucks. “If I were you, I would take that ring and buy myself a plane ticket back home.” With that, I turn around and walk into the apartment, locking the door behind me.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  BECCA

  I stand in my bedroom by my bed, looking down at my phone when Jaycent walks in. He softly shuts the door behind him. “Who was at the door?” I know it wasn’t Ryder. He would have walked right in. I need to take his key from him.

  “Bradley.”

  “What did he want?” I look at my closed bedroom door as if he may knock on it as well. “You didn’t let him back in, did you?” I’ve always liked Bradley, and for a long time, I thought they were gonna end up together, that they were more than best friends, but Ashlyn never showed that. But I knew it was there for him.

  He shakes his head. “He’s gone,” he assures me, walking over to my bed and sitting down. “What are you doing?” he asks me.

  “Was about to call Ry. But when I spoke to Ashlyn, she told me not to.” I bite my bottom lip.

  He shrugs. “At this point, you can’t make the situation worse.” I sigh. I wish someone would have been there for me when I made the decision to walk away from Jaycent. She may think I’m overstepping, but I’m just trying to help her. Making up my mind, I dial his number, and he answers on the second ring.

  “This is Ryder O’Kane.” I can tell by the tone in his voice that he’s angry.

  “Hey,” I say softly.

  “Who is this?” he demands, and I roll my eyes, forgetting that I changed my number when I got a new phone today.

  “It’s me, Becca. I got a new number,” I explain.

  “Oh, why did you do that?” he asks.

  Where do I start? “Conner.”

  “Is that fucker still contacting you?” he growls.

  “No. Just a precaution,” I assure him. And I also didn’t want Mom to be able to contact me.

  He sighs, and I can imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want, B?” he asks as if he doesn’t really care why I’m calling him.

  I bite my bottom lip and look at Jaycent still sitting on my bed; he nods his head in encouragement. “I called to talk to you about Ashlyn—”

  “I don’t wanna hear it,” he snaps, interrupting me.

  “It’s not—”

  “No, Becca.” He does it again. “I get it. No need to defend her.” Then he hangs up.

  I pull the cell from my ear. “That went about as good as I expected it to go,” Jaycent says.

  “He hung up on me,” I say in shock.

  “Of course, he did. He thinks you’re taking her side.”

  I look at him and narrow my eyes. “I’m not taking sides. I’m just trying to get him to see what is happening here. She wasn’t cheating on him.”

  “I could call him ...?”

  “No,” I say, shutting his idea down. He throws his hands up in the air.

  “I’m just offering to help.” He sighs.

  I run a hand through my hair. “I know. Thank you.” But now is the worst time for Ryder to find out about us.

  “Just so you know, he’s gonna be calling me.” I snort at his crazy thought, but his phone rings. I look down at where I put it on the bed, and his screen lights up with Ryder. I cross my arms over my chest.

  He picks it up. “I won’t tell him I’m here.” Then he hits answer. “What’s up, man?” He nods his head a few times. “Yeah, sure.” He looks at the clock on my nightstand. “Two hours? Perfect. Okay. See you then.” He hangs up and looks at me. “Your brother asked me to go out for drinks.” I huff. “Now that he and Ashlyn are no longer together, he’s gonna wanna spend all his free time with me.”

  No longer together? I hate how that sounds. I hate that he hurt Ashlyn. No matter how much she tries to deny it, she fell for him just as hard as he did for her. “Well, thankfully he doesn’t have much of that,” I say.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me down on the bed. I let out a huff as my back hits it, and he props himself up on his left arm as he lifts his right hand to push hair from my face. “You do understand what this means, right?”

  I sigh, looking up into his light brown eyes. “What?”

  “It means he’s gonna find someone else to get over Ashlyn with.”

  My eyes widen. “What makes you say that?”

  “That’s what men do.” Then he tilts his head to the side in thought, his warm hand now cupping my cheek. “I’m sure women do it too, but I can’t speak for them.”

  I shake my head, knocking his hand off. “He can’t start seeing someone else.”

  He frowns down at me. “I’m talking about sex, babe.”

  I sit up quickly, and he pulls away from me. “We can’t let that happen either.”

  He runs a hand through is hair. “You can’t keep him from sleeping with someone else unless you come out and tell him what happened here.”

  I hang my head. “He won’t even talk to me. The moment I mentioned her name, he got defensive. And you can’t tell him ...”

  “I won’t tell him what I saw, but I can urge him to try to fix it,” he offers.

  I nod. “Please.”

  “I’ll do my best,” he says, kissing me on the forehead. “But I can’t make any promises.” He gets up from the bed, and I stare up at him as a thought hits me.

  “Who did you find to get over me?”

  He was running a hand through his hair, but it pauses at my question, and his eyes meet mine. “I never got over you.”

  I slowly get off the bed. That’s not what I asked. “How many?” I ask needing to know
.

  “Does it matter?” He frowns at my question.

  “It does to me,” I say honestly.

  He finishes running his hand through is hair. “It’s not like I kept count.”

  “Guess,” I say as my chest tightens. Why does it matter? Do I just want to torture myself?

  He sighs. “I don’t know. Ten, maybe fifteen.”

  “Fifteen women?” I ask wide-eyed, and my stomach knots.

  “I’m not proud of it, but what was I supposed to do? You left me. I was mad. Hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with that, so I slept with random women.” I swallow the lump in my throat, and he walks over to me. “That’s not what I meant.” He sighs, looking away from me. He licks his lips, and his eyes come back to mine. “It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t know”—he purses his lips—“how to deal with the loss of you.” His hands come up and cup my face. “After that kiss on your eighteenth birthday, things changed for me. And I had this dream of us. Then that night at the graduation party, I had this glimpse of what I had been dreaming of. And I didn’t know how to handle you leaving with Conner.”

  “I’m ...” He places a finger over my lips.

  “I regret it, but they meant nothing. No one has ever meant to me what you do,” he says softly.

  My heart pounds faster, and I lick my lips. My chest tightens at his honesty, but I nod. “We can’t let Ryder do that to Ashlyn,” I whisper, knowing that if he does, she’ll never go back to him. She’s too prideful. Too strong. She’ll live the rest of her life alone, just to prove a point. And I don’t want that for my brother or my best friend.

  He cups my cheek and leans in to kiss me. “It won’t. I’m gonna run home and then go meet him. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  I want to tell him to come back here when they leave the bar, but I know it’s not possible. Ryder will come back to the Q’s, and I don’t want him to wonder why Jaycent is coming back with him. But I also worry that Ryder may go to someone else’s place. That he may find a random woman like he did that night on the beach with Ashlyn. That makes me sick to my stomach.