Forever Altered

by D. J. Pierson

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I say shaking my head and she heads out of my room.

  “I’m going to go eat with you girls, if you don’t mind,” she calls from her room. “I’m starving after drinking all night. I’ll be ready in five.”

  “Lyss, what did you mean when you said, ‘Rocco Matthews is good looking, but really?’” Leah seriously never forgets anything.

  “Oh come on, Leah,” I’m not going to get out of this easily. “I’m not his type.”

  “Why not?”

  “Really? What is it with you? I’m not going to date anyone. It really doesn’t matter.” She’s just staring at me and her arms are crossed against her chest for a few seconds before she sighs.

  “I really hate what that asshole has done to you. Jeff better hope I never see him anywhere, EVER!” I smile at her. “Come on. Let’s go eat our allotment of crappy school food for the week. Julia, we’re leaving, let’s go,” Leah grumbles. I hope that is the last conversation we ever have about Rocco Matthews.

  Chapter Three

  Rocco

  While walking away from Alyssa earlier, I couldn’t help but want to take her all the way to her apartment door. It took everything in me not to turn around and watch her as she disappeared from sight. If these bastards knew I was interested in this girl, they would harass the shit out of me. Even worse, they’d harass her and then she’d probably never talk to me again. I’m not sure what’s up with her, but she seems so unhappy, broken even. I would give anything to fix whatever it is. Damn, this is totally not like me at all.

  When I walked in the laundry room last week, she was turned away from me so I could barely see her face. Her brown, curly hair was hanging half way down her back. The tank top and shorts she had on would have been enough to make me stop and check her out anyway, but it was the hopeless look in her beautiful, green eyes when she turned to face me that really caught my attention. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t come up with a damn thing to say to a girl. I’m not sure how long I stood there staring at her, but she looked away putting the rest of her clothes in the dryer murmuring some sort of apology and saying she’d be out of the way in a second.

  “No problem. Take your time,” I replied dropping my bag of dirty clothes next to the washer. She pulled out a Philadelphia Phillies shirt from the washer and was putting it on a hanger. I’m not a fan of Philadelphia anything, but baseball was something that I could talk about. “They didn’t have such a great season, did they?” She turned to me again. The look on her face was almost like she was wondering why I would talk to her. That was when I noticed her eyes weren’t just sad, but had also been bloodshot like she was crying. What could have made this girl so upset? If it was some guy, I would gladly beat the shit out of him. Why the hell did I care that this girl was crying? When she didn’t say anything, I nodded towards the shirt in her hand. She seemed to catch on to what I was talking about.

  “No, they didn’t.” She went back to what she was doing. Any other girl would have been jumping at the chance to talk to me and I could barely keep her talking. “It kind of sucks when your favorite team doesn’t even make the playoffs,” she finally added. She finished up switching her wash over and turned the dryer on. She left her laundry basket next to the dryer and grabbed the few shirts she had hung up before walking around me to the door. She shrugged her shoulders. “There’s always next year,” was the last thing she said before she walked out and around the corner. The only reason I didn’t follow her was I didn’t want her to think that I was some kind of stalker if she happened to turn around and see me.

  It wasn’t until Monday that I saw her again. I recognized her in my Cell Bio class. I’m really not sure how I never noticed her before. She walked in a few minutes before the lecture started and made her way to the back of the room to one of the few seats left open. Once she sat down and settled in with her notebook in front of her, pen in her hand, I realized she still had that sullen expression. I found myself watching her throughout the lecture, wondering what was going on with her, and trying to come up with an excuse to talk to her again. As soon as Dr. Willis dismissed us, I saw her throw her stuff in her backpack and there was enough time to make it outside the door before her. I didn’t anticipate being stopped before getting out of the room.

  “Hey, Rocco,” Carrie said blocking the aisle. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” She was one of those girls who made herself look so easy. It was nauseating that some girls had no self-respect. I knew that I could take this girl back to her room right now and do whatever I wanted to her. Even if I wasn’t trying to catch this girl, Carrie wouldn’t stand a chance. I have no tolerance for her.

  “I need to take care of something, Carrie. I’ll see you around,” I pushed passed her before she could say anything else. I knew it was rude, but it didn’t matter to me. Of course, the brown haired girl was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t anywhere in sight outside of the building either.

  The next time I saw her was when she walked into lab this morning a few minutes late. She hesitated as she stepped inside before making her way to her seat. The stool next to her was open and I was hoping her lab partner wouldn’t show up. I would definitely go up and offer to be her partner for the day. Just in case, I started gathering up my stuff. Then when Dr. Willis said her partner dropped, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. It didn’t take long for me to head up to the open spot next to her.

  What I didn’t expect was how this girl somehow manages to send me on an emotional roller coaster. At first, she just sat there staring at me. The look on her face was a mix of confusion and something else. Maybe, disgust? She was hard for me to read. I considered returning to my seat alone in the back. I was glad something made me stay when she explained why she was so quiet. It was hard as hell to stifle my laugh when she said she sucked in Cell Bio. I know there must have been a stupid ass grin plastered on my face, but I was so relieved her hesitation had nothing to do with me. Then when she didn’t remember talking to me just last week, she crushed me again. Starting the lab was the only way to keep from staring at her. There was no way she was going to see how she affected me.

  As she tried to figure out what page the lab was on, I reminded her of our brief conversation in the laundry room. I let her struggle for a few moments to find it before telling her the page number that was written on the white board at the front of the room. Then she said something about having a bad month, so I took a chance at trying to get her to open up. She didn’t go for it, but the smile she gave me instead, along with calling me a ‘super hero’ was much more rewarding. “I’ll take it, for now,” I mumbled to myself.

  Throughout the experiment, I found myself studying Alyssa more than what was under the microscope. The way she bit the one side of her bottom lip when she was confused about something. How her eyes would light up and she’d smile when I’d explain something to her and she finally got it. She would erase what she was writing over and over if it wasn’t as perfect as she would like it. I also noticed things she didn’t do. She never once touched her hair. She didn’t have a fake laugh when I talked. She never tried to get me to look at any other part of her, not that I wasn’t trying. The most important thing I noticed was the whole time we were working, the sadness that had been on her face every other time I’d seen her was gone.

  When she offered to write the lab up by herself, I felt as though she knocked the wind out of me again. I wanted nothing more than to spend time with her outside of here and she was taking away my best excuse to do that. Then my stupid ass had to go and make her think she was incapable of doing the lab on her own. If she only knew how impressed I was that she was so smart. After smoothing that over, I set up a time to work on it as soon as possible. Hell, I would have gone back to her room right then to work on it. Of course, my roommates had to be waiting for me at the worst possible time.

  Now I’m sitting here in the dining hall with them, but thinking about her. I sent her a couple texts but she o
nly replied to the first one and it was only with a smiley face. Normally, I would think that’s cute, but I want to talk to her. I should have blown them off and walked with her. I wonder why she isn’t texting me back.

  “Yo, Matthews. What the fuck, man?” Logan tosses a fry at me and it lands in my lap. Obviously, he had been trying to get my attention. I glare over at him and he knows I’m about to punch him for throwing food at me. “What do you think? You in?”

  “Am I in for what?” I ask irritated then throw the fry on the table in front of him.

  “What the hell?” Now Shane is going to get on my back. I shouldn’t be distracted by her not texting me back. These guys are going to pick up on it.

  “We want to hit a bar off-campus tomorrow night. I’m getting sick of the chicks here,” Logan says. “It’s time for a challenge.” A challenge? He means he wants to find someone who doesn’t know him, so maybe he’ll have a chance at getting laid.

  “I’ll let you know. I have some shit to take care of,” I say because I’d rather not tell them I’m meeting Alyssa. “If I get done early enough, I’ll let you know.”

  “What shit?” Shane is a pain in my ass.

  “I have to meet with my lab partner and write up a lab. It probably won’t take that long.”

  “You douchebag!” Logan says. They are all staring at me smirking. “You want her. I fucking knew it.” He starts laughing, but I don’t think he’s funny.

  “I don’t want her, asshole.” The second it leaves my mouth, I realize it’s a lie. “It’s gotta get done. I’m free, she’s free. No big deal.”

  “I thought you always worked alone on that shit? How come you have a partner all of a sudden?” Shane asks.

  “Her partner dropped the class today and I was the only other free person. It’s really not a big deal.”

  “You said that.” I can tell he’s trying to figure out what’s going on in my head. I don’t usually keep this kind of shit from him. “She’s in my Accounting class. Alyssa, right?” I nod at Shane. I’m a little pissed that he knows her and I’m even more pissed it bothers me that he knows her. “Wonder why she is taking both a science class like Cell Bio and a business class like Accounting. What’s her major?”

  “Don’t know,” I admit.

  “So, what is it about her that interests you? She doesn’t seem like your type.”

  “I told you, Shane. She’s just my lab partner.”

  “She’s cute, but you normally go for the girls who drool all over you and dress like sluts. I didn’t see any drool and she definitely doesn’t dress like that. She may be good for you.”

  “Well, well, well. Look who just came in.” As Logan says that, a jolt of excitement that Alyssa may be here races through me. She’s handing the lady at the door her card to scan when my eyes finally find her. She’s with two other girls and one of them is Julia, Tommy’s girl. Julia is always partying with us and she has never brought any other girl except for her roommate, Erin, with her. “Thought she was just your lab partner, Matthews?” I turn to look at him and his smirk is back. Knowing there is nothing to say that will convince him otherwise, my mouth stays shut. Even though the guys are now watching me, I cannot help but look for her to come out into the Dining Hall.

  As the three of them walk to a table across the room from us, I see Alyssa is actually laughing at something one of the girls is saying. I didn’t think it was possible, but she’s even prettier when she’s laughing. Even from a distance, it’s obvious that whatever had been bothering her has returned. Maybe Julia will tell me what is going on with her.

  “Since we’re finished, let’s go say hi before we head out.” Logan is standing and gathering his crap.

  “No, man. Leave her alone,” I say even though I’m all for it. We put our trays on the counter then head over to their table.

  “Hey, Jules. Didn’t think you’d be functioning after last night. You looked pretty wrecked,” Logan blurts out as the three of them look up. Alyssa and the other girl exchange a look before Alyssa’s bright green eyes settle on mine. She looks shocked to see me.

  “Please, Logan. I could out drink you any day. Don’t insult me,” Julia answers but she’s looking at me. “Hey, Rocco. What’s up?” I nod towards her. “Guys, these are the girls Erin and I live with, Leah and Alyssa.” She motions towards the four of us, “Logan, Shane, Troy, and Rocco,” she says. Small exchanges are made.

  I’ll regret it if I don’t take the chance to talk to her. “Hey partner,” I say and it gets me a small smile. Since the other guys sat down with them, I slide into the chair next to her, no doubt intentionally left open for me by my friends.

  “Hey,” she says. “Thanks again for your help today.”

  “No problem.” I like that she’s talking to me. I was afraid she would be uncomfortable since my text messages went unanswered. “Maybe I’ll even be able to get you an A before this semester is over.”

  She laughs lightly, “I really doubt that.” My hands are sweaty, so I lean forward putting my elbows on my knees and my hands under the table. “I really don’t get it. I’ve never had trouble in any class I’ve ever taken before. You must think I’m a total idiot.” Before I can answer her, Shane has to open his big mouth.

  “Why are you taking that class, anyway?” he asks her. Alyssa looks away from me and over at him. Damn him for interrupting our conversation. He’s really pissing me off today. “I’m in your Accounting class. It just seems like an odd combination of classes.”

  “I’m in an Allied Health program, but my concentration is Administration and Management. Lucky me. I get to take hard science classes and boring business classes,” she explains.

  “Let me know if you need any help in Accounting. I’m available.” Shane is doing it to get a reaction out of me. I’m close to strangling the son of a bitch and he knows it. He’s chuckling. Troy gets up and the three of us follow him. He knows what Shane is doing, too.

  “Enjoy your lunch, ladies,” Troy says. The girls say a general good bye.

  I look over at Alyssa. “See you tomorrow,” I say.

  She smiles up at me and says, “See ya.” I can’t help myself, so I wink at her and she smiles a little more. Why does seeing her smile make me feel so happy?

  Chapter Four

  Rocco

  Can this day go by any slower? I’ve been pacing in my room since finishing my classes about an hour and a half ago. There’s still an hour left until I’m supposed to meet Alyssa in her apartment. Watching TV was no help. Writing my paper for History class that’s due next week was impossible. I took a shower and even straightened up my room. My mom would be proud if she walked in here right now. I still don’t get why this girl makes me so nervous and why I feel this need to get to know her. I know I should stay away from her. The possibility of Alyssa being someone who just may be able to creep her way into my heart scares me because it can never happen. I cannot take the chance of something happening to her. I shake my head and try to get rid of that thought. It’s not necessary to go there right now. We are only getting together to write up an assignment for a class. This isn’t a date. I don’t date.

  Logan and Shane come home, so I go out to the living room.

  “We’re going to play some Call of Duty. You playing?” Logan asks as he pulls some beers out of the refrigerator.

  “Nah, not now. I’m not going to be here much longer,” I tell him taking the bottle he’s handing me. I just put it on the table without opening it.

  “Oh right. You have a date.” Shane and I had a talk last night, but apparently he’s not getting the message. He ignores the look I’m shooting him and continues his shit. “You realize you can date, right? You cannot let that wench dictate what you do. You guys are done and have been for a while. She’s ancient history.”

  “It’s not a date. It’s just homework,” is all I say.

  “Whatever,” he says.

  I watch them play for about forty-five minutes when I cannot take it an
ymore. Alyssa never told me what apartment she lived in. I pull out my phone to text her, but instead I see she already texted me about ten minutes ago. Shit! How could I have forgotten to turn the ringer back on?

  Got out of class early. I’m back, so whenever you’re ready I’m here. Apt 234.

  I text her back jumping off the chair and head to grab my backpack that’s waiting for me.

  OMW

  “Good luck, Rocco.” I ignore Shane.

  “Let me know if you’re going out with us later,” Logan calls from behind me.

  I round the corner looking at the room numbers on the doors. Her apartment is literally the last one on the floor tucked in the corner. I have to take a deep breath before knocking. When she opens the door, she is on the phone. She waves me in holding up a finger to say she’ll be just a minute. As soon as I walk in through the kitchen, I cannot help but notice how girly the apartment is. There is one of those slip cover things on the couch with a bunch of pillows. Their small circle kitchen table has a cover on it with a vase of fresh flowers in the middle. They have a curtain hanging in the window behind the couch, a lamp on the windowsill, and matching floor lamps on either end of the couch. The normal posters that college kids tack on their walls are replaced by pictures hanging in frames. Some are of the four of them while some are imitations of actual paintings. There is an area rug in the middle of the living room floor. Then I see how everything matches, from the kitchen to the living room. It’s a mixture of blues and purples. I just stand in the middle of the two rooms not knowing where to put my bag or if I’d even be allowed to sit in the home they have made here.

  “I know, Dad. I’ll try to come home on Saturday. I’ll see if I can catch up on my work tomorrow, okay? I miss you, too. Yes, I promise I’m fine.” She looks at me shaking her head and rolling her eyes, then points to the couch for me to sit down. I do, but despite how comfortable this place looks, I’m afraid of messing something up. She told her dad she might go home this weekend and it actually disappoints me. “Love you, too. Be careful driving,” she says as she disconnects the call. “Sorry. My dad was trying to get me to come home tonight. I haven’t seen him since, um, school started.” She looked like she was going to say something else.