Her Shameful Secret

by Susanna Carr

  “Here? With you?” she clarified, her breath lodging in her throat.

  “Yes.” He risked a glance in her direction. “If that’s what you want.”

  Antonio appeared vulnerable. His muscles were stiff and his dark eyes were hooded. He was reaching out, uncertain of her answer. He knew she loved him, but he wasn’t sure if she would make the same sacrifices again.

  She shouldn’t. She had put her life on hold to be with him and then, when he had dumped her, she’d had nothing. Working in that café, with no money or opportunities, she’d sworn she would not put herself in that situation again. She would protect herself and not rely on any man. Especially not Antonio, who had the power to destroy her.

  So why was she even considering his offer? Hadn’t she learned anything? But this time it was different. This was not a vacation fling or an affair. Or was it?

  Her chest squeezed with dismay. He had asked her to stay—something she’d needed to hear after he’d kicked her out all those months ago—but he hadn’t said that he loved her. He wasn’t offering anything more.

  Isabella felt tears burn her eyes. “I want to,” she said in a raspy voice. “But I can’t.”

  Antonio closed his eyes briefly. His throat tightened as he swallowed. “Why not?”

  She pressed her hand against his cheek. Oh, how she wished she didn’t have to reject him. It hurt her just as much as it hurt him. “It’s complicated.”

  He placed his hand on hers, trapping her against him as he opened his eyes and held her gaze. “It’s actually very simple. I want to be with you. You want to be with me.”

  Was that enough? It hadn’t been enough last time. And this time she had a baby to consider. She needed more. She needed to know that he was going to be with her no matter what.

  “You shouldn’t make big changes when you’re still in mourning,” Isabella decided. She had learned that after her mother’s death. Antonio had had a complicated relationship with his brother and needed time to come to terms with Giovanni’s death.

  “You think I’m doing this out of grief?” His eyes glittered with annoyance. “Do you believe that because I no longer have my brother I feel alone in the world?”

  “Well, yes. It’s possible.” Isabella hoped it wasn’t. She wanted to believe that the bond they shared was deep and powerful, but knew his feelings might only be temporary. She wasn’t going to stay only to discover that Antonio had made this choice because he was bereaved.

  “I’m not trying to fill a void,” he said, his voice low and rough. “If anything I’ve realized how I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to spend it with you.”

  Isabella froze. Had he really said that or was she hearing what she wanted to hear? She was almost too scared to move. “What are you saying?”

  “I love you, Isabella.” He turned his head and pressed his mouth against the palm of her hand. “I want to be with you. Always.”

  Isabella inhaled a jagged breath. He loved her. She wanted to fling herself into his arms but something was holding her back. She was scared to trust his words. Scared to find out that her idea of love wasn’t his.

  “This is moving too fast.” She snatched her hand away from him and clenched her fists, her pulse skipping erratically. “I … I need to think about this.”

  Antonio moved closer. His harsh features were sharp and there was a predatory gleam in his eyes. He didn’t like her answer and was determined to make her yield. “What’s there to think about? Why do you need to think about it in Los Angeles instead of here with me?”

  “I.… It’s just that …”

  There was an apologetic knock on the balcony door. Isabella whirled around and saw the housekeeper standing in the doorway. She was wringing her hands in her starched apron.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” Martina said, trying not to make eye contact, “but your mother is here, sir.”

  Antonio closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t hide the displeasure on his face as he held his temper firmly in check.

  “Why is your mother here?” Isabella said. She couldn’t imagine that Maria wanted to see her off to the airport. She had not spoken to Maria since the day she had been invited for tea.

  “I don’t know,” he said as he reluctantly moved away. “I’ll be right back.”

  She didn’t say anything as she watched him leave. Antonio loved her and wanted her to stay. But as what? His girlfriend? His mistress? His wife?

  And would he love her child?

  She tried to imagine Antonio as a father.

  He would be loving and affectionate. She knew that deep in her bones. He would be firm but gentle. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes as his own parents. He would encourage and support his child no matter what challenges they faced. Antonio would give his child unconditional love, but would he give it to her?

  Her opinion was swift. Yes, he would love her child. She didn’t know why she was even questioning it. Antonio was already a part of her baby’s life. He’d been there every step of the way.

  Isabella felt as if a weight had been lifted off her. She was willing to take the risk and tell Antonio that she’d stay. She knew they could be a family. She didn’t need to hear a marriage proposal. She wanted one, but she didn’t need it to make her decision. Antonio loved her and cared about her baby. He proved it every day.

  They could have a wonderful future together, Isabella thought as she grabbed her backpack and strode across the balcony. She was prepared to live and love boldly, without a safety net.

  Isabella stepped into the apartment but didn’t see Antonio or his mother. She heard voices coming from the study and hesitated. She didn’t really want to see Maria Rossi. The woman intimidated her. But she was Antonio’s mother and the grandmother of her child. Isabella gritted her teeth and threw back her shoulders before marching over to the study.

  “Why is she leaving?” Isabella heard Maria ask in Italian. “You were supposed to convince her to stay.”

  “She hasn’t left yet,” Antonio replied. “And she can always come back.”

  “Yes, yes, yes. She says she’ll visit so the child can know his heritage and his family, but there’s no guarantee.”

  Isabella frowned as she listened by the study door. Did Maria still think she would prevent her from knowing her grandchild? That she had no intention of keeping in contact?

  Isabella was about to step into the study, but froze mid-step when she heard Maria’s next words.

  “You were supposed to marry her and adopt the baby so we can gain full control of the Rossi shares.” Maria’s tone was sharp. “What happened?”

  Isabella went cold. Antonio had said he wanted her. That he wanted to look after the baby. That he loved her. Her stomach made a sickening twist. It had all been lies.

  “I will marry Isabella,” Antonio told his mother.

  His confident tone scraped at Isabella. There was no question that she would have accepted his proposal. Hell, she would have jumped at the offer with pathetic eagerness. She loved him and had been about to give up everything again to be with him.

  “And adopt the baby?” Maria asked.

  Isabella gasped as pain ricocheted in her chest. She clasped her shaky hand against her mouth. How could Antonio have devised such a diabolical plan? And how could she have fallen for it so easily?

  She should have known he wasn’t going to accept Giovanni’s baby into his heart. This was why he’d said he wanted to take care of them and show full support. So down the line he could win full custody of Gio’s child.

  Isabella pressed her hand against the wall as her knees threatened to buckle. It would have worked. If she had married Antonio she would have wanted him to adopt the baby. She would have encouraged it!

  And he would have stolen her child away from her. The cold-hearted bastard.

  Isabella thrust out her chin and took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to let that happen. She didn’t care that Maria intimidated her or that Antonio wielded enor
mous power. She would protect her child from the Rossi family.

  Isabella stepped into the study, prepared for battle.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  WHEN Antonio saw Isabella enter the study a sense of dread shrouded him and weighed heavily on his shoulders. Isabella’s complexion was pale and her posture was rigid. Her hands were clenched at her sides but it was her eyes that gave her away. She looked wounded. He knew she’d heard his damning words.

  Antonio prided himself on his quick thinking. He was usually a man of action. Yet at this moment he couldn’t move. His mind went blank as blinding panic flared inside him. There was no way he could recover from this.

  His mother frowned as she watched his expression transform from annoyance to caution. She turned to the door and saw Isabella. Maria immediately pasted on a polite smile and acted as if nothing had been said. After years of gossiping and backbiting with her social circle Maria Rossi wasn’t flustered. She was in her element. The only sign that she was taken by surprise was the way she fiddled with her pearl necklace.

  “Isabella,” his mother greeted her in English. “I wanted to see you before you left for America. I hope you will return soon.”

  “I have no intention of coming back,” Isabella replied in Italian, “I am not giving you the opportunity to steal my child.”

  Maria flinched and her face went a mottled red. Her movements were choppy as she turned his attention to Antonio. “You told me she didn’t speak Italian,” she hissed.

  “I said no such thing,” Antonio replied, his gaze firmly on Isabella’s trembling jaw. “Gio probably gave you that impression but he was wrong.”

  Unfortunately for him. How could he convince Isabella that he had abandoned his plans? Would she believe that now he really wanted to marry her and adopt her child? No. She would never trust his motivations. He didn’t blame her.

  “Isabella—” his mother began, but faltered to a stop as Isabella glared at her.

  “Mother, I think it would be best if you left. Bella and I need to talk.”

  Maria looked uncertain as she glanced at Isabella and then back at him. She was very aware of Isabella’s unpredictable anger quivering in the air.

  “I don’t think that would be wise.”

  Antonio sighed softly. Of all the times his mother chose now to give him support. She knew she’d made a big mistake, and he appreciated her need to back him up, but he didn’t need her here. This was between him and Isabella. “Please?”

  Maria’s shoulders sagged in defeat. She grabbed her purse from his desk, patted her chignon to make sure every hair was in place, and gave Isabella a wide berth as she walked out of the study.

  Antonio held Isabella’s furious gaze but they didn’t exchange a word. The moment they heard his mother leave the apartment and shut the door Isabella took an angry step forward.

  “Was anything we shared true?” Her tone was low and fierce. “Or was it all a lie?”

  Antonio saw the pain and the rage in her eyes. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, hold her close and take the hurt from her. He knew how she felt. He had wrestled with that very question when he’d thought she had cheated on him. It ate away at him to the point where he didn’t think he would be whole again.

  “You still believe I cheated on you,” she said, her eyes narrowing into slits. “You told me you believed me so I would get closer to you.”

  “No, I believe you.” She had been innocent, and he had renewed this affair under false pretenses. She would never forgive him and he had to live with the fact that he’d ruined their second chance for happiness.

  “I don’t think so. You will say anything to get what you want. You’d even go so far as to marry me if it means getting control of the family fortune. Why, you’d even say you love me when you can’t stand the sight of me.”

  “That’s not true.” Antonio moved and stood in front of her. “I do love you. You don’t have to question that. I have proved it every day since we got back together.”

  “No, you’ve proved that you’re a very good actor. You’ve pretended to look after me when what you were really doing was looking after your own interests.” Her hand shook with fury as she pointed accusingly at him. “You said you wanted to give me everything, but once you’d got what you wanted you would have taken it all away.”

  Antonio reared back as if he’d been hit. How could she say that? Did she think him that low? “I would never do that and you know it.”

  “I thought I knew you, but obviously I don’t.” She shook her head in disgust. “I was thrilled when you finally opened up to me, but that was part of the plan, wasn’t it? Were the stories even true?”

  “Of course they were.” Her accusations stung. He had shared those memories knowing he could trust them to Isabella. “I told you things I haven’t told anyone else.”

  She wasn’t listening. “But the pièce de resistance of your plan was pure genius,” she declared with the sweep of her hand. “Proving that you could be a good father to my child. Only it was all a show.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” he said through clenched teeth.

  “You even got your friends involved so that you could demonstrate how good you are with children. And I fell for it!”

  “That’s not true,” he insisted. “I didn’t fake anything with my friends. I adore those kids and you have no right to question that.”

  She thrust out her chin. “And you had no right seducing me,” she said in a growl, her eyes flashing with ferocious anger. “Making me believe that you wanted a second chance. I knew you wanted to control my child’s inheritance but I didn’t think you’d try to take my child as well.”

  “That was not my intention.” Antonio said coldly. He needed his words to pierce through her tumultuous emotions. “I would never separate you from your child.”

  “I heard what your mother said.”

  “Yes, my mother said it. Not me.”

  “Then what was your plan?” she asked, placing her fists on her hips. “I know you had one. You set it in motion when you found me at that café. Why would you come looking for me when you could have had someone else do the job?”

  Antonio couldn’t deny it. Isabella knew him well. That hadn’t been a disadvantage in the past. She’d known his good and bad sides and still fallen in love with him. He had destroyed that love once before but this was different. There was no hope after this.

  He wanted to lie. He should lie if he wanted to save what they had together. But he couldn’t. It was time he owned up to his plan. Isabella deserved to know the truth and understand what he was capable of doing.

  “I didn’t know why Gio named you in the will. I thought it was to remind me of what he could steal away from me—you and my birthright. I wasn’t going to let that happen and I planned to take back the power he’d given you.”

  She crossed her arms and glared at him. “I’ve already figured that out. What did you plan to do?”

  Antonio looked away guiltily. Maybe it was best if he didn’t tell her everything.

  “Oh, my God,” Isabella whispered and dropped her hands to her sides. “You were going to seduce me so I would give up my child’s claim to the Rossi fortune.”

  Isabella took a cautious step back as she realized Antonio’s plan. That was why he’d wanted more than a one-night stand. That was why he had been insistent on sharing his bed. It wasn’t because he found her irresistible. He had been manufacturing emotional intimacy before he moved in for the kill.

  She blanched as she remembered how open and trusting she had been in Antonio’s arms. “Giovanni said you wouldn’t touch me once you found out I was pregnant with his child,” she said in a broken whisper. “I thought that was true until you kissed me.…” She had thought Antonio couldn’t help himself despite everything that happened between them.

  “I always wanted you,” he confessed. “Even when I thought you were sleeping with my brother. I can’t stop wanting you.”

  His raw tone revealed
how much he loved and hated the power she had over him. She knew the feeling. Antonio was her weakness, her vice. Only he’d used it against her.

  “I knew early on that you weren’t going to accept any financial settlement,” Antonio said. “I didn’t have sex with you to regain power over the family fortune. I made love to you because I wanted to be with you.”

  Despite the anger and pain pouring through her, Isabella wanted to believe him. And that scared her. She wanted desperately to believe that their relationship was as straightforward as it had been in the beginning. It hurt even to think about how beautifully simple their love affair had been.

  Pain seeped into her bones. Her limbs felt heavy and she wanted to lean against the nearest wall before sliding down to the floor. She refrained from wrapping her arms around her middle or curling into a protective ball. She would not show any weakness or tears in front of this man. He would use her feelings to his advantage, just as he’d used her attraction and seduced her back into his bed.

  “So,” she said, her voice rough as her throat tightened, “you had to go with a Plan B. You needed to marry me. That would have been very difficult for you. Antonio Rossi making a commitment? Especially to a nobody.”

  “I have never thought of you as a nobody.”

  “No, you saw me as the woman pregnant with the Rossi heir. That’s the only reason you’d consider marrying me. You certainly weren’t thinking that when we were together the first time.”

  Antonio shoved his hand in her dark, thick hair. “I admit that my reason for restarting our affair wasn’t honest, but that changed. I changed.”

  Isabella snorted. “How convenient.”

  He grabbed her arms and forced her to face him. She met his gaze head-on. She wasn’t afraid. She wasn’t going to back down. Nothing he said or did could make her feel any worse.

  “I want a future with you, Bella. When you came back into my life I knew that I couldn’t let you go. It isn’t about the money or the baby. It’s about us.”