Jumping Puddles

by Rachael Brownell

  Blake lets every word sink in before moving to the seat next to me and wrapping his arms around me. We sit, holding each other, for the rest of the night. No other words are spoken. Neither of us sleeps. It’s silent in the room for hours until Blake finally succumbs to the emotional toll his dad’s death has taken on him, passing out on my shoulder. Letting him sleep for a few minutes, I finally wake him and we move to the bed.

  Waking up in Blake’s arms the next morning, I’m overcome with emotion. He’s still fast asleep, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I haven’t woken up this way since the night we fell asleep on my couch. I remember waking up that morning feeling the same way I do now. Warm and comfortable.

  ASIDE FROM MY FAMILY, I haven’t been to many funerals in my lifetime. I remember feeling sad at them, but Mr. Collins’ funeral about wrecked me. Maybe it was the tears Blake was shedding or the cries that kept escaping Judy, but something caused me to break. I said my goodbyes quickly after the service and jumped in the car. I wasn’t planning on heading back to LA for another few days, but the need to get away was overwhelming.

  The closer I get to LA, however, the more I’m dreading it. After waking up next to Blake, I called Zach to apologize. He was less than receptive but promised we would talk about it once I was back in the city. I’m hoping that coming home early will warm his heart a little. Or at least, allow us to part amicably. After all, he’s still my manager. I’m under contract for at least two more months if I remember correctly.

  Unlocking the door, I get an uneasy feeling. Zach’s car is out front, so I know he’s here, but the apartment is silent. It’s close to sundown. I can’t imagine he’s in bed already, but all the lights are off, and I don’t see him anywhere.

  Slowly, I turn on lights as I make my way to the bedroom. The closer I get, the more anxious I become. My stomach is in knots. My heart is racing. I’m dreading the conversation I know is coming. I’m not in the mood to yell, and I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t know if we’ll be able to make it work after I left him at the altar, but I would like to part as friends if possible. I think it would be best at this point.

  “Zach,” I call out as I push the bedroom door open.

  “Oh. My. God!”

  “What the hell! You have got to be fucking kidding me!” I scream as Aubrey scrambles to cover herself.

  “What are you doing here, Char?” Zach, calm, cool, and collected, hops out of bed and pulls on a pair of boxer briefs.

  “Are you kidding me? I fucking live here. This is my damn apartment.”

  “Right, but you weren’t supposed to be coming back for a few more days.” Zach takes two steps in my direction before the look on my face stops him in his tracks.

  “So, because I was out of town, at a funeral, you decide to sleep with my best friend? Are you shitting me? How long has this been going on?” I direct my question to Aubrey. She’s now sitting up in my bed with the sheet pulled up over her chest.

  “Do you really want to know?” she asks, a cynical grin on her face.

  “No, I thought I would ask for shits and giggles,” I reply sarcastically.

  “Since before you two started dating,” she replies, pushing the sheet off of her and standing.

  “What the hell, Aubrey? I thought we were friends.”

  “You thought wrong.”

  Her words strike deep. All this time, it’s all been a lie.

  “Why?”

  Looking me straight in the eye, Aubrey asks, “Truth?”

  “Please. I’m not sure I can stand any more lies.”

  “We wanted your money. All you had to do was marry Zach, and it would have been all ours, too. Blake ruined everything. Although, I’m not surprised. He’s always been in the way. You’ve been holding on to your love for him all this time. But we were close, so damn close.” There’s a genuine smile on Aubrey’s face. It makes me want to punch her, and that’s probably what she’s going for.

  I look to Zach for confirmation. He’s smiling at me, the same smile he always gives me when he gets what he wants. It’s true, every word of it. I can’t wrap my head around it. They were using me, both of them. I thought I could trust them.

  I was wrong. So very wrong.

  BEFORE I TAPE THE last box closed, I look around, making sure I haven’t left anything behind. I’m surrounded by boxes stacked on top of boxes. My furniture is all pushed against the wall. My television is wrapped in bubble wrap, and my lamps have been broken down, the bulbs removed and the shades boxed up. The beautiful artwork that used to grace the walls has been either packed away or sold.

  I’ll never see this place again. There are too many things here that remind me of him, of the years I wasted. I was lied to for so long, too long. Everything he said, everything he did, it was all a lie. He never loved me. He never wanted to marry me. He was only after my inheritance, and she was in on it. All of it. She was probably the mastermind. I still feel like an idiot. How did I not see it? Was I blinded by her friendship or his love?

  The good news is I don’t have to deal with him anymore. Either of them. After kicking them out of my apartment, neither has attempted to contact me. It’s as if they’ve disappeared off the face of the Earth. Good riddance.

  There’s a knock at the door. The movers are right on time. I have to leave for the airport in less than an hour if I’m going to catch my flight. The plan is to leave LA behind. I’ve talked to Alice and Scott, letting them know where I’m going to be, but I’ve also asked them not to share that information with anyone. I need time to clear my head, to figure out what I want in life. The truth is, I want to disappear.

  I cleared out my New York apartment last week. All my belongings were shipped and should be waiting for me when I arrive. It’ll take the movers a few days, but I’ll have enough to get me by until they get there. It’s not like I can’t survive without my shoes and clothing.

  The whole point of moving home is so no one can find me. There’s only one person who would even think to look for me there, and it’s been almost a decade since we took that trip together. So much has changed since then. We’re both in a different place in our lives now. I can’t imagine he would even look for me there.

  He left last week on his first assignment. He’s in South Africa right now, capturing the beauty of the landscape and the animals that inhabit the region. By the time he returns, I’ll be long gone. It’s fine. I said my goodbye to him at the airport before he left. For me, it felt final, but his excitement for the journey kept him from realizing what was really going on. For that I was thankful. The last thing I wanted was to ruin anything for him. He’s worked too hard to get where he is now.

  My phone rings from its spot on the counter. I stare at it until the ringing stops. Grabbing my purse, I take one last look around my now empty apartment. I do the best I can to remember the good times and forget the bad ones. It’s going to take some time to erase those memories. Starting over should help or at least, I hope so.

  Locking the door behind me, I hear my phone start ringing again. My gut instinct tells me to run back inside, answer it, and tell Blake everything. I can’t. I need to leave it behind. I need to leave everything behind.

  THE HOUSE IS STARTING to feel like home now. I’ve donated most of the old furniture my parents left behind to local families in need and replaced it with what I had in LA. I have painters coming next week to remove the faded and peeling wallpaper. My contractor is starting his various projects tomorrow.

  I’m keeping busy the best I can to keep my mind off of everything. For now, it’s working. Then I call Alice to say I made it, and that all changes.

  “I made it,” I exclaim, faking excitement when she answers on the first ring.

  “I’m glad.” She sounds upset.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Blake has been trying to reach you, Charlotte. He’s really upset and worried. I think you need to tell him what’s going on.”

  I still haven’t told Bl
ake about Zach and Aubrey, and I neglected to mention I was planning on disappearing off the face of the Earth. In fact, before he went to South Africa, I pretended everything was better than normal whenever he called. I didn’t want to worry him. If he realized I was falling apart, he never would have left, and I would have felt guilty. Not to mention, I wouldn’t have been able to leave, either.

  “I’m not ready yet. I don’t want to ruin his trip. I’ll tell him when he gets back.”

  I say the words, but I don’t mean them. I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to know where I am. I need time, more than he would be willing to give me. I want to be alone, and that wouldn’t be an option if he knew what was going on.

  “He’s on his way right now.”

  “Here?” My heart starts to race at the thought, and my breathing becomes erratic. I grab the nearest chair and plop down in it, bending over to put my head between my legs before I pass out.

  “No. He’s heading home. His assignment was cut short, and he was calling to tell you, but he couldn’t reach you. You need to tell him something, Charlotte. It’s not fair to make him worry.”

  “Did you tell him where I was?” I say a silent prayer she’s kept my secret.

  “No, I told you I wouldn’t, and I didn’t. He wasn’t happy about it.”

  “I’ll call him soon, Alice, I promise. I just need a little more time. Tell him I’m fine. Make him believe it.”

  “But you’re not fine. You’re a mess, and you’ve moved off the grid. There’s no one there to support you, and that’s what you need. Support.”

  “I have you and Scott. That’s all I need.” I pause for dramatic effect. It’s the truth. If I had no one else in my life, I would still be blessed because I have them. “I’ll call you in a few days, okay?”

  “I love you, Charlotte. Please don’t make me worry about you. I don’t think my heart can take it.”

  “I love you, too.”

  MY DAYS ARE SPENT relaxing in the backyard with music in my ears and a book in my hands. Construction is in full swing; it has been for weeks now. I have no kitchen. My bathroom is barely usable. My bedroom is in utter chaos. These are things that would normally bother me. Not anymore.

  I’m going with the flow.

  I’m living a stress-free life.

  Nothing can get to me because I don’t let it.

  Nothing except the mention of Blake when I talk to Alice.

  Our conversations have gone the same way for the past month. I dread calling her sometimes because I know she’s going to bring it up. She attempts to convince me to talk to Blake, and I promise to call him but don’t. Sometimes I want to, just to get it over with. Maybe then she would talk about other things. I know she’s worried about me, about my sanity. I’m worried about me, too, but I still believe this is the best decision for me right now. The moment I don’t think it’s the best decision anymore, I’ll call Blake.

  As soon as the house is finished, Scott and Alice are coming to visit. It’s still going to be a month or two, but I’m excited to see them. The plan is for me to host Thanksgiving this year. Georgie is going to fly straight here, and Brenden is flying in with Scott and Alice. It’ll be nice to see everyone.

  John, my contractor, yells for me over the music. I remove my headphones and look over my shoulder to find him standing in the new doorway to the dining room. I’m still excited about the slider I asked him to install. It brightens up the house.

  “What’s up?”

  “You’re phone’s been ringing off the hook for over an hour. I thought you might want to answer it.” You can hear he’s annoyed. The only people that have this number are Alice and Scott. I hope nothing is wrong.

  Just as the thought crosses my mind, I hear the phone ring. Hopping up, I remove my headphones and toss them on the chair along with my book. Rushing through the door to answer the phone before it stops ringing, I almost knock John over. “Sorry.”

  “I’m just glad you’re answering the damn thing,” he replies before disappearing down the hall towards my bedroom.

  “Hello?”

  “Charlotte,” Scott says with relief.

  “What’s going on? Is everything okay?

  “Yes, everything is fine. You weren’t answering, and we were getting worried about you. We’ve been calling for hours.”

  “Why?”

  The line goes silent. I hear shuffling in the background, and then he finally speaks.

  “Charlie?”

  Shit! I’m going to kill them for forcing me to do this. It’s only been a little over a month. I’m not ready for this. I’m not prepared.

  “Hey, Blake.”

  “What the hell!”

  I should have seen that coming. He’s pissed. I’ve never heard him this angry before.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? That’s not going to cut it, Charlie. I want answers. I want to know what the hell is going on. You can’t just disappear and not tell me why. It’s not fair. Alice said you left your cell phone behind. What if something happened to you?”

  “Nothing is going to happen to me, Blake. I’m fine. I still have a phone,” I say, more dramatically than necessary.

  “Yeah, a phone no one will give me the number to. I had to beg Scott to call you. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

  “I’m sorry, Blake. I really am.”

  “Where are you?”

  I was waiting for that. “It’s not important.”

  “The hell it isn’t. I want to see you.”

  How am I going to put this without hurting his feelings? There’s really no good way.

  “Listen, I don’t know how to say this without hurting you, so I’m just going to say it. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to see anyone. There’s a reason I left my cell phone behind. There’s a reason no one has this number. There’s a reason no one knows where I am. I want to be alone right now. When I’m ready to see you, I’ll let you know. Right now, I’m not ready to see anyone.”

  “Why? What the hell is going on, Charlie? None of this makes sense!”

  I give him a second to calm down before I tell him everything I think he needs to know. What I found when I got back to LA, the decision I made to disappear, lying to him so he wouldn’t back out of his trip. I don’t spare him any details, and he listens without interrupting. The only thing I leave out is the fact it was all about the money. He doesn’t need to know that. By the time I’m done, I’m exhausted and emotional from reliving the nightmare of it all.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you would have stayed, and I didn’t want that. You worked too hard for too long to throw it all away because I was falling apart.”

  “But I would have.”

  “I know, and that’s exactly why I didn’t say anything.”

  “I would do anything for you, Charlie. I love you. I always have. I shouldn’t have waited this long to tell you again. I shouldn’t have let your relationship with Zach go that far. I was prepared to watch you marry someone else. I was trying to be selfless.”

  “I love you too, Blake.”

  The words slip past my lips before I realize what I’m saying. It’s the truth, but I wasn’t prepared to tell him. Truthfully, I wasn’t prepared to admit it to myself. I never stopped loving Blake, even while I was with Zach. I ignored my feelings for him, but they were always there.

  “Tell me where you are, please,” he begs.

  “I can’t. Not yet.” When he doesn’t respond, I say goodbye, hanging up the phone before he can reply. When it rings moments later, I’m not surprised. I can’t talk to him any more right now. I don’t have enough left in me.

  Unplugging the phone from the wall, I head back outside. Once I’m safely in my chair, headphones in place, I let it all out. The tears silently fall while I pretend to read. The words blur together as I stare at the page and attempt to push through it unsuccessfully.

  THEY FINISHED THE house last week.
I’ve been cleaning up the dust ever since, but it’s beautiful. The outdated interior is now fresh and modern. All four bedrooms have been updated with fresh paint and new carpets. The master bath and guest bath were both gutted and reconfigured.

  The kitchen was the biggest overhaul. The wall between the dining room and kitchen was removed, opening up the area, making it feel bigger. Top of the line appliances, modern cabinets, and an island were installed. My favorite part of the kitchen? The new backsplash. John found this unique, two-tone, gray subway tile. I fell in love with it immediately. It’s so pretty I run my fingers across it every morning while I wait for my coffee to brew.

  Yesterday all the furniture I ordered was delivered. I needed beds and dressers for each room. The painters accidentally spilled gray paint on my sofa, so I ordered a new living room set. I should have ordered a new dining room table, but I couldn’t bring myself to part with the one my parents had. It’s still in great condition, but it stands out. Everything else in the house is modern.

  Now, I’m waiting at the airport for my family to arrive, my leg bouncing with excitement. It’s been five months since I’ve seen any of them. Georgie should be the first to arrive. His plane is landing any minute now. By the time we get his bags, everyone else should be here.

  “Charlotte!”

  Looking up, I see him walking in my direction. I jump out of my seat and run to him. Picking me up and swinging me around, he engulfs me in a hug. He’s grown since I’ve seen him last. Not in height, in mass.

  “Damn, Georgie! Have you been working out?” I ask as he places me back down on the floor and wraps his arm around my shoulder.

  “A little,” he replies shyly.

  “What’s her name?” I inquire as we head toward the baggage carousels.

  Georgie tells me all about his new girlfriend, Bethany, while we wait for his bag to come around. She sounds sweet. He plans to bring her home for Christmas this year, but I won’t get to meet her. I don’t plan to go home for Christmas, but I haven’t broken the news to my family yet.