Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

Zoe managed to pack up our clothes, roll the mats, gather the blankets and sundry items abandoned by the Blake clan. Taylor had absconded with most of the tech equipment, but I gathered up what he’d left behind. Mary’s laptop—which I gave to Jabez—a few cords, the generator.

  I carried everything outside and went back for the food and most of the water that remained. I left enough to keep Sly alive. At least for a while.

  “Ready?” Zoe asked.

  I nodded and smiled a little. I didn’t want her to guess that we would be heading west after Phoenix, back to California. Back to Sol City and her parents. “Just waiting for Jabez to get the ATV going.”

  “What happened to Sly?”

  I scowled. “He’s not exactly being cooperative.”

  She squinted back at me. “Why?”

  “We need the ATV. He has bionic legs.”

  Unfortunately, Jabez seemed to have trouble starting the ATV.

  “The dashboard is basically a computer,” he explained. “Not my expertise.”

  I hated that we were already missing Taylor.

  “It’s not built anything like the old engines, like the one that was in the Cessna. That I could deal with no problem.”

  “Are you saying we’re stuck?”

  “I’m saying it’s hard. But I think I’ve found a way.”

  Just then the engine purred, and I relaxed slightly. “Good job, Jabez.” I started throwing our gear in the back seat and the rack. “You okay to drive?”

  Jabez nodded and hopped into the driver’s seat.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said. I hurried back to where Sly was tied up and placed a knife out of reach. By the time he shuffled over to it with his injury, and worked the tape off, we’d be long gone.

  “Nice knowin’ you,” I said. He grunted and cussed.

  I jumped out of the mine shaft for the last time without looking back. Zoe waited for me by the ATV. “You’ll have to sit on my lap until we drop Jabez off.”

  We crawled in, and I wrapped my arms around her narrow waist, pulling her in tightly. Her arm clung to my neck and she rested her cheek on my head. Jabez put the ATV into gear, and we said goodbye to the horror that had occurred in the short time we’d lived in the mines.

  Chapter 30

  ZOE

  My heart broke when we said goodbye to Jabez.

  I held him tight. “My brother was murdered last year,” I said quietly. “I know how much it hurts to lose a sibling.”

  My words unleashed a dam, and Jabez’s body trembled against mine as a sob of grief erupted from a deep place. His knees gave, and I was afraid we were going to topple to the ground until Noah’s arms wrapped around me, supporting the weight.

  “I’m sorry,” Jabez said, pulling back. He palmed his bloodshot eyes.

  “Don’t be,” I said.

  “It’s been Mary and me for so long. I don’t have anyone anymore.”

  “You have us,” Noah said.

  “And Hannah,” I added. I knew Jabez was set on finding her. “I don’t think it was her idea to leave without telling you first.”

  We parked five miles outside of Phoenix. The domed city was plain to see, but it was still a good hike away. We were as close as Noah was willing to get.

  Jabez shifted his bag onto his back. Noah handed him two bottles of water.

  “Don’t you need it?” Jabez asked.

  Noah patted him on the shoulder. “We’ll get some more at our next stop.” Jabez backed away. “Okay. Take care guys,” he said. “See you when I see you.” He saluted, and then turned away.

  A sob formed in my throat, packed around a thick, large lump. I hadn’t gotten along well with Mary, but she didn’t deserve to die like that. And Jabez was a friend. I’d miss him.

  I eased into the passenger seat while Noah took the wheel and spun the ATV around in the other direction. I lost my balance and gripped the door, glad I had my seatbelt on.

  “Sorry about that,” Noah said. “Are you okay?”

  I hated the way he looked at me these days, like I was breakable. “I’m fine.”

  I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.

  Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll be true. The fact was, I felt like crap. Fatigue washed over me heavy and forceful. I went to war against it, but it won the battle. I propped my pillow against the door and fell asleep.

  And dreamed of Taylor Blake. The Taylor I’d known back on the commune when he’d been just a frisky farm boy with a charismatic charm. I woke up, what felt like moments later with my neck in a painful kink and sweat dripping from my forehead into my eyes. I straightened out as much as I could and wiped my face with the bottom of my shirt.

  Disappointment from Taylor’s betrayal cloaked me like a wet, scratching fur coat. I’ll always be there for you, Zoe. Even though I knew he was looking out for his sister, it still stung. I thought we were friends. I’d been wrong to trust him.

  Noah’s eyes darted to me and back to the dirt road.

  “Are we going to drive through the heat?” I asked. And when did you plan on sleeping?

  The desert floor was a mirage of water to me, like we were driving through a river bed.

  “According to the map on the navigational system,” Noah said, “we’re only a couple of hours from the mountains. We’re approaching a lake. Hopefully it’s not a dried-out hole.”

  I reached for the second-to-last bottle of water and took a sip. I hoped the lake wasn’t dried out, too.

  Noah watched as I put the cap back on and tossed the bottle in the backseat. “Can I ask you something?”

  I squinted back at him. “Sure.”

  “You said the… Fred thing… was your fault. Why would you think that?”

  An added crushing weight of regret pressed on my chest. I swallowed hard. “I asked Taylor to find a way to tip off Grandpa about the borg’s plan.”

  I heard Noah suck in air.

  “I just didn’t want to see my grandfather murdered.” I blinked back tears. “I’m so sorry, Noah. It’s my fault all those guys are dead. And Mary. I’ll kill Grandpa V myself now if I ever have the chance.”

  Noah reached for my hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed it. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And I’ll never blame you for the evil your grandfather does. No one will.”

  I loved him so much then. I shimmied over as close as I could, reached over the shift stick and kissed him on the cheek.

  The ATV swerved, and Noah laughed. “Hey, let’s save that for when we’re stopped.”

  I wiggled my eyebrows and smirked. “Then let’s stop.”

  Noah pointed. “There’s the lake.”

  I didn’t see anything. “Where?”

  “Just ahead.”

  We drove up to what looked like a large dirt bowl in the middle of the desert. Noah stopped the ATV, and we got out. Standing, I could make out a small pool of dirty water near the bottom. A couple of desert trees had sprouted nearby.

  “We won’t be swimming,” I said.

  Noah frowned. “Or drinking.”

  “At least we can wash up a little.”

  He was already grabbing our sleeping things. “There’s shade down there, too. Let’s try and get some sleep.”

  I grabbed a few supplies and hiked in behind him. It was weird not having the others around. They were immensely annoying but they were a better family to me than my own had been. My heart tightened with new grief. My emotions were so tumultuous, moving from flirty to melancholy in two footsteps.

  I tried to shake it off, drum up my enthusiasm for Noah again. We ate a little of the food we had—crackers and dried meat—and washed it back with water. A flash of worry flickered across Noah’s face. Only one bottle left.

  We were dirty, sweaty and smelly. Not exactly the recipe for romance. At least we had enough water to brush our teeth with.

  It was too hot to snuggle anyway. I wrapped my body around Noah’s for about ten seconds before we started sticking to each other.

  “What
I’d give for a motel room right now,” I said. Even the cheap, dingy ones we’d stayed in last fall would seem like luxury right now.

  Noah’s lips moved. “Did you take your meds?”

  I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten. I grabbed my jar of pills and the last bottle of water and popped back a gel capsule. “I think these are working.” I didn’t really notice a difference but I wanted to encourage Noah somehow.

  He closed his eyes. “Then maybe I’ll only torture Taylor if I ever lay eyes on him again, instead of killing him.”

  When I awoke, the sun was dipping low on the horizon, rays hitting me straight in the eyes. A lizard scurried away, and I spazzed a little. I’d never liked bugs and reptiles, and my stint in the desert hadn’t changed that.

  “Hey,” Noah said, running fingers through his long hair. He tied it back again with a hair tie. Mine was long enough for one now—blond stopping at my ears where a sharp line of permanent brown dye started—and I copied his actions.

  We picked at the dried fruit. “Go easy on the water,” Noah said after taking a small sip. “I’m not sure when we can get a refill.”

  I swallowed a little, not nearly enough to ease my dry mouth. “This isn’t going to last long.” I knew how much water we needed to survive a day in the desert, and that bottle wasn’t going to do it.

  “We’ll stop at the next town.”

  We were back on the “road” in no time. Now that we were heading toward more populated sections of the country, Noah didn’t want to travel on an actual road. It made for a bumpy ride, not at all conducive to conversation. I held on to the door handle, once again thankful for my seatbelt. Otherwise, I was afraid I might get bucked out.

  Time passed slowly, and I didn’t have much to do but reflect on everything that had happened to Noah and me since last summer. We’d been to Utah, St. Louis, and Tucson, and now we were headed who knew where. We’d worked on a farm with the commune folks, trained to fight with Jabez and Mary, and discovered that not all borg soldiers agreed with the government who’d transformed them.

  I’d gone from being in love, to forgetting love, to falling back in love.

  I rested my gaze on Noah with growing admiration. His hands held the steering wheel firmly as he navigated around tire popping cactus and small craters.

  “You’re a pro at this,” I shouted.

  He chuckled. “Good thing we have a spare tire.”

  Eventually he turned back, onto an actual dirt path, and I let out a breath of relief. My insides were shaken up enough. I stretched as much as I could in the cramped space, my joints cracking with the effort.

  “I’m drying up,” I said. “Like a fig.”

  “There’s a charging dome just down the road.”

  The ATV recharged itself, but it didn’t produce drinking water. We couldn’t stay off the grid forever.

  Soon street lights flickered in the distance. Noah pulled up behind a hedge of yuccas. “Wait here.” He climbed out and eased the narrow door shut. “I’ll be right back.”

  He didn’t give me time to argue. I slid down, trying to find comfort in the fact that this ATV was painted the same color as the desert floor, like terracotta army fatigues. Even so, I didn’t like being alone. The usual desert noises escalated in the quietness. Cicadas with their high-pitched singing, coyotes howling in the distance. Was that a rattle? I peered over the door of the ATV at the desert floor, a little spooked. I dug my gun out of my pack.

  We weren’t that far away from the dome, and Noah should’ve been back by now. How long did it take to buy a couple of bottles of water?

  Immediately my mind jumped to the worse place—that he’d been recognized and captured. That they’d be searching for me next.

  I sat upright like a groundhog, twisting in my seat, scouring the horizon for Noah. I heard yelling and my blood turned cold.

  Then I saw Noah sprinting toward me, two shadows running after him. My heart almost stopped. “Noah!”

  He tossed two water bottles in the back and hopped in. The guys chasing after Noah reached the ATV just as he got it going. I shot my loaded gun into the sky, hoping to dissuade them from following. We sped away, spitting sand into the faces of our pursuers.

  “What happened?” I shouted.

  Noah white-knuckled the steering wheel, his eyes focusing on the rearview mirror. I checked over my shoulder again. The guys were left in the dust, with no chance of catching us on foot.

  “Why were they chasing you?”

  “No one took cash.”

  I let that sink in. “You stole them?”

  “I had no choice. We needed water. You need water. So please. Drink.”

  I reached back for one of the bottles and twisted the lid. I gulped back deliriously and wiped my mouth. I eyed Noah, not liking the look on his face. It was disgust, for himself.

  “Don’t feel bad,” I said. “It wasn’t like you didn’t try to pay. It’s Grandpa V’s fault for regulating the chip. He’s basically forced everyone who refuses it to become thieves.”

  Noah winced at the word “thieves.” He didn’t like being lumped in that category.

  “Thanks anyway.”

  “Sure. Don’t forget to take your meds.”

  I removed the pill bottle from the glove compartment and shook one out. I took a small sip of water to down it.

  I was starting to believe we were going to drive all night. About an hour or so later, Noah finally slowed down. He had the low beams on so we wouldn’t smack into a grove of cacti or run over a fox. The thing about being dehydrated was I didn’t have to go to the bathroom that often, which was really good, considering the bumpy ride. The bad thing was I’d gotten super stiff from sitting. My skin felt tight, like it had shrunk.

  We motored around desert hills and through the valleys, the GPS highlighting our way.

  “When can we stop?” I asked, working to keep the whine out of my voice.

  “Soon.”

  “Do you know where we’re going? Or are we shooting in the dark?”

  The dashboard lights reflected on Noah’s face. His lips tightened and a tick formed under his right eye.

  I knew him well enough now to know what that meant. He was keeping something from me.

  Chapter 31

  “What is it?” I pressed. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  His jaw tightened in the way it did when he was being stubborn. “Let’s just get set up for the night and then we can talk about it.”

  We drove until we got to the Colorado River, south of the deserted town of Blyth. Noah pulled up against a dune and started unpacking the borg’s camping gear.

  Though no longer the substantial body of water it had once been, the river was more water than I’d seen in one place in a long time. I dipped my toes in and gasped a little at its coldness.

  Noah worked with quiet determination. I felt bad for all the sleeping I’d been doing while he did all the work and all the worrying.

  I splashed my face and scrubbed off the grime. “Is it safe to drink?” I asked.

  Noah studied me. “I wouldn’t risk it. I’ll start the fire and we can boil it first.”

  I put in a good effort to help him set up, pushing through the fatigue that never seemed to subside, even with Taylor’s meds.

  Once the tent was up and our sleeping gear inside, we worked on starting a fire. We had matches, so the only thing we needed was something to burn. We scoured our campsite with the help of a flashlight and found enough dried twigs and sage to do the trick. Once the flames were going strong, Noah set a grate over top and placed a pot of river water on it to boil.

  The borgs had a supply of dried power bars stashed in the ATV that we’d been snacking on all along. I wasn’t really hungry and couldn’t stomach the thought of eating another one. Noah didn’t seem to have any qualms. He gobbled up three.

  I shifted over to where he sat until our shoulders and legs were touching. Noah draped an arm around me.

  “What do you
see, when you imagine our future?” I asked.

  I felt his body stiffen. He worked his jaw.

  “Noah?” I wanted him to encourage me, to tell me that everything would be fine. To tell me that we’d have a happily ever after.

  Even if he had to lie.

  The water had begun to boil, and Noah moved away from me to take it off the heat. The flames had died down to a few glowing embers. “I try not to look too far ahead,” he finally said. “The future is too unclear. I can only deal with the day we’re in.” He forced a smile. “Today wasn’t so bad.”

  We were together and alive so it could qualify as a not bad day.

  Noah poured the water into our empty bottles. I stifled a yawn.

  “We should get some sleep,” he said.

  “It’s still dark.”

  “We’re almost out of the desert. It won’t be as hot during the day anymore.”

  It was cooler near the river. I crawled into the tent and laid out our mats and blankets. Noah climbed in and we twisted our bodies together, both needing comfort. Noah stroked my back and pulled me closer. I tucked my head under his chin and hung on. His breathing soon regulated and grew deeper. I hoped I would fall asleep as quickly. I focused on his breath and the beat of his heart, blocking the horror from the previous days out of my mind, and drifted away, not at all forgetting that Noah had avoided my original question.

  Noah was leaning up against the ATV when I climbed out of the tent the next morning. He had his arms folded across his chest and a pensive look on his face. The fire pit from the night before had been filled in and scuffed over.

  He approached me with a bottle of water and my jar of pills when he spotted me. “Good morning,” he said, holding them out.

  “Breakfast?”

  He grinned. “To start. You have your choice of energy bars in the ATV.”

  “So we’re eating on the go?” I cupped my eyes with my hand. The early morning rays cast purple shadows over everything, including the rings under Noah’s eyes. I leaned over the door of the ATV to check my face in the review mirror and gawked.

  Who was that girl? Her eyes were sunken with deep purple rings and her cheeks pulled in like the mother from The Addams Family.