Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

  I turned back to Noah. His brows furrowed severely. “I look like crap.”

  “You’re ill.”

  “I have Taylor’s pills.”

  “We don’t know if they’re working. And even if they are, we have no way of getting more.”

  My heart sank. I could guess why Noah didn’t want to answer my question. And why we were traveling straight west through the desert. A tingly wave of sudden awareness showered me. I whispered, “You’re taking me back.”

  Noah’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

  “When were you going to talk to me about it?”

  “A lot has happened. There never seemed like a good time.”

  I folded my arms and narrowed my gaze. “I don’t want to go.”

  Noah’s eyes darkened, challenging me in return. “I’m taking you back, Zoe. I pulled you from Sol City so you could have a life.” His eyes glazed over and he squeezed them shut. “I won’t watch you die.”

  I slid along the side of the ATV until I was sitting in its cool shade. So this was how it was going to end. Noah was going to deliver me to my parents, and I was going to forget about him and about this whole year.

  A tear ran down my cheek and dropped onto my dirty shorts. “I don’t want to lose you, Noah.”

  He sat beside me and wove his fingers through mine. His voice cracked. “I’m losing you either way.”

  I wasn’t ready to bail. The pills just needed more time to work.

  “Can we stay here for another day?” I asked softly. “I’m not ready to face them. To face what’s coming.”

  His eyes warred with pain and longing. “Another day could mean the difference between life and death for you.”

  I leaned in and ran my finger through the bristles on his face. “Then it’s my dying wish.”

  He sighed. “Zoe.”

  I didn’t want him to talk. I pretended that I was still my beautiful self, and brushed my lips against his. He didn’t move, and I ran my tongue along his mouth, waiting for a reaction. He pulled me close and his lips moved with mine. Soft and careful.

  “I can’t do this without you,” I said between kisses.

  “I’m here.”

  “Promise you won’t leave me.”

  Noah pulled back and searched my eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “In Sol City. Don’t leave me there. I’ll get the help I need and then I’m coming back with you.” I squeezed his hand, fighting panic that he might leave me. “Just promise.”

  He stroked my hair off my face and tucked it gently behind my ear. “I promise.”

  Chapter 32

  Noah didn’t hide his feelings well, and though he put on a smile for me, I could tell by the persistent creases in his forehead that he worried. I sat on a rock by the river and wiggled my toes in the coolness of the water.

  “I’m going in,” he said, pulling this shirt over his head. He was lean, not one ounce of fat, and every muscle was contoured and defined. I couldn’t help but admire his physique.

  “Is it deep enough?” I asked.

  “Looks like it, in the middle.” He waded to the center and the water came to his waist. “Toss me the soap.”

  I dug for the only bar we had in our bags and threw it to him. He caught it like a ballplayer and ducked under the surface.

  I slipped into the cool water with just my underwear on, catching my breath as the cold encased my hot skin. My clothes needed washing, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. Noah handed me the soap, and I scrubbed my skin and my underclothes. I felt too weak to stay in for long. I shimmied out onto a hot rock and rested under the warmth of the sun’s rays.

  I cracked my eyes open to find Noah washing his shirt and shorts and laying them on a rock to dry. Then he washed my clothes.

  “I can do that,” I said faintly.

  “It’s okay. I’m almost done.”

  After that, Noah made a makeshift fishing rod with a shoelace attached to a branch and a bent nail knotted at the end for a hook. I had to look away when he impaled an earthworm at the end for bait.

  He was up to his ankles in the river and tossed the line into the deeper water in the middle. I wasn’t holding out much hope that he’d catch anything, but I enjoyed watching him. His strong arms flexed as he tossed and re-tossed the line. His hair was long and tied back, and a breeze through the valley blew loose strands across his face. He was really dark now from so many months in the sun, and really, really beautiful. This simple task allowed him to momentarily forget our troubles, and his dark eyes lit up with joy in a way I hadn’t seen in so long.

  Suddenly he hooted, and I jumped. “I got something!”

  I stood and cheered. “Yes!”

  Noah flung his catch onto the dry stones higher up. The fish was small, maybe ten inches. It gasped for breath, unblinking and I felt bad for it.

  “Look away,” Noah said.

  “Why?”

  He picked up a rock. “I’m going to put it out of its misery.”

  I did as he said, and flinched when I heard a dull thump. I looked back and the fish lay still, lifeless. “Poor guy.”

  “But lucky us.” Noah grinned. He recast his line. “Hopefully, there’s at least one more in here for us.”

  I closed my eyes and listened to the music of the river meandering over the stones beneath it. It was more beautiful than a symphony. I’d listen to one on my digiwall in my bedroom at my parents’ house in Sol City but it didn’t even come close to representing how lovely it was to sit beside it in real life.

  My chest tightened with the memory of my parents and my old room, and the fact that I would be back there again soon. I shook it off, opening my eyes to watch Noah.

  He caught me staring. “I used to fish with my dad and brothers. In fact, I was the one who’d helped Davis catch his first fish. He was so excited.”

  “You miss them.”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  Another reason why Noah wanted to go back. I couldn’t blame him for that one. But, we still had the problem of having a price on our head.

  He hooted before I could bring up that issue. “Get ready for prize number two!” He swung his catch to the bank, spraying me with cool water. I screeched and giggled. He killed it and then lay beside me on the river bank until the sun had dried him off. Then he got up to collect branches, twigs and dry grass, and tossed them into the fire pit. He got a fire going with a single match. He gutted and scaled the fish, but I didn’t have the stomach to watch him. Instead, I took a pill and frowned as the pill supply decreased. I shook off the fear. Today was a day of forgetting. I breathed deeply of the smoky fire and the aroma of the fish cooking on a flat stone near the embers.

  “This reminds me of our first campout,” I said.

  Noah grinned. “I was just thinking about that, too. You’d never been fishing before.”

  “I had if you count fishing on our yacht.”

  “I don’t count that.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, me neither. I loved riding in the canoe.”

  His eyes widened. “I loved the kiss.”

  The kiss was memorable. It was the moment when I’d first really started believing that Noah was telling me the truth. That we’d already fallen in love once before, and I just didn’t remember.

  I held his gaze. “It was pretty special.”

  We ate the fish with our fingers. It was sensational, melting on my tongue with a burst of tangy flavor. We couldn’t contain our moans of gratitude and licked our fingers with abandon.

  “This is amazing,” I said.

  He leaned in and whispered, “You are amazing.”

  The sun disappeared behind the low-lying mountain range, casting a romantic, ethereal rose-colored glow. I closed my eyes and imagined that Noah and I were the hero and heroine of our own story. We’d fought off the giants and now we would live happily ever after in our fairy kingdom.

  “What are you thinking about?” Noah asked.

  I snappe
d out of my imaginings and turned to him. He had a bemused look on his face. “Oh, just about how happy I am today,” I admitted. I threaded my arm through his. “To be with you.”

  His eyes flickered, like my words pained him, but they quickly softened. He kissed my forehead, then took my hand, helping me to my feet, and led me into our tent. We ducked, collapsing to our knees. Noah’s arm tightened around my waist and he gently laid me down my back, hovering inches over my body. I reached up and stroked his face, urging him to lower himself onto me. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, his eyes zeroing on my face like he was trying to memorize every line and crease.

  I did the same. His eyes were dark embers, hot and burning. He trailed his finger down my temple, over my cheekbone and down my jaw. I trembled.

  “I love you,” Noah whispered, his breath hot on my skin.

  I brushed the warm skin of his back with my palms. “I love you, too.”

  His mouth found mine and our kisses grew urgent and desperate. We loved each other like I wasn’t dying and like we weren’t going to traverse the dangers that awaited us in California the next day.

  Like we would live happily ever after.

  Chapter 33

  Noah guided the ATV through the mountains on an old forest road. After spending months in the desert hiding from the heat and “big brother” during the day like moles, moving about in broad daylight was disconcerting.

  And liberating. We had the cover of the trees, which swayed overhead, giving shade and unfamiliar daytime coolness. The road was only two tracks in the dirt, a bumpy ride, and I could almost reach out and smack the tree trunks as we drove by.

  That was if I’d had the energy to do so. I barely had the strength to lift my head.

  Noah shot me worried glances, and I tried to smile and look stronger than I felt.

  I was worried, too. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to face my parents and deal with the ramifications of my year-long disappearance.

  I also didn’t want to die.

  And, there was Noah to think about. He was putting himself into extreme danger by bringing me back. Grandpa V may not have us on his list of priorities at the moment—too busy with his tyrannical duties, and efforts to beat Americans into submission—but I knew in my heart he wouldn’t hesitate to take Noah out if the opportunity presented itself.

  And the fact was he’d had no problem finding us in the desert. The incident with Fred had proven that we couldn’t really hide. That no place was truly safe. We could only run.

  And we were about to stop doing that, too.

  Noah wove his fingers through mine and lifted my hand to his lips. “You okay?”

  I nodded weakly. “Yeah. Fine. How much longer?”

  Noah turned on the GPS. He didn’t like to run it steadily because the signals could be picked up by cyber spies. “Thirty minutes, give or take,” he answered, then turned the GPS off again.

  My heart did weird little skips and jumped when I spotted the cabin, and my hand pressed against my chest.

  I remembered this place.

  My first untampered memories since my grandfather and Jackson had drugged me with nanobot memory suppressants were of events that had happened here.

  There, in the forest, behind that old dart board, I remembered running from Noah.

  I was afraid of him.

  Dodging branches and broken twigs on the ground, tripping, crying, losing my breath. All the sensations of terror flooded me again. Noah catching me, embracing me. Promising to take me back to Sol City after one week if I still wanted to go.

  Noah pulled the ATV to a stop in front of the door and reached for the gun under his seat. “Stay here,” he said. He cocked it, pointing it at the front door. I pulled my gun out and held it at the ready in my lap, sliding down lower. The cabin looked deserted, but you never knew. They could’ve been watching us, anticipating our return.

  Noah unlocked the door and pushed it open, entering like the FBI. The muscles under his T-shirt were taut, his biceps and forearms bulging with tension.

  My pulse quickened when I lost sight of him, but then he reappeared, arms slack.

  “All clear,” he said.

  I exhaled and slumped my shoulders. Noah helped me out, and I leaned against him as he brought me inside. The air was musky, and dust scattered in the sun rays pouring in from the windows.

  He led me to the couch where I’d awoken almost a year ago after Noah had kidnapped me.

  “Zoe?” His eyebrows arched as he searched my face.

  I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I reclined on the couch and watched as he brought our supplies in. He stopped to run the tap, cleaning two glasses and then filling them.

  “Here,” he said, offering me one.

  My hand trembled as I lifted it to my mouth. Noah’s eyes narrowed, his lips tightening. “I have to go into Capulette.” He pushed longs strands of hair off his face. “There’s an internet café there. I need to contact Anthony.”

  I squirmed. “They’ll recognize you.”

  “Nah. I’ve changed a lot.”

  “I know, but you still look like you. The folks here know you. They’ll be able to tell.”

  Noah shoved his fists into his pockets. “I have to risk it. I can’t drive the ATV to Sol City.”

  I reached an arm out to him. He sighed and sat beside me. “I don’t have to go right away.” He kissed my forehead. “We have an actual shower here. I’m dying to use it.”

  “Me, too,” I said, grinning. “Such luxury!”

  “Do you want to go first?”

  I patted his shoulder. “You go ahead. I’ll have a little nap.”

  Noah moved and helped me to get comfortable. I fell asleep within minutes.

  I awoke to the scent of food cooking. My eyes flickered open and I stared up at the open-wood beamed ceiling, then my gaze followed the aroma to the kitchen. It had a small fridge and stove and limited cupboards, tucked against the wall opposite the living area. An unused stone fireplace with a small stack of old wood sat in the corner.

  Noah’s hair hung long down his back, dark and damp, leaving wet patches on the back of a gray T-shirt.

  “What’s cooking?” I asked.

  “Oh, good, you’re awake. It’s only tomato soup. I found a can in the cupboard. Sorry, no crackers. I’ll pick up some groceries when I go into Capulette.”

  I pushed myself to sit up, feeling especially gross and smelly now that I could see Noah all cleaned up. “I think I’d like to shower first.”

  “Okay.” Noah turned the stove element off and came over to help me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and walked me to the shower. I hated how frail I’d become. “I’ll get your clothes,” he said, disappearing. I held on to the towel rack, my legs feeling wobbly.

  Noah returned with the clothes he’d washed for me in the creek in Colorado, and placed them on a wicker chair sitting in the corner. He looked back at me and hesitated. “Do you… need help?”

  I already felt faint. How was I going to make it through the process of showering? Not showering wasn’t an option. I glanced up at him apologetically. “I think so.”

  We both stood there, not knowing what to do. Removing clothing because of romantic passion is entirely different that taking it off to tend to personal hygiene. I stared at the floor.

  “I’ll turn around,” Noah said. He reached into the shower and started the water. I fumbled with my dirty clothes, letting them fall to the floor. My skin broke out in goosebumps.

  “It’s warm.”

  Noah glanced at my nakedness but quickly steadied his gaze on my face. He’d removed his shirt and shorts, and stood in front of me in his boxers. “Hold my arm.” He guided me in and slipped in behind me, holding me up underneath the spray. I closed my eyes and let myself get completely soaked. I took the soap and washed under my arms, and then the rest of my body. My heart beat wildly at Noah’s closeness.

  “I’ll wash your hair.” His breath tickled my ear.

/>   He squeezed the shampoo into his hands, and I shivered when his fingers worked his way through my scalp. My eyes snapped closed as the soap rinsed out to bubbles at my feet. Noah reached around me to turn the taps off. A towel settled around my shoulders and I turned as Noah tied one around his waist. I twisted mine around my torso and stepped out. “Thank you,” I said, holding his gaze.

  “No problem.” He smirked. “I probably enjoyed that a little too much.”

  I moved my clothes and sat on the chair. “I can probably take it from here.”

  “Okay, good.” Noah picked up his shirt and shorts. “Call for me when you’re done.”

  I felt like a young child, struggling to get my clothes on, but I managed and called Noah like I’d promised. He made me stay seated while he combed out my hair. It reminded me of that time in Reno, when he’d cut my hair for me. Except then, he was trying not to love me.

  This was much better.

  “Soup’s ready,” he said when he’d finished.

  “Good. I’m starved.”

  He pulled out a chair for me, and I sat, remembering the last time I’d had a meal at this table.

  “I’m sorry for throwing coffee at you.”

  Noah laughed. He poured soup into two bowls and handed me a spoon. “You were a feisty one.”

  Were.

  Noah watched the smile slide off my face. He put a hand on my knee. “Zoe, you’re still feisty. It’s why you’re going to beat this.”

  Whatever this was. I wasn’t so sure. “Thanks for the soup.” I sipped the first spoonful and didn’t stop until the bowl was empty. I was starving but so was Noah. He finished before I did.

  I leaned against the table to make my way to the couch, where I promptly lay down. Noah did the dishes.“Sorry I’m not more helpful,” I said, watching him.

  “It’s only two bowls.”

  Now that we were both showered and fed, I worried about our safety. “Are you sure they won’t find us here?”

  Noah dried the bowls and spoons and put them away before answering. “We can be found anywhere if we’re not careful. That’s why we can’t stay too long. I’m going into Capulette now before the café closes.” He focused his gaze on me. “I hate leaving you here alone.”