My Thai Story

by Guy Lilburne

  There was a very nice old lady who came and sat a while. I had seen her yesterday as well. Jee told me that she was ninety years old and ‘very strong’. She seemed to spend all her time just walking around and visiting people and collecting empty glass bottles and cans, then taking them to wherever she took them before coming back for more. She always wore a sarong and a vest and I wasn’t to see her in anything else. She walked slowly and was slightly stooped but when she sat down she sat with a remarkably straight back for someone that age, but what I really liked about her was her smile. It was more of a grin really, a great big grin, she only had a couple of teeth but that sort of suited her, she put her thumb up to people a lot and chuckled. She was just a happy old soul and she always had time to sit and chat with people. She was a very sweet person and certainly a character around the village.

  I’m sorry if I’m confusing you, calling this place a town and a village, but you see, I actually think it is a town but it has the feel of a village, although now I know that there are a lot more houses here than I first thought. Maybe it’s the community spirit that makes it feel like a small village.

  Jee sniffed me again, she had checked a few times during the day that I wasn’t stinking, I had read somewhere that Thai people think Farangs can smell a bit so I thought it was nice of her to keep checking, I’d hate to be an embarrassment to her.

  I decided to start making a conscious effort to sniff myself regularly when nobody was looking. I think I’d actually hate it if Jee sniffed me one time and had to tell me to go and shower.

  Later Sak drove us back to the hotel and as usual everyone else came along for the ride. The bedtime routine was the same as the night before. I showered and then Jee did and like the previous night I slept in some boxers and Jee had short pyjamas on. She prayed to Buddha for ‘every person and every animal’ for a few minutes and then sneaked under the covers and snuggled up to me, and then to my amazement sniffed me again.

  “Jee, I can’t possibly smell. You’ve been sniffing me all day, I’ve just come out of the shower. Do Farangs really have smelly skin?”

  “Darling you no smell, I kiss you.”

  “You don’t kiss me, you sniff me.”

  “Same same in Thai.”

  Jee laughed more then I had yet seen her laugh. It was a real heart felt laugh, something had really tickled her and the more she thought about it the more she laughed and she laughed so much she had tears in her eyes as she tried to explain to me.

  “No darling, not smell you. Kiss you. Very funny darling, you very funny.”

  Once she composed herself she explained to me that it was in fact a Thai kiss. How crazy is that? I was happy that she had been kissing me, sad that I hadn’t been able to enjoy it at the time, and just relieved that I didn’t smell.

  Actually it turned out great because the whole thing turned to a discussion about kissing and I showed her how I kissed. It was wonderful to be snuggled up in bed and kissing, but I don’t think Jee or I wanted to push it to anything beyond that. We both went to sleep very happy and content, it had been a lovely day.

  Chapter 17. Songkran 2nd day 14th

  We got up at just after 7:00 am, showered and went outside to be greeted by Jee’s family and Fon holding a cup of coffee for me. I had more mosquito bites. I didn’t know if it was during the evening outside Saks house or during the night in the hotel. I think I hate mosquitos.

  We went to Sak and Pons house for breakfast. I was better prepared for the day’s water fights today, dressed in only shorts, T-shirt and flip flops. After breakfast Jee told me that we were going to ‘other sister house’, and we all climbed onto the pick up truck. I had learned from yesterday that there may be some detours and surprises along the way and I wasn’t to be disappointed.

  In England if we get up one day and decide to visit a relative or go to the beach or the zoo, we get in the car and drive there and we don’t detour or even stop until we get there. That’s our plan, that’s where we are going, so why stop for anything else? We are off to our planned destination and nothing will stop us.

  Here in Thailand it’s very different, we decide to go to the river or a relatives, but what’s the rush? There are plenty of other things to do along the way, towns and villages to see, temples to stop and pray at, places to eat food, maybe visit someone else who we’ve just remembered lives around here somewhere. So what does it matter if we are late to our destination, or don’t even get there at all, so what?

  ‘Mai pen rai.’ (It doesn’t matter.)

  On this occasion we did finally make it to Jee’s older sister after stopping at two different temples to join in the Songkran festivities, eat food and attend a fun fair. I don’t know how far her sister lives from here, I know it’s still in the area of Udon Thani, but it took us five hours to get here with all the stops, there is something very Thai about taking that time. Time is different here.

  When we got to her sisters house there were a lot of people waiting to greet us. Again it wasn’t just family members, but also friends and some of the villagers who were interested in meeting Jee’s farang boyfriend. Again I went through a lot of overwhelming introductions and met a lot of very nice, smiling people who made me feel very welcome. Food and beer was provided. One of the people who I wasn’t introduced to was a young boy monk who sat at a table on his own and just watched. I think he must have been Jee’s sister’s boy and I don’t know why nobody introduced us, at the time I didn’t really think about it because I was so busy meeting everyone else but I did make a bit of a faux pas. I went and sat at the same table because it had benches and was in the shade. Nobody said anything but Jee came and got me and said

  “No darling, cannot sit.”

  I didn’t know what I had done wrong but I didn’t mean any offence and I’m pretty sure none was taken. I just don’t think that I’m supposed to sit near a monk, I’m on a big Thai learning curve. As we sat on the other side of the house I heard a really strange noise. It sounded deep throated, a sort of ‘gagaw, gagaw’ sound. I stopped, the sound wasn’t that far away, everyone noticed my reaction.

  “No worry darling,” said Jee. “Only house crocodile.”

  I knew she meant lizard, the gecko’s that seemed to be everywhere but it made me laugh. I made a big play on the crocodile thing and about getting eaten. Jee realised her mistake and laughed and explained it to everyone. I was happily making more friends.

  Someone decided that we were all going to go to a big temple, so about fifteen of us piled into and onto Saks truck and off we went through more water fights and processions and ended up at a beautiful temple high up on a hill. All the temples around the Songkran Festival have food stalls and markets set out around them so there is a great party and celebration feeling around the place and in between the water fighting people keep calling in at various temples. This is our third one today but I’m sure we could have stopped at many more during the day and I’m sure that’s what many people do.

  I wish I could tell you the names of all these places, but I didn’t make notes and I’ve forgotten, but I will try and find out from Jee and add it later. Anyway I was provided with some longer shorts and we went up the many steps to the top. What fantastic views over the country side, and the temple was beautiful. We did the usual offering of Lotus buds and candles and lit incense and threw water over the statues and stuck gold leaf on some. We banged drums and rubbed symbols. We bought a basked of household goods and food, all wrapped up in cling film and took it to one of the monks sitting in a row. He blessed us and threw water over us. He tied a coloured string around my wrist while he chanted something and then we put the gift basket back from where we had got it for someone else to buy. We then bought a plate full of little coins from a boy monk sitting at the end of a row of silver pots for 20 Baht, then walked along the line, dropping a few into each of the thirty or so pots, while another monk emptied the pots and took the coins back to the boy monk. I don’t know the significance of all this but I kno
w now why I like the temples so much. They are bright, lively places and there is such a lot to do. It’s a lot more fun than sitting in a dark church afraid to speak and not moving or making a noise. Here you can bang drums and symbols and drop coins in pots and buy presents for monks and then put them back again, and during Songkran you can even throw water around. There is always lots of wai’ing and praying, it looks great.

  At some temples you can sit and shake sticks out of a pot. The sticks have number on them and you can only shake out one. You can pray first and ask about some problem, or just wish for something, and the stick with the number on is your answer. You put the stick back but remember the number, and there is a cabinet close by with all the corresponding numbered paper with the fortune telling written on. If it’s no good there is a box where you can shove it in there and Buddha will sort it out. If it’s good then you keep it. How great is that?

  At this temple I went to one of the food stalls and bought a bottle of Coke. The lady opened it for me then poured it into a plastic bag and put ice and a straw in it. It was the first time I had ever drank Cola out of a plastic bag, it must be a Thai thing.

  After the Temple we went back to her older sister’s house and an elderly aunt and uncle came along to meet me. I had to kneel in front of them and pour water in their hands which they then splashed over my bowed head, then they tied a piece of string around my wrist in much the same way that the monk had done, I was getting many blessings. The party at her sisters house went on until it was dark and then Jee told me that we were going to see her ‘mama and papa’s house’ and then go ‘house sister’.

  We waved goodbye to everyone and Sak, Pon, fon , Jee and Me set off. I thought that it might be interesting to see where Jee had grown up and spent her childhood. She told me that her mama’s house ‘not far’.

  Half an hour later we arrived at yet another temple, I was getting used to these detours and had already decided that it would just be easier to go with the flow rather then get frustrated because we were never doing what I thought we were going to be doing, or when we were going to be doing it. Jee and Pon had candles, flowers and incense sticks. Fon grabbed rush mats off the veranda of the monk’s house and Sak got hold of an elderly monk. I just tagged along with Jee as she walked around the outside of the temple.

  Another realisation then dawned on me. On the wall that surrounded the temple were a lot of little boxes that looked like bird houses. This must be where her mum and dads ashes are kept, so this was mama’s house, not Jee’s childhood home. Suddenly I felt very honoured and privileged to be sharing this with them.

  We sat around on the mats near to mama and papa’s houses which were the two end boxes. Sak cleaned the boxes out of leaves insects and spiders webs, while the two earns were placed on the ground.

  Candles and incense were lit and the monk came and sat opposite us. He was a thin man in his sixties with thick blacked rimmed glasses and a nice face. He smiled more then the other monks that I had seen and asked Jee about me. Jee and Pon wrote messages on pieces of paper and then put them on a silver plate in front of the monk, Jee had also put 500 Baht on the plate.

  The monk took the two earns and blessed them, then he put them in front of Sak who wai’d and prayed. The monk kept chanting things in a nice quiet voice as the earns were placed in turn in front of each of us and as they were, each person wai’d and prayed for them.

  Instinctively I also crossed myself. The monk saw me and just nodded and smiled. When the earns got back in front of the monk, he put them in the middle ground between us and then taking the 500 baht into his pocket first he then set fire to the messages on the silver plate until the burned to ashes. Mama and Papa were put back in their houses and the ceremony was over. Jee told me that her mama and papa were very happy to meet me. I looked at her and she was serious, she really meant it. I told her I was happy to meet them too.

  I don’t think spiritualism and this belief in spirits and ghosts is all to do with Buddhism, but I’m ok with it all, actually I think it’s very interesting and one day I might write more when I actually know what I’m talking about.

  On the drive back towards Udon Thani Jee sat behind me, but sat forward in her seat and had her arms around me all the way back to the city. It was already quite late by the time we got back and as we approached Jee asked

  “Darling you want house sister or hotel?”

  “Hotel darling.”

  “Yes I think good.”

  So we were dropped off at the hotel for a relatively early night.

  Now I don’t want to go into any detail because I think that Jee is going to be my wife one day and anyway it’s private, but we made love that night and it felt very natural and very right. Do you know sometimes when you get that ‘I must be the luckiest man in the world’ feeling and you just can’t stop smiling? Well that’s how I went to sleep.

  Chapter 18. Songkran 3rdday 15th

  I awoke being kissed by Jee, which was great, and with more mosquito bites which wasn’t. After showering we met Jee’s family outside the hotel, and as usual the delightful Fon greeted me with a hot cup of coffee a great smile and the sweetest of Wai’s. It was smiles all around, I really liked Jee’s family and I could tell that they liked me. I couldn’t help but feeling that the whole internet dating gamble might have paid off for me. Here I was with a lovely girl and her wonderful family.

  The first day had been a big culture shock to me, but things were getting better and better, and each day Jee seemed to be saying more and more things in English. I also had my Thai language books and very slowly I too was speaking more Thai. I didn’t even ask what we were doing today, it didn’t really matter to me, I was with the people I wanted to be with and I was having a great time. Jee said,

  “We go market darling.”

  And off we went to market and we bought a lot of food. Fish, various meats, vegetables and fruits. Udon Thani seems to have markets everywhere and they are great places. Every time I think I’ve found my favourite one I go and find another one I like just as much or even more.

  We went back to Pons house for breakfast but stopped along the way at the roadside and bought a barbequed chicken. The chickens are sliced open and held open between sticks over the BBQ. They are smeared with some kind of spicy coating. When you buy one, the chef takes it off the sticks and skilfully chops it up with a cleaver at amazing speed, drops it in the bag and it’s yours. There you go, fresh barbequed chicken and they are ‘arroi mak jing jing’. (Really very delicious). This one was our breakfast.

  After breakfast Sak pulled a big plastic water barrel to the roadside in front of the house and moved the pick up to the side of the house. The water barrel was being filled with water from a hose and big rush mats were being laid out just in front of the open house. There was a buzz of excitement, we were having our own Songkran Party. The girls were already busy preparing and cooking the food we had just bought and I was helping Sak arrange things outside. A pickup truck turned up piled high with huge speakers, and the four men who delivered them set them up each side of Sak’s house and wired them to a new looking karaoke system, and after demonstrating how to use the system to Sak they left a pile of CD’s and drove off to their next delivery. Up and down the road there were several more Songkran parties being set up. This was going to be a great day, it seemed like the whole street had decided that today it was going to be a party in Chiang Phin.

  It was still only 9:00 am and already lots of people were turning up at Sak’s house and the drinking and eating started as soon as they arrived. A lot of the people I had already met, but there were also a lot of new faces of people that I hadn’t met before. The sun was already burning down on us, but I was already soaked with water like everyone else and it was cool and refreshing.

  The music boomed from the speakers so loudly that it made them rattle and people were taking it in turns to sing, very badly, on the karaoke. More and more people kept arriving and people danced out into the road to st
op vehicles and soak them with water and cover them with white talcum powder.

  I went to the shop next door and bought two cases of beer and some more water pistols and plastic buckets because quite a lot of children had come along to the party, the man helped me to carry them back to Sak’s.

  It was as I carried the beers back to Sak’s that I noticed a big Thai man sitting on the mat in front of the house. He hadn’t been there when I had walked to the shop and there was something about the way he looked at me that put me on edge. He was a big powerfully built man, in fact for a Thai he was a giant. Later on when I saw him standing up I realised that he wasn’t much shorter then me. He looked strong and he had big hands. His hair was a ginger colour so I assumed that the ginger gene is alive and well in Isaan because I can’t imagine anyone wanting to dye their hair that colour. He didn’t smile or nod or even acknowledge me, he just looked and he sat there like lord of the manner presiding over everyone. I don’t know if it was my Police instinct but I knew from that very first moment that this man was going to cause me trouble. He looked mean and moody.

  I put it out of my mind and got on with enjoying myself. I was still meeting lots of people and being pulled out to dance in the street and everyone kept filling everyone else’s glasses as soon as there was room for more drink. One lady came and introduced herself to me and she spoke good English. She was already slightly drunk and very flirty with all the men. By Isaan standards she was provocatively dressed with a low cut top that showed off her ample bust and a very short skirt that showed off her panties when she sat down. I guessed that she had learnt to speak English working the bars in Bangkok or Pattaya. She danced around me for a while and poured me a couple of drinks and chatted a lot then she said that she wanted me to meet her husband. It was the big ginger man who had eye balled me so intensively when I returned from the shop. He beckoned me to sit with him and I did, maybe I had got him wrong, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. He obviously had influence amongst his peers because there was an atmosphere almost like people were slightly afraid of him.