Letting Go 2: Stepping Stones [Awakenings 5] (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Michele Zurlo

  For the first time she realized they hadn’t been playing. That’s how they normally behaved. They just toned it down for company and kids.

  That was what Jonas wanted from her.

  He might not want to be called “Master,” but he wanted to be regarded the same way and treated with the same reverence. And he waited for her answer.

  She shook her head. “I realized what they were doing when I noticed that Ellen’s hair was messed up and she was wearing a leather outfit. I tried to hurry the conversation. Who knows what she’d done to Ryan.”

  Jonas went back to washing his hair. “Nothing he didn’t want or need. Or both.” He rinsed his hair and then turned off the water. He shook the water from his head and held out a hand to her.

  She rose to her feet slowly. Experience had taught her that her joints would be a little stiff and her knees a little tender, but those feelings diminished quickly as long as she was careful. Jonas never made her kneel for very long, so it worked out.

  He toweled her dry slowly before seeing to himself. She didn’t bother to dress. The fire he’d ignited in her on the beach still smoldered inside, and the erection he’d grown upon entering the shower pointed in her direction. She hoped he planned to satisfy them both.

  The kiss was tender. Though she melted into him, pressing her breasts against his warm, damp chest, she detected no hint that he might unleash some of that passion soon.

  He broke away to rain kisses over her cheeks and eyelids. “That’s what I want with you, Sabrina.” He grazed his lips across her eyebrows. “I want to give you what you want, and what you need.” He peppered her mouth with tiny smooches. “Role-playing isn’t enough for you, not anymore.” Now he moved to her neck, caressing the sensitive skin there with his firm lips. “Between work and home, you’re stretched too thin. Some nights I worry that you’re going to snap.”

  Some nights she had the same concern, but she always managed to maintain her temper. She’d never say this out loud, but she’d even considered quitting her job or going part time until the kids were in school. Her mother had stayed home with her and Ginny, but Sabrina couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d be giving up on her dreams. Had her priorities shifted so much that her dreams were no longer that important? She couldn’t decide, but she didn’t feel that Jonas should decide that for her.

  Too much whirled through her mind, and his loving attention drove away those thoughts. This was what she needed, to let go and trust that he’d catch her.

  “Jonas?”

  He paused on his way to her breasts. “Hmm?”

  “The night you gave me the plane tickets, did you intend to cane me?” He’d massaged the tenseness right out of her muscles, but it hadn’t been enough.

  Lifting his head, he speared her with his tawny gaze. “I wanted to. If I had, you probably wouldn’t have been so on edge the next day. I want you to learn to put yourself and your worries in my hands, trust that I’ll make sure you get what you need, even if it’s not what you want.”

  She hadn’t wanted a caning because she knew it would break down too many barriers, and she hadn’t wanted to expose herself to that vulnerability. “You’re asking a lot. I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “I know it’s a lot, but I also know you’re strong enough to do it.”

  The deal had been five days. It had been only three, and he was already talking about implementing this change to their relationship in a permanent way. She shook her head. “Friday. We’ll talk about it Friday.”

  She wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t designated Friday as their day to debrief. No doubt Jonas would have forced her to talk about her feelings and reactions every single day. He was like that, which she found odd for a man, and then she chastised herself for being so sexist. Of the two of them, she was the one reticent to talk about her thoughts and feelings. Jonas was the enlightened one.

  He planted a hard kiss to her mouth, a warning of the difficult conversation coming, and let her have the evasion. “Tonight, my dearest darling, I’m going to take you anally.”

  Her heart raced. She wrung her hands until she noticed what she was doing. This was a subject they’d never discussed. Ellen had urged Sabrina for years to bring up the topic with Jonas. Every few months, Sabrina, Ellen, and a few of their friends got together for a ladies’ night out. Though Sabrina listened whenever somebody brought it up, she had been too chicken to broach the idea to Jonas. Half of her was curious. The other half wanted to avoid unpleasantness.

  With her entire being, she was glad Jonas hadn’t chosen this opportunity to use foul language. She crossed her arms to avoid looking weak. “Are you sure about that?” He’d never brought it up before, either. There must have been a reason.

  He skimmed a hand over her hip and up to her ribcage, urging her to drop her protective facade. “It’s time. You need to know there’s no part of you that doesn’t belong to me, and you need to understand that you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

  Except she did. They had a safe word, which she could use to stop him. She could end this experiment, and she knew he wouldn’t hold it against her. Deep down, she didn’t want to stop what they were doing. She recognized a need for the things he described. She only doubted her ability to submit in the ways he wanted.

  Part of her wished he would demand her submission, give her no choice, steal it from her so that she wouldn’t have to live with the fact she’d willingly given it. But he didn’t operate that way. He demanded, yes, but only things she consented to give.

  She let her arms fall to her sides, giving him complete access to her body. “Will you be gentle?”

  His grin turned wicked. “Since when do you like gentle?”

  Her anxiety level rose so high that she had trouble catching her breath. “When I’m tied up.” And after a thorough flogging. Or while wearing clover nipple clamps.

  She knew he recognized her apprehension, but he did little to ease her mind. Perhaps he wanted her on edge. “Go to the counter. Bend over, resting your upper body on the surface, and press your hands against the wall.”

  He’d said he was going to take her that way tonight, not now. She pleaded with the panic in her expression, but he only lifted an eyebrow, promising a punishment if she chose to disobey. Reluctantly, she did as he ordered. The cold marble made her nipples pebble painfully. Even her belly contracted to protest the contact. She placed her palms on the tiled backsplash and splayed her fingers, focusing on the sensation of grooves and grout underneath.

  Jonas stood behind her. “Spread your legs wider.”

  She scooted them so they were shoulder-width apart.

  “A bit more.” He kicked at her instep, guiding her even wider. “That’s it.”

  Though she’d been naked in front of him for years, and she’d delivered two children in front of him, she’d never felt so exposed. It was one thing to be in this position and know he was looking at her pussy. It was quite another to know he was checking out that puckered rosebud nobody had ever touched.

  “Close your eyes. I want you to concentrate on feeling. No thinking allowed.”

  In the best of circumstances, she needed subspace to turn off her brain. He wasn’t offering it. In lieu of that, she kept her silence. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt.

  He drew his fingertips up and down her spine, traced the curve of her ribs, and palmed each ass cheek. “Relax, honey. I’ll tell you when I’m going to touch you.”

  His hand slid between her legs, and he found her clit, still wet and wanting. He pressed and rotated. He circled and teased. Gradually her muscles relaxed. She hadn’t realized how tightly she’d been clenching everything from her jaw to her calves. Squeezing her ass cheeks made sense. She had a natural inclination to try to keep him away from there.

  Using her cream to ease the way, he inserted three fingers inside her tight channel. This is what she’d wanted since she’d sucked him dry on the beach in front of all those sunbathers and windsur
fers. He fucked her masterfully. The sweet tension tingled throughout her body, a testament to how edgy she had been. When it got to be too much, she asked for permission to climax. The plea came naturally and from the heart.

  He increased the pace. “Yes, honey. Come for me.”

  As she cried out, she thanked goodness something was holding her up. If she’d been standing, Jonas would have had to catch her. Waves of release, pure and gratifying, washed over her.

  And when she was at her most vulnerable, she heard him murmur, almost under the roar in her ears. “I’m going to touch you now.”

  At the exact moment he uttered the word “touch,” he rimmed that tight muscle, smearing the cream from her pussy all over it. The foreign sensation made her body want to tense, but the orgasm had stolen her ability to react quickly. By the time she gathered her wits, the feeling had normalized. While it still felt odd, it didn’t feel invasive.

  “That’s it. Don’t move. Just feel.”

  He pressed a little harder, and a curious awareness bloomed. Gooseflesh tingled on her scalp and the backs of her arms. It traveled down the outside of her thighs. He stimulated her this way for a few minutes. By the time he pulled his hand away, the fire inside had been rekindled.

  She heard water running in the sink next to her. Opening her eyes, she saw that Jonas was washing his hands and a series of toys.

  “Because you haven’t done this before, I’m going to prepare you with a series of plugs. You’ll wear the chastity belt for the rest of the day. Every hour I’ll change out the phallus for a larger one. By the time I take you tonight, we won’t have to worry about stretching you too far.”

  Judging from the size of the plug he was currently washing, he was preparing her to take something even larger than his cock. She wasn’t sure that was necessary, but what the hell did she know? When it came to sex, she pretty much knew only what he’d shown her. She’d brought the ability to give awesome blowjobs to the relationship. He’d brought everything else.

  He flicked open a bottle of lubricating jelly and poured it over the smallest silicone phallus. It wasn’t much larger than his pinky. Then he spread lube over his fingers. She closed her eyes as he moved to stand behind her. He’d instructed her not to think, but she couldn’t stop her brain from working overtime. Random thoughts winged through. She thought about hiring a housekeeper, changing the brand of juice she bought for Rose, a line from a song she’d heard on the radio. But none of those thoughts stopped long enough for her to make sense of anything.

  As he’d done before, he massaged the tight ring of muscles, this time with the synthetic lubrication. “You’re going to feel a little bit of pressure. Breathe out as I push in. Ready?”

  Was he kidding? Nothing in the world would prepare her for this. Still, she inhaled.

  “Exhale.”

  As she expelled air from her lungs, he pushed something into her. It didn’t feel like much. Opening her eyes, she saw that he still held the lubricated plug in his hand, so she figured he must have inserted a finger. He sawed it in and out, turning it around, and she realized he was spreading the lube.

  “Talk to me, Sabrina. Tell me what you feel.”

  The nerves he’d awakened clamored for more attention, but his finger was just too small to deliver. “It doesn’t hurt. I can barely feel it. Earlier it felt good, made me want you to keep doing what you were doing. This is a little frustrating. There has to be more to it.”

  In response, he withdrew his finger. Her ass lifted automatically, seeking his return. She frowned at her reaction to the loss, but her confusion was short-lived. He returned with something larger, two fingers perhaps. It stretched her a little more. The snug fit stimulated the nerves that ran to her head and legs. “Better?”

  “Yes.” If nothing else, it halted the nonstop stream of thoughts she couldn’t catch.

  He threw the thin, lubricated plug into the sink and grabbed one with a larger circumference. He lubed it up with one hand, and then it disappeared behind her. Once again, she was empty. Thankfully this time it wasn’t for long.

  “Breathe out.”

  Just like that, he slid the thing past her entrance. She remained in position and watched him wash his hands and the unused plug. The tiled countertop had become warm from her body heat, and her nipples were no longer aroused.

  But a new longing had been awakened. Energy coursed through her body, and she found it difficult to stay still. “Jonas?”

  He halted the flow of water and dried his hands on a small towel. “Are you in pain?”

  “No.”

  “Then you’re fine. Some discomfort is to be expected as you get used to the feeling of having something there.” His voice and his eyes had taken on a hard edge that thrilled her to no end.

  “It’s not uncomfortable.”

  He crossed his arms. “Stand up.”

  That’s what she wanted. As she pushed her torso up from the countertop, she became acutely aware of having a foreign object lodged in her ass. The feeling was both oddly exquisite and disconcerting.

  Before she could analyze it, he issued another order. “Go into the bedroom and lay down on the bed on your back, legs spread, knees lifted.”

  Usually when he gave that order, it meant bondage and maybe a flogger or a crop. Trembling with anticipation, she reflected that they might not make it to lunch with Mistress Hera at the time Jonas had indicated. Sabrina wondered if he was being a little passive-aggressive at her interruption of their vacation.

  She positioned herself across the bed with her open pussy facing the door, just the way he liked. He hadn’t said what to do with her arms, so she let them stay at her sides. Sometimes she thought about surprising him in that position, but she never had followed through. It didn’t seem right to wait like this without having been given an order.

  Jonas was in the room. She couldn’t see him and he wasn’t making any noises, but she felt the weight of his stare heating her core. He might have been fucking her with his gaze. It was that potent. Fresh juices rushed to her pussy, inviting him closer. She didn’t dare lift her head to see if he stood in the doorway or if he’d come into the room.

  After an eternity, she saw a figure at the foot of the bed. She turned her head the slightest bit to better see him. He would allow that small movement because he knew how the sight of him affected her. He hadn’t dressed. That was a good sign. He stroked his cock with one hand. That was a better sign.

  Her vaginal walls spasmed in response, sucking at nothing. Suddenly she couldn’t keep her arms still. Without consulting her better sense, she put one hand between her legs and stroked her clit. Perhaps she did crave punishment.

  Jonas disappeared from view, and she stopped touching herself. It was never any fun when he wasn’t around. A flush of humiliation washed over her. She hadn’t enjoyed her last punishment. The concept took on a different meaning when they weren’t in a scene.

  He lifted her arm above her head and locked a leather cuff around her wrist, and then he repeated the action with her other arm. This bed had been designed for bondage. He threaded the line of a restraint through an eyelet just under the bed and hooked each snap to the D rings on her cuffs. A few adjustments, and her hands were trapped above her head.

  Next, he lifted her head and put a leather strip underneath. Then he set her head down and buckled the ends of the strip together. It was a collar, something he’d never made her wear before. She’d once told him she thought such things were demeaning.

  This, then, was her punishment.

  “Except for hygienic purposes, you’re not allowed to touch that cunt without my permission. It belongs to me, and you will only have pleasure if and when I allow it.”

  This was a complete reversal from the man who had encouraged her to masturbate when he wasn’t around. She was rarely successful, so she’d didn’t try very often. But to be forbidden from touching herself…that changed everything. Now she wanted to masturbate, and she was determined to be suc
cessful. She yanked on her restraints, but they held firm.

  Restless energy zinged through her body. She shifted her legs to try to ease the aching need. His frown set her heart to racing. Damn! She hadn’t meant to move.

  This time when he disappeared from her field of vision, she arched her back to see where he’d gone. Not far. He’d set out a whole bunch of toys and tools on the dresser. Because she’d been intent on getting to the bed, she hadn’t noticed them earlier.

  He returned with more restraints. These he secured just above her knees. Then he attached lines that ran from them to the naked canopy. Sabrina could see now that the structure wasn’t meant to provide a framework for a pretty covering. It was sturdy, meant to hold significant weight. Jonas checked the lines and the cuffs one last time.

  “I know you’re wanting a flogging right now, but you’re not going to get one. Submissives who can’t obey simple orders don’t get what they want.” He climbed onto the bed and knelt between her legs.

  For the longest time, he stared at her body. His eyes, topaz with passion, traced paths up from her feet and down from her hands, always meeting at her core. She whimpered, a small, pleading sound in the back of her throat, and she fervently wished for a gag. If he gagged her, she couldn’t humiliate herself further by begging before he told her to beg.

  And somehow, having to do it from this position changed what had been a comfortingly predictable pattern. He’d always made her beg, but not like this. She was bound and helpless, a phallus stuck up her ass that somehow rendered her powerless.

  Sabrina closed her eyes and accepted the fact she could do nothing. She moaned when she felt his finger outlining her clit. Though his touch was feather light, it had more impact than if he’d smacked it hard. Her entire body trembled.

  “So responsive.” He knelt over her and guided his cock to her entrance. “You were made for this, honey.”

  He traced his lips across hers, his tongue probing for an entry that she readily granted. As long as he used her body, she was happy. As he kissed her, he pressed his hips forward. The dildo in her ass made for a tight fit. It was a good thing she was so wet. He rocked deeper, not stopping until he filled her.