Like Falling

by Jaden Wilkes

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were out here,” he said and turned to step back inside

  “It’s ok, I’m just about to go back in. Feel free to come on out,” she gestured widely, indicating the balcony, feeling like an obnoxious game show host. He stepped out and stood a couple of feet away, blocking her way again on this narrow balcony. She decided to stay for a moment, to apologize.

  “Listen, I’m sorry about what I said. I’m not really a drinker and apparently it turns me into a bit of a jerk.”

  “That’s ok, I actually wanted to apologize to you. I came off as a jerk too. I have a bad habit of making snap judgements about people. When I see a pretty girl flirting with a prof, I just assume there’s something more going on.”

  “Well there isn’t,” she said maybe a little too fast. Did he just call me pretty? She was staring at his chest again, the light rain had wet his shirt and she could clearly see the tattoos swirling and curling around his chest, around his nipple. Oh my, what is wrong with me? Vodka makes me chest obsessed. I need to look away before he catches me again.

  It was too late, he laughed and lifted his shirt sleeve up, exposing his muscled bicep and incredible artwork. “You can check them out if you’d like,” he said. Oh I’d like to do more than take a look, she thought, I wish he would show me the rest of them though.

  “Did it hurt, getting them done?” Sarah leaned in for a closer look.

  “Oh hell yeah,” he laughed again. “I take it you’ve got no ink?”

  “No, my parents would kill me if I showed up with ink,” she was proud to have learned new slang. I have to remember to Google it so I use the word properly.

  He pulled his shirt down and said “If you’re interested, I can tell you what each symbol represents some time.”

  “Yeah, that would be cool. I’d love to know all about it.”

  The conversation broke off, each of them leaned on the rail and took in the view. Lights stretched into the distance, from other buildings, streetlights and the traffic lights from down below. She didn’t know what to say, she felt her body respond to his proximity and it made her nervous. Adam made everything so easy, he was easy to talk to and easy to relax around. Tyr was different, she felt so uncomfortable knowing that he thought so poorly of her and that she had offended him so deeply, but her attraction to him was undeniable.

  “Well, I should get going. I need to get up early for work. Take care, I’ll see you in class," he finally said, breaking the silence.

  “Sure thing, see you!” Sarah replied, a little too loudly. He turned and left, carefully closing the door behind him. He left her feeling frustrated and uncertain. He was so interesting, she wanted him to like her, but he seemed completely indifferent. She knew her behaviour had been atrocious, but she didn’t like feeling this disliked. She was used to feeling like an outsider, but people always seemed to like her anyways. Why is Tyr so different?

  She paused on her way into the living room. Wait a minute, he called me pretty. She smiled and joined the small group of remaining guests, laughing and chatting until the last person left at little after two in the morning. She started to tidy up and was mildly perturbed that Naomi had spent the night cozied away with Nic, ignoring her hosting duties and leaving Sarah with the mess, but she really was happy for her friend. She finally crawled into bed just before three and fell into a dreamless slumber.

  *****

  Sarah's Sundays were usually reserved for studying or finishing up assignments due the coming week. This particular Sunday was spent recovering from the night before. Sarah slept until noon and woke feeling like somebody had packed her mouth with cotton balls and kicked her head repeatedly as she slept. So this is a hangover, she thought as she splashed cold water on her face, I guess it could be worse, I didn’t throw up. She also didn’t think she’d be drinking any time soon, especially when she thought about her awful behaviour with Tyr. She wanted to crawl back into bed and pull to covers over her head when she thought about staring at his chest and insulting his culture. How could she have not made the connection? His black hair, lush brown eyes and dusky skin...of course he was First Nations, how could she be such an idiot. She was disgusted with her own stereotyping, not expecting an aboriginal guy to be at university, looking so hot, and being covered in beautiful ink. She couldn’t exactly be angry at him for judging her behaviour with Adam, could she?

  Naomi and Nic came in, slamming the front door and talking way too loud for Sarah’s comfort. She downed a couple of Tylenols and went to greet them.

  They already finished cleaning the apartment and had been grocery shopping. Their energy and enthusiasm was a stark contrast to her own fatigue and general malaise. She could barely keep up with the conversation.

  “So, what time did Tyr leave last night?” Nic asked her.

  “Um, what? I don’t know, some time after midnight I think.”

  “Wow, he usually only sticks around for a few minutes, he’s not exactly the social type. I’m impressed! What did you two talk about?”

  “Oh god, don’t remind me,” she replied, inwardly groaning at the memory. “He basically called me a slut, I insulted his heritage, we talked on the balcony, and he left.”

  “This all happened on the balcony? We left you guys in the kitchen.”

  “No, I was on outside and he came out, he didn’t see me there.”

  “So he followed you to the balcony, very impressive,” Nic laughed and raised her eyebrows.

  “What’s the big deal?”

  “What’s the big deal she asks,” Nic laughed. “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, he’s smoking hot. Not exactly my type,” she started rubbing Naomi’s shoulder and smiled. “That’s why we were such good friends though, I was like the only girl in our high school that didn’t want to jump him, to tame the savage native guy.”

  “So you two grew up together?”

  “Not really, we went to school together, he grew up on a reserve but had to come to town to go to school. The guys were hard on him and the girls were hot for him, but he kept his head down and did his work. We didn’t start hanging out until high school, when everyone found out I was a lesbian. We were like the reject club or something,” she laughed but couldn’t hide the small flash of pain that crossed her face. She continued "He even lived with us for a few years when he had family trouble."

  “But you’re here now babe,” Naomi leaned over and kissed Nic's cheek. “No rejection allowed! Now can we please go get something to eat?”

  Nic convinced them to try dumplings at a Chinese dim sum place. The line up was crazy, and Nic whispered that as long as the line was long, you knew the food had to be good. Sarah enjoyed the hot steamed dumplings and exotic flavours, she was willing to try anything new and happy that this turned out to be so delicious.

  Sunday evening was always reserved for her phone call home. She spent the rest of the day working on a short essay project due on Tuesday. She dialed the number her parents have had since she could remember and her mom answered on the second ring, “Sarah, how are you?”

  “I’m good mom, how are you and dad?”

  She listened to her mom go on about their week, dinners she’d prepared and her dad’s farm preparations for the long winter ahead. She told her mom as little as possible about her past week, nothing about the times spent with Adam in his office, and definitely nothing about drinking. She was starting to feel like she was leading a double life. They eventually got around to the one topic her mom wouldn’t let go. Sarah’s marriage prospects. When Sarah had left for school, it was with two conditions, the first being that she would go into Biblical archaeology, and the second being that she would get married as soon as she was done her Bachelor’s degree. Of course, her parents couldn’t force her to marry the guy of their choice, but the unspoken rule was that they would assist in choosing her future partner. This was on the back of her mom’s mind at all times, a girl hitting 25 without a husband was considered a parental failure in thei
r community.

  “Sarah, your dad and I have been talking about your situation again.”

  “What situation mom?” She knew what her mom was getting at.

  “You know we let you go to school if you agree to marry somebody from our community.”

  “Incest is frowned upon in the rest of the world mom.” Where did that come from?

  “Sarah! Shame on you!”

  “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just tired.”

  “I forgive you. We were worried this would happen if you went away. You’ve always been such a daydreamer, you dad and I have always thought getting married and settling down would be good for you. It’s hard to have your head in the clouds when you’ve got a family to tend to.”

  That’s what I’m scared of. “I know mom, I said I’m sorry. Go on, what were you going to say?”

  “Anyways, we were talking to the Friesens, and they were telling us about their nephew up in BC. He’s a bit older than you, twenty five, but he’s a hard worker and apparently a really sweet boy. He’s easy on the eyes too, don’t worry, I asked about that,” her mom laughed quietly. “We’d like for you two to meet.”

  “I don’t know mom, I mean I can’t take any time off and I don’t have time for anything except school.”

  “At least give him a chance, I told him to call you. You can't get picky with the first young man, your options are limited by your lackadaisical attitude towards hard work and housekeeping.”

  “I know mom. Where does he live?” She considered it briefly if he was close by. She could always blow him off if he was a total bore or ugly. Or both.

  “Prince Rupert, it’s way up the coast. I think he works for the fisheries, I’m not completely sure.”

  Prince Rupert, isn’t that where Tyr and Nic are from? Tyr’s muscled, ink covered arms flashed into her head and she felt a surge of warmth rise up her body. She concentrated on the conversation and pushed the feeling aside.

  “Mom, do you realize how far that is? I’ll never get up there! Does he ever come to the Lower Mainland?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’m not asking you to go up there, just answer the phone if he calls.”

  “Ok, I can do that,” she lied to her mom. Who answers their phone anymore? She hoped he texted that would be easier to deal with. Maybe if she got his name at some point, she could Facebook stalk him and check him out. It wouldn’t hurt to find a reason to reject him on before she met him.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Tuesday morning had Sarah in tangles, her stomach felt flip floppy and her hands were almost shaking as she got to class. She made sure she was there very early, and took her usual spot front and center. She was determined to not let Tyr’s judgement influence where she sat, and she would still enjoy Adam’s lecture even if she could feel Tyr’s eyes on the back of her neck, silently judging her for being too interested.

  She sat straight in her chair, eyes ahead, and forced herself not to turn around to seek Tyr out. Adam came in, breezy and handsome as usual. He was always carrying a stack of books and props that were balanced precariously in his arms. Sarah was starting to feel slightly smug and suspected that he overloaded himself in order to invite her back to his office. The lecture started and Sarah became blushingly aware of his eye contact. It felt at times as though she was the only student in the room that he was putting on his show for her alone. She promised she wouldn’t let Tyr’s judgement change her behaviour, but she couldn’t help herself, she averted her eyes and concentrated on the laptop’s keyboard.

  The class ended and Sarah finally snuck a peek at Tyr’s usual spot near the door. He wasn’t there. Had he been absent completely, or had he snuck away before she could turn around? Nic was absent as well, but that wasn’t unusual for her, she rarely came to class. Sarah wondered how on earth she expected to pass the course, but supposed a girl like Nic didn’t care.

  Adam was waiting for her, watching her as she put her laptop away.

  “Are you ok today Sarah? You seemed a little distracted in class.”

  “I’m good, just tired. How was your weekend?”

  “It was nice, I went for a run out at Lighthouse Park, in West Vancouver. Have you ever been out there?”

  “No, I’ve heard it’s amazing though,” she lied. She’d never heard of it. She still wasn’t sure where West Vancouver was. There was the Westside of Vancouver, near the University of British Columbia, and there was West Vancouver, but she thought that was North Vancouver. She decided to stop trying to figure it out and play along.

  “I could take you out some time, it’s really unbelievable. Do you run?”

  “Only when something’s chasing me,” she laughed. Lame joke, I’m off my game today.

  “I’m sure you run a lot then, there must be many young men chasing you around campus.”

  Sarah smiled and didn’t know what to say. There weren’t, but she didn’t want Adam to know that. “I do ok,” she nodded and laughed.

  They walked slowly to his office, their usual routine. When they got there, Adam closed the door and started making tea.

  “You know Sarah, there are a few openings for student employment here on campus. I put in a request to have somebody catalogue a human skeletal remains collection I have decided to donate to the museum. Would you be interested? I mean, it’s not great pay, but it could help you get some experience and your foot in the door. That would help you get into a field school next summer.”

  She was speechless. She was flattered. She couldn’t speak. She forced herself to answer “Yes” before her throat closed again. Sarah was overcome with anxiety, she imagined herself messing up or disappointing him and almost yelled “No!” It was strange, to have dreamt of being here for so many years and here she was.

  “Ok, let me get the application together. It’s really just a formality at this point, but we do need it for our records.”

  “Oh, sure, I understand. And thank you, I just can’t believe this, this is so awesome.”

  “Anything I can do to help an eager young mind like yours, Sarah,” he poured her tea and began to tell her about his first days in the field. She relaxed and watched his face as he talked, the light in his eyes was bright as he recalled his early years. She felt like they were connecting somewhere in the middle even though he was so far in his career and she was at the beginning of hers. It made her feel secure that she was now on the same track as he was.

  *****

  Friday night Naomi talked Sarah into meeting Nic at a Japanese restaurant on Hastings, just down the other side of the mountain from the university. Sarah hadn’t been down to this area yet and felt a little jumpy out of her normal routine. She had never tried sushi before, and was worried she would make a fool of herself. She didn’t exactly warm to the idea of eating raw fish, maybe they’d have something on the menu that she could recognize. She wondered if Tyr would join them, she hadn’t had a chance to talk to him this week. He kept ducking out the second class was over

  Nic was waiting in front of the restaurant, a cheerful little place decorated with red lanterns and pretty lights called Yakki. She wasn’t even sure of the pronunciation, so she kept quiet. Inside Nic told the waitress “Table for four,” and Sarah’s heart did a flip flop. He’s coming! They were seated and started looking over the menu, Sarah decided to let Nic take the lead on ordering. She whispered “I just don’t like raw fish, so order whatever you two want and I’ll try it.”

  “Hey guys, sorry I’m late,” Tyr said as he sat down. Sarah jumped at the sound of his voice and edged her chair over to make room.

  “I didn’t mean to startle you Sarah,” he said in a tight voice. “Were you daydreaming about professor McDouchey?”

  Sarah glared at him and decided to not bite, she didn’t need to defend herself to him tonight.

  “What is everyone ordering? Sarah, what do you recommend?” Tyr was looking right at her, a smirk twisting his lips.

  “I’m not sure, I haven’t had Japanese food before, what ar
e you getting Tyr?” She figured she’d follow her mom’s lead and kill him with kindness. His eyes were hard and boring into her, what the fuck is his problem?

  “You mean your boyfriend hasn’t taken you out to try it?”

  “What boyfriend?”

  “Adam, your dreamy professor,” he said, his voice laden with sarcasm.

  “Listen Tyr, I don’t know what your problem is, but he’s not my boyfriend, ok? I thought we were all good after our talk on the balcony.” So much for killing him with kindness. Clearly I’m not like my mom.

  Nic and Naomi were both frozen with similar shocked expressions on their faces. “Do we have a problem here you two?” Nic asked.

  “No, I guess not,” Tyr mumbled and turned back to the menu. Sarah shrugged at Naomi’s concerned look and started reading the foreign sounding food items. She leaned close to Naomi and whispered quietly “Seriously Naomi, you’ll have to order for me. I don’t know what the heck to get.”

  “No problem dude, I’ve got your back,” her friend gave her a thumbs up and cuddled back close to Nic.

  Once their orders were taken, Nic and Naomi did their best to draw the two adversaries into the conversation.

  “Oh by the way Sarah, can I get your notes for the archaeology classes I miss?” Nic asked her.

  “Wouldn’t that be all of them?” Naomi giggled.

  “Yeah, where are you? I didn’t see you there again today,” Tyr added.

  “It’s the only time Naomi and I can fool around during the day,” Nic kissed Naomi’s cheek as she said it.