Like Falling

by Jaden Wilkes

  “You mean you stay at our place?” Sarah was shocked and a little upset, but intrigued. She hadn’t thought about daytime sex. What about seeing each other totally naked in the broad daylight? She imagined herself stripping naked in front of a man, and Tyr’s face popped into her mind. No no no, Adam, it’s got to be Adam, she forced herself to think about removing her bra and panties and crawling along the bed towards Adam. There was Tyr again, his long, lean muscled body stretched out, a smug smile on his face as he reached for her naked body.

  Sarah flushed a deep red and was grateful that Tyr and Nic were arguing about some sports team making it to some cup somewhere and didn't notice. Naomi noticed though, and gave her the what’s up eyebrow raise. Sarah shrugged her shoulders again and tried to look innocent. She snuck a long sideways glance at Tyr and thought he looked delicious when he wasn’t sneering at her, his face was relaxed and he was laughing with Nic. The meal arrived and Sarah and watched as Naomi served her some bizarre looking rolled rice and sizzling salmon.

  It was delicious. Sarah savoured the flavours, thrilled that she took to Japanese as well as she did to Chinese dim sum. She was clumsy with the chopsticks and dropped more than she got to her mouth, but she didn’t feel foolish. Naomi wasn’t that great with them either, and the two of them eventually started using their fingers to pick at some of the rolls.

  “Have you tried the sashimi yet Sarah?” Tyr was looking over at her, a piece of raw pink salmon on his chopsticks. His voice was softer and his face looked genuine.

  “Oh I think that’s past my limit,” Sarah grimaced.

  “Come on, you’ve got to branch out. Isn’t that why you’re here?” He held the fish closer.

  She hesitated, and reached for it. “Don’t grab it, just close your eyes and open your mouth.”

  “I don’t know, what if you feed me a bunch of that hot green stuff?” She widened her eyes, trying to look terrified.

  He laughed and said “You can trust me Sarah, just take a chance.”

  Sarah sighed dramatically, leaned towards him, opened her mouth and closed her eyes, but not all the way. She could see his face through the tiny slit in her eyelids as he moved towards her. He was beautiful at that moment, intensely concentrating on her mouth, his features softened and his dark eyes shining. She felt the fish touch her lips, cold and moist. She inhaled the scent of the salmon, it smelled of the rain meeting the ocean, a deep organic odour. She closed her lips around it and he pulled the chopsticks out slowly, empty. She watched him watching her and felt a blossoming warmth starting below her stomach, sending new sensations throughout her body. He had such a look of desire as she rolled the salmon around on her tongue that she thought of herself undressing in front of him again, she imagined it would feel natural and right to share their naked bodies. She swallowed the sashimi and saw him swallow at the same time, savoring the moment, her first bite of raw fish. She opened her eyes quickly and caught him staring at her, he looked away and said “How was it? Do you like it?”

  “It was delicious,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t mind trying some more.”

  “Well you’d better feed yourself or you two are going to get us kicked out of here,” Nic laughed. Naomi was looking at her with a strange look of confusion and concern. Sarah shrugged for the third time that night and tried her best to look devoid of any lurid thoughts.

  The rest of the evening was light and fun, conversation and beer flowed easily until it was time to leave. Tyr stood up and paid the bill while the girls got their coats together.

  “Wow, thank you for that, you didn’t have to,” Sarah said to him as they were leaving.

  “Tyr is the consummate gentleman,” Nic said and Tyr stopped, took a low bow and extended his hand with a flourish. The girls laughed at his antics.

  They walked to his old Jeep Cherokee and he stated he was fine to drive and he’d make sure they got home. At the apartment Nic and Naomi jumped out, leaving Sarah in the front seat with Tyr.

  “I want to thank you again for paying, it was really awesome. I loved the food and had a great time,” she said and turned to look at him.

  “You’re surprising Sarah Miller, I assumed you were a bubble headed blonde, but there’s a lot more to you, isn’t there?” How does he know my last name? Was he asking Nic about me?

  “I like to think so-” she replied, and didn’t get a chance to continue. Tyr slid over and leaned in quickly to kiss her fully on the lips. She pulled away ever so slightly, unprepared for the sensations, but melted into it within seconds. My first kiss oh my god this is really happening. She leaned towards him, wanting more, opening her mouth to him and feeling his tongue part her lips and push into her mouth. She slid her tongue towards his, remembering some of the things Naomi had told her about kissing. She ran the point along his lips, gripped his lower lip between her teeth and nibbled gently. She heard him groan, as if in pain, and she pulled away. He grabbed the back of her head and wouldn’t let her go, she felt trapped but loved the feeling of being under his power, captivated by his kisses. She felt his tongue push in again, entering her mouth deeply, she ran her hand along the line of his jaw, feeling the prickly stubble, relishing his raw masculinity. She had a momentary flash of him pushing her down and claiming her body as his own, and she shivered with the intensity of pleasure. She slowly brought her hands up to touch his forehead, ran them through his thick spikey hair and grabbed the back of his head. She inhaled the scent of him, his musk combined with the clean smell of soap and fabric softener. That made him seem so human, so vulnerable suddenly that she wanted him even more. She sighed and let out a small whimper, this was met by a moan from Tyr, and they fell into each other even farther.

  She could hear the sound of the engine, the low music coming from the radio, and the soft sound of their kisses. It was all almost too much to take, and yet she never wanted it to end. His hand massaged her back and she wiggled, moving her spine in a snake like motion. She felt liquidy and sensual from the top of her head to her toes.

  After several minutes, he drew back and cupped her face with both his hands. He exhaled and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. He looked into her eyes and said “You really are something else Sarah.” She felt a small shiver of joy travel up her spine.

  “So are you Tyr,” she replied breathlessly. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before.”

  His face darkened for a moment, he dropped his hands and pulled back. “I should get going, I have to work early and then get to class tomorrow,” he slid back to the driver’s seat and continued “I’ll see you around.”

  She felt taken aback. After sharing that amazing kiss, all she got was a ‘see you around’?

  “Yeah, sounds good,” she said as she exited his Jeep. She wasn’t about to get all tearful and beg him to stay. He was the most infuriating and frustrating and amazingly delicious man she’d ever met but she would never let him know it.

  “See ya!” She waved and turned to walk to her building. He put the Jeep in gear and sped away.

  What was that all about? She wondered as she unlocked the main entrance door.

  CHAPTER SIX

  By early November Sarah had settled into a routine of school, assignments, hanging out with Naomi and Nic and their friends, and ducking inquiries from her mother about the boys she wanted her to meet. Her mom was compiling a list, but the guy from Prince Rupert was at the top.

  “Did you know he went to university? UNBC in Prince George, it’s very highly rated now,” her mom dropped into one of their Sunday night phone calls.

  “Oh cool, do you know what he studied?” Sarah had decided a couple of weeks ago that feigning interest wouldn’t hurt.

  “I don’t know, you can ask him. Has he called you yet?”

  “Nope, nothing,” she lied to her mother again, sure she’d be burning in hell for this, or that kiss, one of the two. In fact she had received a few calls from a number with a 250 area code. She didn’t have a message servi
ce hooked up to her phone, so he couldn’t leave her anything, but she was certain it was him. “Tell him to text me, sometimes I don’t get cell service. It’s just a pay and talk, so it’s not the most reliable phone."

  “We always get through, that’s strange. Ok, I’ll tell him to text you, but a phone call wouldn’t hurt. You can’t really get to know a person through a text.”

  “What’s his name by the way? So I’ll know it’s him if he contacts me.”

  “Eric, his name is Eric Peters. He comes from a really good family Sarah, and you know that’s important when you’re looking for a man to start a life with. If his family isn’t strong with good Christian values, he has none of his own. Remember that.”

  “Yes mom, of course.” She wondered what Tyr’s family was like. What would they think of him bringing an awkward white girl home? “I’ve got to go, I’m working on a big assignment for tomorrow. I love you guys, bye!”

  They hung up and Sarah sat down on her bed. It was so much easier dealing with her mom from 800 miles away, she could just hang up when things got weird. Nic and Naomi were off at the movies, and Sarah really did have a big paper for English that was due. An analysis on the influence of Pre-Raphaelite art on literature in the late 1800s. Even the title sounds pretentious, I love this learning thing. Sarah’s favorite painting was “The Lady of Shalott” by Waterhouse, and was finding it difficult to flesh out a paper based on it. She needed a break before she went crazy with all the text swimming in front of her eyes. She hated to admit it, she didn’t work as hard in Adam’s class. She wasn’t sure if this was due to the fact that it was a survey class on her favorite subject matter, of if Adam did in fact grade her easier than the other students because of their friendship.

  Friendship. She knew they were friendly with each other, but was it more? She was attracted to him, she found him funny and interesting and was extremely flattered by his attention. She thought about kissing him, and laid back into her pillows. She knew she would never say no if he kissed her, and she tried to imagine how it would happen. Perhaps one day in his office, he would move to help her with the books and their hands would touch. She envisioned it now, that little electric thrill of his touch, and she pulled up her short skirt and dragged the blankets over lower half. She wanted to touch herself, but it felt so strange to do so in the well lit room. She was used to furtive rubbings under blankets late at night, not making a noise for fear her family would overhear. If she could learn to swear and kiss a guy, she could learn to masturbate. She slipped her hand into her little pink panties and found her sensitive spot. She started to rub herself gently and picture Adam’s face as he kissed her, but she wasn’t able to relax enough to enjoy it fully. It felt nice, the way a back massage or peck on the cheek felt nice, simple skin to skin contact. She was starting to wonder if she’d ever be able to bring herself to completion when Tyr’s face crossed her mind, completely unbidden. She thought about how warm she had felt when he kissed her that night. A creeping heat that started in her cleft and spread upwards to her stomach. She was rubbing a little faster, imagining Tyr beside her, guiding her hand, the light and shadow softening his face as he pulled her mouth to his and took her hungrily. She was starting to breathe faster and could feel her face flushed with the effort and memory. She tried to force Adam’s face in the place of Tyr’s, but it didn’t work. Her hand, her pulsing sweet spot and her waves of pleasure all belonged to Tyr, and Tyr alone. She sighed, it quickly turned into a gasping moan and she was amazed to feel a current of joy and sensation leave her cleft and spread throughout her entire body. Her brain was alight with passion and every nerve tingled at the memory of Tyr’s mouth on hers, his tongue inside of her, his hands possessively claiming her. She shuddered, let out a muffled cry, and had the strangest sensation of being pure liquid ecstasy for the briefest of moments. It fled her body in seconds, and she fell back, completely exhausted and full of wonder. Oh my god, was that my first orgasm? She brushed a sweaty strand of hair from her forehead and laughed loudly, clapping her hands. I did it! I just came. I finally know what everyone is so hung up about. She wondered how long she should wait before she started again. She paused for a moment, ashamed that it was Tyr’s face that had pushed her over the edge. It was strange that thinking about Adam didn’t have the effect she had hoped for.

  She went to the washroom, washed her hands and splashed some cold water on her face. She looked at herself and was delighted to see herself flush with excitement, looking beautiful after she came. It surprised her, the effect that one little act of pleasure had on her appearance, but she liked it.

  Back in her room she sat at her little table and began to write, the hours flowing by until it was close to midnight. She glanced at her phone and saw that she had a text.

  “Would you take notes for me tomorrow I won’t be in class.”

  Who was this from? She didn’t recognize the number, if it were Nic she would have asked her when she dropped Naomi off a couple of hours ago. Besides, Nic wasn’t exactly the conscientious type. It had to be Tyr, but how did he get her number? Things had been weird between them since their kiss a couple of weeks ago. The four of them had hung out a few times, and Tyr usually drove. They all laughed and had a great time together, but he still kept a distance between the two of them. Every time he had dropped them off, he jumped out, came around and opened the door for her. She got the hint, he wasn’t interested, but at least he wasn’t being downright rude anymore. She had worried that she had done something wrong. Was it the way I kissed? The noises I made? Did I use too much spit or too much tongue? She couldn’t exactly ask him though, she was too afraid to find out his answer.

  She texted back “who is this” just to be sure.

  “Tyr, I’m in your class, remember me?”

  “lol of course, why aren’t you coming?” She tended to type everything out, even in text. She just couldn’t let herself drop the formal aspects of the language completely and was happy that Tyr appeared to feel the same.

  “I have to work, things are complicated. Can I call you?”

  “Yes.”

  Her phone buzzed and she slid the bar to answer.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Not much. Listen, I needed to talk to you.” His voice sounded strained, far away.

  “What’s going on?” She did her best to sound unafraid.

  “I need to apologize to you again. For my behaviour.”

  “What do you mean? I haven’t noticed anything out of the ordinary,” she replied, hoping he’d believe her.

  “You don’t need to play games, I just wanted to let you know what’s going on. Just listen, ok?”

  “Ok.” She was really worried now.

  “I kissed you, and I think I confused you. I like you, a lot, but my life is complicated right now. I just can’t get involved with anybody, especially somebody as sweet as you. I don’t want to drag you into this shit I’m going through, ok?” He sounded tense and still so far away.

  Sarah took in a deep breath to gather her thoughts. She was so taken aback by his honesty that she didn’t quite know what to say. He was so bold with his feelings, could she match them? His openness terrified her, she wasn’t used to this level of sharing with anyone, let alone the one guy who fueled her fantasies.

  “I understand. Well, I don’t understand because I don’t know what you’re going through, but I think I get it. I don’t want to marry you, you know. I enjoy your company and expect nothing from you.” Except for those masturbatory fantasies. She couldn’t open herself up to him, she had to step back and protect her tender heart. This was all so unfamiliar to her that she didn’t know how to respond.

  He exhaled as though he had been holding his breath. He sounded pained when he said “I know, I do enjoy your company too. I really need friends right now, can I count on you to be my friend?”

  There it was, friends. She wanted to cry, the kiss had meant nothing to him and he was trying to let her down easy, to give her an
excuse to back away with her dignity intact. She would take him up on his offer.

  “Yes, I will definitely be your friend. Everybody needs more friends, right?” She laughed, was it too shrill? God don't let this happen, don't make me his friend. I want so much more...She gritted her teeth and tried to listen to whatever bullshit excuse he had for ditching the class, but felt sick and had to get off the phone.

  "Well, I should get going. If I don't get any sleep, we'll both need a note taker tomorrow," she did her best to keep it light but could not stop the frustration from creeping in. He didn't seem to notice and they said their good byes.

  Sarah drifted off to sleep with two thoughts. First was that she couldn't believe she had brought herself to orgasm thinking of that infuriating man. Second was that he was unbelievably attractive and still made her feel warm and liquidy. She wondered what the real deal would feel like, with him inside of her. The logistics of it baffled her, but the desire to find out left her smiling as she drifted into sleep imagining it.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  One depressing rainy Wednesday morning in mid-November Sarah slowly walked to intro archaeology, balancing umbrella and backpack, trying to save her laptop from getting soaked.

  “Need some help there?”

  She turned and saw a wet Tyr walking towards her, smiling like he’d won a prize.

  “What’s up with you?” she asked suspiciously and handed him the umbrella. He leaned close to her and held it above the two of them.

  “Nothing, I’m just glad I caught you before class. You usually get there so early.”

  “It’s still early, so the question is, why were you trying to catch me?”

  “Nothing gets past you, does it?” he laughed and stopped walking. She turned to face him, forced to stand close to avoid the rain, just her backpack was between their bodies. The rain was cold, and she could see steam rising off his hot body, he must have really exerted himself to find her. She fought the smug satisfaction of knowing he was chasing her. She must remain indifferent.