Arizona Skies: The Muse

by S. Cruz

  Liza was sitting with Keith looking sad. The mood at the table was somber, no joking or laughing like I’d become used to.

  “Listen, I have good news,” John said once everyone was seated.

  “I could use some good news,” Jesse said, stroking my knuckles.

  “Our producer loved your new song, Jess; he wants to make a music video and get it released before our album comes out,” he said, smiling.

  “John, that’s great, and it’s all because of Bailey.” He smiled at me.

  “Jesse, that’s wonderful news; I can’t wait to see it,” I said.

  The mood at the table lifted a little after that news. I could tell that the guys were proud of Jesse.

  “We’ve got a lot of work to do when we get home, but we’re on the right track, and I couldn’t be happier,” John said, smiling at us.

  “To the muse,” Scott said, winking at me. Everyone held up their coffee cups to toast me. I felt my face flush, but I was glad that I’d had such a profound impact on Jesse that he was composing again. The conversations started around the table, breaking the sadness that I’d been feeling. I relaxed and enjoyed our meal, listening to the guys bouncing around ideas on which songs they should put on the first album and what it was going to be like to be in a music video. It was exciting, and I was happy for them, especially for Jesse.

  I was going to miss this.

  An announcement came over the loudspeaker that we were approaching the port of Miami. We decided to go on deck to watch the ship pull into port. As we stood at the railing, the trees and landscape came closer and closer. I had this lump in my throat, knowing what was coming. Jesse’s hand tightened around my hand as he put his arm around me to hold me close. Looking down at me with a sad smile, he kissed my forehead. Shelly and Scott were wrapped around each other, totally brokenhearted with our pending separation.

  Jesse

  I opened my eyes at six a.m. with my arms tightly wrapped around Bailey. We’d had a night of lovemaking and expressing our feelings for each other. It was a soul-cleansing experience that I’d never had before. I’d laid it all out there; every word I spoke I meant.

  Today was going to be hard. I wanted to have one more shower with her and commit her body to memory. Of course, I had a few pictures to look at, but it wasn’t going to be the same as touching real flesh. I kissed her to wake her up with my need to see those beautiful, brown eyes. I turned on the shower and helped her in; washing her gorgeous body was something I enjoyed immensely. We took care of each other until our skin was pink and puckered. I dried her, lathered body lotion from the spa on her, and put some on myself so I could smell her all the rest of the day.

  She’d had that red dress on last night, so I handed her one of my T-shirts and a pair of shorts that immediately fell down her slim hips. She rolled them at the waist and tied the string tight so she would be covered in the hallway on her way back to her room. When we got to her room, I handed her my presents and that stunning red dress, and her shoes. I kissed her before I left to go back to my room to pack.

  She stripped, handing me the shorts and T-shirt.

  “You keep the shirt, sweetheart,” I said, taking the shorts. She had a sad smile on her face as she watched me leave, holding that damn shirt close to her heart. That tore at my heartstrings as I closed her door and walked away, fighting back my own tears. I was a broken man, afraid I was going to lose it any moment. I walked around my room in a fog, picking up my clothes and stuffing them into my suitcase. Everything I picked up was a memory. I wiped the tears that fell and finally succumbed to my grief as I sat at the desk to write some lyrics of just how I was feeling at that moment.

  I realized that no matter what happened next, my life would never be the same. I wasn’t the same! Hell, I wasn’t sure what I was, but something was definitely different. I wrote like a possessed man all the emotions I felt at that moment. When I heard scuffling outside my door, I knew it was time to go. Scott knocked and walked in. “Jess, it’s time; let’s go meet the girls,” he said. I looked up into sad, blue eyes, nodded, and put my notebook in my bag. “This is it, man,” he said in a choked voice.

  “I know, Scotty,” I said, patting his shoulder.

  “I don’t think I can do this.” He crumpled in my arms. We stood there consoling each other. I wanted to crawl in a hole and lick my wounds, but I realized my best friend was hurting as much as I was. He wasn’t afraid to openly show his emotions; I showed mine in my songs. I didn’t feel uncomfortable holding him while he cried; he had the biggest heart in the world, and he needed me at that moment.

  “Scott, it’s only going to be a couple months, and we’ll be picking them up at the airport. Shelly will be talking your ear off, so enjoy the silence while you can,” I chuckled. He looked at me with a smile.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Besides, we’re going to be so damn busy, the time will just fly by,” he said.

  “That’s right; better get used to fourteen- and fifteen-hour days working on music,” I said. “We OK now?” I asked, patting his back.

  “Yeah, thanks, man. For once, you gave me the pep talk.”

  “Damn, I know; what’s up with that?” I chuckled.

  “Let’s go get our girls,” he said, walking out my door. I followed him up the stairs and around the deck toward the dining hall.

  Scott and I waited inside the door of the main dining hall as we had for the last seven days. I looked at the pictures on my cell, totally lost in all the memories we’d made on this cruise. Scott was quiet for a change, pacing with his hands in his pockets. I knew how he felt but tried to hold myself together.

  Bailey walked in with jeans and my shirt tied around her, looking young and beautiful. The sadness in her eyes told me she was struggling to hold it together just like I was. How do I say good-bye to the girl that totally changed my life? I had a second chance at my dream, and she was the reason. I could never thank her enough for what her sweetness and love did for me. I would forever be indebted to her.

  “Hi, Bailey,” John said with a sad smile.

  “Hi,” she whispered as I pulled out her chair. Everyone was quiet this morning. Keith and Liza looked lost in their own conversation. There were sad smiles all around the table as we ordered breakfast. Bailey just picked at her food. I reached for her hand to hold it one last time. Finally, John broke the silence.

  “‘The Girl in Red’ was a hit with the producer. He wants to shoot a video.” I couldn’t believe it—a video! “He wants to release it before our album comes out, so the music industry will already be familiar with our band,” he explained.

  “John, that’s fantastic,” I said, kissing Bailey’s hand. She smiled at me as the mood lifted at the table. We went back to our normal chatter; everyone was excited to start on our album. We talked about melody and sound tracks, and pretty soon I was hopeful that I was finally going to achieve my lifelong dream.

  “John, I can’t thank you enough,” I said.

  “No thanks necessary; I’m just glad you pulled your head out of your ass,” he said, winking at Bailey. She giggled—what a beautiful sound that was.

  “Don’t encourage him,” I said, smiling at her.

  “He’s right, Jess; suck it up, man; you were a douche bag,” Scott said. Everyone was having a laugh at my expense, but I didn’t mind. Fuck, it was all the truth!

  Then the announcement came over the sound system that we would be docking in Miami within an hour. That totally blew our celebrating out the window as we left the table to go out on deck and watch our ship pull into port.

  As the land came into view, the trees got bigger and this heavy feeling fell over my heart. I held on to Bailey, knowing our time together was coming to an end. I’d never felt such emptiness inside me before; this was much worse than when that cheerleader dumped me for the football jock.

  I didn’t feel in control of my feelings; my heart was pounding so hard that it felt like I was going to have a heart attack. This hurt so damn muc
h. I looked over at John, who was watching us; he knew what I was feeling and nodded with a sad smile on his face. I tried to smile back, but I just couldn’t.

  I put my hand in Bailey’s long, brown hair and pulled her head into my chest. She looked up at me with that same sad smile. I kissed her on the forehead, looking at all the little people standing at the dock waiting for the ship. I knew as they gradually got bigger that our time on this ship was up. We had to oversee the unloading of our equipment and pack up the van.

  “We’ve got to go,” I said, walking her back to her room. “I’ll meet you on the dock. Wait for me!”

  Twenty-Three

  Bailey

  Jesse walked me back to my room, promising to meet me on the dock after they got their equipment loaded into the van. I grabbed everything and sat on my bed, waiting for Shelly. I could hear Shelly next door making an incredible amount of noise as she packed up her stuff. We were both sad, but the way she was slamming stuff around, it sounded like she was angry. She pounded on my door and let herself in.

  “Need any help?” she asked.

  “No, I think I’ve got everything,” I said, looking around.

  “Lot of good memories,” she said, picking up my garment bag. “Oh, tell Jesse I’ll get the rest of those pictures developed when we get home, and I’ll send him some.”

  “Shell, I feel empty inside. I don’t think I can do this,” I said.

  “Bailey, don’t get me started again. I cried all last night, and I promised Scott he’d see a happy face when we leave today,” she said, hugging me.

  “I know; I’m trying so hard to hold it together,” I said.

  “Let’s get all of our stuff out of here and down to the parking lot,” she said, helping me out the door.

  Shelly’s bags were already stacked in the hallway. We waited in line to leave the ship; some of the crew was lined up to say their good-byes to us as we left. I saw the equipment being unloaded in the distance with the help of ship’s personnel. I looked for Jesse, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight.

  We set out luggage down in the parking lot and waited for them. Our flight wasn’t for another two hours. Shelly called for the cab to pick us up in an hour, hoping that would give us enough time to see the guys once more. We didn’t say much to each other as we walked around the parking lot just to have something to do while we waited. It seemed like an eternity before we spotted Jesse and Scott walking toward us. John and Keith were following behind with big trolleys stacked with their equipment. A van pulled up, and a burly guy got out; he shook each of the band members’ hands and then started loading the van.

  John and Keith helped, while Jesse and Scott walked over to us. Shelly launched herself into Scott’s arms and started crying again.

  “Come here, sweetheart,” Jesse said, pulling me into his arms.

  I broke down, and the tears started falling.

  “Hey, I’ll be seeing you in three months,” he said, wiping my cheeks.

  “I miss you already,” I said, looking up at him.

  “I love you, Bailey,” he said, giving me a sweet kiss. My lip was trembling as I tried to hold myself together. Jesse ran his finger over my lips as the tears rolled down my face. I choked as sobs escaped me.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t want to let you go,” he said, wiping my face.

  “Jesse, it hurts so much,” I said, looking into his green eyes.

  “Bailey, please remember how much I love you, and I’ll miss you so much it hurts,” he said, his voice breaking up as he held me to his chest. He stroked my hair, trying to calm me down. I could feel his heart beating hard against my head.

  Just then, our cab pulled up, and the driver got out and started loading our luggage in the trunk. I thought I was going to faint. I desperately held on to him, crying my eyes out.

  “Honey, it’s time to go,” he said as the driver held open the door for Shelly and me.

  “Don’t forget me, promise,” I said to him.

  “Honey, I’ll never forget you,” he said, kissing me. Shelly took my hand to pull me away. She pulled my hand as our hold on each other was broken. I watched our hands separate; then our fingers pulled apart and I felt nothing but emptiness as I looked at Jesse. Scott stood behind us with his arm over his face. Keith had his hand on Scott’s shoulder, talking to him as John approached me.

  “Bailey, I’ll see you in February; don’t forget what we talked about,” he said, giving me a hug.

  “I won’t; take care of him,” I said, nodding at Jesse.

  “You got it,” he winked, then turned to stand next to Jesse. I looked at everyone one more time, waved, and said good-bye. These men felt like my family now; I cared for every one of them. They all had sad faces as they watched Shelly pull me into the cab and shut the door.

  I put my hand up to the window to wave good-bye. Jesse held his hand up too, just like we did the first time we saw each other. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as the cab driver pulled away from the parking lot. In desperation I looked out the back window to see him one more time. I heard him yell and watched Jesse fall to his knees with his head bent down. That was the last time I saw him. I collapsed in my seat crying uncontrollably.

  Jesse

  We stayed on deck until the ship docked. I held on to Bailey like my life depended on it. She had captured me so completely; I couldn’t comprehend my life without her. John was watching us and nodded when I looked at him; he understood how I felt. I clutched my girl to my chest, holding her tight as land got closer and people got bigger. This was ending all too soon; I felt like I was being torn into tiny pieces.

  I walked Bailey back to her room; then I had to get my bags and help get our equipment loaded. We walked across the deck to the loading dock. Some of the ship’s crew helped us pack everything up and get them loaded on the platform. They all wished us luck and shook hands as we went down the utility elevator with our equipment. I saw Sam’s van when we rolled out with the trolleys. He’d been a friend for a long time and greeted us all with a big smile and a handshake.

  “How was the cruise?” he asked.

  “Better than I ever imagined,” I said.

  “Jesse got inspired,” John said.

  “Really? Well, that’s good, man!” he said.

  “Yeah,” I said, looking around the parking lot for Bailey. The girls had a couple hours until their flight, so I had asked Bailey to wait for me.

  “Go say good-bye to your girl,” John said, patting my back.

  “Thanks, man,” I said, heading toward her. “You too,” he said to Scott.

  Sam was perfectly capable of loading all our equipment. The man was a brute, but reliable. I guess you could call Sam our roadie; he helped set up and tear down after every gig. I’d put him on the payroll, and he’d been with us ever since.

  Scott and I made our way across the parking lot to where the girls were standing. Shelly immediately flew into Scott’s arms, crying her eyes out, which only started him crying too.

  I was trying to be brave, waiting for her to leave before I fell into a blubbering heap. It was all too surreal for me. My legs felt like rubber bands, and my body shook as I took Bailey into my arms.

  I held her as she cried, breaking my heart into a million pieces. Women crying over me never really bothered me before; I thought they were silly. But Bailey touched me in such a way that I couldn’t stop my own tears from welling up and falling. I tried to keep it together as I held her close to my heart while she choked and gasped, her body shaking with her sobs.

  It hurt so damn much! I wasn’t sure I’d ever see her again. I tried to give her hope, but I wasn’t sure this would work out. For all I knew, this could be the end. She would go back to Philly and meet someone in college or at work and forget about me. She had gained a lot of confidence in herself, and as attractive as she was, I was sure men would be falling all over her.

  I was aware that long-distance relationships didn’t generally work out. All these doubts started filling
my head as I held her.

  I saw Keith and John walking toward us and knew we were all loaded up and ready to hit the road for our long drive home. I watched that damn cab pull into the parking lot. The driver got out and started loading up their luggage. Then he opened the back door for them, and this was it; our time together was over.

  “I love you, Bailey; February will be here before you know it,” I whispered in her ear.

  “I know,” she said, wiping the tears that just kept falling.

  “Do good in school, and get that diploma, sweetheart,” I said. Her shoulders were shaking as her tears soaked my shirt. I didn’t care; I held her tight, soaking up our last few minutes together. I took her chin in my hand and tipped her head up to give her a kiss. The tears were streaming down her face as she looked up at me. I was choked up, struggling to hold myself together.

  I tried to stay strong for her as John approached us. Shelly started to pull Bailey out of my arms; her face was all red from crying.

  I kissed her one more time, savoring the feel of her soft lips on mine. I wanted to beg her to come with me. I was so out of control, but I pushed my panic aside and did the only thing I could do: tell her one last time how I felt.

  “I love you, Bailey,” I said as Shelly gently pulled her away. Our arms got extended, and her fingers slowly pulled apart from mine. I seemed almost in slow motion as I watched our fingertips brush against each other, and then our connection was lost. She reached out for me, but Shelly turned her away.

  Dear God, I felt like my heart was about to explode.

  “Take care of her,” I said to Shelly. She nodded as she led Bailey away. Just before they got into the taxi, John stepped up and gave them both a hug. He said a few words and closed the door after they got in.

  Bailey waved at Keith, who was consoling Scott as he openly cried behind me. I wiped my tears and watched as she turned to look back at me. I blew her one last kiss as the tears cascaded down her beautiful face.