Sing As We Go

by Margaret Dickinson

  ‘If you’re sure. It’s a long walk here.’ He sat down gratefully but then added, ‘What about the little feller?’

  ‘Mrs Talbot’s gone into the town shopping and she’s taken him in his pushchair.’

  ‘Ah, that’s all right then.’

  When they were both sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of them, Ron cleared his throat. ‘Now, I’ll quite understand if you say “no”, my dear, but I would just like you to think about this very carefully. We’ve been asked to give a series of very special concerts and I’d really like you to come with us. It’d only be for a couple of weeks, I promise.’

  ‘I thought Melody had taken my place with her impressions?’

  ‘That’s right,’ Ron said carefully. ‘But she’s very young and – and – well, I don’t think she’d cope with the circumstances very well, seeing as what happened at that hospital near Newcastle. You remember?’

  ‘Oh, I see. It’s another hospital, is it?’

  ‘Yes, but a very specialized one. Have you heard of Archibald McIndoe?’

  Kathy stared at him. ‘Yes,’ she said slowly. ‘I read an article in the paper only the other day. He’s the plastic surgeon who’s helping solders and airman with – with facial disfigurements, isn’t he?’

  Ron nodded. ‘Especially – fighter pilots.’

  ‘Oh Ron . . .’ Kathy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘That’s a low blow. You – of all people – resorting to emotional blackmail.’

  ‘Sorry, my dear. But I so want you to come. We’ve been asked to go to the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead and also to the convalescent home where the airmen go between their many operations. You could cope – you’ve already proved as much – with whatever we’re going to see. It won’t be easy, but I know you could hide any – any embarrassment you might feel. We all need to go in there and take absolutely no notice of their terrible injuries and the operations they’re undergoing. There are some weird and wonderful methods being used, so I’m told, but the marvel of it is they’re working. These poor fellows have a future, thanks to a very clever and dedicated man.’

  ‘I’d like to but – but I don’t see how I can leave James. I mean, you know how very much this job means to me.’

  ‘I know. I’ve been thinking about that. You told me that Mr Wainwright isn’t all that interested in your – I mean – his son?’

  Kathy nodded. ‘He wouldn’t want to be left with him. That I do know. He’d get someone else and I – I couldn’t bear that, Ron.’

  Ron patted her hand. ‘I know that. But if you explained the situation to Mr Wainwright, said what it was all about, would he let you take young James out to the Robinsons’ farm? They’d look after him for you, wouldn’t they? Just for two weeks?’

  Kathy thought of Betty and couldn’t help smiling. ‘Of course they would. Betty would love it.’

  ‘So – do you think Mr Wainwright would agree to let the boy go there?’

  Kathy shrugged. ‘I can only ask.’

  ‘I don’t see why not.’ Henry seemed unconcerned. ‘I presume you know these people well?’

  ‘I’ve known the family all my life. They lived on the neighbouring farm.’

  ‘And they really wouldn’t mind having a young boy in the house?’ His tone sounded as if he could hardly believe there were such people.

  ‘No, they wouldn’t. They’ve already got an evacuee. So, do I have your permission to write and ask them?’

  He shrugged. ‘Yes, if that’s what you want. How long would it be for?’

  ‘About two weeks.’

  ‘It’s all right by me, if you’re sure they wouldn’t be put about.’ He sounded as if he couldn’t imagine anything worse than having a young child – and a stranger at that – foisted on him for two whole weeks. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do . . .’

  *

  As she had known they would, the Robinsons replied by return that they’d be delighted to have James. Kathy decided to take him there and then return to pack her own suitcase and travel down south by train to meet up with the concert party. She would stay at Sandy Furze Farm overnight and see James settled in.

  ‘Oh, isn’t he a lamb?’ Betty cried, opening her arms wide to pick him up. Beaming, James held out his chubby arms and went happily to her.

  ‘They always know when someone loves them,’ Betty said. ‘Now, my little man, what has your Auntie Betty got in her kitchen for you?’

  ‘Pudding?’ James said, smiling hopefully as Betty bore him away.

  ‘My dear girl.’ Jemima appeared and hugged Kathy. ‘How good it is to see you. And look, here’s Taffy to greet you. Just look at him. He’s getting quite fat. He’s spoiled rotten here. As, indeed, am I.’

  Kathy had been concerned that the shock of losing her home and all of her possessions might have made Jemima thin and ill. But far from it, she looked fitter and happier than ever she had in the city. ‘Now let me help you with your things. You must have had a tiring journey. It’s not easy travelling with a little one.’

  ‘The train was full of troops, but James had a great time being made a fuss of by all the soldiers. Have you heard from Amy? How is she?’

  ‘She’s fine. She’s found herself a young man. A petty officer in the Royal Navy. He’s been here with her once. He’s a very nice young man, but . . .’ Here Jemima glanced quickly at Kathy and bit her lip.

  Kathy smiled sadly and murmured, ‘I know, I know. But she’s got to grab what chance she’s got of a little happiness. I – I don’t regret any of it. Not any more.’

  ‘No,’ Jemima said with her usual spirit that Kathy remembered so well. She leaned closer as she whispered, ‘And neither do I, my dear. Neither do I. Now, let’s get you settled in upstairs. And you must meet little Susan. She’ll be home from the village school soon.’

  ‘Susan? I thought it was a boy evacuee they had?’

  ‘He went home. And now we’ve got Susan.’

  Kathy smiled. Was there no end to the Robinsons’ kindness?

  It was a merry gathering that sat down to supper than evening with James the centre of attention sitting in an old battered child’s chair that Betty had dug out of the loft the moment she had heard of the little chap’s imminent arrival. Susan was a merry child of ten or so with blonde, unruly curls and bright blue eyes. She sat at the table close to James and talked non-stop to him in her cockney accent. The little boy watched her with wide eyes, beaming and reaching out to tug her curls. Later, when both children were sound asleep after a tiring day, Morry sought out Kathy.

  ‘Are you happy, Kathy, because from what you say about this bloke, he might not object to the little feller being adopted? What I mean is, if – if you wanted, we could . . .’

  ‘Oh Morry, dearest Morry, don’t. Please don’t. I know what you’re going to say and I love you for it, but it wouldn’t be right.’

  Morry looked crestfallen once again, but he smiled. ‘Oh well, it was worth a try. But I hope you know I’m always there for you if you ever want – well – anything.’

  ‘I know,’ Kathy said huskily. ‘And I don’t deserve you, Morry. I really don’t.’

  Now Morry really did blush.

  Kathy arrived back in Saltershaven late on the Thursday evening. She was to travel south on the Friday and meet up with the concert party for their first show on the Saturday evening.

  ‘Mr Wainwright’s asked that you wait for him to get home tonight and have dinner with him, seeing as how you haven’t got the little boy to look after,’ Mrs Talbot greeted her.

  ‘Oh, right – thank you. Then I’d better get my packing done before he gets in.’

  By the time Mrs Talbot called up the stairs, ‘Right, I’m off now, love. Your dinners are in the oven. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, then, shall I?’

  Kathy hurried to the top of the stairs. ‘Yes. Goodbye, Mrs Talbot. Thank you.’

  By the time she heard the front door open and close and knew that H
enry was home, Kathy was all packed and ready for her early start in the morning.

  ‘I’ve brought some wine. I hope you like red. Mrs Talbot said it was beef tonight, though I hope it’s not as stringy as the last lot we had. I’ll open it. Let it breathe a little . . .’

  Kathy served the main course and they sat down at the table, Henry in his usual place at one end of the table, Kathy on his left-hand side. But tonight there was no James on her left.

  They ate in silence for a while until Henry opened the conversation. ‘You do know what you’re letting yourself in for, don’t you?’

  Kathy nodded. ‘We played a lot of hospitals when I was with the concert party. Some of the injuries we saw then were pretty horrific.’

  ‘I suppose so,’ he murmured. There was a long silence before he burst out, ‘You will come back, won’t you? I mean, it really is only for two weeks?’

  She stared at him in surprise. ‘Yes, of course I’ll come back. I love my job and – and I – I’ve grown to love James.’ She was treading on dangerous ground, but she wanted him to know that there was no way she was leaving for good. Then another thought struck her. A terrible thought that made her heart pound anxiously.

  ‘You – you do want me to come back?’

  ‘Of course I do.’ The swiftness of his answer surprised her. ‘In fact . . .’He hesitated then added, ‘Look, let’s go into the sitting room. There’s something I want to ask you.’

  ‘I’ll clear away . . .’ she began, getting up.

  ‘No, leave it.’

  She sat on the edge of the sofa in the sitting room, feeling strangely apprehensive. Was he going to tell her that he’d decided to have James adopted again after all? It seemed to take him an age to pour out two brandies and to hand one to her. Then he sat down.

  ‘Kathy, I’ve been thinking about this for some time. I have a sort of proposition to put to you. I’ve got used to having you around the house. You’re quiet and seem to understand my need to work in the evening. Something Beryl didn’t always seem to understand. That’s why I gave in to her overwhelming desire to adopt a child when we found we couldn’t have any of our own.’

  Kathy waited, becoming more alarmed at the way this conversation was going. He’d never wanted James and now he was going to say that he’d thought it through and decided he didn’t want a lifetime of responsibility, however much his late wife might have expected it of him. She felt the lump begin to grow in her throat. Was she, once again, going to have her happiness snatched away from her?

  ‘For myself,’ he went on and her heart plummeted even more. ‘For myself, I would give the child up for adoption again. He should have two parents, not one, but I know that’s not what Beryl would have expected of me. I – I feel duty bound to honour what I know her wishes would have been. Kathy, what I’m trying to say in a very roundabout and clumsy way is – will you marry me and be a mother to James?’

  Kathy stared at him and knew her mouth dropped open. She was in such a state of shock that she scarcely heard his next words.

  ‘It would be a marriage of convenience. I do realize that you were very much in love with the young man you lost and I – well – I still feel Beryl’s loss very keenly. I mean, if you wanted it that way, it would be a marriage in name only, though I would hope that perhaps in time . . .’ He broke off, leaving the implication hanging in the air.

  She couldn’t understand it. Oh, she knew well enough what he was suggesting, but why? That’s the part she couldn’t understand. He was saying quite bluntly that he didn’t have feelings for her, that he knew she hadn’t for him. If he’d loved the boy and had been suggesting their marriage to safeguard the continuity of the same two people in his life, safeguarding against a procession of nannies, then she could have understood it. But he didn’t love the boy. He’d made that very clear. So, why . . . ?

  ‘I need a woman about the place. I miss Beryl running the home. Oh, Mrs Talbot’s all very well but she’s not always reliable. I mean, that idle husband of hers has only got to stop off work a day and she sends a message that she can’t come. I do so like everything to be just so. I like my life ordered in a strict routine. I do not like disruption.’

  So, thought Kathy, that was his reason. He wanted a built-in housekeeper and nanny for James.

  ‘And I thought it might help you too. I managed to get a temporary deferment for you, but I doubt I can for much longer. But if you were to be a married woman with our child to care for, then it would be a different matter. So, while you’re away, will you promise to think about it?’

  Kathy opened her mouth to retort that she would never entertain such a preposterous idea. It was almost immoral. In her eyes anyway. But then she closed her mouth. If she refused, what about James? Henry might well decide to have him adopted and look around for a suitable woman to be his housekeeper so that his well-ordered life could continue without the encumbrance of a child. A child who wasn’t even his and who he’d never wanted in the first place. He’d only ever agreed to the adoption to keep his wife – the perfect housekeeper – happy.

  ‘I – will think about it,’ she said and stood up. ‘But now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an early start in the morning.’ As she reached the door, he said, ‘Oh, do you think you could cook my breakfast in the morning before you go? Mrs Talbot’s husband has one of his famous stomach upsets.’

  Keeping her face straight, Kathy inclined her head and said, ‘Of course.’

  Surprisingly, Kathy slept well and it wasn’t until she was sitting on the train heading south that she had time to think once again about Henry’s strange suggestion.

  Well, if that’s not about the most unromantic proposal a girl’s ever had, she thought. But it had caused her a dilemma. If she accepted, she could be with her son always. True. But there’d be a price to pay. She’d be an unpaid housekeeper and, possibly, something of a concubine – though a married one – in the future. Men, she knew, even cold-hearted ones like Henry Wainwright, had their needs. And it seemed that eventually he would expect her to behave in every way like a wife should. He’d hinted as much.

  On the other hand, if she refused him, she suspected that he would at once put James up for adoption and dismiss her. She would be parted again from her son and this time, there would be no way of finding out who his new parents were.

  Of course, there was another solution.

  As the train sped on the clattering wheels seemed to say, ‘Marry Morry, marry Morry.’

  Forty-One

  Ron was waiting on the platform for her when the train drew in.

  ‘How did you know what time I’d be arriving?’

  ‘I didn’t. We’re staying not a hundred yards from the station, so I’ve been meeting all the trains since midday.’

  ‘Oh, Ron!’ She was touched by his patient thoughtfulness. ‘How is everyone? How’s Rosie?’

  ‘She’s fine – apart from fretting about Martin. Now he’s flying on bombers she’s worried sick, poor girl.’

  ‘Bombers? As a pilot?’

  ‘No – no. He’s a tail-end Charlie – a rear-gunner – I’m afraid. Very dangerous. I’m just hoping she’ll be able to cope with seeing these poor injured fellows.’

  Kathy smiled sadly. ‘I – I often wonder how poor Tony died. Whether he – he—’

  Ron’s face fell. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked you, lass. I’m sorry.’

  But Kathy put on a brave smile. ‘No, Ron. I’m glad you did. I’ll feel I’m doing my bit for Tony.’

  ‘Sure?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘That’s the ticket,’ Ron said, picking up her suitcase. ‘Right, then, let’s get you settled in. I want a bit of rehearsal tonight. The hotel’s got a function room they’ll let us use and we’ve got our first concert at the hospital tomorrow night.’

  As they walked out of the station and along the road towards the guesthouse where most of the concert party were staying, Kathy linked her arm with Ron’s. ‘Oh, it’s good
to see you again.’

  ‘How’s that little boy of yours?’ he asked softly.

  Now Kathy smiled widely. ‘He’s wonderful, Ron.’

  ‘And – and it’s working out? You looking after him?’

  ‘Yes – yes, it is.’ She wrinkled her forehead. ‘Of course, I’ve been worrying constantly that Mr Wainwright is going to change his mind and put him up for adoption but then, last night – he – he—’ She paused, still unable to believe it had happened and wondering for a brief moment if she had dreamt the whole thing.

  ‘He what?’ Ron’s tone was concerned. He’d heard about young nannies being seduced by their employers. Had the man made advances to her?

  ‘He asked me to marry him.’

  Ron breathed a sigh of relief. But guardedly, he asked, ‘And did you accept?’

  ‘Not – not yet. You see, it was a business proposition.’ She laughed wryly. ‘It certainly wasn’t a romantic proposal, that’s for sure.’

  ‘So – he didn’t profess to be in love with you?’

  ‘No. Not at all.’

  ‘What about your feelings for him?’

  ‘I’m certainly not in love with him,’ she said bluntly. ‘I – I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone but Tony. He was the love of my life, like poor . . .’ She stopped and bit her tongue. She had been about to say ‘like poor Aunt Jemima’, then she realized just in time that Ron Spencer knew nothing of Jemima Robinson’s secret.

  They’d reached the guesthouse, but paused outside before going up the steps. Ron turned to face her. ‘So why exactly is he asking you to marry him?’

  ‘He – he needs a wife to run his home and look after James.’

  ‘But why,’ Ron persisted, ‘if – as you say – he has little interest in the boy, that they only adopted him because his wife wanted a child, why is he keeping him? Why doesn’t he let him be adopted by another childless couple?’

  Kathy’s face was bleak at the thought. ‘Because – because he believes it’s what Beryl – that was his wife – would have wanted him to do. To keep James as his son and bring him up.’