Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook

by Michael Makai

  Cart ponies will naturally require a cart, carriage, chariot, sleigh, sulky, or wagon. As pony play accessories go, these items can be among the most expensive. Carts and sulkies are typically lightweight two-wheeled vehicles similar in appearance to Chinese rickshaws which are pulled behind the pony. Chariots are similar to carts and sulkies in construction, being a lightweight two-wheeled vehicle; however the rider remains standing as the chariot is pulled. A wagon is a four-wheeled vehicle that is designed to be pulled by a single pony or a pair of ponies. Replace the four wheels with runners designed for use on ice, snow, or grass, and it becomes a sleigh. Finally, a carriage is considered the largest of the pony conveyances; it can be designed to be pulled by as many as six ponies. Pony carts can be quite expensive to purchase, which is why some pony enthusiasts acquire the necessary skills to construct their own. In addition to a cart, cart ponies usually require long reigns, and specialized belts or harnesses to which the cart can be attached. This helps to reduce the strain on the pony’s arms, and allows the arms to be posed or bound behind the back for aesthetic or postural purposes.

  Riding ponies don’t pull their owners behind them; they carry them and, therefore, typically will require a saddle. Saddles may be the kind made for real horses, or designed specifically for humans who like pony play. Of the latter variety, there are saddles specifically constructed for two-legged and for four-legged human ponies. Since the human back is not really designed to support the full weight of an adult rider (particularly in the four-legged configuration) riders often support the bulk of their own weight with their own legs. Even so, the right saddle fitted and used appropriately can make the ride far more pleasant for both the pony and rider.

  Show ponies are ponies who are specifically trained to compete in shows. They wear very elaborate tack, such as ornamental plumes, harnesses, bridles, boots, tails, and learn various skills. These skills may include a variety of gaits, jumps, dances, or dressage techniques. The highly ornamental tack worn by show ponies is usually unique or custom-made, so there are few generalizations that can be made about it other than to say it’s fancy, fascinating, and fabulously fetish.

  Pet Play Accessories

  While pony play is technically just another form of pet play, the need for highly specialized tack and accessories in pony play puts it in a toy category all its own. Pet play in general, however, is usually far less complicated or expensive. Pony play aside, pet play typically falls into three categories: puppy play, kitten play, and miscellaneous or generic pet play. As you might imagine, the toys and accessories used in pet play are relatively simple, inexpensive, and may even already be sitting unused, somewhere in your house. For puppy play, you might consider a muzzle, mittens, butt-plug tail, collar and leash, a simulated doggy bed, pet cage, dog food bowls, and chew toys. For kitten play, kitty ears, butt plug tail, cat collar, cat toys, scratching post, and simulated catnip might be more appropriate. The third general category of miscellaneous pets can consist of anything from aardvarks to zebras, and their associated accessories. I know of at least one couple that enjoys role playing as penguins. I would assume that, beyond the occasional dead fish and a lot of ice, it’s a role that should be fairly easy to accessorize.

  Age Play Accessories

  Age play accessories fall into that classification of toys that is so broad and nonspecific that it becomes practically meaningless. There are, however, some exceptions which we’ll take note of here. First, we should probably clarify that age play refers to a wide variety of activities that aren’t just limited to Daddy Dom/babygirl kinds of role play. Age play is widely enjoyed by people of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations, and can be sexual or nonsexual in nature. Age play involves at least one of the people in a scene assuming the mannerisms, appearance, and/or attitudes of a person whose age differs significantly from his or her own actual chronological age and at least one other person interacting with him or her age-appropriately, if not societal-norms appropriately. It doesn’t always have to be about role playing the part of someone younger, even though that is most often the case.

  Adult babies and diaper lovers (AB/DL) enjoy activities that involve at least one of the partners assuming the role of a baby or toddler still in diapers. Obviously then, diapers should probably be at the top of any AB/DL’s list of must-have accessories. Diapers in adult sizes come in a huge variety of styles, including the old-fashioned cloth diapers and the new-fangled disposable ones. The disposable variety is also available in a wide selection of printed cartoon character and other fun designs. In place of, or to supplement the adult diapers, you can also find adult-sized pull-ups, plastic diaper covers, nappy pants, and diaper-doublers, which are pads which make a diaper more absorbent. Some of the other accessories that can enhance AB/DL play include adult-sized onesies, twosies, pajamas, changing mats, safety-pins, bibs, pacifiers, baby bottles, cribs, baby beds, and play pens. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t forget the plushy toys.

  Age play, apart from AB/DL play, tends to fall into four general age divisions: prepubescent, pubescent, teen, and senior age play, which is relatively rare. The toys, accessories, and clothing appropriate for each type of age play is entirely a matter of personal kink, preference, and taste. Obviously, they will differ significantly based on not only the role play age assumed, but by whether the activity is sexual or nonsexual, whether it involves other types of play such as spanking, bondage, or even medical play, and the degree to which the activity becomes less of a scene and more of a lifestyle. Equipping yourself for a Saturday night age-play scene is always going to be a lot simpler and cheaper than equipping yourself for a 24-7 Little’s lifestyle.

  BDSM Furniture

  BDSM furniture is a truly fascinating subject, a subject about which I hope to write an entire book someday. I believe that what makes BDSM furniture so interesting is the fact that each piece is typically a unique, one-of-a-kind work of art, often produced by the owner’s own two hands as a labor of love. For that reason, there are few generalizations that can be made about them other than to describe their form and function, but even that can problematic given the boundless creativity that is often used in the production of some of these pieces. In the following pages, we’ll take a look at several types of BDSM furnishings in terms of their form, function, variations on the theme, and safety considerations, when applicable. I’ll refrain from attempting to make any generalizations about them regarding construction material, workmanship, availability, or pricing, since practically every piece is going to be an exception to the rule.

  Crosses

  The most common type of BDSM cross is the St. Andrew’s cross, but it is hardly the only type you’re likely to see in private or public dungeons. The St Andrew’s cross, which is also sometimes referred to as an X-frame or saltire cross, is patterned after the type of cross upon which the Christian apostle Saint Andrew was purportedly crucified in the 1st century AD. It consists essentially of two cross-beams in the form of a large letter “X”, with hardware at the ends of the beams to facilitate the attachment of wrist and ankle restraints. It may or may not be padded, may be completely vertical or canted, and can be constructed from practically any sturdy materials. Sometimes, additional braces, beams, or restraining hardware are added to enable the immobilization of the torso, neck or head. Other interesting modifications may include suspending the cross or placing it upon risers, hinges, or swivels. A raised vertical cross with a centrally positioned swivel can actually allow the cross to be spun like a pinwheel, though even just a little of that can quickly become too much of a good thing. Bottoms may be attached facing the cross or facing outward, depending on the type of play being contemplated.

  The most common configuration for a cross is to attach it securely to a wall; you should always ensure that it is anchored to the wooden studs in the wall, and not just to the plaster dry-wall. Another common practice is to use the cross as a free-standing device with a tripod-base configuration. Never simply lean a cross against a
wall or another object. Attaching someone to an unstable cross where there is even a tiny risk of it falling over could turn out to be exceedingly dangerous.

  Other types of crosses that you might encounter include the basic cross (which resembles the familiar Christian symbol), inverted basic cross, triangle cross, folding or portable cross, seated cross, cabinet-cross combo, cage-cross combo, or bench-cross combo.

  As is the case with any form of bondage play, the Top’s attention to detail as it pertains to blood circulation, respiration, unintended wounds, and the bottom’s mental state or pain tolerance can be the deciding factor that ultimately determines whether or not it is a safe activity.

  Benches, Chairs, & Stools

  For the sake of simplicity, we will be lumping all BDSM benches, chairs, and stools into the generic umbrella category of benches. The near-infinite number of variations in designs and innovations make it increasingly difficult to know where to draw lines of differentiation. In fact, the lines have even become increasingly blurred between tables and benches, as well, since many products can serve multiple purposes or are convertible.

  BDSM benches run a close second to the St. Andrew’s cross as one of the most popular types of dungeon furniture. They are typically easy to design and construct, or to adapt from other purposes, which also makes them relatively affordable compared to other types of BDSM furnishings. Unused or discarded weight-benches and exercise contraptions can be particularly well-suited for conversion to kinkier uses, which can make your next trip to the Goodwill store a lot more interesting than it used to be. The most popular types of BDSM benches are spanking benches, sex benches, gynecological/medical play, cock & ball torture (CBT), predicament bondage, electrical play, tickle & miscellaneous other forms of torture, and queening stools.

  Spanking bench is a generic term which refers to practically any kind of bench used in impact play. It need not be limited to spanking alone, as it will probably work just as well for flogging, cropping, whipping, caning, and slapping. There’s no single characteristic that makes a bench definitively a spanking bench versus any other kind of bench, other than a general tendency to present the bottom’s buttocks prominently and accessibly.

  A sex bench is any bench designed primarily to give a Top easy accessibility to a restrained bottom’s genital area and/or mouth. For that reason, it also tends to be ideal for CBT, gynecological examination play, forced orgasm or orgasm denial play, or any other type of activity that depends upon unfettered access to the restrained bottom’s genitalia. Sex benches can come in a variety of forms, including simple short bondage benches, gynecological exam chairs, birthing chairs, leg-spreaders, and modified horizontal crosses.

  Any bench that doesn’t specifically fall into one of the two categories above can properly and generically be categorized as a bondage bench and used in an unlimited number of kinky ways, limited only by your perverse imagination. Two rather unique exceptions would be the bondage horse, which typically resembles the sort of pommel horse used in gymnastics, and the queening stool, which is a specialized stool that allows ready access to a seated person’s bare genitals to the person lying on his or her back below. It is used primarily for forced cunnilingus, or face sitting. An interesting variation on the queening stool design is the smotherbox, which works just like a queening stool, but consists of a box specifically designed to restrain and position the bottom’s head in the proper position for forced oral sex.

  Suspension Frames & Hoists

  Suspension frames and hoists are a handy thing to have around if you want to lift or suspend your bottom, raise specific limbs or body parts, or place your subject into an elevated position for predicament bondage. Most homes are simply not built to support any significant weight from the ceiling and, even when they are, not everyone wants to permanently install bondage gear there. As a result, some folks find it more convenient to construct or purchase a sturdy frame to which they can attach ropes, chains, or straps for bondage and suspensions that will support the full weight of an adult. Suspension frames can be constructed from wood, iron, construction-grade aluminum, or steel pipe.

  One of the advantages of a suspension frame is its relative portability; when you’re ready to move into a new home, you should theoretically be able to take it with you. Another advantage is the fact that some types of suspension frames can easily be camouflaged as something else. A suspension frame in the garage looks an awful lot like an engine hoist frame. A suspension frame over your bed might be mistaken for a canopy support. Put one on your backyard patio, and it looks like part of an awning or sun shade. Sometimes, the best place to hide something is in plain sight.

  A hoist is any contraption used to raise or lower a weight that is suspended by a rope, cable, strap, or chain. Hoists come in many forms, and can be manually operated, electrically powered, or even pneumatic. A hoist is by no means a necessity for suspension bondage, but it can definitely make your life easier. Manually operated pulley or ratchet hoists can be purchased quite cheaply from any hardware store, and even electrically operated winches can be surprisingly affordable, if you shop around.

  Sex Swings & Bondage Swings

  Once you get your suspension frame set up, perhaps you’ll want to check out the selection of swings that are available in the fetish marketplace. Sex swings and bondage swings are essentially the same product, differing only in the degree to which one spreads you apart, making your orifices more accessible, while the other binds you up. That, obviously, can make it a tad harder to get to your goodies.

  Sex and bondage swings are uniquely susceptible to being marketed as shoddily constructed novelty items. I highly recommend that you avoid ever purchasing one from your local sex novelty shop, as you are virtually guaranteed to end up with a piece of junk that will not only fail to perform as advertised but may, in fact, be quite dangerous to use. Shop, instead, with reputable BDSM retailers. Believe it or not, right now, somewhere in the world, there’s a marketing executive thinking, “Hey, you know those crappy leather thigh cuffs which have been rotting in our warehouse for the last ten years? Let’s connect two of them with a twenty-cent strap, and sell it as a sex swing!” Trust me, that sort of thing really does happen. How do I know? I know, because I used to be that guy.

  Stocks & Pillories

  Stocks and pillories were popular in medieval times as a form of public humiliation and punishment. Today, they are found only in museums, amusement parks, and BDSM dungeons. The two terms are often used interchangeably, but they are technically two very different devices. Both typically consist of hinged or sliding planks of wood with cut-outs used for restraining certain parts of the human body. A pillory, however, is generally used to restrain the hands and neck only, and is affixed to a pole or set of poles in such a way that the person in it must stand.

  Stocks, on the other hand, are set vertically and used to immobilize only the subject’s arms and legs while he typically sits. There are many other permutations, some of which immobilize all three appendages - the neck, arms, and legs. For the most part, all stocks, pillories, and similar devices are generically referred to as stocks.

  There are quite a few online retailers offering stocks and pillories; however, their relatively simple design makes it a do-it-yourself project that is feasible for most people. Some of the fascinating DIY design variations that I’ve seen have included a chain-suspended pillory, a pillory table which required the bottom to kneel beneath the table and poke her head and hands through holes in the tabletop, and even a barrel pillory with just a head poking out of the top of a wooden barrel. The possibilities are endless.

  Racks

  Racks, which are sometimes referred to as torture or stretching racks, have been used for torture and sometimes even execution for over two thousand years. The traditional rack consisted of a wooden frame or table-like device which sat horizontally or at a slight incline, with ratcheting rollers or cylinders at each end. Attached to the ratcheting rollers were ropes, chains or cable
s which were, in turn, attached to wrist or ankle cuffs. A subject would be placed on the rack and restrained by the wrist and ankle cuffs before his torturer would begin ratcheting the rollers tight to put excruciating tension on the arms and legs. Often, the person would be held immobile on the rack by the tension while other forms of torture, such as whipping, burning, or cutting were applied. Eventually, the tension would be increased and the subject’s cartilage, ligaments, and bones would begin to pop, tear, and dislocate in a cacophony of gruesome sounds. This form of torture was so feared, prisoners would sometimes commit suicide rather than be subjected to it.

  The modern-day racks used in BDSM play aren’t quite so draconian, but they do apply the same general mechanism to stretch a person out lengthwise by his wrists and ankles, typically to immobilize the subject while other things are done to him. Due to the size and complexity of their design, racks tend to be rather pricy if purchased, or a true labor of love if constructed as a do-it-yourself project.