Memory of Morning

by Susan Sizemore

  Only, I was in no hurry to leave his company. He watched me devour my meal with a pleased smile, in between taking bites of his own roll. His attention was pleasant, even though his gaze was sharply discerning. Rather than making me feel awkward, I found him relaxing. Concentrating on my companion eased tension. I was very much at ease with this man.

  "I like you, Apprehender Field."

  "Jame. Please call me Jame, Dr. Cliff."

  This intimacy delighted me, no matter how quickly we had come to it. "Call me Megere, then. How did you guess my weakness for fat fish?"

  "You were a sailor, were you not?"

  "I still think of myself as one."

  "You'll be returning to a ship berth?"

  I shrugged. "No matter how much I think on it, I haven't yet made up my mind. Perhaps I'll know by the time I return to a tour of duty in Seyemouth in a few weeks."

  He folded his hands before him on the tiny table. "Are you looking for a sailor husband, Seeker Cliff?"

  "I might be," I admitted. "Though I wished now I had not gotten involved in the whole Seeker Season doings. I thought it would be a pleasant way to reconnect with my family after so much time spent apart."

  "You aren't enjoying all the entertainments?"

  "Certainly not all of them. But I have mostly enjoyed the time spent with my family."

  "Do you need them that much? How can you feel dependent on their approval after spending time independently? A tour of duty is two years long, is it not?"

  I nodded. "Habit, I suppose," I answered. "And you are very good at what my future brother-in-law refers to as the grilling."

  "He trained me," Jame said. "I am but his humble apprentice."

  I placed my hands on the table. "Now it is my turn to question you, sir."

  He glanced around. "We're getting annoyed looks from people who want our table. Shall I fetch seconds? And then you can grill me."

  "I would like seconds very much."

  He squeezed off toward the ordering counter. I looked around while I waited for him, not that there was much to see but people hunched over plates of hot food. I did find myself eavesdropping on the conversation of a nearby group - how could one not overhear conversations in such close quarters? There were six people, stevedores by the look of them, four seated, two standing. I did not like what I heard. In fact, the spot between my shoulder blades began to ache, as though my body anticipated being stabbed in the back.

  These were not happy men. The gist of the conversation was anger against foreigners and returning sailors and marines bringing plague back into Ang. Why didn't the foreigners go back to their own islands? And weren't most sailors and marines foreigners? Weren't they going to lose their jobs to these foreign veterans if they piled into Loudon while the truce held or peace was declared? Something ought to be done to keep 'em out. Weren't fights breaking out between sailors and clerics who were preaching against them? Maybe them Gracers were right about a few things.

  I resisted standing up and confronting the men. I wanted to remind them that it was the sailors and marines who kept the war far from Loudon. What was a foreigner anyway? Wasn't every island in the Empire legally equal to every other island, even though Ang was the largest and Ang culture was dominant? I wanted to remind them that the Red Fever was not so dangerous as even a generation ago - a cure would be found, and soon. Weren't they vaccinated? Was there any serious risk to anyone who was? Wouldn't the fresh trade from peace increase the need for employment? Why were they letting the Committees of Grace manipulate them?

  Why were the Committees of Grace manipulating them? But that wasn't the question for asking these men.

  I stood and faced the stevedores, but I did not say any of what I was thinking. I did not have to, because Jame came up with his hands full of fish rolls. He said a few quiet words to the tense men as he passed between them.

  When he reached me, he said, "It is too warm in here. Let's take these outside."

  I was grateful to go.

  We made our way through the press and crossed to the canal side across the brick street. It was easy enough to find a crate to take seats on. We ate our fat fish, then he put his arm around my waist. I leaned against him. Hot evening or not, the close warmth we shared was most welcome.

  "My turn," I reminded him. "Where did you go to school? Avan or Cambre?"

  "My scholarship was to Justice College, Cambre."

  I sighed. "Well, I won't hold that against you, though my loyalty is with Avan. But of course, I went to Avan, as I was born there. You are native to Loudon?"

  "Born not far from here. Live not far from here, too. This is my home and I work to protect it. You are one of the ones whose protective circle is as wide as the Empire, I think."

  One of the tenets of Meritocracy is that each person has a duty to care for and encourage those within the circle of their influence. Some circles are wider than others.

  "I do not know if there's enough of me to spread around the Empire," I told Jame. "But I do crave a wider life. I thought I would get enough of the urge to travel with two years at sea, but I think I have the travel itch."

  "Not me."

  There was no mistaking the hint of warning that whatever might turn up between us, his way and mine would diverge. I agreed, but here and now, I liked Jame Field very much.

  "You will do good work in the place you have chosen," I told him. "I pray I will do so in mine."

  "I hope so." He glanced up. "Look."

  Green Moon was a huge sliver in the night sky. Gray Moon at half. Red Moon was but a distant dot. The lights of Loudon did not block out the darkness. There were more stars visible then during other parts of the month. Midsummer was fast approaching. With it came the summer meteor showers.

  "Did you see something?" I asked.

  "I thought I saw a flash in the sky, but I'm not sure. May the iron get through," he added the old saying.

  "May the iron get through."

  Although, with there being far more water in the world than land, most of the meteorites that did fall on the world went into the sea. The iron-based skyfalls were an important source for making steel.

  "It is a very good thing an agreement has been worked out with the octopi for them to gather the iron rocks for us."

  Jame gave me a startled look. "You think it's a good thing? When what they want in exchange is - us?"

  "They don't want us. No one's ever been drowned by an octopus. In fact, they've been known to save lives."

  He looked skeptical, if not actually repulsed. Land-based folk often do when the subject of the octopi comes up.

  "They take our thoughts in exchange for iron," Jame said. "What do they really want from us?"

  "They want us to take the fish and leave them the crustaceans, for one thing," I said. "That's the first thing that ever got worked out between our species and theirs, way back when my family still fished the waters off White Cliff Point."

  "That makes sense as a treaty. But why read our minds? They certainly can't understand what we land-based creatures are like by looking into our alien heads."

  I recalled Mr. Waterman's ability to occasionally understand some bit of octopi thought. I recalled my own dreams after being read by an octopus. "Read," I said, with sudden realization. "That's what I think they're doing. They're reading us - the way we read novels." I laughed. "Well, I will be dipped and fried! - I have been read by an octopus! I hope I was a good book," I added.

  "I am sure you were," Jame said. "Though I am not quite sure what you are talking about. There's one!"

  I followed his pointing finger to the arc of falling fire over our heads. "First fall!" I shouted as it sizzled out in the sky.

  The same shout went up excitedly from others on the street. Other meteors flashed and faded above us.

  Jame put his hand on my cheek. "Do you know the Loudon First Fall custom?"

  He kissed me before I could reply that I did not.

  My arms went around him, enjoying the cus
tom very much.

  After a wonderful while, Jame said, "We should go back to my place."

  I was breathing quite hard by this time, and wanted his hands back on my breasts, without any clothes covering them next time.

  “I completely agree," I told him.

  We stood and shared another kiss while the fire rained down overhead.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  My lover was asleep

  My lover.

  I breathed in his scent, and smiled, and marveled at my lover. Jame was a solid, warm, softly breathing presence beside me, his naked skin against mine. I lay on my back, with one of his arms over my stomach. His head was on my shoulder. The tang of summer sweat and sex lingered on our skins and in the air. My thighs and insides ached from the newness of the act, but there was also a pleasant, throbbing pulse between my legs - tactile memory and renewal of desire. We had joked as we discovered each other about the doctor being given an anatomy lesson.

  He was a careful, considerate lover, a teacher and a friend.

  "I like you, Jame Field," I whispered into the dark room. His thumb brushed along my waistline in reply. The touch sent shivers through me.

  A curtain fluttered at the open window. I glanced outside. The first meteor shower was mostly over; only the occasional spark and sputter of late-arriving fireballs now. Sunrise was likely not that far off. What a long, eventful day this had been.

  What a long, eventful day the dawning would bring.

  I squeezed my eyes shut on the burning tears. Despite the pleasure and comfort brought to me by Jame Field, Dane Copper was still on my mind. In my heart. Under my skin. Two years of hero worship had not--

  Hero worship.

  "All's Balls!" I swore, sitting up so fast I pulled a muscle in my back. "Ow!"

  Jame grunted, lifted his head. "Do I need to wake up for this?"

  My head was spinning. My gut ached. Bile rose in my throat. I ignored all that and began to put on my clothes. "Go back to sleep, Jame. I must leave now."

  "See you again?" he mumbled into his pillow.

  "Yes, please. Any time."

  I adjusted the bodice drawstring of my dress and found my shoes. I paused briefly at the door, long enough to blow my lover a kiss and a whispered, "Thank you."

  It was not a convenient time of day to find a loitering horsecab waiting for fares in the street. It was a long walk from the east side of Loudon to the wealthy district where my family stayed. Perhaps it was just as well that it was several hours before Mr. Butler opened the door for me; I had plenty of time to think out exactly where I had gone wrong, what I needed to do, and say.

  "Breakfast is being served in the small dining room this morning, Dr. Cliff."

  "Thank you."

  Rather than asking if Miss Seeli was up for breakfast, I made my way sedately and properly to the dining room instead. The servants already gossiped about the strange family occupying their premises. I crossed the front hall, turned left, went through one of the numerous sitting rooms, through the music room, left down another hall...

  "I am so sick of this palace," I murmured. "It would be faster if I'd gone out the front door and gone round to the rear of the house. Broken a window. Climbed inside."

  I had one more turn and hall to go down before reaching the small dining room that looked out on the back garden.

  I found my cousin Rhane seated in the niche leading to the dining room door. She rose. "I have been waiting for you."

  This was totally unexpected. If I had found Seeli, or even Captain Copper, I would not have been so surprised. I was dumfounded.

  "What?" I asked.

  "Dr. Heron stayed the night," she said.

  "Yes?" Many guests stayed the night in the ample quarters of this mansion. Then her meaning struck me. "Oh!"

  I looked the seventeen year old up and down. She seemed but a child to me, but in sexual matters she was legally - if only barely - an adult. And if I could have relations with a man, she had the same rights as I did.

  "Well. I hope that Dr. Heron--"

  "He is adorable," she said. She looked at me anxiously. "May I keep him?"

  "I - uh--"

  "My parents will not complain. His mother is the daughter of an acknowledged aunt to Lord North, his father now is heir to Baronet Heron. He's good enough for an Owl, isn't he? I am good enough for him, don't you think?"

  I began to laugh. I could not help myself. Tension drained out of me and I kept on laughing. Poor Rhane looked devastated. A tear rolled down her cheek.

  I finally got myself enough under control to hug her. "Not you," I said into her ear. "I am not laughing at you. I'm laughing - at life, I suppose. I've been so upside down, but I think I'm righted at last." I stepped away from her. "You may certainly have Danil Heron with all my blessings, subject to his agreement, of course. He was never mine to begin with."

  She nodded. "Well. Good. I'm glad that's settled. He is having breakfast at the moment, and I didn't want him to say anything to you before I'd seen you first. He is very blunt, you know."

  I nodded. "Now, I have something to ask of you. Is my cousin Seeli in the dining room?" At Rhane's nod, I continued, "Could you quietly ask her to join me in the pavilion? I should like a private word with her."

  I did not have long to wait for Seeli's arrival. While I did, I contemplated my sore feet and other areas, and longed for a long hot soak. If there was one thing I adored about the rental palace, it was the bathing suite. I longed to run off and hide there now. For days. However, this needed to be done. I owed it to myself, and to Seeli, even to Dane Copper. One of Captain Copper's crew did not run away from a fight - even from a fight that turned out to be with themselves.

  Seeli came in carrying a covered plate. "I brought pastries," she announced. "You cannot hate a woman who brings you pastries."

  "I do not hate you." I narrowed my eyes and glared at the dish she held out. "What kind of pastries?"

  She put the plate down on the nearest table, and faced me. "How shall we do this, cousin? Shall we shout and quarrel?"

  "Neither of us have much practice at it, Seeli. Yesterday, I may have done just that, though. I was that angry with you."

  "Are you still angry?"

  "Yes."

  She crossed her arms over her stomach, her chin rose. "I love Dane Copper."

  "So do I." I rose to my feet. She took a step back, but I stayed where I was. "We both love Dane Copper, but we do not love the same man."

  She waited and watched me. It took me a few moments to get out the words I must say.

  "I congratulate you on your relationship with Dane Copper. I will certainly do nothing to try to interfere with whatever happens between the two of you."

  Seeli stared at me for a while. "What do you mean we love the same man who isn't the same man?"

  "You haven't met my Captain Copper. You know a father, a charming man who needs to be taken care of in all matters domestic. That man is a stranger to me, and I think it is best he should stay that way - or at least this man should become a fond addition to our family gatherings. I do not wish to raise his child, or manage his household. I do not want to remain behind while he seeks out the enemy and faces every other danger the sea brings. I would want to be with him, at his side and at his command. I have followed that Dane Copper, and would do it again. I love - more than love - Captain Copper. I would do anything for that man. Anything but be the wife Dane Copper needs."

  "They are the same man," Seeli said.

  "But I can't have both of them. Neither can you. I don't want both of them, and neither should you."

  "He told me that ship commanders’ wives do go to sea with them sometimes."

  "Would you? Would the pair of you take the child along into that danger?"

  "That would be no life for a child!"

  "Children are born under the gun all the time. It is a hard life but--"

  "I would never permit any child I am responsible for to go into danger!"

 
"Then how could you go to sea with your husband? Besides..." I went back to my seat and patted the place next to me on the artfully carved bench.

  While she hesitated, I looked out of the pretty lattice-work walls of the pavilion. The workmanship of the woodcarvers who'd built this structure was magnificent, like everything else in the rental palace. It was a dim day, warm and close. Rain threatened, but that would be good for the garden. I hoped the weather would clear for viewing meteor showers tonight. Seeli finally brought the plate and sat down, setting the pastry plate between us.

  "Plum filling," she said when I picked one up. She took one, and we were silent while we ate. "Good, aren't they?" she asked. After I nodded, she said, "Explain besides to me?"

  "Has Captain Copper mentioned Dr. Swan to you?"

  "He has. He says he thinks you are in love with Dr. Swan. Which is one of the reasons he gave when I asked him why he was courting me and not you."

  I had not expected the subject of myself and Samel Swan to come up, but I suppose it was best to face my feelings there, too. "It would be best for my peace of mind to realize that my feelings for Dr. Swan are as much hero worship as they are for Captain Copper," I began. "I do not know what his feelings for me might be, and I do not wish to find out."