Memory of Morning

by Susan Sizemore

  I was greeted by a housemaid who said, "I was just coming to look for you, Doctor. There's a visitor just arrived. He's waiting in the front parlor for you. Shall I bring tea to you there?"

  The thought of a visitor puzzled me, but I smiled with pleasure at her suggestion. "Yes, please. And something to eat, as well."

  I walked into the parlor, to find Uncle Eadum standing in front of the empty hearth. He turned to face me, offering me a smile. His eyes were serious. "Close the door, please, Meggie."

  I did, and said, "I hadn't expected to see you, sir."

  He gestured for me to sit on the sofa, and took the chair opposite me. "But you have been expecting someone?"

  I shook my head. I shrugged. I threw up my hands. Finally, I admitted. "I have a sense that-- I don't know. But everything that has happened to me in the last few months must have some meaning - some plan. But, I could also be looking through the lenses of my surgeon's overweening self-esteem. We have to be very sure of our own importance, you know," I added. "To carve on people the way we do."

  "You have never seemed particularly arrogant to me, my dear."

  "You should see me at work."

  He shook his head. "No. I would likely be ill watching you perform surgery."

  A tray of tea and food was brought in, and we remained quiet until the maid had closed the door behind her.

  "It took me a while to find you. I just arrived from Avan," Uncle Eadum said. "Your disappearance from Loudon has proved a bit inconvenient."

  I poured tea and handed him a cup. "My apologies for causing you any trouble, Sir Eadum." I had recalled that he was a Knight of the Realm now.

  He had a document case with him. He opened it and brought out several folded and sealed pieces of parchment. "For you." But he did not hand them to me. "I think that it is better we discuss this as family before you read these. I asked your parents to come with me, but they said the decision was yours and they would do nothing to interfere. They do not approve," he added. "But as the head of the family, I urge you to comply."

  "Approve of what? Comply with what?"

  He made a small, helpless gesture. "You have been chosen." He paused, licked his lips. "Chosen to bear children to the Emperor." He looked at me expectantly, as if hoping he wouldn't have to say any more. I think he also expected me to show shock and surprise.

  Instead, I sighed loudly. My brain wanted to go numb, there was a twist of dread in my stomach, but it wasn't as if I hadn't had a certain amount of warning. I folded my hands in my lap, the better to keep them from shaking. The future I'd planned turned into a gray blankness stretching out before me.

  "Well," I said. "The Emperor. Well."

  The image of a handsome young man rose before me. Smiling encouragingly when we met. Introducing me to his mother. Holding me tightly in a waltz. I recalled the snapping fury in his eyes as he addressed Lord Goshawk. Marqs Shield had all the proper requirements to be a young woman's romantic dream.

  "Well? Is well all you have to say?"

  I blinked, and recalled Uncle Eadum's presence. "I take it that the Imperial Family has decided they wish to bring a bloodline that is immune from the plague into their ranks."

  "This is exactly what I have been informed," Uncle Eadum said. "The choice to look for a candidate from the gentry was a deep secret, or supposed to be. The tension caused by fear of bringing gentry influence into the Imperial family was the spark for Goshawk's letting the Gracers loose against the middle class."

  "Why? How was accusing people of sedition supposed to keep the Emperor out of a gentry woman's bed?"

  "I don't know. I do think the Gracers' actions were allowed to distract the nobles into thinking the world was going back to the way they want it while the Imperial family continued their selection of a healthy candidate."

  "Don't any of the noble families have the immunity?"

  "Not that I know of. Besides, the nobles would expect acknowledgment, even marriage. for one of their daughters The Dowager Empress has set a precedent against raising a native noble so high. But she wants acknowledged Imperial children waiting in the background, in case anything happens to the Emperor's young heir. Healthy children," he added.

  "I am to provide these children."

  He nodded.

  "What did my parents actually say to this plan for their youngest child, and future grandchildren?"

  "They oppose it on the grounds that you were not freely choosing this arrangement. And they say you would be wasting your education and abilities. I have thought of all their arguments, Meggie. I even agree. But our family cannot afford to oppose the Crown on this. I say your duty as a Cliff is to give the Shield family children."

  "So, the children would be acknowledged as Shields. They would be in line for the throne?"

  He looked pleased. He must think this was going well, that I was being a proper, pragmatic Cliff. And I suppose he was right. If I fought the trap wouldn't it only close tighter?

  "You could not be an acknowledged lover. You would not become part of the court."

  "Will I be allowed to practice medicine?"

  "I do not know."

  This probably meant that no mention of my career, my personal wishes, had been made by whoever had delivered this news. And Uncle Eadum was so impressed by the honor being done the Cliffs that this detail had not crossed his mind. I doubted the answer would have been yes even if the question had been raised.

  "Will I have any part in rearing these children? My parents won't have contact with these grandchildren, will they? What about aunts and uncles and cousins? Family is everything!”

  "You will spend time with them, but you will not oversee their education."

  "So, I get to be a nanny but not a governess."

  I crossed my arms protectively over my waist. Get up and run? From the head of my family? From the Dowager? From the Emperor? From the Empire itself? Dear All, what was I to do?

  If I refused, all Uncle Eadum had to do was make it an order. I was a daughter of a corporate family. From the formal red seals with gold ribbons on the documents, it was evident the Emperor had already made it an order.

  This is an honor, I told myself. I did not feel honored. Trapped.

  "What tangible reward do I get for this service? How does it help the family?"

  "The family has already benefitted, niece, and more rewards will come, financial agreements, trade rights. We shall prosper greatly. As for yourself, there is already the offer of an estate and a large annual income. What more there could be can be worked out by you and your lover."

  Much of marriage is a business affair. But this had nothing to do with marriage. I understood that this was business.

  "I don't want an estate. I want acknowledgement from the College of Surgeons."

  "I'm sure that can be worked out."

  "But will I be allowed to practice?"

  "Can the mother of Imperial children be allowed into even the slightest danger? But perhaps--"

  "What about Abethe?" I asked. I recognized that I was ruthlessly throwing my cousin toward Marqs Shield's bed. I would regret this desperate weakness at some other time. "Abethe wants to have children without marrying anyone," I added, which assuaged my conscience somewhat. "Think how much better for you personally it would be if your own daughter was the Emperor's lover."

  Uncle Eadum looked thoughtful, speculative, but only for a moment. "The Emperor does not know Abethe."

  "He doesn't know me!"

  He stood, and said very firmly. "There is no arguing over this, Megere. You realize that this will be done. We are leaving for Loudon right now."

  I hated him!

  I held up the documents. "I haven't read these yet."

  He raised an eyebrow.

  "I must pack."

  Uncle Eadum held out his hand. "Come along."

  I let him help me up. "Yes, sir."

  We went out to his carriage, Star trotting by my side. Star, at least, was eager to travel.

&
nbsp; Chapter Forty-Five

  The road from Mrs. Lilac's house winds down a hill above the civilian port facilities of the Seyemouth harbor. This port is located in a calm, deep bay just beyond where the wide river mouth encounters the sea, protected from the delta tides by a breakwater built out from a tiny spit of land. This is where trading ships, fishing vessels, and ferries come and go. The navy docks are upriver a little ways, the central feature of the large navy base. The view from Mrs. Lilac's is quite nice, but the traffic in the town around the docks was anything but navigable when we reached it. Carriages, horsecabs, transport wagons, donkey and dog carts crowded and bunched together in the street between buildings and the water. Simply turning into this mass of traffic took many long, frustrating minutes. I don't know why it was so crowded and slow, an accident blocks away, perhaps. But from the reek of animal waste rising from the mass congestion, I guessed the situation had been going on for a while. Street sweepers and curb keepers are not so numerous here as they are in Loudon.

  Pedestrians and people on horseback were even having trouble getting by in the thick traffic. I did notice a bicycle go by on my side of the carriage, the rider looking smug.

  Uncle Eadum's window looked out on the water. "A boat in every slip, and the bay beyond is crowded with merchantmen riding low in the water. Why aren't they about their business with their cargoes?"

  I began to explain about the convoys, but the roaring of a volley of cannon fire drowned all my words. A familiar rush of sound filled my ears a moment later.

  "Incendiaries!"

  I pushed open the carriage door and grabbed Uncle Eadum's hand. "Ru--"

  The word wasn't out before the flaming missiles rained down - into the crowd of vehicles, into the buildings, into people and animals.

  The screaming was horrible. The stench of searing flesh rose instantly in the air. This chaos did not cover the explosions of a second volley coming from the bay. Arcs of fire came in from the sea.

  They were setting the town on fire!

  Those low-riding trading vessels were disguised bomb ships, carrying Firestars, the horrible, heavy, specialized cannons and shot of chemical-filled balls.

  The shore defenses on the hill above the town began to fire back, but there was no defending from the hideous work of the first two incendiary volleys. Complete surprise. Terrible destruction.

  The Framin had done this before, on Welis. Many of my Owl relatives had died when the port town of Conn came under this kind of attack. Now they were trying to kill the head of the other side of my family?!

  I was so furious I could have swum out to those ships and taken on the enemy with my bare hands.

  What I didn't have time for was to get my uncle out of the carriage before the next round of fire. The concussion of a Firestar landing close to the rear of the coach sent it spinning, into the air, smashing into the ground. The carriage rolled over and over.

  I rolled over and over. Smashed against the roof. Thrown against the seats, the floor, Uncle Eadum. I held Star tight against my chest while she yipped, whined, and clawed hysterically. It went on and on. Though it couldn't have lasted more than a second or two.

  I was thrown out the open door before the carriage smashed into the wall of a burning building. I landed on my back, the air knocked from my lungs. I stared at the sky and tried to breathe. I was vaguely aware of Star's squirming. I don't know if I released her or if my arms just fell weakly to my sides.

  The air came back in a hard, horrible gasp that forced me to sit up. I coughed, spit blood. Bitten tongue, I discovered later. I got to my feet, one of the lucky ones able to do so. The street was littered with the bodies of people and animals. Burning creatures ran screaming everywhere, on four legs and on two. Debris rained down. Fire was on all sides. I ignored the continuing roar of cannon fire. The sound was far too familiar to allow myself to flinch at every boom and roar.

  Training took over. There were wounded to tend.

  I had to crawl, climb, and limp to get there, but I reached the wreckage of the carriage. I found the carriage driver first, neck broken. Dead.

  He'd been such a nice man.

  "Uncle Eadum!" I shouted.

  I thought I heard a muffled groan from beneath a pile of smashed wood. One of the broken wheels was on fire.

  On the way to the wreckage, I yelled at people who were sensibly trying to run away. Some of them listened to my shouts about the need to help the injured.

  It took three of us to pull Uncle Eadum from the wreckage. I switched from frightened relative into emergency doctor when I bent over him.

  I knew the instant I saw it that his shattered and twisted right leg would kill him if it didn't come off. He had other broken bones, but nothing fatal. If he didn't have internal bleeding, he had a chance.

  I found out where the nearest Medical facility was. I went from body to body, assessing, giving orders. I did what I could with nothing, but mostly I decided which patients to have carried to the Home. I didn't question people obeying me at the time. I did my job rather than think about the danger, the battle.

  It is easier that way. To work until there is nothing more to do. The reaction will come to fill the void left by exhaustion. On the lucky times this happens I fall into a dreamless sleep. Or at least I manage to forget the nightmares soon after waking.

  It was mid-afternoon of the next day before I reached the point where I must sleep. I had been working with the doctors and nurses of a small medical home. I had no idea of the facility's name. They'd been taking orders from me - it helped to be connected with the navy in a military town - and I was grateful for all their good work.

  I accepted the offer of a place to sleep in the staff quarters, but stepped outside with a cup of tea before finding my bed. Out on the lawn was the first time I noticed the familiar smells of a burned town. Just like Loudon a few weeks ago. I shook my head, hopeless for the moment. Then I recalled that this damage had been inflicted by enemy outsiders, by the Framin, rather than the people of Ang turning on each other. Somehow, despite pain, death, and destruction, this made me feel better about the state of the world.

  Turning from looking at the destruction of the town, I caught a faraway glimpse of the naval base. I longed to get over there and volunteer to help, but I wasn't needed there. I'd been told the attack on the civilian harbor had been a diversion for fireships being towed on the tide up the river toward the navy docks. These had been stopped by the navy before any true damage was done.

  I found the bed and slept for a long time. Then I got up and discovered that naval doctors and supplies had thankfully arrived from the base. I made rounds, putting off checking on Uncle Eadum until my last stop. I had hard news to deliver. It was never easy, but this the first time I'd ever had to do this to one of my own family.

  There was no space in the medical home for privacy. Uncle Eadum was in a ward of six critically injured patients, but at least I'd arranged for a privacy screen to be put between his and the other beds.

  His eyes were closed when I approached him. I checked the treatment notebook clipped to the end of the bed. I made a note of his home address in the space I hadn't had time to fill in before now. I touched his forehead, affection as much as to check for fever.

  He groaned. His eyelids fluttered.

  I almost ran.

  But I took his hand instead, watched and waited, taking deep breaths. His eyes opened, and focused on me after a moment. "Lise?"

  "Hello, Uncle Eadum." I tried to smile, but couldn't manage it. "Do you remember anything that happened?"

  "Where's Lise?"

  Lise Hay was Abethe's mother, Uncle Eadum's long-time lover. She'd moved in with Abethe while Uncle Eadum considered finding a noble wife.

  "Shall I send for Lise?" I asked.

  He squeezed my hand. "Please. I need Lise." He blinked. "Thirsty." I gave him a drink of water. "I remember, Meggie," he said after his head was settled on the pillow. "Why don't I hurt?"

  "Poppy infus
ion," I told him. "A great deal of it. We'll start weaning you off of it in a few days. The important thing right now is to make sure no infection sets in."

  "In my leg?"

  I made myself hold his gaze. "Yes. Your leg had to be removed below the knee."

  He stared at the ceiling. I took the time to write a note to be sent to Lise. After a while he looked at me. "You cut off my leg?"

  I nodded. "It was necessary." I couldn't help but respond to the hate in his eyes. "This is what I do, uncle. Life and death choices. I want you to live."

  He looked back at the ceiling. He was silent so long I thought he never wanted to speak to me or see me again.

  He did look at me, and the anger was gone. Not that there was any love there. "Thank you. You still have to obey the Emperor, even if--" He made the slightest gesture. "--this is what you are meant to do."

  "Yes, sir." My chest tightened with the reality that he was right. "I'll make arrangements to leave for Loudon as soon as possible."

  "Good." His eyes closed.

  I left him to his rest.

  When I left the ward, I found two naval officers waiting in the hallway. One looked me up and down. "You are Dr. Cliff. Contract surgeon on reserve duty."

  "Yes." Although she'd sounded so sure, it seemed silly to affirm what she knew. "How may I--?"