Memory of Morning

by Susan Sizemore

  "Come with us, Dr. Cliff. You're wanted."

  "But--" I had to leave. "Loudon. I'm supposed to--"

  "Duty calls, Dr. Cliff. Come along."

  Duty called. I went along with them.

  Any way I looked at it, duty called.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  I didn't expect to be taken down to the docks, but that is where we went. "Shouldn't I report to the base medical facility?" I asked.

  There were more ships, mostly frigates and corvettes, and some supply hulks, out in the river than the last time I had been here. In the center of the pack, the new class cruiser Ironbound dwarfed most of the others.

  "Fleet's gathering," the woman told me as she noticed my gaze going from warship to warship. "We're going after the Framin hard this time."

  I was helped into a ship's dingy and the two officers joined me. I noticed how bright and shiny and new their uniforms were. A pair of seamen in equally new uniforms pushed off and began to row across the swift, complicated currents of the Seye.

  "There's a patient asking for you onboard, Dr. Cliff," I was told.

  It was soon evident that our destination was the Ironbound. I was curious to get a look at this ship, anyway.

  Climbing a rope ladder onto any ship while wearing long skirts is difficult, it was even more so given the size of the Ironbound's high, curved hull. My blue dress was already a ragged wreck, so I didn't mind the new damage inflicted upon it now.

  The main deck was a carved, shining, beautiful thing to behold, but I wasn't given any time to get a good look around. Instead, I was taken down two decks. There was a plaque which read “Officers’ Quarters” at the entrance to a hallway. And the hallway had actual doors on either side. Privacy? Onboard a warship?

  "Impressive," I said, though I didn't mean to speak. But since I had, I added, "What's the crew number on this marvel?"

  "Eighteen hundred, though we aren't at full complement yet," the woman answered. "Wait here, please," she said as she opened a narrow doorway for me.

  "Where's my patient?" I asked.

  "Wait here, please."

  All right. Fine. I stepped into a tiny cabin. I expected it, so I didn't turn when the door closed behind me. I'd been told to wait. I would. For a while. I hadn't heard any lock click.

  As tiny as the cabin was, it was very well organized. A small cabinet reached from the low ceiling to the deck. There was a narrow bed tucked by the outside hull. A trio of drawers were set under the bed. A small desk folded down from the side of the cabinet. There was a chair. There was even a porthole. Oh, and there was an oblong braided rug on the floor. Luxury indeed! And I mean this honestly, not as any sarcasm. Not even Captain Copper's quarters were so nice on the Moonrunner, even though they were larger - had to be, as they were converted into part of a gun deck during battles.

  "A bed rather than a hammock," I said in awe, and congratulated whatever high-ranking officer was assigned this room.

  Mind you, recognizing the black leather medical bag resting on the chair gave me a clue. It was mine. How could--?

  I opened it and looked through it. There was my surgical case and all my other equipment. How was it here?

  Well, I had sent for it. It must have been delivered to the contractors' residence then transferred here for my use with this patient that had requested me. That was a logical enough explanation. Finding several of my frocks hanging in the cabinet was not so easy to explain. These included my black lace evening dress and my ball gown, as well as two simple daydresses. I had packed the daydresses in my luggage when I prepared to leave Loudon, and that luggage had also been sent for. But I certainly had not included the formalwear in the traveling case. Or the pearl necklace I found in its case in one of the drawers. I wondered who thought I might need such clothing and baubles on board a warship?

  Further inspection of the cabinet and drawers turned up shoes, other necessities, and brand new, finely tailored contractors' uniforms. The notebooks and other items I had left at Mrs. Lilac's were in one of the drawers.

  This certainly was a thorough and well-organized abduction.

  I was completely furious at this high-handedness by the time the door opened. I had had far too much of this sort of thing in my life recently.

  "What do you think you are about, Adrew Osprey?" I demanded when Lord North stepped in.

  He closed the door behind him. He held a finger out toward me. "I have a splinter, Dr. Cliff. I need your expertise to--"

  "Stuff it!"

  He laughed. And the gesture of showing me his injury turned in to a caress of my cheek. I should have backed away from that touch, but couldn't.

  "You used my name. About bloody time, woman."

  Had I? Was it?

  "Welcome to my flagship," he said. "You'll love it here."

  I pushed his hand away from my face. "Will I? Since I won't be staying, I doubt it."

  "We sail on the tide. Or--"

  "I belong to the Emperor," I said. "My orders are to report to Loudon."

  His presence filled the small cabin. The intensity in his blue eyes captured me. "I need you here. I need you," he added.

  Oh, no, this was no time to hear this!

  My heart rate rose, and it was from far more than my anger. "I am sure you already have a surgeon on staff."

  He kept smiling. "What a lovely cool, precise tone. As a matter of fact, I do not have any other medical officer. I have impressed you into that post, Contractor Cliff."

  So, he was using my sense of duty against me. Just as Uncle Eadum had. Just like the Emperor.

  "The Emperor has ordered me to his bed," I said. "Perhaps you are aware of this?"

  "I am," North said. "Let Marqs get his own girl. I saw you first."

  I laughed. I put my hand over my mouth and laughed. I shouldn't have. I don't know why, but I laughed. Lord North always brought out the strangest responses in me.

  "You want to be with me," he said. "Admit it."

  "Don't be so arrogant," I told him. I crossed my arms. "The Emperor wants me. I have no choice but to obey." I looked him up and down. "Besides, sharing that strapping lad's bed will not be a hardship."

  "Oh, he's a handsome lad, all right. But you and I - we belong together. Didn't you feel it the first moment we met?"

  "Why are you saying things like that?"

  "Because I am a romantic fool. And you are the woman I love."

  I sat down hard on the bunk. Then I fought through the dizzying shock and pushed myself back to my feet. I glared at him. "That is not possible. You cannot be in love with me. This is some political ploy because the--"

  "I do not play politics - not with you, my dear. I don't play them with Marqs. He is my best friend. But he doesn't love you and you don't love him. Seekers must always accept only love."

  I believed him. Though it was foolish to automatically accept that a high noble wasn't playing power games.

  "I can love you if I want," he added. "Why shouldn't I?"

  Easy answer. "You. Are. Lord. North."

  "Snob."

  "What?"

  "I swear, you gentry folk are so narrow-minded about who a person can and can't be with."

  "You nobles are worse!"

  "I'm not. And there's no reason for you to be."

  I turned my back on him, which is not a good way to handle a situation in the middle of an argument - but it had become easier for me to make him invisible. I'd taught myself not to think about him, not to talk about him, not to daydream about him. Most of the time.

  My lips could still feel his kiss. My first kiss. I hated that no matter what, I couldn't forget that kiss.

  He put his hands on my shoulders, turned me gently. Brought me closer to him.

  "Not fair," I said. I fought hard to keep my arms from going around his neck. "Not fair at all."

  "I tried courting you slowly, carefully, you know. As much as I could with all the plotting going on around you."

  "You courted me?"

&
nbsp; "I said I tried, Seeker Osprey to Seeker Cliff. I told you it was complicated. You refused to notice my interest. I noticed you refusing to notice."

  "I did."

  "Which only made me more determined to have you. You are more clever than you know."

  "You sent me dried flowers," I said.

  "That's Dalraida tradition."

  "I thought it was an insult."

  "A high compliment."

  "You walked away from me at the ball."

  "I had to, to keep from introducing you to Lady Cobalt. She would have wrung everything there is to know about you out of you. The woman's a spy for Goshawk, and a more talented interrogator has never lived."

  It pleased me that things were not as I told myself they were. Still, "It was not my place to notice you." I shrugged out of his grasp, took a small step back. "It's still not my place. I do not admit to feelings for you and I cannot admit to them. I have no choice but to obey the head of my family. I must go to the Emperor."

  He threw his hands up. "By all the gods that ever were! You are a meritocrat, aren't you?"

  "What does that--?"

  "You believe in becoming the best person your skills can make you, yes? You believe in free will? You believe in self-determination, do you not? Are you going to imprison yourself within duty you know doesn't use your skills to help the world? There's more wrong with the world than Red Fever, gel. There's more to how you can serve than some miracle in your blood. More to you. Act like a meritocrat, and do what's right for you. Right! Not duty. Not corporate orders," he added loudly. "Decide for yourself."

  I crossed my arms again. Then I gestured around the tiny cabin. "And what does this have to do with free will, Admiral? You've abducted me!"

  This time he was the one who turned his back. "Yes. Well, that was a bit high-handed on my part. But you wouldn't have come voluntarily, now would you?" He turned back to me. A hopeful smile played on his lips. He was very handsome when a smile softened those sharp features.

  "I absolutely would not have come aboard at your request."

  "But you'd want to. Don't tell me you wouldn't fight for a berth on the Ironbound?"

  I had continually told myself that I hadn't made up my mind about signing on as a ship's surgeon. "I'd kill for a berth on a cruiser," I admitted to North. I always told the truth to this man, meaning to or not. "Even if I'm not sure I have it in me to be a ship's surgeon. I don't know if I can herd a captain as I should--"

  "You have no trouble fighting with me," he said. "You've herded me quite a bit already."

  I didn't see it.

  "Whatever I might do, or want to do - of my own free will - does not change that we are standing here, here and now, and I had nothing to do with it."

  He looked at me for a while. I looked at him. We just - looked - at each other.

  After a while, he opened the door and stood aside. "Your choice, Meggie.

  I automatically took a step forward. The hallway was a few feet away, then the stairs. Into a boat. Off to Loudon. I was ready to make my escape. Ready to dutifully obey. I was ready.

  But I'd stopped after one step, hadn't I?

  I needed to think. This was ridiculous. There was nothing to think about. Duty called...

  ...and free will is a curse!

  Because I stood there, frozen, aching, longing, and fearing. Thinking. Deciding. Deciding for myself when everything had already been decided for me. I was still being allowed - forced - to decide for myself.

  I swore at Adrew Osprey. But he wasn't trapping me with the reminder of free will. I had to step into the cage or flee it on my own. I still swore at him again.

  "Go or stay," he said. "Or decide on something else. Up to you."

  "I know it's up to me!" I shouted at him.

  And all he did was grin like a madman.

  "Oh, you are very sure of yourself, aren't you?" I asked.

  "Not a bit. Leave or stay," he said. "The tide won't wait for you."

  I managed to take another step toward the door, a stiff, little step, but I did try.

  I remembered Adrew Osprey holding an injured little girl in his arms, and reassuring her that I'd take care of her. I'd tried not to think of this incident many times before, because it was a memory that melted my bones and heart every time. It rose up and hit me hard now.

  "You are mine," I heard myself say. He'd been mine, or me his, or both, from that moment the night of the riot. Why that moment, I do not know, but there it was. "I love you," I said.

  "About time you said so, gel."

  "What's a gel?"

  "Never mind. Are you going to come to me, or do I have to come to you?"

  I went to him. It was only a step. A very long step considering the consequences. "I am not leaving you," I told him.

  "Good thing," he said. He held up his finger. There was a red, swollen spot on his skin. "This is aching something awful, Doctor."

  I took his hand, and moved it down to my waist. "I'll look at it later." My head spun. I was giddy. I was free! I was safe in this man's arms, and he in mine. Even though we were going to war, probably in more ways than one.

  He put his fingers under my chin. "You never asked me what my wager with myself was?"

  I didn't know what he meant. "What?"

  "The pearl," he said. "I wagered with myself that I'd marry you if you chose the pearl. I knew you would. I knew you from the moment I met you."

  Marry?

  I hadn't spoken aloud, but he answered, "Of course we will marry. Seekers must when they find who they seek."

  "Well, yes, that's so, but--"

  A knock on the door frame interrupted us. A bark interrupted the interruption a moment later.

  I whirled. "Star!"

  My dog jumped out of the sailors arms. And straight into Lord North's.

  "You traitorous ratter!" I told her as she licked his face. But my heart was full with delight. "You remembered Star."

  He looked at me, put her down. She began to sniff her way around the cabin. "I wouldn't let you sail away without her," he said. "Even if we'd had to wait for the next tide. The fleet's heading north," he added. "The Framin attack on the southern port was a diversion, a feint, even if many of my officers don't think so."

  I remembered something my brother Alix had mentioned in a letter. "The large iron meteorite that landed on a northern island."

  "Clever, gel. They'll let the Northern Fleet find the rock for them, then ambush them after they have it. The Framin think I'll follow them south for revenge, and they'll be able to chew up my northern ships with no trouble. The point is, I doubt this will be a short voyage. You won't need to worry about Marqs or your uncle for a good long while. And we'll be an old married couple before we face either of them. I'm sure your clever uncle and our dear ruler will work something out in the meantime."

  I hoped so.

  I wasn't ready to discuss wedding plans. Not just yet.

  But I was ready for something I'd been wanting to do for a very long time. The first time we met, he'd kissed me.

  This time, I kissed him.

  The End.

  Sizemore 1