by Mia Carson
There was a long moment of silence, a quiet so profound the whisper of a butterfly’s wings could have been heard. I held my breath. His apology had been simple, direct, and he hadn’t tried to shift blame anywhere else. He had nothing to apologize for, but he was standing up and taking responsibility for his actions. This was the Levi McCormick I’d fallen in love with.
“What about her?” Dad finally asked.
“He’s already apologized to me…and me to him,” I added for good measure.
“Why the hell were you apologizing to him?”
“Have you forgotten how this all started?” I asked, my tone hard. “I should have trusted him to understand and gone to San Antonio, but I didn’t. Remember the rumors about me marrying Steve? What was he supposed to think?”
“You believe her?” Mom asked.
“I do.”
“Why the sudden change?” Dad asked.
“I bumped into Steve Calhoun at Goodall’s yesterday.”
“We heard,” Dad nodded.
“When Ella jumped on him, I could see the truth in his eyes. Everything she said, he knew it was true.”
There was another long pause, and Grandma pushed her way past everyone as she returned from the kitchen, went to him without a word, and took him into her arms. She’d obviously been listening as she got Abby a cookie and had overhead everything. I knew at that moment he was going to be accepted back into the family, and I lost it. As he gently, and somewhat awkwardly, held her, I wrapped my arms around them both and absolutely bawled. My crying fit didn’t last long, but when I looked up, Mom was crying, Dad had softened considerably, and Grandpa looked the same as he always did except there was a hint of a smile on his lips. Grandma stepped back and Mom stepped in, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He shook hands with both Dad and Grandpa. It was going to be a little awkward for a while, but we’d get through it. Families always did.
“I’m glad you’re home, Levi,” Mom said as she wiped her eyes.
“Glad to be back, Mrs. Johnson.”
She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. “I think you’re old enough and have earned the right to call me Helen.”
Abby appeared from the kitchen to see what everyone was doing. Normally I’d be putting her to bed about now, and her eyes were getting heavy. “You ready to go?” I asked.
“Uh-huh,” she nodded.
“Are you taking good care of Theodore?” Levi asked.
She toddled to him and held the bear up. Instead of taking the bear, he picked her up and she held the bear to his ear as she sat on his hip. I expected her to tense up, but she seemed as relaxed as if I were holding her. Dammit! All I could seem to do was cry tonight. I bit on my lip to stall my tears as he acted like he was listening. After a moment he nodded.
“He said you’re doing a good job and he’s having a great time.”
She nodded as she pulled the bear back and yawned. He grinned, shifted her around to his chest, and nudged her head to his shoulder. She wrapped her little arms around his neck, holding Theodore behind his back by one paw as she sighed. Her eyes were open as she looked at me, but she seemed very comfortable. Maybe it was because she was sleepy, maybe Levi just had a way with kids, maybe it was because he’d given her Theodore, or maybe she could sense he was a good man and wouldn’t hurt her, but whatever it was, she’d never gone to someone so easily, so quickly. The tears threatened again… dammit.
“We need to go,” I said. “Someone is ready for bed.”
I gave everyone a round of kisses and we slipped out. Abby was fading fast. She reached for me, but when I opened the car door, she relaxed and let Levi put her in her car seat. He buckled her in like he’d been doing it for years as I went around to the passenger side.
I looked into the back seat as we turned into the road and started for Hamlinton. “She’s out already.”
“I wish I could go to sleep that fast,” he said.
I could just make out his smile in the glow of the instrument panel. “Yeah, no kidding.”
He sighed. “That was just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“You did great. Better than great.”
“I hope it was enough.”
“It was. I knew it was going to be okay when Grandma hugged you.”
We drove the rest of the way home in silence. I didn’t know what to do. Our relationship had just become…complicated. All the feelings I had for him were rushing back and swirling around me, but at the same time, I was tender. I’d forgiven him, but that didn’t completely erase the hurt. I wanted him to spend the night and make love to me, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. Plus, I had to think about Abby. I’d never had an overnight guest when she was around. Hell, until he’d talked to me, I’d never had a male guest when she was around, period.
“When was the last time you did anything fun?” he asked as he turned into my drive.
“What?”
“When was the last time you did anything except work?”
He switched off the car but didn’t open the door, so I didn’t either. “I don’t know, why?”
“Let me take you to dinner and a movie in Abilene Saturday, after you get off. Can you swap it around so you work in the morning?”
“Probably, but I don’t know. I’ll need to check with Mom to see if she can keep Abby and—”
“I thought she’d go with us, unless you just want the break.”
“You want to take me to dinner and a movie, with Abby?” My tone made my skepticism clear.
“Is she too young for a movie? There must be a movie playing somewhere she can see, and dinner doesn’t have to be fancy. In a couple more weeks, it’s going to get busy because of the harvest, so if we’re going to do this, it has to be soon.”
“Why?”
“Wouldn’t you like to have someone wait on you for a change?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“That’s why.”
I stared at him. “I don’t want your pity.”
His lips thinned. “Who said anything about pity? If you don’t want to go, fine, but I thought maybe we could catch up and you’d enjoy a break.” He opened his door.
Shit. I opened my door and stepped out as well. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out the way I meant it. It’s hard for me to adjust to someone being nice to me and not wanting something in return. If the offer is still on the table, I’d love to go,” I said, talking through my door to him as he unbuckled Abby and lifted her out of her car seat.
He carried Abby up the two steps to my door. “It’s still on the table. I know we’ve got some things to work out, but I swear I’m not looking for anything.”
“Be patient with me. I’m trying.”
He nodded as he handed Abby off to me. “I will, if you’ll do the same with me.”
I took her. She snuffled during the exchange and her arms went around my neck as she settled back to sleep. He kissed me gently on the lips.
“Give me a call and tell me the day and time.”
I wanted to invite him in. I wanted him to stay the night and hold me in his arms until I fell asleep. I wanted to see if we could recapture some of the magic we once shared. But I didn’t, and he didn’t seem to expect it.
“I will.”
He smiled and a lift of the hand in parting, and turned to go as I stepped into my house and softly shut the door.
11
Levi
I was pacing in my room, killing the last ten minutes or so before I left. It was getting cooler, so after I showered, I dressed in my best pair of jeans, a crisp white shirt, a deep red, V-neck sweater, and added a grey tweed sport coat over it all. I was over dressed for the weather, but I could remove the jacket if I got too warm, or offer it to Ella if she got cold.
It’d been four days since I saw Ella. She’d gotten lucky and drawn the early shift Saturday, so getting off would be no problem. I’d also found out there was a Pixar flick playing in Abilene with an early enough showing th
at we could be back before late.
Mom and Dad weren’t happy about Ella and I going on a date. They’d tried to warn me off, but I’d ignored them. Actually, that wasn’t true. I told them if me dating whomever I chose was a problem for them, I could find another place to live. That had shut them up on the spot. I knew their only concern was for my happiness, and I admitted, if only to myself, this could end in disaster. But it felt right, and as long as it felt right, I was going to pursue it.
Mom was waiting in the kitchen. I could tell from her face she was worried. “You look nice,” she said, her hands clasped in front of her.
“Thanks.” She wanted to ask something, and I suspected I knew what it was. “I’ll be home tonight. Abby is going with us, so we won’t be late. Don’t worry,” I said as I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.
“Just be careful.”
I wanted to remind her I wasn’t a little boy anymore and could take care of myself. I’d made my position clear, and they’d accepted it, if somewhat reluctantly, so I didn’t feel the need to antagonize her further. “I will.”
I hurried out to my truck. Ella didn’t know it yet, but I was meeting her at Dolly’s instead of her house. Twenty minutes later I sauntered into Dolly’s like I owned the place. Dressed in a sport jacket, I couldn’t have looked more out of place if I’d been wearing a pink rabbit suit. I smiled at Ella as she froze and quickly recovered. She had ten minutes left on her shift, so I sat down to wait. Dolly’s was between the lunch and dinner rush and there were plenty of empty tables.
“Can I get you anything?” a young woman asked as she coasted to a stop at my table.
“No thanks. I’m waiting on Ella.”
“Oh! You’re at my table. You want me to get her?”
I smiled. Here it comes. “No, that’s okay. I’m waiting on her shift to end.”
“Oh!” she said, her voice going up an octave and her eyes opening wider in surprise. “Oh, well, okay. She gets off at three.”
“I know. We’re going into Abilene for dinner.”
I looked down and rubbed my mouth to hide my smile as the girl backed away and glanced at Ella with big eyes. I hated gossip, but damned if I didn’t want to hear this.
Ella ignored me for the next ten minutes. At 2:59, I stood and waited until she appeared. I thought about swooping her into my arms and kissing her good but decided that was going a bit too far. I’d save that for later when I was ready to make another statement.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as we stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“Picking my girl up for a date.”
“I’m not your girl, not yet anyway, and I thought you were meeting me at my house.” I shrugged as I offered her a small smile. “You look nice though,” she said, returning my smile.
“Thanks. How do you want to do this? Want me to leave my truck here?”
“Just follow me home. Why didn’t you just meet me there?”
“Because nobody would see me picking you up for a date.”
She looked at me in that way she had when she was wise to something I was doing. “You did this on purpose just to start rumors.”
I grinned. “Yep. I’m not going to pussyfoot around this; I’m not going to act like I’m ashamed or hiding it, and I want all the tongue wagging out of the way right up front.”
She glared at me a moment before she softened, her face lighting with another small smile. “Go big or go home, I guess.”
“That’s the right attitude! May I walk you to your car?” I asked, throwing out an elbow.
She stepped in close and slid her arm through mine, and I walked to the back of the building where her car was parked. I returned to my truck and followed her home. I wanted to follow her into her bedroom, watch her undress and shower, and see her in all her womanly glory again, but I stayed in the living room of her trailer until she appeared.
She was wearing dark blue denim pants with a wide brown belt, the legs tucked into her matching dress boots, a black and light grey plaid shirt unbuttoned just enough to show the swell of her breasts, and a thin, peach-colored cardigan she’d left unbuttoned. It was a simple but stunningly effective look for her, and I began to harden at the sight of her.
“You look un-fucking-believable,” I breathed. I wanted to ravish her, but I stepped forward and kissed her innocently on the lips instead.
She looked down as if embarrassed. “It feels good to dress up a little,” she murmured.
“You should do it more often.”
She smiled at me. “Maybe I will.”
We drove to her parents’ house. I was still nervous about seeing them, but I marched in with Ella like I didn’t have a care in the world. Abby was dressed in a knee-length cream dress with long sleeves and a turtleneck, with a matching belt holding a darker cream apron with red, black, and white stripes forming a tartan plaid. Like her mother, Abby was beautiful, and she would be a real heartbreaker when she grew up. I offered to pick her up, but she wanted Ella, and I didn’t insist.
“Thanks for getting her ready,” Ella said.
Helen smiled. “I hope you three have a good time.”
“I’m sure we will,” Ella replied.
“Levi? Can I talk to you a second?” Helen asked as we turned to go.
“I’ll be out in a second,” I said when Ella hesitated. I didn’t want her to leave me alone with her mom, but I’d told her I didn’t care what people thought about me taking her on a date. I had to walk the talk.
“Thank you,” Helen said as soon as the door closed behind Ella.
I thought Helen was going to threaten to cut off my nuts if I hurt her daughter again, or something similar, so I was caught a little off-guard. “You’re welcome. For what?”
“For taking Ella and Abby someplace. She works so hard, and hardly ever does anything, and not every guy wants a four-year-old tagging along on a date.”
I didn’t know what to say. “I’m just sorry I can’t do more,” I finally said.
“You’re doing enough,” she said as she patted me on the arm. “I haven’t seen Ella this happy in a long time.”
I didn’t know what to say to that either, so I flashed her a smile and nodded. “I should go. I don’t want to keep the ladies waiting,” I said as I backed out the door.
That had been totally unexpected. I was actively trying to work my way back into the Johnsons’ good graces, but Helen seemed, if not delighted, at least pleased that Ella and I were dating again. I smiled to myself as I walked to Ella’s car, wishing my own family were as forgiving.
“What was that all about?” Ella asked as I opened the door and slid behind the wheel.
“Nothing.”
“Was Mom giving you trouble?” she asked, her tone firm, and I wondered if she was having problems with her family too.
“No. Far from it. She thanked me for inviting Abby to go with us.”
Ella grunted. “I dated a little while you were gone, but this is the first time I’ve been on a first date with Abby in the backseat.”
I started the car. “Is that a problem?”
“No. I’m glad you wanted her along. I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“What do you mean?”
“You ever been to dinner and a movie with a four-year-old?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“Oh boy, you’re in for a treat, then,” Ella said with a grin.
The forty-five-minute drive to Abilene was uneventful. Ella and I talked softly, trying to gain an understanding of where we stood with each other, occasionally including Abby in the conversation. Even though we’d known each other our entire lives, had dated for years, slept together, and planned to be married, it felt very much like a first date. We were being careful with our words, not wanting to inflict additional pain or snuff out embers of love past that were beginning to glow between us.
That’s how I felt, a strange and uncomfortable feeling. I remembered what we once ha
d and how the love we had for each other made me soar, but at the same time, I wondered if we’d ever be able to capture that feeling again. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss away the pain and make long, slow, gentle love to her, but I feared I’d hurt her so badly she’d never accept or trust me again. I wanted to rush headlong back to what we had, but I knew we had to take it slow and rebuild the foundation of our relationship.
We returned to Lytle Land & Cattle Company, where we’d had dinner the night we first made love. It was an intentional choice on my part, and she glanced at me as we turned into the parking lot. They were busy though not packed. I wanted to hold Abby to give Ella a break, and because she was simply adorable in her little dress. She didn’t appear to be afraid of me, as she had the first time I met her, but she wasn’t as willing to have me hold her as she had that night at her grandparents’ house.
As dinner progressed, we began to loosen up around each other and the awkwardness began to fade. I found it amusing that Ella had implied that having Abby along was going to be irksome or a problem. Other than being more interested in looking around and talking than eating her chicken fingers and French fries, she was no bother.
“Hurry and eat,” Ella encouraged again, tapping a finger on the table by Abby’s plate.
Abby ignored her and pointed to an elderly man being rolled past in a wheelchair. “What’s that?”
“It’s a wheelchair, Abby. Don’t point. Eat!” She looked at me with an exasperated smile.
“What’s it do?”
“It helps the man move around because he can’t walk,” I explained.
“Why can’t he walk?”
“His legs don’t work right because he’s old or sick.” I picked up a French fry and held it up to her. “If you want to go to a movie, you’re going to have to hurry up and eat, or we’re going to miss it.”
“I’m done.”
I glanced at Ella. Abby had eaten part of one chicken finger and a few fries. The fingers were sized for an adult, and I had no idea if what she’d eaten was the proper amount. Ella cut the finger in half and pushed the gnawed-on half, along with a half dozen fries, into a small pile.
