Shadow of the Factorum: The Interview

by K. A. Trent

  “We don’t want your stupid book!” A girl in the front shouted.

  “Bring out Astra!” Someone else shouted. I was glad I couldn’t blush in my makeup.

  As she walked off the stage she stopped in front of me, just out of sight of the audience.

  "I thought you'd be taller," Karissa said to me. "And don't look so terrified girly-- it's almost over."

  I smiled, realizing she was right; I was terrified. I peeked out and got a look at the crowd. It was big-- at least one hundred women-- all sitting in chairs. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at Donna's house. My heart began to race as Cynthia began to speak and I realized that when she finished speaking, I would have to cross that stage, in front of all of those people. What if they didn't like me? What if they knew I was a fraud?

  "Transgenderism has been a hot topic throughout Luna and the rest of Ereen for the last four months now," Cynthia began to speak. I counted down the moments to my untimely demise. "Astra has raised a lot of questions, and she's overcome a lot of obstacles to prove that she's capable of living in our society. Today, for the first time, you're going to get to meet her, and see what she thinks about this whole thing. This is the moment we've all been waiting for, so without further delay: Astra!"

  "Go," Melanie whispered into my ear, pushing me toward the edge of the stage.

  "You're gonna do great!" Callie whispered as I was practically launched into the light. I walked across the stage, slowly at first, my heart ready to beat out of my chest as I went step by step in front of the crowd. It barely registered that they were applauding me-- well, most of them. The hot light occluded my vision, and my instincts screamed at me to run, but I was there, shaking Cynthia's hand and sitting on the couch across from her.

  "Astra, it's so great to meet you!" she said. I couldn't tell if her smile was genuine or if she was forcing it. If it was the latter, then she was very good. "You've been making some serious waves. There are a lot of people who support you. For most of them, this is their first time really seeing you. So tell me, how do you feel about all this?"

  I could barely hear her; her voice seemed so far away, the glow of the lights, the eerily silent judgement of the crowd, the hum of the cooling units in the walls. All of them came together to drown my sense, leaving me in a disassociated mess as I tried to comprehend her question.

  "I--" I said, snapping back to reality. "I'm glad that- that I've been given this opportunity. I understand how lucky I am, and I really just want to make everyone happy."

  "Well, that's a worthy goal," Cynthia said warmly, with a nod of approval. "But how do you propose fitting into society? Do you think there's really a place for transgender women?"

  I took a deep breath. I couldn't believe I was about to say this. I was about to pull on every book that Kerra had given me; was it going to influence them at all?

  "Trans women, and girls-- like me-- had a place in society two centuries ago," I said. "I don't think that Ereen has changed that much. Many years ago, before the second revolution, Ereen had a problem with race but that was phased out by eliminating the racist programs and housing policies. All on Ereen live in peace because they accepted their differences and embraced them. It took oppression, and a full scale revolution to reach that point. But maybe with the lessons learned the last time, we won't have to go through that again."

  The crowd murmured, some of them looked at me with concern, others gave nods of approval or nods of uncertain concession, a few clapped. I couldn't tell if I'd done well or not.

  "It's true," Cynthia said to me. "Transgender women DID have a place in society after the revolution, because they put themselves on the front lines and sacrificed their lives for us, but even with that amnesty they still had to live by a set of standards far above what a cisgender woman would. Skirts or dresses at all times, heeled shoes, stereotypical feminine professions, no military service. If you're fully inducted into society here, I don't see the rules changing, so do you think you could live with that?"

  I took another deep breath, and nodded.

  "Yes, I would welcome it," I nodded. The crowd murmured again, some of them looked confused. "Look I- all of those things are to keep us docile, and in line. With the history, with what you've gone through-- what Ereen has gone through-- we should have to prove ourselves. We should have to live up to your standards. I exist because… because you say I can, and I- I'm really grateful. I'll try to be what you want me to be."

  "Well that's… not what I expected," Cynthia smiled. "I think we can all agree that's a great answer, and I for one am looking forward to the hearing. I hope you find happiness here among us, Astra. That's all the time we have for today-- thank you for coming!"

  I shook her hand again and walked off stage, feeling a bit more confident than when I'd come in. Finally, I reached Donna and Callie, both of whom stared at me like I had three heads.

  "What the hell books did Kerra give you?" Donna demanded.

  Chapter 18

  “Welcome to my humble abode.”

  Callie stepped through the door backward and waved a hand, presenting the space dramatically. Her statement was one of irony, because this home was anything but humble. I stepped about, taking in the first room: the reflective tile floor, the walls in a shade of light pink, a wooden table stationed near the front door holding a data pad and a few holo picture frames.

  “It’s… big,” I remarked. I didn’t know what else to say. Callie laughed and took my hand in hers.

  “Come on, silly.” She led me away from the door and through the wide entryway; the next room was even more impressive. It was a big space; I could see that she had a kitchen like Donna’s but it was larger, more open. Instead of being a separate area, it seemed to mesh with the rest of the room, separated from us only by a horizontal countertop with five metal stools attached directly to the structure. Just before the kitchen, an entertainment space just like Donna’s living room but again, larger. One of the first things I really noticed was the seating; Donna’s house had a couch, as she called it, but Callie had a square-shaped seating area inset to the floor. A pit, I guessed.

  Around the pit there was ample space, I guessed for more chairs, but the thing that caught my eye the most was the wrap-around windows that encircled the entirety of the house. Callie’s home, like Donna’s, was situated on the upper level of a building. But this was much taller, and the view from the top was breathtaking. I found myself walking almost unconsciously toward the glass, my eyes instinctively drawn to the skyline before me. Buildings, spires, domes, a sea of steel and glass all assembled and compiled in the most beautiful mural: a testament to Ereen’s builders, a monument to human ingenuity.

  My reflection stared back at me from the other side of the glass; I saw the image of a young girl, brunette hair falling across her shoulders in a cascading wave. The pouting lips, the slender shoulders, the pale blue eyes. All of these things came together to form a person I had never met, but had lived within me all along.

  I was her, she was me, as it always had been.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I saw Callie standing near me and looking outward at the skyline. Dusk was settling; the silver skies were hosting a radiant red sun as it issued its dying gasps of the day. Soon the world would be bathed in darkness, lighted only by the millions of tiny windows dotted across the horizon.

  “Yes.” My voice was a mere whisper as I stared at my reflection.

  “Come on, we’ve got a lot to do tonight!’ She giggled and placed a hand on my shoulder to turn me away from the window. I turned to face her. My eyes met her just at chest level; I was forced to look upward just to meet her gaze. There was something different about her, much different than Kerra or Donna. With Kerra I’d felt the longing, and finally I’d come to realize that I wanted to be more like her. Donna, well, she’d made me feel safe and now that I was away from her, I felt entirely unsure of myself. With Callie, there was a feeling I couldn’t explain; it was something different, som
ething unexplained. The warmth of her hand in mine as she led me to the kitchen area resonated through my fingers, into my palm, and caused a sensation within me that I had never felt before.

  “We’re going to watch a few movies tonight-- have you ever watched a movie? Well, you’ll like my setup. Over in the conversation pit there’s a holo screen, everyone can watch from a different angle and still see the same thing. But we’ve gotta get the snacks ready first.” Her words were coming at a mile a minute.

  “I like snacks,” I said helpfully.

  “Oh me too, what a coincidence!” She laughed and released my hands. I stared as she opened an overhead cabinet and pulled out a few plastic bags, dishes, and what looked like jars of liquid. “Chips and dip are an Ereen tradition, but these are deep fried so we don’t want to eat too many of them.”

  “What are these?” I pointed at one of the bags.

  “Veggie tubes,” she told me. “Like chips, but more veggie, and different colors.

  “Do the green ones taste different from the red ones?”

  “Opinions vary.”

  She tore open the bag and handed me a red veggie tube. I bit into it and was met with a satisfying crunch that put a goofy grin across my face. It wasn’t my favorite-- that was for sure-- but it was good.

  “I guess Donna hasn’t been feeding you junk food,” Callie noted. “Good for her. Okay, let’s try this-- see this white stuff here? You dip your veggie tube in, then eat it. Try it!”

  At her direction I took another veggie straw and dipped it into the white sauce, then I took a bite. I smiled broadly; it had added a sort of edge to the flavor and I suddenly wanted to try it again. I reached for the bowl only to have her gently take my hand and move it away.

  “No double dipping, sweetie.” She shook her head. “Eat that and get a new one.”

  “Double...dipping?”

  “Did Kerra teach you about hygiene?”

  “Not… really?” I was so confused.

  “Okay it’s-” Callie’s impending speech was interrupted by the door; it slid aside and Therese stepped through. She looked exactly as I had remembered from earlier; the same blue silky top, same black pants, although this time her hair was looser. I suddenly wasn’t sure how I felt about her being there; I’d been enjoying my alone time with Callie and it was suddenly over. It was so weird to me-- there were so many things I wanted to talk to her about, but I wasn’t sure if I could even do it in front of Therese.

  “Hello, loves,” Therese said breezily as she walked toward us. Over her shoulder hung a gray bag, which she placed on the kitchen counter. My eyes followed it for a moment and then back to Callie, my nervousness probably more than evident. “Astra, dear, they have you in some of the blandest outfits-”

  “It’s by design,” Callie explained quickly. “They want her to look sweet and innocent and that means not arrogant. If she looks like she puts too much stock in her appearance, they might see her as vain.”

  “You two put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you?” Therese looked me over and reached forward to straighten my neckline.

  “Believe it or not, Astra doesn’t have much say in the whole thing,” Callie explained “I talked to a lot of people and--”

  “What people?” Therese looked genuinely curious at this point.

  “Good grief, maybe we should sit down,” Callie laughed. “I guess it’s time to give everyone some answers, isn’t it?”

  I could definitely use some answers. Together, we walked quietly over toward the ‘pit’. We reached the edge and I watched both of them effortlessly plop down from the corner and sit easily on the fabric covered benches. I hesitated for a moment and then cautiously placed a leg into the pit. A second later I stumbled forward, tumbling downward only to be caught mid-air by Callie, who laughed.

  “Astra!” She could barely contain herself. “Who taught you how to walk?”

  The epitome of irony was that I could run along a beam hundreds of feet in the air but I couldn’t sit on a couch without falling on my face. I allowed her to set me gently on the seat beside her and felt my face reddening with embarrassment.

  “Okay, so anyway, how does it all work?” Therese asked, gesturing to me. “I’ve been trying to follow it but it’s all really really confusing.”

  “First, a little honesty,” Callie looked toward me and smiled softly. “The Factorum isn’t that silly campus over--”

  “I know what the Factorum is,” Therese interrupted. “It’s not public info but I’m also not stupid.”

  “Then maybe some more honesty,” Callie lifted a clear glass bottle from in front of the couch and reached over me to hand Therese a glass. I watched silently as she poured the contents for Therese and again for herself. A moment later, she handed me a smaller bottle filled with an orange liquid. “You get orange juice-- you’re not old enough for this stuff.”

  “Where do males in the Factorum come from?”

  “Natural birth is rare anymore,” Callie shrugged. “You already know how our children are conceived and grown; it’s less painful than it was hundreds of years ago. Obviously some of the children grown are male, and the males are shipped off to the Factorum.”

  “Do you think it’s immoral?”

  “Absolutely not,” Callie shook her head. “They’re males. What would males do with all of this?” I watched as she motioned and indicated the room and the city beyond.

  “But then you have Astra here who is clearly… Not a male,” Therese nodded toward me.

  “We thought we worked transgenderism out of our gene pool over a century ago,” Callie explained. “I was there a few months ago during a routine survey-- my mom wanted me to ‘learn something,’ as if I could learn anything by going down into that cesspool. Astra came right up to me. I was a little put off at first, but it didn’t take me too long to see that there was something different about her. Look at her now. The way she speaks, the way she carries herself-- None of that is male, and none of that can be faked. Look at the way she’s sitting now-- she knows to keep her legs together-- see how her hands are on her lap? Males don’t do that.”

  I almost wanted to remind her how much time I’d spent with Kerra and Donna, but I thought better of it.

  “She is a cutie,” Therese confirmed. “What’s going to happen to her after everything is settled?”

  “The general consensus is that she’ll be Desh,” Callie spoke over me again. I felt as if I wasn’t even in the room. “It seems harsh, but there are reasons. First of all, she’s still a biological male, and we can’t have a male working in the upper levels of Ereen’s society. Second, if transgender women are going to live among us again they have to prove that they can coexist even at the lowest levels of society. They can’t lord themselves over us; that’s just not going to work. It’s already been worked out. Donna Smythe hasn’t reached her Desh limit, so Astra can be placed there.”

  “And Donna is…”

  “She runs a salon off of the Archman center, in the Proctorum district. Astra was placed with her after her DNA test came back--”

  “And you’ve seen the DNA test?” Therese raised an eyebrow. I suddenly felt uncomfortable.

  “I didn’t,” Callie admitted. “Doctor Fitz had it archived pretty quickly after she verified and published the results.”

  “You think she’s hiding something?” Therese suggested. My muscles stiffened.

  “Oh my goodness, you’re scaring the girl,” Callie scolded. “Astra you are fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “There’s plenty to worry about!” Therese laughed. “We should really rethink that outfit of hers.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Something with a sash, probably.” Therese leaned in and stared at me as if I were more of an object than a person, but I honestly didn’t even care. “We’ve got her for the whole night. I say we make her pretty, what do you say, Callie?”

  “Okay, okay, stand up, Astra.” Callie rose from the cou
ch and offered me her hand. I took it quickly and rose effortlessly, my chest practically colliding with hers. She stepped back a moment and bit her lower lip as she looked me over. “See the problem is that I’m taller than she is, so nearly everything I have is just going to go down past her ankles.”

  “What about your old stuff?”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea!” Callie exclaimed. “So Astra, I have a bunch of stuff in the back of my closet that I wore when I was about your age-- I want to see how you look in some of it.”

  I allowed them to lead me out of the pit and followed Callie to the back of the room. She waved her palm and the wall in front of us vanished, revealing a glass hallway with a transparent floor. I gulped a bit as we stepped through it, more than hesitant at seeing the city below my feet.

  “It’s not going to break,” Therese reassured me. “Callie, can you…”

  “Yeah,” Callie nodded. She raised her arm and tapped a few times on her wristband. I watched the transparent walls around us quickly become opaque, now the same color and texture as the walls in the home’s entryway. “Better?”

  I nodded quietly, Callie giggled.

  The hallway ended in another room, this one with a bed much larger than the one I had at Donna’s house. The room was huge to match; I could barely take in everything I was seeing. Just like the living area the walls were curved, wavy really. I was drawn to them just as I was drawn to the windows in the living room.

  “Astra really likes the architecture here,” Callie pointed out to Therese. I snapped out of it and turned around to see both of them looking at me with amused grins on their faces.

  “What’s the Factorum like, Astra?” Therese asked me. I saw Callie give her a disapproving glance, but she either ignored it or didn’t see it at all. “You act so surprised at everything. I know you’ve only known me for a few hours but I’ve been watching you for a while. On the screens, out in public, I’ve seen you, and you always have that look of wonder in your eyes like you’re seeing everything for the first time. Tell me what it was like in the Factorum-- what did you see?”