Shadow of the Factorum: The Interview

by K. A. Trent

  “Well I…” I started to speak and then I realized that I couldn’t think of anything to say. My memories of the Factorum were fading; I’d only been out for a month or two, but I was having trouble recalling some of the smallest details; my old life was somehow being replaced with this new one, and I couldn’t be happier. But I could still feel it lurking over me: a darkness, a monster. The shadow of the Factorum still followed me, stuck to my form and mimicking my every movement. My hand was guided by pain, my heart was compelled to move forward.

  “Maybe we should concentrate on happy things!” Callie suggested. “Like, check it out, this is the dress I wore to my Aeristas graduation a few years ago. Astra, I want you to put it on.”

  “See?” Therese pointed to the garment that Callie was holding in front of her. “I told you, sashes are everything.”

  “Okay, Astra, undress,” Callie laughed. “We’re going to make you pretty.”

  The reaction was still automatic. I slipped the dress over my head and folded it, keeping it draped over my arms as I stood before them naked save for my underwear.

  “She’s not wearing a bra?” Therese observed as she looked me over..

  “No boobs,” Callie shrugged. “Seems like a lot of pain to put her through for nothing, doesn’t it?”

  “I guess,” Therese halfheartedly agreed. “But if you put her on hormone treatments she’ll have to get used to it.”

  “One thing at a time. Arms up, Astra.”

  I let her put the dress over my head and smiled a bit internally as the fabric brushed against my skin. I somehow experienced a rush as I realized that this was a dress Callie had worn once. What did that mean? My feelings about her were so strange; I loved being near her, I loved everything about her. I wanted to be so close to her. I don’t know why I did it, I didn’t understand why the feeling came over me, but suddenly I found myself with my hands on her waist, taking in the curves, feeling her warmth. A split second later her hands were on top of mine, gently moving them away.

  “Astra,” she said evenly. “What are you doing?”

  “I- I don’t know. I did something wrong. I- what did I do?” The pitch of my voice was rising. I shook my head. Did I do something wrong?

  “Whoa,” Therese remarked from behind me. I felt my stomach drop, confusion and embarrassment were rising.

  “Astra, come with me, over here,” Callie placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me over to her bed. “Sit.”

  I brushed the back of my skirt to make sure it didn’t get caught on the mattress and then hoisted myself up onto the edge of the bed. I folded my hands on my lap and stared at my knees. I took in the pattern of the skirt, watched the way it draped effortlessly around my knees; I somehow wanted to become lost in that pattern, tune everything out, forget that I was here. I’d done something wrong. I always did the wrong thing. Always.

  “Astra,” Callie stood in front of me and cupped my chin in her hands; she raised my head slightly so that my gaze met hers, and I stared at her pathetically. She looked amused. “Astra, sometimes people have urges. Maybe you more so than… us. I don’t know. On Ereen, there are some girls who… do that with other girls. Not everyone does, but some. Look, Astra, I think you’re attached to me because I pulled you out of the Factorum and helped you with your new life, but it’s not real. We’re friends, just friends, and that’s a beautiful thing, okay?”

  I nodded. I didn’t understand what she was saying.

  “So… Don’t… touch you… like that?” I nodded; I kind of understood, but only kind of.

  “I’m twenty years old, Astra,” She smiled. “You’re thirteen, maybe fourteen. We can’t do that sort of thing. You’re not grown up enough.”

  “Maybe we should watch a movie,” Therese suggested.

  “Yeah,” Callie nodded. “Come on Astra, look-- it’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. It’s not something you could help.”

  I looked up. I felt odd. She was offering me her hand. I reached out and took it, feeling different this time-- more embarrassed than anything.

  “Astra, we can still have a great night,” Therese reassured me. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  They were saying it, but I couldn’t help but feel like they didn’t mean it.

  Chapter 19

  I had that dream again, more intense this time, and more memorable. I could see the cockpit ahead: a man manipulating the controls, the woman with flowing brown hair, matted to her face, her clothes tattered. The pooled blood on the deck before me. I knelt down, stared at it, and saw my own reflection glaring back at me. A boy maybe two years old. Was that me? Fingers outstretched, reaching for the puddle, eyes gazing in wonder at the reflection. No, that couldn’t be me. I wasn’t a boy, was I?

  “Honey, honey, I need you to strap in,” the woman said as she moved toward me. Her horror was etched across her face. The look of a woman who knew she was about to die. It was a haunting, resigned countenance. Just as she reached me, the ship rocked. I felt a scorching heat behind me; it flashed, and then was gone. The woman stumbled and careened across the deck, slamming into a control panel and barely managing to right herself. “Jarreth, boost power to the inertial dampeners, for god’s sake!”

  “Where do you want the power to come from? Life support?!” He shouted back.

  “Do we need it?!”

  Another explosion rocked the ship. The woman fell once again, but this time was different; this time it came to a standstill. The engine hum ceased, the lights dimmed.

  “They’re coming!” the man called Jarreth said solemnly. I heard a click: the sound of a gun. He rose from the seat, the weapon held firmly in an unsteady hand.

  “No,” the woman whispered. “No, please…”

  I tried to hold onto it, to hold the dream in my thoughts and mind as I felt myself awaken. The hull of the ship was vanishing; the sensation of Donna’s spare room crept up my body, inching slowly toward my consciousness. I tried to hang onto it, squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to will myself back to sleep-- but it was useless, futile. The dream faded. The woman, and the man-- Jarreth-- faded. It was gone, leaving me to lay on the soft, sweat-soaked mattress, the silence of the room blaring inside my head. I tried to remember this time-- I tried my best-- but the curtain had fallen, the act had ended. I was left with nothing but to open my eyes and pull myself out from under the covers. With a wave of my hand, I instructed the room to turn on the lights. They were dim at first, but gradually rose to a level that illuminated the entire space.

  It was a little different than when I’d first moved in: the place had been rearranged slightly, maybe based on subtle suggestions I’d made. Donna had hung a few pictures: one depicting a scene of grass and sky, another showing a tapestry of flowers. The dresser drawers now contained undergarments and casual clothes while dresses, skirts, and blouses were consigned to the closet.

  I pulled the top drawer open and grabbed a pink t-shirt and a white skirt. I didn’t have any pants-- Ashley and Carrie had plenty of them-- but Donna had explained to me that it wasn’t ‘appropriate’ for someone of my station. I had simply nodded and smiled, though I had no idea what that meant.

  “They want you cute and vulnerable”, she had said to me. “Try to play along, okay?”

  I would play along, but I didn’t know what I was playing along with.

  The bedside clock read 07:30. Everyone would be waking up, if they hadn’t already. I listened carefully to the door, trying to see if I could hear anyone. I lived here-- or at least Donna was letting me stay for now-- but I still couldn’t help the feeling that I was an imposter. I hated the idea of leaving the room and bumping into Carrie or Ashley. I didn’t know why, it just gave me an anxious feeling.

  I took a last look at the clothing in my hand and walked to the door. I touched the panel beside and it slid aside, allowing me to step into the hallway.

  “You sweat a lot,” Carrie said; I nearly jumped out of my skin. She was standing right outside my bedroom,
already dressed and grinning at me.

  “I-I’m sorry,” I said, my hand clenching the clothes. I looked away from her as she laughed.

  “Don’t be sorry,” she lectured. “It’s not like you control your body while you’re asleep, and you know it. Stop apologizing for everything.”

  She disappeared, walking toward the living room and likely the kitchen while I made my way to the washroom. After a quick shower I looked at my face in the mirror and inspected the spots that Donna had told me to look out for. Cheeks, she’d said, were important, but eyes were the real issue when it came to differentiating between masculine and feminine. After cleansing my face, I re-applied the makeup as she’d taught me: making my face less angular, shading the right areas, and I made sure to apply the sealer she’d given me. It would keep the makeup in place for at least a week, maybe more. The way she’d had me apply the cosmetics, it looked as if I wasn’t really wearing makeup at all, but rather gave me a natural looking appearance, one akin to any other girl on Ereen. To be honest, the look wasn’t that much different from any other woman. I’d seen those who chose to redden their lips or give their cheeks more color, but overall, it wasn’t common in everyday life. I remembered asking Donna if I could use a different color for my lips and she’d simply responded with, “Why, do you have someone to impress?”

  I dressed and brushed my hair out, grinning stupidly as it tumbled down over my shoulders. It was like Ashley’s: lighter in color, and I’d fallen in love with the way it fell.

  Back out in the hallway, I walked slowly and carefully toward the kitchen, maybe a little more confident now that I actually looked like one of them.

  “Hey you,” Donna looked up at me from the other side of the counter. “Oh-- Nope, you can’t wear that-- we’re going to the museum today. You need to wear something nice. People are going to see you.”

  “Museum?” I was confused.

  “It’s, uh...kind of… Well, you go to museums to learn about history and the world. It helps if people see that you’re interested in learning, you know. It was Callie’s idea. Come, eat.”

  I walked around the counter and looked around nervously; I’d been here for nearly a month and I still felt incredibly out of place. Ashley looked up at me and laughed.

  “Astra, sit down.” She gestured toward my seat. I pulled it out quickly and sat down, placing my folded hands on the table in front of me. Donna placed a plate in front of me.

  “These are called pancakes,” She told me as she gestured toward two small glass pitchers in the center of the table. “It’s an old Earth recipe. We brought a lot of things here, or rather the original colonists did. Pancakes are made from Celda batter. You can choose-- Elseburry syrup, or the original recipe.”

  I was struggling to figure out which was which, but I really didn’t want to tell her that. I reached out and lifted one of the pitchers, staring at it incredulously.

  “Astra, you pour it on the pancakes,” she laughed. “Oh my goodness honey, I need to remember to tell you these things. Push the button on the side to open the lid, there you go, now just pour it out, not too much; you don’t want to drown them.”

  “How do I…”

  “Use your fork!” Carrie laughed.

  “You gotta cut it up,” Ashley added. “Like a steak!”

  I lowered my knife and fork, confused.

  “Come on, come on, hurry up,” Donna urged us. “We have to be out the door in thirty minutes.”

  “Come on mom,” Ashley stared at her, her voice dripping in sarcasm. “The museum is open all day.”

  “It’s the schedule we were given,” Donna reminded her. “Hurry up. Astra, I’m going to find something a little more formal for you to wear.”

  I finished the pancakes; they were kind of spongy, but then I had trouble figuring out what to do about the sticky mess my face had become.

  “Hey,” Ashley stepped over to me. “Here, dip your napkin in the water, like this, and wipe your mouth off.”

  “It’s sticky,” I said quietly.

  “Yes it is,” Ashley said. “Now we can make it not sticky, see?”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s better.”

  “Okay, you should go get changed,” Carrie waved me away from the table. “We’ll take care of the dishes.”

  I stood from the table, straightening my skirt as I’d been told to do countless times at this point, and walked toward the guest room. I craned my neck, trying to see around the corner before potentially bumping into Donna. I needed to stop doing that; I belonged here, there was nowhere else for me to be, and it was okay to bump into people. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that. I turned and walked through the door, into my-- no, her room. The guest room. Donna was just finishing laying a dress and a pair of nylons out on the bed. It was a simple gray one, tight around the waist, knee-length with short sleeves.

  “I know you don’t like nylons,” she said almost apologetically. “But they do, so get dressed-- we have to be out the door soon.”

  I waited for her to leave, and then pulled myself out of the outfit that I’d chosen. I carefully placed it in the dirty bin and replaced it with the outfit that Donna had given me. On the way out I checked myself in the full length mirror; there was nothing spectacular about me, in fact I looked kind of dull. I couldn’t help but dislike it a little. I’d seen the way that Ashley and Carrie dressed: they were so much more colorful, but Donna had told me to keep it toned down so as to look intelligent. Why did it even matter?

  “Three minutes!” Donna called out from the living room. I sighed and stepped through the door, walking down the hall and toward the kitchen.

  “Let’s goooooo,” Carrie called out, laughing as she stepped into the garage. “Race you down!”

  “You’re on!” Ashley followed Carrie from the garage and into the stairwell. I started to follow them, but Donna placed a hand on my shoulder.

  “Astra, in the car,” she said quietly. I looked at her for a moment and then silently obeyed. As soon as I was on the passenger side, she pressed her palm against the reader, and the vehicle hummed to life. The once-dark interior sprang to life as the central panel came alight along with countless other lights throughout the vehicle. The main screen flashed the time and then adjusted, sending the clock to the upper right corner and displaying a sort of media player in the center. A text readout advised us: ArTech Industries - Passengers: 2. Please engage safety fields. Have a great trip! I felt a slight lifting sensation as the car levitated just slightly above the floor of the parking bay, maybe ten inches. From what I’d read, cars had moved on wheels at one point-- especially when Ereen was first colonized-- but that was no longer the case.

  Donna waited as the vehicle moved to the side, then lowered, eventually reaching the ground level and emerging into the open air. I blinked; I hadn’t been outside in at least a week and it was a little disconcerting. The first thing I noticed were the two black cars parked on either side of the street. Of course. They hadn’t stopped watching me, had they?

  “Hold on,” Donna stopped at the end of the drive and waited for a black-uniformed officer to approach. She pressed a button and the driver side window retracted into the door.

  “Miss Smythe,” the officer said, glancing briefly in my direction. I found myself looking away, not wanting to meet the gaze of someone who might be able to end all of this with a single word. “Follow us, and don’t deviate from the route, okay?”

  “I’m not stupid,” she sighed. “We’ve talked about this.”

  “We just want to make sure everyone stays safe,” the officer said in her best reassuring voice. “You know how it is out there.”

  Donna raised the window, forcing the officer to step back.

  “You’re scaring her,” she said just before the window sealed shut.

  “Okay, let’s do this.” Donna waited a moment for Ashley and Carrie to climb into the car.

  “Mom, what did the officer want?” Ashley asked.

  “Just making
sure we were staying safe, honey,” Donna replied back.

  As instructed, she pulled the vehicle out of the driveway and followed the black car while another tailed us. I occasionally glanced back, trying to see if it was still there. It always was.

  “It’s not going to go away, Astra,” Donna said in her lecturing tone. “Stop looking.”

  “Why are they following us?”

  “You know why, Astra,” She said quietly.

  We passed the ride in silence, at least Donna and I. I could hear Ashley and Carrie chatting occasionally in the back seat, but for the most part they played with their tablets. I had a tablet but I’d left it on my bedside table; I hadn’t really figured out why anyone would use one for fun. Maybe I would have to ask one of them later.

  “We’re here.” Donna was exasperated, I couldn’t tell if she was upset with me or with the guards that were following us. I had a brief moment of panic; what if I was upsetting her? If I was, would she even want me around anymore? Why did she want me around in the first place? What if she made me leave? Where would I go? All of these thoughts rolled through my mind at once, and I found myself breathing heavily while experiencing a sinking feeling in my stomach. What if she didn’t like me anymore?

  What if she didn’t like me anymore?

  I had to be careful, she’d liked me before, right? Had anything changed?

  “Astra, what’s wrong, honey?” she asked me as she parked in one of the white-lined parking spots. “You’re breathing really heavily.”

  “Nothing,” I shook my head, reassured by her calling me “honey.” It was just panic, and everything was still fine. I took deep breaths to calm myself.