What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  I gently kissed her as I thrust forward.

  She bit on my bottom lip, shutting her eyes, moaning with the slightest hint of pain. I eased myself back a little and inched forward more slowly. I cared about her pleasure. I cared about how she felt in this moment. What the fuck was wrong with me… wanting to share this moment with her…

  I hurried to kiss her, making it sloppy, as though we were drunk and stumbling in from the bar, looking for a quick hook up.

  I barreled my hips forward, showing no more mercy, making it well known that every inch of my cock was up for grabs with only one destination.

  Willow groaned, our lips touching, but we weren’t kissing.

  My right hand touched her hip, feeling her almost wiggling as she tried to get used to me. I gritted my teeth, promising myself that I wasn’t going to lose myself just yet.

  I kissed her chin.

  She put her head back.

  I kissed her neck.

  Soft and gentle kisses, which was the complete opposite of what was happening down below. I took myself to the hilt inside her, my kisses working their way down to her breasts. I growled as my mouth slid over her right breast. The tip of my tongue flicked against her nipple, feeling her tighten and harden. Her hands touched my back, sliding up and sinking those nails into me again. It was like she wanted to rip my skin open and leave me with a little reminder and a goodbye of what we were doing.

  I pulled away from her breast and put my hands flat to the bed. Now I wanted to watch her. I thrust with force that was unforgiving, but needed. Her nails left marks from my back to my shoulders and down my arms. Her fingers hooked around my flexed triceps muscles and held there. Sometimes, she looked right at me as I had her body. Sometimes, she would blush and close her eyes. My favorite was when she put her back up and arched her chest. I began to notice little things. The way her left breast had a freckle you wouldn’t know was there unless you saw her topless. Which made me wonder how many people had seen that freckle. It made me grit my teeth with a sense of jealousy over anyone who had seen it before me.

  There was no stopping my racing thoughts. No matter how hard I fucked, the thoughts remained. They only got worse as Willow reached climax a second time. She began to pull herself up using my arms. I hurried to slide a hand to her back. Her lips kissed my chest and she groaned, her warm breath spreading across it. I looked down at her and she looked up at me. The look in her eyes told me more than she probably ever intended for me to know.

  I hurried to kiss her again. Sloppy at first, but slowing and becoming the kind of kiss you’d never forget. I moved faster against her body. Thrusting harder. Feeling every inch of her that my body could explore. When I sank deep into her sweetness, I would hold there and press harder. Her hips would buck up against me and she would cry out in pleasure.

  She began to match my speed, hooking her ankles around my body, knowing she had me for the moment. Which I could be okay with. Because holding back was no longer an option.

  I had one hand at her back and I brought my other hand to her hair. My fingers sliding into the mess of her hair, holding her head, still kissing her, feeling myself thickening to a point of no return.

  I sped up faster than ever. Willow moaned and sighed into my mouth. I stopped kissing her, but I didn’t take my lips away from hers.

  We were locked tight, lips, bodies, everything else.

  I finally thrust forward one last time and felt myself climax. I held there, pulsing, Willow’s hips still rocking, wanting me.

  She kissed me.

  I kissed her back.

  I held her tight as I eased her back down to the bed and away from my body. She quickly threw her arms around my neck and held me in place, hovering over her.

  “Travis…”

  “Willow…”

  She swallowed hard. “I needed that.”

  “I know, bunny,” I said and grinned. I pressed my lips to hers one more time. Then I admitted something I didn’t quite expect. “I needed that too…”

  I finished my smoke in the silence of the outside night. It was cool, damn near borderline cold. I was shirtless and was cold enough that I could cut glass, if you know what I mean. This was a far cry from where I had been living for so long. Even in the midnight hours you were able to hear and see something down on the beach. There were always lights from a bar or club. The racing of car engines. The cry of sirens. Hell, at this hour I would just be about to take the stage.

  I looked down at my hands. I hadn’t gone this long without playing drums in a really long time.

  The night was too dark. It was too quiet.

  I retreated back into Willow’s apartment.

  I knew that tomorrow, I was gone. There was nothing left in this town. There never was. Coming back was a bad idea. All I could hope for was that things had cooled off with everyone in the band. Not that I expected to be brought back on as the drummer, I just didn’t want to have the heat of Dez running his mouth that I attacked him. In some messed up way, I actually gave a shit about my career and my life. I wanted to play drums. In a band. In the studio. Hell, I’d even take on a guitar gig at this point. Just to keep music in my life and in my hands.

  Not to mention that water.

  Not hearing the waves was like being deaf for me. Staring out to the point where the water met the horizon, there was a sense of comfort. As though we really weren’t all that far apart. Sky to water. Water to ground.

  Or maybe that was all just hippie shit.

  I looked around the apartment, eying the couch, wondering if that’s where I was supposed to sleep. It made me smile, amazed that I was tossed to the couch the first night I slept here, but now that I’d slept with Willow, did that give me access to her bed to sleep comfortably?

  It didn’t matter to me. Whatever made her feel safe and happy.

  That’s when an idea hit me.

  As I stepped into the bedroom to check on Willow, the idea crashed down on me harder than a wave.

  I gently slipped into the bed, trying not to wake her up.

  That was impossible because the bed Willow had was as creaky as anything. The mattress was old, and she damn near rolled all the way over because of me being on the other side of the mattress.

  She groaned and opened her eyes for a second.

  “Hey, bunny,” I said.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, putting her hand to my bare chest. “Oh, shit, you’re freezing.”

  “Was outside for a minute.”

  “Right,” she said.

  Her eyes started to shut. She kept her hand on my chest.

  I looked down and thought about putting my hand to hers.

  No.

  That would be… too much.

  “Hey, Willow.”

  “Yeah?” she asked, not opening her eyes.

  “I’m really leaving,” I whispered. I turned my head and saw her slowly open her eyes. “I didn’t just say that to have this happen tonight. I have to go.”

  “I know you do,” she whispered back. “I didn’t even ask what happened today. I just know it was bad. I can feel it coming off you.”

  “I’m not going to fly back.”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to get a rental and drive. Take the road trip I wanted to.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. I need it.”

  “Promise me something,” Willow whispered.

  Her voice was so sexy when she whispered like this. Under the sheets. Sleep on her voice.

  “Promise you what?”

  “You’ll keep in touch with me,” she said. “Every single day.”

  For the first time in a long time, I was nervous. Which wasn’t like me at all. I never got nervous. I just lived. And whatever happened after that was just life.

  “I’m not going to call you, Willow. I’m not going to text you either.”

  “You’re not? Why?”

  I reached across my body and touched her face. My thumb stroked her
cheek.

  “Because you’re going to be there with me.”

  “What?” she asked loudly.

  “Come with me. Road trip. You and me. We cruise down to my place. You can stay there as long as you want. Then fly back.”

  “Travis… I…”

  “Don’t make excuses, bunny. I want you to do this with me.”

  She stared at me, mouth open. Her eyes matched. I could damn near hear her heart racing, even though our bodies weren’t touching.

  I figured it would take me the rest of the night to convince her. Which was fine by me. I didn’t need sleep. My plan was to down some coffee, rent a vehicle, and drive.

  If the passenger seat was empty, then I’d put my black notebook there and miss the hell out of Willow.

  “Okay,” she said.

  “Okay,” I said. “I don’t know what your entire story is, Willow, but if you don’t do this with me-”

  Willow put a finger to my lips to shut me up. “I already said okay.”

  “Okay to what?” I asked, my lips sliding against her finger.

  “Okay… I’ll go with you.”

  17

  Not Really a Goodbye

  WILLOW

  I hated the building. I hated everything about it. The look. The smell. The way the outside light had this ugly yellow, foggy look. The bushes were always overgrown and there was garbage everywhere. The dumpster wasn’t emptied enough so the smell wasn’t all that great either.

  But this was Wren’s home. This was Max’s home. Actually, it was more Max’s than Wren’s. There was one bedroom, and it was Max’s. Wren’s bedroom was the living room because she slept on the couch that pulled out into a bed. This was the best she could provide, even though I wanted so much more for her.

  She opened the door after I knocked, and she backed up, opening the door the rest of the way. I slipped inside without even so much as a hello. I heard the sound of a cartoon explosion and saw Max bouncing on his knees as two people were squaring off in some animated war.

  “Hey, Max,” I said.

  “Auntie Willow,” he said and waved.

  “Coffee?” Wren asked as she shut the door and walked toward the kitchen.

  I followed her, feeling her cold shoulder send chills through my body.

  I leaned against the archway to the narrow kitchen and watched her refill her coffee mug. It was a picture mug I had Max get for Wren on her first Mother’s Day. Most of the pictures were fading off the mug, telling me that she put it in the dishwasher, even though she wasn’t supposed to.

  “I’ll ask again. Coffee?”

  “No thanks,” I said.

  “Anything to drink?”

  “No.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  I took a key out of my pocket and put it on the counter.

  “What’s that for?” Wren asked.

  “My apartment.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’m leaving town.”

  “What?”

  “I’m leaving. I’m going on a trip.”

  “You just went on a trip.”

  “That wasn’t a trip, Wren. That was stupid. This time I’m…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m going on a road trip. With Travis.”

  Wren raised an eyebrow. “Now that’s breaking news. You and him in a car?”

  “He’s driving back to his place. He asked me to go. I think I should.”

  Wren nodded. “Okay.”

  “I want you to have a key to my apartment. In case you need it.”

  “In case I don’t pay my rent? And I need to go on the run from my landlord?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You implied it.”

  “Wren, I’m sorry for what happened. For what I said. For the way… I mean, you’re right. I had no business telling Travis about you and Brendan. And I didn’t mean for it to cause harm. I just hope you can understand things from my point of view.”

  “Which is what?” Wren asked.

  I stepped toward my little sister. “I was there when he wasn’t. For everything. I didn’t realize the way you felt. I’m sorry for that. You’re a good mother to him for wanting Brendan to be in his life. I just feel pain when you do, Wren. He was there with another woman that night. And I know Travis was going through some stuff because of his sister. He met Max and I think something just… I don’t know. Brendan has never had to face a man in this situation.”

  “It’s nobody’s situation but mine,” Wren said.

  “Not when he shows up and takes all your money and leaves you hanging. And I’ll always be there for you. You know that. I just want you to be happy. To find happiness. I know it’s a hard path to go down, and I know you’re doing this alone. I would hate to see you miss out on a great life because of something that will never happen.”

  “So, you came here to give me your apartment key and relationship advice? And then brag to me that you’re taking off with some guy you had a thing for in high school? Yet you’re telling me to let go of the guy I’ve loved since high school?”

  “Wren, stop twisting my words,” I said. “I came to apologize. So, I’ll stop there. I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for what I said. For what Travis did. I’m sorry if that made Brendan feel uncomfortable. You can tell him that Travis is gone. I wanted to come and say goodbye to you and Max. If you need my apartment for anything, use it.”

  I turned to walk away, blinking fast to shield myself from tears.

  “How long are you going to be gone for?” Wren asked.

  I touched the corners of my eyes and cleared my throat. “I don’t know.”

  “Max is going to miss you.”

  “I know. I’ll talk to him every day. I promise.”

  “I know that, Willow. You don’t need to promise me or Max anything.”

  “Right.”

  I went to the living room and crouched in front of Max.

  “Hey, Max, can I have a hug?”

  Without looking away from the TV, he put his arms out and hugged me. I stood up and took him with me, stealing his attention from the TV.

  “Max, look at me for a second,” I said.

  He looked at me. He smiled.

  That always made me smile.

  “I’m going on another trip,” I said. “This one will be longer.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Just for a drive.”

  “A long drive?”

  “A really long drive.”

  “Okay. Have fun.”

  I laughed. “Max, I wanted to say goodbye to you. And I wanted to tell you that I love you. And I want you to be extra super good for Mommy while I’m gone. Make sure you tell her lots of jokes. Clean up your toys. Sleep really good for her too. Okay?”

  “Got it,” Max said.

  I hugged him and shut my eyes.

  It was strange because I felt a heart-ripping guilt that I was leaving. It wasn’t like I wasn’t coming back or anything.

  I kissed Max’s cheek, leaving a wet spot that he didn’t touch for a few seconds until after I put him on the floor.

  When I turned, Wren was standing there, her eyes glossed over.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “You’re right.”

  “I’m right?”

  “About everything,” Wren said.

  I pointed to the table and she nodded.

  We distanced ourselves from Max. Neither of us took a seat though. We stood there, staring at each other. I let out the smallest of smiles and Wren scoffed and moved her eyes in circles as though that was going to hide the tears.

  “Just say it,” Wren said. “Jump on me and tell me how terrible I am.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I am terrible, Willow. Everything you said is right. I know who Brendan is. And what he’s going to do. I just can’t help it. Because in my heart, I always ask… what if? What if this is the time he actually changes? So, to hell with me for that. But I love my son. I take car
e of him. You may not agree with things I do or say, and that’s fine…”

  I stepped toward Wren and grabbed her hand. “You’re a good mother. I think I put unfair stress on you in life, Wren. Mom is a good person, but she was never fully there for us. So, I took that on. Nobody asked me to. And all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. I’m sorry if I’ve ever judged you as a mother.”

  “I just wish he loved me the way he loves you,” she said.

  “You’re his mother. I’m the aunt. I’ll always be cooler than you.”

  “Then go and have a baby so I can be cool.”

  “Easy there,” I said, my face burning a little. “I’m not anywhere…”

  “Look at your face right now,” Wren said. “You didn’t. You didn’t sleep with him, right?”

  My face burned even hotter.

  “I’m leaving now,” I said. “Glad we can do this without fighting.”

  Wren came after me and caught my arm. “You’re crazy, Willow.”

  “I’m the crazy one now?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “And I like it. Go and be crazy.”

  “I’m not going to be crazy,” I said. “I’m going to clear my head.”

  “And have a lot of great sex,” Wren whispered.

  “If that’s a perk of the trip, then sure.”

  “My older sister is a whore.”

  “Stop it,” I said. “Max can hear you.”

  “No, he can’t. I whispered.”

  “You did not whisper.”

  Wren laughed. “Keep in touch with me, Willow.”

  “I will. I’ll call every day.”

  “To talk to Max.”

  “You’ll be there too.”

  “Bitch,” Wren whispered.

  “Love you too, Wren.”

  I hugged her and walked to the door.

  She came charging after me one more time, stopping me at the door.

  “What now?” I asked.

  “The key to your apartment,” she said.

  “What about it?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “All the bills are paid up?”

  “Of course. Paid in advance for next month too.”