What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  “You’re such a dork, Willow.”

  “The word you’re looking for is responsible.”

  “But it would be totally okay if I were to, say, babysit the apartment, right?”

  “Yes,” I said. “What haven’t you paid here?”

  Wren shrugged her shoulders. “Everything.”

  Her eyes filled with tears again.

  “Hey,” I said. “Forget about this place. Take Max to my place and consider it a vacation.”

  “I will,” Wren said.

  I touched her face and felt my heart shatter as it had done a thousand times before when staring into her eyes. She was forever young and forever wild, no matter what life tried to give her. The only thing that mattered was that Max was taken care of.

  I left the apartment building and caught myself crying as I got into my car. I wasn’t sure if it was from the emotion in the apartment with Wren or the weird smell from the hallway.

  I looked at myself in the mirror and answered my own thought.

  “Probably both.”

  When I saw Travis’s guitar case and bags on the couch, it made my stomach flutter. This was really going to happen. I was going to get into a vehicle with Travis and let him drive. Of course, this wasn’t like some dumb movie where we’d have no cell reception and we’d get attacked by a masked killer and never be found. If at any point I wanted to go home, I would.

  But I needed this.

  I really needed this.

  In ways nobody really knew, and in ways that I’d never really thought about.

  I walked to the guitar case and touched it.

  My next stop was my bedroom. I had two large suitcases packed and on the bed.

  The sheets were still messy, which wasn’t like me. I was always sure to make the bed. When I looked at the bed, I bit my lip, seeing everything in my mind that happened the night before with Travis.

  With my cheeks burning again, I opened the drawer of the nightstand and found a letter. It had been a while since I’d read it. It had been a while for a lot of things.

  I opened the piece of paper and looked at the bouncy handwriting. Just the sight of the blue pen and crooked letters made me tear up.

  Dear Willow,

  In life, we are guided by the stars at night, our hearts in our sleep, and the horizon during the day. Each second is a piece of a collection. The greatest collection we will ever have. And nobody can ever have the same collection. You may trade pieces of that collection, but what you have will forever be yours. Sometimes that collection feels lost, which is what happened to me. The moments when the sun shines just the right way through the crack in the curtains, I can see everything I have lost.

  “Hey, Willow?”

  I jumped and spun around, still holding the letter.

  Travis stood in the doorway. My eyes did a scan of his body. It was way too obvious, but I didn’t care.

  “Hey,” I said, blinking fast.

  “You good?”

  “Great.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you reading?”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  I turned and stuffed the letter into a pocket on the front of my one suitcase.

  “Right,” Travis said. “Taking love letters from your old boyfriends on our trip?”

  “Exactly what I’m doing,” I said. “The whole bunch of them… one.”

  Travis let out a laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked. “I can only image the stack of love letters you have.”

  “Nah,” he said. “I don’t get love letters.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You get hangovers and regrets.”

  “Ouch,” Travis said. He touched his chest. “You’re in a mood.”

  “Nope,” I said. “Just ready to go.”

  “That’s good. I have the rental ready to go.” Travis lifted his hand, keys dangling from his middle finger.

  “Did you say goodbye to Sam?”

  “I’m not really a goodbye kind of person, bunny,” he said.

  He turned and disappeared.

  I took my suitcases off the bed and plopped them to the floor so I could drag them behind me. I went after him as he went to his bag and dug through it for a second.

  “Are you going to carry my bags for me?” I asked.

  “I thought that was Sam’s job,” Travis said.

  “Asshole. You can’t be a gentleman for a second?”

  “I don’t remember much of anything gentle last night, Willow.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Right.”

  Travis. About that. I don’t regret that. I never would. I really did need that. But maybe we should set some rules while we’re on the road together. I’m not sure we can have a free for all kind of thing…

  “Don’t worry, bunny, I’ll be a gentleman while we’re on our road trip,” Travis said. He zipped up his bag. “This isn’t some fuck party for me, I promise.”

  The words made me flutter in spots that contradicted my thoughts and his words.

  “Should we hit the road?” he asked.

  “I’m ready when you are,” I said.

  He walked to the door, bags slung over his shoulder, guitar case in his hand. He opened the door and nodded.

  “After you,” he said.

  “Such a good guy,” I said.

  When I got to the doorway, he stuck his foot out to stop me.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “You know I’m carrying your bags downstairs.”

  “I know,” I said and let them go.

  I tried moving but Travis kept his leg blocking me.

  “What now?” I asked.

  His face got serious. “I’m not coming back here, Willow.”

  “I know,” I said again.

  “That means whatever happens on this trip has to stay there.”

  “Meaning what?” I asked.

  Travis touched my cheek, sending shivers through my body.

  “Meaning you’d better fucking protect your heart and never fall in love with me.”

  A WHILE BACK… THAT ONE NIGHT…

  18

  Real Hurt, Fake Papers

  TRAVIS

  “What the hell is he going to do now?” I asked Sid as I sat on top of an old picnic table. I had a warm beer in my hand and wished it were something harder. It had been a fuck of a day on top of a fuck of a week.

  But what did I know, right? I was just some punk teenager who knew nothing about life. That’s what they all saw, but only a handful actually knew who I was or what the fuck had been going on inside the place I was forced to call home.

  “Cole always does this,” Sid said. “He thinks he can do stunts and make money off it.”

  “Make money how?” I asked.

  “Luke is going to video it. Then pass it around.”

  I shook my head. “You all need to grow the fuck up.”

  “Like you’ve never done this shit?” Sid asked. He laughed and threw an elbow at my arm. He was drunk and slammed his elbow hard into me. “Right? Remember that night we filled up, what, a hundred water balloons and threw them at cars and people? And then that one guy in a truck chased us for half an hour?”

  “I was there,” I said. “Fuck, I was there.”

  “Come on, man,” Sid said. “Loosen up a little.”

  He threw his elbow again and hit me in the same damn spot.

  I gritted my teeth as the anger ignited even more.

  “What the fuck are you going to do now?” Luke called out, cupping his hands around his mouth.

  I shook my head watching Luke.

  He was a such a pussy sometimes. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be with Julie. He wanted to be holding her hand in secret, trying to find a place to get something to eat where it was just them. He tried to balance that shit out, and it was never easy because he never followed what he wanted. He was too worried about what the guys would think. Too worried about what I would think. I respected
him for worrying about my thoughts about him, but seeing him standing at the bottom of the tree while Cole climbed up another thick branch, I felt like we were all wasting our fucking lives.

  I couldn’t just up and leave town yet. I would never do that to Julie. She still had a couple of years to go before freedom would finally taste as real as anything. Then again, if Luke could man up and find his balls, he could take care of Julie and I could figure out my own shit.

  “He’s going to break his neck,” Sid said.

  “Maybe that will teach him a lesson,” I said.

  I lifted my beer bottle as Sid threw a third elbow. He hit me, and I dropped the bottle. I watched it smash against the seat of the picnic table and fall to the ground sideways, pouring everywhere.

  “Oh, fuck, man,” Sid said.

  I turned and swung before I thought about it.

  Sid was lucky. The punch came from my right hand which meant turning at a strange angle that took away some of the strength. So, when I hit him in the jaw, he did go down, but he didn’t get knocked out. He simply toppled to the grass, turning so he was on his ass, touching his jaw.

  “Stop fucking touching me,” I growled.

  “Jesus, Travis,” Sid said. He put his other hand out. “I’m sorry. Shit.”

  “Fuck, man,” I yelled.

  “Whoa, Travis, easy,” Sam said, touching my arm.

  I shook Sam away and stepped over Sid.

  “When the fuck does that end?” I yelled and pointed to the tree. “You’re going to kill yourself, asshole.”

  “Get it on video,” Cole called out. “We’ll be rich as fuck.”

  “Get him down from there,” I said to Sam.

  “There’s only one way he’s coming down,” Sam said.

  He shrugged his shoulders and took out a flask from the inside the pocket of his fancy ass coat.

  “Give me that,” I said.

  “Figured,” Sam said.

  I sipped it and licked my lips. “Scotch?”

  “Expensive stuff,” he said. “Stole it from my father.”

  “Big Sammy drinks the really expensive shit, huh?”

  “Yeah. Once a year. Christmas Eve. He buys the most expensive bottle and takes two drinks from it and gets hammered.”

  “Your dad sounds like a party,” I said.

  “You grew up with him. You’ve seen it.”

  I laughed. “I know. But I won’t say a word. Cheers to Big Sammy and his expensive booze and his weak tolerance to the hard stuff.”

  I threw the flask back and gulped it like it was water.

  Truthfully, I didn’t see the appeal for something so expensive. Give me the cheapest whiskey you could find and that’s the shit that made the devil in my heart happy and calm down.

  I handed Sam the flask as Luke let out a yell.

  I turned my head just in time to see a flash of something as it fell to the ground.

  That flash was Cole.

  The thud was damn hard.

  “Oh, fuck,” I yelled.

  Luke stood frozen, covering his mouth.

  Pussy.

  Maybe it was a good thing that he and Julie could never figure out their relationship, or whatever they had together. Christ, what would he do if they ever got into some trouble? Would he just stand there? Or would he do the right thing and defend my sister?

  Cole looked at me, his eyes damn near rolling in his head.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked. “Can you move your arms? Your legs? Do you know your name?”

  “I’m good,” Cole said. “I got the wind knocked out of me. I think I broke a rib. Maybe two.”

  I crouched as Sam moved to the other side of Cole.

  “We should call an ambulance,” Sam said.

  “Don’t look at me,” I said. “I didn’t fall out of a fucking tree.”

  “I jumped,” Cole said and then he winced in pain.

  “Jumped,” I said. “Yeah, right. When the fuck are you going to cut that shit out?”

  “Fuck off, Travis,” Cole said.

  “Take it easy, man,” Sam said.

  I thought Sam was talking to Cole, but he was talking to me.

  “What the fuck is with you?” I asked Sam.

  “Nothing,” he said. “You’re in a bad mood, man. You’re taking it out on everyone.”

  “Well, then fuck you all. I’ll just head home.”

  I stood up.

  “Bro, wait a second,” Sam said. “I need your help with him.” He nodded to Cole. “We need to check him out.”

  “Again, I didn’t fall - or jump - out of a tree,” I said. I walked to Luke and put my arm around his neck with force. “Luke will help. Right?”

  I patted his chest.

  He coughed.

  “Holy shit,” Luke finally spoke. “I didn’t realize he…”

  “Sack up,” I whispered. “You can’t take this, but you want to mess around with my little sister?”

  “Oh, shit, Travis,” Luke said. “I didn’t… if you heard something…”

  “Shut up, Luke,” I said. “You don’t have the balls for anything funny right now. But I wish you did. Do me favor. Help with Cole. Get him to the picnic table. Check his ribs. If there’s one sticking out of his side, you’d better get him to the hospital.”

  “Oh, fuck,” Luke said. “I’m going to throw up.”

  “Sammy, give this guy a drink,” I called out.

  I put my hand to Luke’s back and shoved him forward.

  I stuffed my hands into the front pocket of my dirty hoodie and slowly backed away.

  Sid was finally back to his feet and went to help Cole.

  Cole sat up and was able to move his arms and legs. There were no bones sticking out of his skin and shirt.

  I shook my head and turned to walk away.

  Fuck Sam for telling me I was in a bad mood. What the fuck did he know? What was the last bad thing his fucking saint of a mother did to him? Maybe she burned the meatloaf or maybe made lumpy mashed potatoes.

  My fucking mother came home after being gone for a month. To tell me and Julie she was pregnant. She spent a good while finally home with us, but she got Julie all fucking excited about being a big sister, only to tell me two days ago that the pregnancy was no good and that she had to go and deal with the emotions of it. Which was an excuse for her to take off again and leave the pieces of Julie’s heart on the floor for me to pick up and put back together.

  Which I had already done. I sat with her the night Mom took off again. She cried. She got angry. She asked questions that had no answers; the simplest question being why, which was the hardest to truly answer. She sat on the roof, had a smoke with me, and I told her she wasn’t allowed to drink. She got pissed at me, cried again, and then we laid back on the roof and used our fingers to draw pictures with the stars.

  I wished I could find a way to get Julie out of this town and away from our mother. But there was no way it could happen. So, I just needed to make sure she focused on her freedom. It was coming. And soon.

  When I got home, I heard the noise of laughter from upstairs.

  I snuck up the steps and down the hall and saw Julie’s door slightly open.

  I put my shoulder to the wall and listened.

  “… yeah, but he’s really cute.”

  “He’s sort of dumb though, Julie…”

  I knew that other voice.

  It was Willow.

  I never understood that friendship. I think at first, Willow clung to Julie to be one of the cool kids. Of course, Julie was cool because she was my little sister. At the same time though, Julie did have a little edginess to her, learned from me. Willow would help Julie with homework and I think they became friends.

  “Okay, can we focus on this paper? You need to get a decent grade or you’re in trouble.”

  “I don’t want to do this stuff, Willow. Who cares? Mrs. Graftin is a bitch anyway. She’s going to fail me because she hates Travis still for what he did to her
.”

  “What did your brother do?”

  “She’s deathly afraid of snakes, so he used to put rubber snakes in her drawer to scare her. I think she fudged his grade to make him pass so she wouldn’t have to teach him again.”

  I smiled and nodded. That was probably true.

  I put my hand to the door and pushed it open, not giving a shit about barging in on their conversation.

  “Julie,” I said. “I’m home.”

  “I can see that,” Julie said. “Thanks for knocking.”

  “I don’t knock,” I said.

  “I can see that,” Julie said again.

  I looked at Willow and nodded. “What’s up, Willow?”

  “Hey,” she said in a soft, cracking voice.

  Her cheeks burned fiery red.

  She was cute as hell. Her hair puffy and messy, her clothes never new and fancy. She had a younger sister who had a little bit of a wild reputation. Which made Willow the older, kinder, smarter, total dork of a sister.

  The complete opposite of every mess I had ever gotten into in my life.

  “You two been drinking?” I asked.

  “What?” Julie asked. “No.”

  “Let me smell your breath,” I said. “Both of you.”

  Willow’s eyes went wide.

  “Ignore him,” Julie said. “He’s trying to look cool in front of us.”

  “I am cool,” I said. “Have you been on the roof?”

  “Nope,” Julie said.

  I walked to the bed and flipped Julie’s history book shut. There was a pack of cigarettes right there on the bed.

  “Why not try actually hiding them?” I asked.

  “Nobody’s here,” Julie said. “We have no mother, remember?”

  “Damn,” I said. “Did you have to go there?”

  “Plus, you gave me these.”

  “I would never,” I said. “I’m a good influence on the world.”

  Julie laughed.

  I glanced over at Willow and she was smiling.

  “You don’t smoke, do you, Willow?”

  “No,” she said. “I mean I’ve tried stuff… but…”

  “Good,” I said. “Don’t let my sister corrupt you. She’s evil.”

  “I learned everything I know from you,” Julie said.