What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  I reached down and lifted the pack of smokes off the bed. “I’ll be taking these.”

  “Travis,” Julie said.

  I smiled. “You two enjoy studying. Or should I say, Willow, enjoy writing Julie’s paper.”

  “Asshole,” Julie said.

  Willow laughed. “He’s right, Julie.”

  I looked at Willow again. “I’m always right, Willow. Remember that.”

  I winked, and her face burned hotter than ever.

  I walked out of the room and went to my room. Hell, maybe I should get Willow to write a couple of my final papers so I could breeze through the rest of my year. Then I’d really be able to take off, huh?

  In my room, I looked around.

  I was fucking trapped for the moment.

  The only freedom was sitting on the roof, wasting time.

  Which was what I planned to do.

  What I didn’t plan on was to have someone join me…

  19

  Count the Stars

  WILLOW

  We lied to Travis. Not that it mattered. He was older than me and Julie, but he wasn’t the one in charge. Julie had smoked a few times, sitting on the roof, wanting me to join her. I wasn’t interested in that. What Travis didn’t find was the small bottle of vodka that Julie had gotten from somewhere.

  I only took a few sips. Just enough to feel warm and giddy.

  Julie did the same, but the second Travis left the room, she started to drink. A lot. If I took a small sip, she took a decent gulp. The bottle didn’t last very long, which was good, because at the pace Julie was going, she would have kept going until she hurt herself. Which scared me a little. I could tell she was hurt. And I sort of had an idea why. Her mother would always come and go out of her life. I remember the first time I started hanging out with Julie. I never saw her mother. I actually thought that maybe she had died or something.

  I carefully took the bottle of vodka out of her hand, but it was too late by then. I messed up and let her drink the entire bottle.

  “Hey, Julie, what’s got you down?”

  “You know,” she said, slurring.

  I took her history book and moved it away. Just in case she threw up.

  “I’m sorry about your mother.”

  “Fuck her,” Julie said. “She said she was pregnant. And I was going to be a big sister. She told me things were going to change. If she was pregnant, she’d stay.” Julie’s eyes opened wide with a sense of innocence. “She’d stay. And I would have helped her. I would have done everything.”

  I touched Julie’s leg. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone. You. Travis. Even your mother.”

  “Fuck her.”

  “I know, Julie. She lost the baby though, right?”

  “You know what? What if she was lying? Huh? Just to get my attention and love? She’s jealous that I love Travis more than her. Isn’t that fucked up? Travis is my brother and he’s the only person who’s raised me. Not her.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. “Then focus on that. You have him. He’s a good person.”

  “I know that. I just worry about him. That he never gets sad or angry about it. That he’s holding it all in for me.”

  “I’m sure he deals with it on his own,” I said.

  I wondered how though. How wild could he get to relieve the stress? Why did it interest me so much?

  “I’m sorry I got drunk,” Julie said. “I fucked up.”

  “No, you didn’t. We’re hanging out. I’m a little drunk too.” I smiled. “But you totally hogged the bottle.”

  Julie snorted. She threw her head back and smashed it against the headboard of her bed.

  “Oh, shit,” I said. “You’d better call it a night. Let me go and get you a bucket and a towel. I don’t know if you’ll make it through the night without the vodka making a comeback.”

  “Ugh,” she said. “Don’t ever say the word vodka again.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  I stood up and felt my head spin with a dizzy feeling.

  I put my hands out to catch my balance and breath.

  I guess I’d sipped more from the bottle than I thought.

  After I brought Julie the bathroom trash can and a towel from the hamper, I sat on the edge of the bed and touched her forehead. She was sweating. I could only imagine what her body felt like on the inside. Hurting from her mother. Hurting from the vodka.

  “Sleep tight,” I whispered. “I’ll crash here on the floor so you’re not alone in the morning.”

  “You’re a great friend,” Julie said. “You keep me alive.”

  “Stop it.”

  “No,” she said. Her eyes fluttered open a little. “You and Travis. But you… you’re really good, Willow. I wish you and Travis would get married so you could be my sister.”

  My face flushed at the thought of standing next to Travis. Me wearing a wedding dress. Him standing a hundred feet tall in a black tux, looking smug and sexy as hell with his long, greasy hair. That smirk on his face…

  Stop it, Willow.

  “Okay,” I said. “Maybe someday that will happen.”

  “You do keep me alive,” Julie said. “Sometimes I think… bad stuff.”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  “Hurting myself.”

  “Julie, don’t say that. Don’t ever think that. You’re so pretty. And you have so much to do in life.”

  “Bullshit,” Julie said. “I’m a fucking loser. Everyone tells me that.”

  “Like who? Those nasty slut bitches?”

  “They have huge boobs.”

  “And they have back issues because of it,” I said with a smile.

  “Stop.” Julie laughed. “You’re so dorky sometimes.”

  “Why are you worried about your boobs? Who cares?”

  “You have great ones already.”

  “Julie, stop it,” I said, laughing.

  “They all hate me,” she said. “All the girls. They hate me because I’m a loser. They hate me because of my brother. They call me an orphan. A pig. They say I’m too fat. They say that my mother is a cum dumpster and I don’t even know who my father is.”

  “Fuck them,” I said. I touched Julie’s cheek. “They’re jealous.”

  “Of what?”

  “You. Because of how cool you are. I’m jealous of you. I’m in awe of you.”

  “That’s because you’re a dork.”

  “Thanks for that.”

  I leaned down and hugged Julie.

  She hugged me back. Really tightly.

  “Listen to me,” Julie whispered to me. “If I don’t make it, just know that you’re a good friend. And I’m sorry if I ever made fun of you. I was a bitch when we first met.”

  “Julie, you drank vodka and you’re probably going to get sick. You won’t die from this.”

  I stood from the bed and she touched my hand.

  “I wasn’t talking about the vodka.”

  “Wait. Are you even remotely serious about hurting yourself?”

  Julie turned her head back and forth a few times.

  Was that a no?

  “Julie?” I asked.

  She groaned and started to snore.

  The words stuck in my head as I put the covers on her.

  I took her history book and tossed it to the floor. I sighed, knowing I was going to write her paper for her. I didn’t want her to fail. That would only set her back even more. All this stuff with her mother… I understood school and all that, learning about history was a drop in the bucket compared to some of the stuff we had to live through at our age.

  Even as I started to write the paper, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Julie had said.

  I tapped the pencil on the notebook and shut it, along with the history textbook.

  I couldn’t let this slide.

  I bit my lip, knowing what I had to do.

  I had to tell Travis… which meant going into his room…

  Okay, I’d had thoughts of
it for a long time. Sneaking into Travis’s room. Maybe catching him without a shirt on. All the stuff that went through my mind about my best friend’s brother.

  And thanks to the vodka, I was a little tipsy and my mind was tempting me, instead of just thinking about it.

  Travis’s room was empty.

  I stepped inside and could smell him. He didn’t wear cologne. He didn’t wear that stupid body spray stuff either. He was just himself. The subtle hint of his manly deodorant and the strange staleness of smoke. Everything that most girls hated in a guy, you know? The bitches that picked on me and Julie liked the boys who put on a gallon of cologne and did their hair and wore nice polo shirts and all that stupid crap.

  That wasn’t Travis.

  He had his favorite jeans. His favorite hoodie. His hair was forever looking like a rat’s nest. He was rough and dirty and that made him so insanely sexy to me.

  My heart raced as I walked through the room.

  My eyes raced left to right, picking up on every little thing. An empty plate on the dresser. An empty bowl with a dried piece of cereal stuck to the side on the floor. His top dresser drawer open, overflowing with shirts. A pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. The way his covers were a mess. And nothing in the room matched. But it was so Travis. And the smell was totally intoxicating for me.

  I walked across the carpeted floor, wondering how many other girls had done the same thing with the same feeling in their chest and stomach. Except the ending to my story was going to be a far cry from anyone else’s.

  I wasn’t his type.

  He was older than me.

  He only had a few more months and school would be done for him for good.

  It took me way longer than it should have to realize that the window was open and that’s why Travis wasn’t in his room. I approached with caution, never quite sure what to expect with him.

  “Travis?” I called out.

  “Out here.”

  I put my hands to the window and stuck my head out a little. I saw the glow of the tip of his cigarette.

  He looked at me. “Willow?”

  “Hey. Sorry to bother you.”

  “No way,” he said. He rubbed the cigarette on the roof and flicked it off into the night. “Come and sit out here.”

  “What?”

  “Come on out,” he said and patted the roof like it was a comfortable couch cushion.

  I leaned forward and saw the edge of the roof. Beyond that was… well, the obvious drop down to the grass.

  “Are you afraid of heights or something?” he asked.

  “No,” I said, lying.

  “Bullshit.”

  Travis turned and stood up. I gasped. He wasn’t afraid of a thing. He stood at an angle and walked toward the window, offering me his hand.

  “I’m okay here,” I said. “I was going to-”

  “Give me your damn hand, Willow,” Travis said.

  I touched his hand and a really good feeling went through me. It was better than the feeling the vodka gave me.

  He didn’t pull me, but I pulled on him. My knees chattered as I climbed through the window onto the roof. My feet were slanted, and the back of my legs flexed. It was an awkward position and I quickly grabbed for Travis’s hands.

  “You’re good,” he said. “You won’t fall. It feels steeper than it is.”

  “Right,” I said.

  I was breathless.

  He slowly started to sit me down. Right at the window.

  He crouched in front of me, his back to the plunge off the roof.

  “Now, take a deep breath,” Travis said.

  I did.

  “Now, look around. Look up.”

  I lifted my gaze up and saw stars. Literally. Stars everywhere.

  “Wow,” I whispered. “I can see why you sit out here.”

  “Mostly for the smoke,” he said. “Now, how drunk is my sister?”

  “What?” I asked, snapping my eyes forward to meet his.

  “Willow… you smell like a bottle of booze. And you’re out here… why?”

  I swallowed hard.

  “Shit.”

  “I don’t care,” Travis said with a smirk. “I’m just pissed I didn’t get a drink.”

  “You won’t either,” I said. “The bottle is gone.”

  “And you’re still walking,” he said. “Which means she took the brunt of it.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Because of our mother.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Fuck.”

  Travis turned his head and I saw a look flash across his face. Anger, but something else. Worry. Care. Love. Pain.

  I touched his arms and felt that same feeling pulse through my body.

  “I’m sorry you go through that stuff,” I said.

  “Fuck it,” Travis said. “Where is Julie right now?”

  “Passed out. I have her in a comfortable position. With a bucket and towel. I’m going to sleep on her floor too. Just in case.”

  “Okay. Good. As long as she’s asleep.”

  “Travis, she said some stuff…”

  “She does that a lot,” he said. “When Mom takes off, it really hurts her. I’m numb to it. I know better than to buy into it. This time was bad. Mom really played into Julie. I swear, I wish I could-”

  “Travis, Julie said something about hurting herself.”

  Travis nodded. “Okay.”

  “It was weird. The way she said it.”

  “She’s hurting badly. I’ll keep an eye on her though. I promise.”

  “I will too. She’s my friend.”

  Travis laughed.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing. You just jumped at that.”

  “Jumped at what?”

  “To say you’re her friend.”

  “Well, I am.”

  “But you weren’t before,” he said. “You kissed her ass. Because of me.”

  “Uh… not quite.”

  “Did she get her history paper done?”

  “No.”

  “So, she’s drunk and passed out, and you’re going to go write her paper.”

  “That’s none of your business,” I said.

  My heart sank a little.

  Of course the super hot bad boy I’ve been dreaming about for years would turn out to be a total dick.

  “Of course it’s not,” Travis said. “Just hope you’ve kissed something else besides my sister’s ass.”

  I let Travis’s arms go. I pushed my hands to the roof and inched back toward the window.

  “Sorry I said anything,” I said.

  I turned and realized I’d just put my butt right in Travis’s face. My face burned super hot as I climbed through the window. Except I was going head first. So, I had to reach down to the floor and climb forward. I knew that I looked like a complete idiot as I tried to scramble through the window, only to fall to the floor with a hard thud.

  There was a fantasy of me on Travis’s floor in my mind, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t like this at all.

  After hitting the floor, I quickly rolled to my side and reached for his bed. I scrambled to my feet, my knees thudding, me sounding like I was as drunk as Julie. But believe me, I was far from that. This was a mix of a little vodka and a lot of awkwardness.

  When I was standing on my own two feet and felt balanced, I turned and planned on making an exit that was a little less noisy and embarrassing.

  I didn’t expect to see Travis right there, inside the window, standing tall and looking as cool as ever. His arms folded, that cocky grin on his face.

  “You okay?”

  “Shut up, Travis,” I said. “I came to talk to you…”

  “I know. You did. I heard.”

  “And you act like a jerk to me. So, I’m leaving.”

  “You know where the door is,” he said.

  I scoffed.

  “Make sure you use a good pencil, Willow. Don’t want to get a bad grade on that paper.”

  I s
topped and felt my lip curl. I looked at him over my shoulder. I knew he was just trying to get a rise out of me. He was just trying to pick on me to make me flustered. He was a jerk. He probably knew that I thought he was as hot as anything. So maybe this was his way of just messing with me for fun. Which meant the logical thing would have been to keep walking away.

  “Fuck yourself,” I said.

  “Whoa,” Travis said.

  “She’s in a rough place and I don’t know what else to do. Okay? If she doesn’t pass then she’s screwed. You know that. And I don’t want her to end up feeling worse about herself or whatever. It’s a stupid history paper. It won’t matter in her life. You don’t have to be such a jerk about it, Travis. I’m worried for her. I’m worried about her. You can think whatever you want about me, I don’t care. But that’s your sister. I’m just trying to help, whether you like it or not. And you know what? I don’t care if you don’t like it. So, whatever, Travis. Whatever.”

  Maybe those weren’t the exact bitchy words I had hoped to spew at him, but it was all I had while thinking on the fly.

  I knew if I said anything else, I’d end up making a fool of myself.

  So I went to the door and got one foot through before I felt something touch me. In a quick move, I was pulled back into the room and the door was shut. I was spun around, only to look up and see Travis way too close to me.

  “There’s nothing you can tell me that I don’t already know,” he whispered. “And I’m here for her. I do everything I can too. I appreciate what you do for her. But I hope to fucking hell, Willow, that you’re taking care of yourself too. Don’t be someone else to be near someone.”

  “So, you’re a mentor or something now?”

  Travis grinned. “Yeah. I’m a fucking mentor. Have you seen my life?”

  “I’ve seen a lot, Travis.”

  “You think you have. But you haven’t.”

  “I should go and write that paper.”

  Travis put a hand flat against the door. He grinned. “It’s all bullshit, Willow. You could write that paper in your sleep. Why rush away right now?”

  “What does that mean?”

  He laughed. He moved his hand from the door and touched my chin. A paralyzing chill went through my body, but was quickly replaced by warmth.

  “I like sitting out there, Willow. It’s calm. The only calm I can find in my life. I look at the stars. Sometimes I dare myself to count them. Sometimes I just hang there for hours. Shit, even sleep there if it’s warm enough outside.”