What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  He left the balcony and I stood there alone. My coffee cup in my hand. Travis’s on the table, along with his pack of smokes. I wasn’t going to break his back over the fact that he smoked. But I had to admit, it really did something to me that he skipped his morning smoke because of me. Between that and making my coffee the way I liked, falling in love with him was a total no brainer.

  I put my hand to the railing and took a deep breath. The sight was like a postcard. Or some stupid reality show. So close to the beach that I could hear the constant rush of the waves.

  The door opened behind me.

  “Sorry,” Travis said. “Forgot my smokes.”

  I looked back and frowned.

  I guess he’s not quitting after all.

  “Your phone was buzzing like crazy too,” he said.

  “Did you check to see who it was?”

  “No,” he said. “That’s not my business. Just wanted to let you know. Love you, Willow.”

  “Love you, Travis,” I said.

  The words made me tingle.

  He shut the door and I watched him get his keys and leave the apartment.

  I took another minute to myself before going to get my phone.

  There were five missed calls from Wren. Two from my mother.

  My heart sank a little.

  Something was wrong… and my truest reality was sneaking its way back into my realest fantasy.

  It was a dizzy mess, just like the previous times I took a video call from Wren. The phone turning and flipping, one second I was looking at the ceiling, the next it was the floor. In the background, I heard Max crying, Wren yelling, and then I heard Mom’s voice.

  “I’m telling you, it’s an ear thing, Wren,” Mom’s voice boomed. “You take him to the doctor and he’ll get fixed up with antibiotics and be better in two days. I’m telling you, two days. That’s it, Wren. Two days.”

  “Mom, will you give me a break?” Wren yelled.

  The phone moved again as Wren hurried out of what looked like Mom’s kitchen. I saw the living room for a flash of a second and then it was the stairs. Wren was running away from Mom’s yelling and Max’s crying.

  I just sat on the corner of Travis’s bed in silence, watching this all happen.

  When the screen finally settled on Wren’s face, I could tell she was beyond flustered.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Jesus Christ,” Wren snapped. “Is she always this bad? Repeating herself? She gets on a kick and won’t shut up.”

  “Wren, calm down,” I said. “She cares. That’s why she gets excited. What’s wrong with Max?”

  “I don’t know. He’s got an earache or something.”

  I cringed. “How long has he had it?”

  “Since last night,” she said. “I’ve been up all night with him. I brought him over here, thinking Mom would watch him so I could sleep, and all she’s doing is yelling at me to take him to the doctor.”

  I kept myself calm, gently smiling.

  “Well, does he have a fever?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t have a thermometer.”

  “I’m sure Mom does,” I said. “If it’s an ear infection, he probably needs medicine.”

  “I don’t like antibiotics. I read something online…”

  “Wren,” I cut in. “Please.”

  “Oh. Great. Here we go again. Wren is the worst mom in the world.”

  “Wren,” I said. “Please take Max to a doctor. If he needs an antibiotic, so be it. If he gets worse or the infection spreads, he can get really…”

  “Wren, do you hear him?” Mom’s voice yelled, getting closer to the phone. “What are you doing with your phone? Are you looking up hippie stuff to fix his ear? You’d better not pour anything into my grandson’s ear, Wren.”

  “Mom, I’m talking to Willow,” Wren said.

  The phone turned, and I saw my mother standing at the bottom of the stairs, squinting to see me.

  “Willow,” she said. “Hi, Willow.”

  She started to wave.

  “Hey, Mom,” I said.

  “How’s your trip?”

  “Great,” I said.

  Max let out a cry.

  “You hear that?” Mom said. “That’s Max. He’s got an ear infection. I know it. I raised you two and saw it all the time. Tell your sister to take him to the doctor right now.”

  “Mom, I’m talking to Wren,” I said. “Why don’t you go and make a cup of tea and sit down? Let Wren help Max for a bit.”

  “She came here for my help and won’t let me help,” Mom said.

  “I just wanted to take a nap,” Wren yelled.

  “He needs a doctor!” Mom yelled even louder. She slapped her hand on the post at the bottom of the stairs.

  “You two need to separate right now,” I said.

  Next thing I knew the phone was in the air. Wren said something to Mom as Mom caught the phone. She looked at the screen surprised, as though I was going to climb out of the phone and be right next to her.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Your sister…”

  “Mom, please,” I said. “She’s probably scared. Max doesn’t get sick that often. And when he does, I’m there to help.”

  “Well, maybe you should be here then,” Mom said. “Instead of running off like you did.”

  My heart instantly broke.

  “Yeah, right,” I said. “I need you to please leave her be. Let me talk to her and I promise I’ll get her to take him to the doctor. She probably wants you to go too but is afraid to ask.”

  “I’ll go,” Mom said.

  “But you have to let her take the lead unless she needs you,” I said.

  Mom turned her head and waved.

  “Love you, Mom,” I said. “Let me talk to Wren.”

  The phone moved again, and I was tossed to the couch.

  “Talk to your sister,” Mom said as her voice carried away.

  You didn’t say ‘love you’ back to me, Mom.

  One person who said it all the time to me?

  Helen.

  My heart ached even more.

  I saw Wren’s face again and I shook my head.

  “She’s crazy,” Wren whispered.

  “She’s nervous. She fears losing all of us. I know it’s a simple ear thing, but to her, it’s more. Just please go to the doctor. Take her with you.”

  “Fine,” Wren said. “I don’t know how you do all of this, Willow.”

  “I know. She can be tough. I’m so sorry. Just keep saying positive things to her.”

  “Come home,” a little voice said.

  “Max?” I asked.

  The phone turned and there was little Max sitting on the couch looking really tired and really sick. I could see his left ear was bright red from tugging at it.

  “Come home,” Max said to me.

  His eyes full of tears.

  It made me tear up.

  “You’re going to be okay,” I said. “You’re going to get some sleep and feel all better soon. I promise.”

  “Please come home,” he said.

  “Soon,” I blurted out. “Soon.”

  “Say love you to Aunt Willow,” Wren said.

  “Love you,” Max said in a forced weak voice.

  “I love you so much, Max,” I said.

  “I’m sorry I bothered you while you’re out there,” Wren said.

  I shook my head. “Don’t be. I know how hard it can be when Mom gets like that. And then Max isn’t feeling good. That’s a lot to take on at once.”

  “You do it so easily. And you take care of me.”

  “Wren, don’t do this now,” I said. “Don’t let everything get to you. Focus on one thing first. And that’s Max. Get him feeling better and everything else will fall into place.”

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll let you know how he feels. Or what the doctor says.”

  “You’re taking him to the doctor now?” Mom’s voice appeared again. “Why? Because your sister said so? W
hat about me? I’ve said for the last hour to take him. Now we’re going to get a late appointment and be behind all day. I have a busy day today, Wren.”

  I saw Wren’s eyes well with tears.

  “I’m going to go,” she whispered.

  “Just deep breaths and get through it.”

  “Okay.”

  The call ended.

  I dropped the phone to the bed and collapsed down.

  The covers were so comfy. The sheets smelled of Travis… and me. The room was perfect. The apartment was perfect. The view from the balcony. Sitting on the beach and watching Travis surfing, staring at wet and cut muscle, dreaming of what forever would feel like with him.

  I blinked fast and a tear fell from each eye.

  The two tears tickled down my cheeks.

  Reality was sitting on my chest even harder.

  I had to go home… like now.

  28

  The Fill is the Voice

  TRAVIS

  I opened the heavy door that always squeaked. It was some old as dirt warehouse that was open, rusty, and the exact kind of place you’d want to practice your ass off while you dreamed of hitting it big someday. I had entered that door more times that I could count, but today it had a different feel to it.

  And it had a different sound.

  The first thing I heard was drums.

  There was other music, but it was obvious that this was live drums playing over the band’s songs.

  Meaning one thing.

  Someone was trying out.

  I stood for a few seconds and listened.

  Not bad. I wasn’t going to lie. Or act petty and jealous.

  Then came the first fill.

  To the untrained ear, it was good. It did its job, meaning it bridged that part of the song, resetting the count back to zero for the band. It was how we all kept together. The drums carrying the beat to the song.

  Now, for some of the songs, I learned how to play them on drums. I was brought here just like this person playing right now. I had to sit behind a drum kit that wasn’t mine. I had to play over pre-recorded music. I had to prove myself to Ronny, Adam, and Dez. But as I got closer to the band, they started writing new songs and I was given the chance to write the drum tracks.

  Whoever was trying out was playing one of my songs.

  I took a few steps forward and went toward the practice room.

  I let the tryout wrap up with that song.

  “Okay, brother,” Ronny’s voice said. “Great job.”

  “Really good job,” Adam said. “Damn.”

  “We will let you know what we decide,” Dez said.

  “Need me to do anything else?” a voice asked.

  “No, man,” Dez said. “That was solid. Really solid.”

  “Thanks for letting me try out,” the other voice said. “You guys are seriously amazing. I know I can do this and…”

  “We get it,” Ronny said.

  I put my hand to the metal sliding door and pulled it.

  Everyone looked at me with surprise.

  All eyes wide open, including the guy trying out. The guy sitting behind my drum kit. He stood up and tucked his drumsticks into his back pocket.

  “Whoa,” he said. “You’re Travis.”

  “You’re touching my drums.”

  “It’s okay,” Ronny said. “Travis, this is Chris.”

  “Chris,” I said.

  “I think I’ll get going,” Chris said. “Thank you guys again for this. Hope I hear from you.”

  I stood at the door and held it for Chris.

  He passed through the open door and I put my hand out at the last second to stop him.

  “The fills,” I said. “The fills are the lyrics of the drums. And just making shit up as you go along is weak.”

  I lowered my hand and stepped into the room, letting the door slide shut behind me.

  “Heard you were back in town,” Ronny said. “Good to see you, man. You look good.”

  “Trying out new guys?” I asked, nodding to the drum kit.

  “The acoustic shows only do so much,” Adam said.

  I looked at Dez. He turned his head right away.

  Fucking prick.

  “So, what have you been up to?” Ronny asked. “Traveling all over?”

  “Something like that,” I said.

  “You’ve been in town long enough though,” Adam said. “Wish you would have come here sooner.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Wasn’t sure how this would go.”

  I eyed Dez again.

  He crossed his arms. “So, are we doing this?”

  “Doing what?” I asked.

  “You’re going to tear into me,” Dez said. “Tell me how much of a piece of shit I am. Right?”

  “I think you already know that,” I said.

  Dez laughed. “Fuck you, man. What the fuck did I do to you?”

  I stepped forward.

  Ronny put himself between myself and Dez.

  “I owe you an apology,” Ronny said. “I fucked up. I took something secret and said things I shouldn’t have. This is on me, Travis.”

  I was close enough to touch Ronny. I put a hand to his shoulder. “No. It’s not on you. It’s on me. I held back. You brought me in as family. I kept my distance.”

  “Because that’s who you are, man,” Adam said. “Look, whatever happened to you… fuck, that’s heavy as shit. I told Ronny the second he said it to us that he shouldn’t have. It wasn’t his business to do that.”

  “I agree,” Dez said.

  “Whatever,” I said. “At this point, it doesn’t matter.”

  “You and Dez were always intense together,” Ronny said. “Made the band real. Like really fucking real. Other guys behind the kit were nothing compared to you, Travis. You play with this passion…”

  “You become someone else,” Dez said. “I get that. I feel the same, man. When I was a kid, my old man used to beat me. Me and my brother, Davey. He used to fucking… my first guitar? He broke it over my ass. And then my brother Davey got all messed up on drugs because of it. That was his gateway. He had no musical talent. But he supported me. He sold his car to get me a new guitar. He overdosed…”

  Dez frowned. I saw something flash through his eyes.

  “It’s okay, brother,” Ronny said. He grabbed Dez by the back of the neck. “It’s okay to feel that.”

  “That’s where I go, man,” Dez said, looking at me. “When I play. I see Davey. I play for Davey. I want him to know that the money for his dream car was put to good use. And I don’t touch that nasty shit because I saw what it did to him. But I drink. Fine. I drink. I drink too much. I get excited. I get cocky. I get mouthy. That night, Travis… knowing what I know. Seeing you looking down on yourself. My drunk brain thought I could say something smart and make you smile.”

  “Talking about my sister?” I asked. “You think that was smart?”

  “No,” Dez said. “And I deserved that punch. I deserved more. Shit, man, as soon as I came to and Tommy said you were arrested, I hurried to make sure no charges were filed.”

  I looked at Ronny.

  Ronny nodded.

  I rubbed my jaw. “Fuck. I never wanted it to become this.”

  “Nobody did,” Adam said.

  “I shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Ronny said. He stepped back and sat down on an old and dusty leather couch. “This recovery shit, man…”

  “Don’t blame that,” Adam said.

  “It’s true,” Ronny said. “It’s this fucking world. It’s about being open. What Tommy is to me, I thought I could be for you, Travis. And that was wrong.”

  “No,” I said. “We’re not going to play the merry-go-round game here, guys. Fuck that. Here’s the deal. When I was younger, my life was a fucking mess. My mother was a disaster and still is. She would show up when she wanted. She would break our hearts and leave. I spent years taking care of my sister… taking care of Julie. All I wanted for her was to get out of that town.
She was so close to getting her license, and I knew that sense of freedom would change her. Then it would be only a couple of years to go and she’d be on her own. I had no idea how bad things were for her on the inside. I live with that fucking guilt of every day that she didn’t come to me with it. Or maybe she did come to me, and I didn’t see it. You know? Maybe I just thought she was a moody teenager. What the fuck did I know? I was still a kid myself in many ways.”

  I stared down Dez. He didn’t look away from me. He gave a nod and swallowed hard.

  “One night, I left the house. Normal night for me. Julie was a little bummed out about people calling her fat. Again, I just told her not to worry about it. I figured since she was home and it was the weekend, it’d be fine. Biggest mistake of my life was leaving that night. I didn’t know she had pills. Enough pills to… to end her life.”

  I blinked fast, the room becoming fuzzy.

  Next thing I knew, Dez had his arms around me, hugging me.

  I put one arm around him and punched his back as hard as I could.

  “Get the fuck off me,” I said.

  Dez broke away with a nod.

  Ronny stood up. “We have this. This is ours to do. Where this band can go. I can feel it in my blood.”

  “I agree,” I said. “You guys are going to be huge. Touring the world.”

  “What do you mean you guys?” Adam asked. “You’re going to be behind the kit, man.”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Dez asked.

  I looked around the practice room. I took it all in. I knew what could have been with the band. But I never really wanted that. That’s not why I joined the band. It was supposed to be for a few shows here and there, and I got comfortable.

  “Hey, Travis,” Ronny said. “You take as much time as you need to get things sorted out…”

  “No,” I said. “I’m good. I’m right where I want to be. Where I’m meant to be.”

  “Good,” Ronny said. “Right here, in this room, with us.”

  I laughed. “No, Ronny. That’s not what I meant.”

  “What do you mean then?” Dez asked.

  I looked at the guys. I smiled. “I fucking quit… for good.”

  When I opened the door to the apartment, I did not expect to find Willow sitting at the kitchen counter, crying. Her hands covering her face, her right leg bouncing at a wild pace.