nowhere

by Marysue Hobika

  James gently wiped tears off my cheeks. I didn’t even know I was crying. “It’s not your fault, you know.”

  Deep down inside, I knew it wasn’t, but it was easy to blame myself anyway. Talking to James made some of the built-up guilt and anger disappear. It helped me to finally see things clearly. Slowly I nodded, “I know. He had a degenerate heart condition that no one knew about until it was too late.”

  “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of this. I can’t imagine it’s been easy.” He squeezed my hand.

  “It’s been hard on all of us. I’m mad at my dad for dying and leaving us, but I take it out on my mom. She’s the only one here. I haven’t been very nice to her.” I hadn’t realized how true that was until now. Gaining confidence, I added. “You wouldn’t believe the fit I threw about moving here.”

  “What about now, are you still upset that you moved here?”

  Staring at James’ handsome face, it was hard to be too upset. “I might be coming around, a little,” I confessed.

  “Well, I’m glad that you did.” As if to prove it, he slowly leaned in and pressed his lips firmly against mine. I responded by passionately kissing him back. Our tongues lightly teased one another’s.

  He pulled away, “What about now, are you happy yet?”

  “Almost,” I smirked.

  James took the hint and kissed me again, I lay down on my back while he leaned over me with his hands on either side of my head. Our kisses were demanding and urgent. I ran my hands through his hair and down his muscular back. Our breathing came in gasps.

  “Happy yet?” He asked, rolling onto his side. Before I could answer, he began kissing my neck. I had no idea that having my neck kissed could cause sparks in other places.

  “Yeah, I’m happy.” I laughed as his tongue tickled me behind my ear.

  His kisses made a trail down my neck. Suddenly, he pushed my bra strap down and gently kissed my nipple. Surprised, I pulled away and sat up. “This is moving too fast.” My face flushed. “I don’t want to be a tease, but I’m not ready to have sex. I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps with a boy on the first date.” To keep the moment from getting awkward I added, “Even if he does get extra points for taking her to their own private swimming hole.”

  He sat up too. “I’m sorry.” Almost under his breath he muttered, “Damn, I told myself not to get carried away.”

  “It’s okay.” I laid my hand on his arm. “I just wanted to be honest with you. It’s not that I’m a virgin, exactly. I had sex once before, but it wasn’t what I expected. I did it because I wanted to find out why everyone always went on and on about how great sex was. Only it wasn’t all that great for me. My big mistake was that I wasn’t in love with him and he wasn’t in love with me. At the time, I thought it didn’t matter. I thought it would be okay, but it wasn’t. It was painful. It was nothing like the heartfelt lovemaking I read about in romance novels or saw in movies.” I should’ve been embarrassed to confess all of this to James, but I wasn’t. I marveled at how easy it was to talk to him. When I looked into his clear green eyes, I wanted to tell him things I’d never told anyone. “Technically I’m not a virgin, but I still feel like one. I made a promise to myself that when I have sex again, it will be for all the right reasons. It will because I’m in love. I know it probably sounds stupid to you, but I want the fairytale.”

  He nodded. “It doesn’t sound stupid to me. And if anyone deserves the fairytale ending, it’s you. I’m sorry I got so carried away. It felt so damn good to hold you in my arms and kiss you. But that’s no excuse.” He held my face in his hands, “I promise to be more in charge of my hormones from now on. I want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  “I know you wouldn’t.” I couldn’t imagine James hurting anyone. He appeared tough on the outside, but it was all an act.

  He let go of my face, but continued to look me in the eye. “I also want you to know that I’m sorry I didn’t call you when I said I would. It’s sort of a long story, but long story short, my dad can be a pain in the ass. Last Sunday he kept me busy all day until I was so tired that I crashed.” I noticed that his green eyes turned cloudy when he mentioned his dad. “Thanks for giving me a second chance.” His eyes were bright once again.

  “My pleasure.” I smiled, remembering how his kisses made my heart race. It would be easy to get carried away again. “Maybe we should get dressed now.”

  “Good idea.” He put out his hand and helped me to my feet. We each located our long-ago discarded clothes. Turning our backs to one other, we quickly got dressed.

  “Are you still happy that you moved here?” He turned to face me, his brow furrowed with concern.

  “Of course.” I reached for his hand.

  “Are you sure I didn’t mess things up between us?”

  “I’m sure.” I smiled. Pushing up on my tip-toes, I gently planted a kiss on his lips.

  “We should head back.” He stroked my hair. “We’ve been gone a long time.”

  “Okay.” I nodded in agreement. I reached down and picked up the backpack that we’d used to carry the picnic. We walked along the creek holding hands. My step was lighter than it had been earlier.

  Small talk had never interested me before, so I was surprised by my desire to ask him seemingly trivial questions. “What’s your favorite color?”

  “Orange.”

  “What’s your favorite food?”

  He smirked, showing off his dimples. “Country fried steak and eggs.”

  “What’s your favorite class?”

  He chuckled. “What is this, twenty questions?”

  “Sort of.” I shrugged. “I want to get to know you better.”

  His dimples deepened. My heart melted. “Okay. It’s my turn, though. You’ve already asked me two questions.”

  “Sure. What to you want to know?”

  “What’s your favorite color?”

  “Black and white and all the shades of gray.”

  “That’s more than one.”

  “I know.”

  He laughed. “Why those colors?”

  “I believe color can sometimes distract from something’s true beauty. That’s why I prefer to draw with charcoal.”

  “You’re an artist?”

  “That’s three questions,” I stated. I saw he really wanted me to answer so I said, “Yes. Drawing is my passion. It’s my escape. It’s what I do.”

  “I’d love to see your work sometime.”

  “My turn,” I declared. “What’s your favorite sport?” I was pretty sure it was football, but I wanted to hear it from him.

  “Football.” His green eyes brightened.

  “What position do you play?”

  “I play tight end.” I furrowed my forehead. I didn’t know anything about football. He continued. “It’s an offensive position. I can either block or receive the ball. It’s like wearing two hats.” He shyly added, “Of course, my favorite is catching the ball and running it for a touchdown. Tyler and I are working on our passing game.”

  I smiled. I didn’t really understand what James was talking about, but it was great to see this side of him. Football was important to him. I would have to have Pops explain the game to me. “I’ll have to come to one of your games.”

  “I’d like that.” He smiled brightly. His face was even more handsome when he smiled.

  All too soon, we’d arrived at the edge of the cornfield. We’d be back at the farm in a few minutes. “Okay. We have time for one more question each. It’s your turn,” I said as we made our way through the maze.

  “Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever been kissed?” It sounded more like a dare than a question.

  Playing along, I said, “In a cornfield.” I stopped and faced him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled his head down to mine. The kiss started off light and quickly deepened. He pulled me closer and I could feel his heart beating against mine. My fingers played with his hair, while his were tangled
in the belt loops of my jean shorts. His mouth tasted sweet and tangy. Suddenly a crow cawed overhead and we pulled away laughing.

  “I was hoping you were going to say that.”

  “I know.” It was amazing to me that in such a short amount of time we could read each other’s minds.

  We crossed the street and once again we were back at the farm. I had one last question. “Do you want to come in?” I asked nervously.

  “I wish I could, but I can’t.” My smile faltered. He brushed his fingers along the side of my face and explained, “I promised my older sister Marie that I would babysit for my nephew, Max, tonight.”

  You babysit?” I asked, stunned.

  “Yup. I’m a bona fide babysitter.”

  “Wow. You don’t look like any babysitter I ever had growing up.” I chuckled, roaming my eyes over his handsome face and great body. “My babysitters always were the old granny type who smelled like Earl Grey tea and mothballs.”

  “I may not be your typical babysitter, but I like watching Max. He’s a good kid. We have fun together. Plus it keeps me out of trouble.” He winked.

  I was falling for him, fast and hard. It was impossible not to. I’d never met anyone like James. He was handsome, fun, and incredibly sweet. Maybe my mom was right. Nowhere was the right place for us. I was speechless.

  James added, “I’m free tomorrow. It’s Sunday, so I don’t even have football practice. We could get together and do something fun. What do you think?”

  I hesitated for a second.

  “What’s the matter?” James frowned. “Are you worried that I’ll stand you up again? I won’t, I promise. Cross my heart.” He drew an imaginary cross over his heart with his hand. “My dad will never come between us again,” he stated emphatically.

  “I know. It’s not that.” I shook my head. “Tomorrow I was going to borrow my mom’s car to go shopping. The moving truck hasn’t arrived yet with my art supplies and I’m running low. I wanted to stock up. It’s no big deal, though. I can always go another day.”

  Relief flooded James’ face and he rushed to say, “No, that’s perfect. I’ll take you. I have some back-to-school shopping to do. It’ll give me a good excuse to get it done.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked, giving him a chance to back out.

  “I’m positive. It’ll be fun showing you around. We can make a day out of it.” He beamed. Growing slightly more serious, he said, “This is a small city. I’m not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for.” I couldn’t help but smile. I’d already found what I was looking for. It was standing right in front of me. James took my smile as confirmation. “I’ll pick you up at eleven, or is that too early for you?”

  “Very funny.” I playfully slapped him on the arm. “I’ll be dressed and waiting for you.”

  “Okay, it’s a date then.”

  “It’s a date,” I repeated.

  He bent down and kissed me. The kiss was light and quick.

  Pulling away, he said, “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I stood on the front porch and watched him drive away. I felt like a part of me left with him. I sighed.

  Suddenly I remembered I had a phone call to make. I finally had the details Paige had asked for over a week ago. I ran into the house to find my phone.

  Pops was sitting in his chair. “Have a good time, did you?” he called out.

  I stopped and put my hands on my hips. “Yeah, thanks for setting me up,” I said sternly. I couldn’t stay mad, I was too happy. “I had no idea you were such a smooth operator. I always thought matchmakers were little old ladies, not grumpy old men,” I teased.

  He chuckled.

  Chapter Twelve

  Dooner

  Mikayla was waiting for me on the porch swing. She looked beautiful. She wore a blue sundress and her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail. She stood as I made my way toward her. I was anxious to hold her in my arms again. Her skin was so soft and she smelled so sweet. I took a deep breath to calm myself. I gave her my word that we’d take things slow.

  “Hi, James,” she said, calling me by my given name. I liked how it sounded coming from her. It was like a fresh start. I wasn’t Dooner, the football player, or Jimmy, the overworked farm boy. I was James—a good listener, a trusted friend, and hopefully something more.

  “Come in for a sec. I want to tell my mom that you’re here.”

  She held the front door open. I followed her inside. “Mom, you remember James, right? He gave me a ride home from school last week.”

  “How could I forget? Come on in, James. It’s nice to see you again.” Mrs. Mooney lightly placed her hand on my back, guiding me into the kitchen.

  “Thanks. It’s nice to see you again too.”

  Mr. Jenkins and Emma were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table. “Hello there, son,” Mr. Jenkins said, shaking my hand.

  “Hi, Dooner,” Emma said. “Did you hear that I made the cheerleading squad? I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines during all the games this season. Maybe I can even be your cheerleader, if you’re not already spoken for.” She gushed, oblivious to the fact that I was holding her sister’s hand. Mike tightened her grip.

  “Ouch!” Emma snarled before I could decide how to respond without being rude. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I saw movement under the table. Mr. Jenkins winked at me as he continued to eat his toast.

  Paying no attention to them, Mrs. Mooney spoke to us instead. “You two kids are going shopping?”

  “Yes, Mom,” Mikayla answered.

  “I thought we’d get a bite to eat too, if that’s okay,” I added.

  Mike smiled. “I’d like that.”

  “I won’t wait dinner for you then. We’ll see you whenever you get back. Do me a favor, though, and give me a call if you think you’re going to be real late.”

  “No problem. We’ll see you later.” Mikayla waved to everyone as we exited.

  Once we were settled into Old Faithful, I reached over and grabbed her hand again. When she was this close to me, I had to be touching her. We held hands and talked the whole ride into the city. Railroad Mills was a half an hour from everything—the tractor supply store, the movie theater, the airport, and shopping.

  “I looked up a couple of specialized art stores on the internet, along with the larger arts and crafts chain stores. Which would you rather go to? I printed directions for each, so take your pick.” I handed her the printouts.

  “So you did homework?” I loved how her smile made her eyes sparkle.

  “You sound surprised. Didn’t I tell you that I’m an A student? I always do my homework.”

  “Hold still, I think you have something on your nose.” She brushed the tip of my nose with her finger. “I got it.” She laughed.

  “Very funny.” I chuckled. I’d noticed that I’d been laughing more the last couple of days. Until I met Mikayla, I didn’t really have many reasons to laugh. I enjoyed her sense of humor. She brought out the best in me.

  Mike studied the papers and then said, “I’d love to check out one of the smaller stores. Here’s one with a promising name. ‘The Artist’s Studio.’ Its address is 1235 Park Avenue, let’s go there.”

  “Sounds good to me.” I liked a girl who was decisive.

  A little while later, we pushed open the door to the art store. I could tell that Mikayla felt at home among the endless supplies. A smile never left her face. She browsed the store looking at paints, canvases, pencils, and things that I couldn’t even identify. I wasn’t the artistic type. I could only draw stick figures. Eventually she bought several drawing pads, pencils, and a sharpener.

  Skipping on the way out, she exclaimed, “Thanks for bringing me. It reminds me of an art store that I loved to shop at in San Francisco. I didn’t really expect to find one here of the same quality. They even carry my favorite brand of shading pencils.” She proudly held up her shopping bag.

  “It sounds like you have another reason to like it her
e,” I pointed out.

  “You’re right. I do.” She grinned.

  We reached Old Faithful. Before opening the truck door for her, I said, “I could remind you of the other reason.” My lips hovered an inch away from hers, causing her breath to come in shallow gasps.

  “I think you should,” she whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

  I touched my lips to hers. Heat instantly coursed through my body. I’d never experienced such bliss from a simple kiss. I wanted more. I pushed my tongue into her mouth and tasted her. She was like pure honey. I pulled her even closer. I liked feeling her heart beat next to mine. She ran her hands through my hair and I sighed. It was hard not to get carried away, but I had given her my word. I pulled away, and pressed my forehead against hers. “You take my breath away.”

  “I know the feeling,” she panted.

  Needing a distraction, I reached around her and opened the truck door. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”