Beautiful Monster

by Forrest, Bella

  I tried to rationalize with myself, jogging my memory of all the people I had seen fall because they were thrown into the world too early. They had shown too much promise at an audition and were given a lead role in a professional setting without training or discipline. Their talent faltered, their stamina failed, or they got too used to the easy money and fell down the wrong path. The industry was a hard world to live in and if you didn’t come up slowly, your peak would also be your downfall.

  Except I couldn’t forget the memory of her audition. She had stood out from the crowd and it was more than just the way she looked, or the way she smelt. Amy had the most raw talent that I had ever seen. From the moment she opened her mouth, I was mesmerized, barely able to get the lines out myself.

  And classes were just awkward. Porsche was right. I had to resist not meeting her eyes to give her a special glance; resist not looking forward to lunch time when we used to meet. Her supple lips nearly killed me every time she licked them. And the memory of her body, lean and smooth, as my hands had run over it, was almost enough to make me groan out loud.

  I finished buttoning my shirt, and ran a bit of gel through my hair, satisfied with the reflection in the mirror. The sooner I was rid of all of this, the better it would be for all of us.

  CHAPTER 15: LIAM“Are you serious?”

  I had called her into my office to deliver the news of the phone call. Shannon had faxed over the contract, clear in her assumption that we would accept.

  “Yes, you wowed them, just as you wowed me,” I replied, but there was no warmth in my voice as I said it. She narrowed her eyes, watching as I got a pen and put the contract in front of her.

  “What about next year? I thought that it was pretty much decided I would get an extra year.”

  “Well, now you won’t,” I snapped, trying to hide the nagging feeling in my chest. Raw talent was just half the game. Everyone knew that.

  “But still, this is huge,” Even if we weren’t really on speaking terms, her happiness was flowing out of her like a river. And I felt bad not offering her more advice. She wanted help, and that’s what I was supposed to be there for.

  “So you accept?” I asked, and she looked up, detecting the tone in my voice.

  “Of course I accept. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “No reason,” I said, with a shrug. “Only that it’s a small role. And I know Shannon. She’s not particularly fond of people rising through the ranks. And, if you take this, you’re gone. There’s no coming back here if you find Hollywood too nasty for you.”

  “But it can be done. Aaron Douglas was an extra for years before he was a lead. And so was Ricky Gervais,” she replied, listing off names on her fingers. “I can do it. And I can do it on my own, Liam. They would have called me in for an audition without your influence. They told me so themselves.”

  “And you believe everything the audition panel tells you? That alone screams that you have no idea what the industry is like, Amy. If they don’t like you - you make one wrong move - they’ll drop you and blacklist you faster than you can cry for help. And sometimes, you don’t even know you’ve made the wrong move. For God’s sake, you didn’t even know that when the panel said ‘thank you’ they meant ‘goodbye’. In the mock auditions, you stood there like a deer in headlights until your instructor dismissed you.”

  “That’s not true, I knew that!” she protested, glaring at me.

  “Fine.” I looked over at my wall, glancing at anything that would keep me from meeting her eyes. “Then sign it. Once the announcement is official, and they don’t back out, we’ll credit you for graduation here.”

  “Do you think…” Suddenly I heard the doubt in her voice. I looked up and saw all traces of anger were gone, as she looked over the contract and then back at me. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

  I sighed, looking back at her. “You can do whatever you want, Amy. You’ve been doing that all along.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her eyes flared angrily again, and I cocked an eyebrow at her. I almost smiled as I realized how alike we were; this constant back and forth of extreme emotions tumbling out faster than we could get a hold of them.

  “Do you want me to make my own list? You left your father when he wanted the best for you at home. You chose to pursue a career that one out of every million make it at when you had a hundred other options. You’re now choosing a gig that is peanuts. And you…me…” I sputtered, unable to control my anger. “Just sign it and leave, Amy.”

  Her eyes widened, and I saw fear in them, for the first time. I had never seen her look at me with true fear; not like this, not even on the night I revealed myself to her.

  “I’ll read it myself and get it back to you later,” she said standing and taking the contract. “I trust I’m allowed to do that, without you holding my hand?”

  “Go,” I flicked my wrist at her, indicating the closed door. Without another word, she picked up her bag and left, making sure to slam the door on her way out. I buried my head in my hands, sighing. Two women slamming doors in my face within the space of two hours had to be some sort of record.

  Why in the world was this proving to be so difficult? A year ago – hell, even six months ago - I wouldn’t have thought twice about selfishly sacrificing anyone if it meant I could be freed from this hell I was living in. But whether I liked it or not, Amy had changed something in me. If the school got the boost it needed, I could settle back into easy retirement, live off the money it made and never have to deal with humans again. I would secure everyone’s future.

  But I also knew Amy would go far if connected with the right people, and Shannon was the opposite of the right person. Shannon’s performers became trapped with her, often taking the easy way out and staying in her shows forever; always hovering as a working actor; right below fame. Amy was right, though, if anyone could break free of that trap, it was her.

  Still, working for Shannon was better than being stuck in school, and I knew that was a fact. Amy had to face challenges all her life and I knew she would be strong in the face of this one. After all, I had gotten out of Shannon’s ‘curse’, I didn’t believe I was anywhere near as talented as Amy was.

  I sighed again, rubbing my hands with my face. There was, of course, the real reason I had let my anxiety about the situation slip.

  I didn’t want her to go. I tried to convince myself I did, a thousand times, but I didn’t. I didn’t want her to fly away forever, and never come back to me. Despite what had happened, the way she had made me feel when we were together was something I would likely never forget. She had changed something in me. She’d made my soul come alive again.

  I wasn’t going to hold her back. I wasn’t going to let my fears slip through again. She knew what she was doing and I couldn’t deny that I knew she had the talent to go far. So if this was to be the end, so be it. I had to let her go.

  CHAPTER 16: AMYI closed the door before sinking to the floor in my room. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I tucked my head down against my knees, sobbing as if my heart would break. There were so many things I was feeling, it was impossible to figure out why exactly I was crying. I was excited. I was scared. I was hurt.

  I had never expected to get the role, and I thought I hadn’t wanted it without Liam’s help. But talking to him just before going into the audition hall had given me the calm I needed to carry on, and I’m sure I couldn’t have done it without him.

  And before all of this, I had looked forward to another year here. I was still stumbling with what ‘stage left’ and ‘stage right’ meant, trying to remember they were the opposite of the normal view. I had just learned that ‘corpse’ meant to break character, not to fall down dead, during a scene. And I still felt like there were a million things going through my head.

  And Liam … he had been so harsh. It was clear he wanted me to go. He wanted me to leave the school. I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until he called me into his office and the memories we had in there
came flooding back. A very small part of me had hoped he was calling me in to reconcile.

  I didn’t care what he was now. It didn’t matter to me. He was what he was, and I accepted that. But the distance that had grown between us seemed too great to ever cross; to go back to the way things were.

  And why else had I come here if not to pursue my dreams? This is exactly what I wanted to do with my life and here it was, being offered to me on a plate. I would be an idiot not to take it; not to move forward and leave this school forever.

  Wiping my tears away, I went to take a sip of water and look over the contract. I was to be a chorus girl with few lines and the possibility of more as the show went on. It signed me on exclusively for three years which seemed like a long time, but maybe that was normal. The show’s run was to be a year, so maybe it would be extended.

  Opening my desk drawer, I slipped the contract in, and headed to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. It was time to head to rehearsal for Beauty. I could deal with this when I got back.

  I locked my door, and headed down the hallway. My mind was still back in Liam’s office, replaying the situation over and over again. I was so stuck in the moment that I didn’t notice the woman standing in front of me until I bumped right into her.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” I said, as I stumbled back. She was beautiful, tall and long limbed, with dark hair and dark eyes that were exotic looking. When her eyes met mine, I took a step back. I went to a school full of beautiful people and she was possibly one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen.

  “It’s alright, Amy.” When she spoke, her words curled around her tongue, a liquid French accent pouring out. “One such as you has a lot to keep her pre-occupied.”

  “How do you know my name?” I asked, surprised, and she smiled slightly.

  “Everyone knows the scholarship winner,” she said gently. “You are famous around this school.”

  “Oh…uh…thank you,” I said, blushing. “Can I help you? Are you lost?”

  “No,” she shook her head, a twinkle in her eye. “I am an old friend of Liam’s, merely here to observe.”

  Of course you are, I thought, a rush of anger flooding my veins. There seemed to be a lot of beautiful women floating around this school who were ‘old friends of Liam’s.’ Glancing at my reflection in the window beside us, I wondered how I could have ever competed. With my eyes red from crying, and my hair in a messy pony tail, I felt like a hot mess compared to this beautiful woman. That’s fine I thought, trying to keep my face neutral. Liam can have his harem of women now that I’m out of the picture.

  “Alright, well…” I said, looking past her to the door where I needed to go. “It was good to meet you…” I paused, realizing I didn’t know her name.

  “Selene,” she said, extending a long arm with long elegant fingers, perfectly manicured.

  “Selene.” I shook it, surprised at the coolness of it. My palms were sweaty in comparison, and I was annoyed that it seemed every aspect of this woman was perfect. “I really have to get to rehearsal.”

  “Of course,” she said, nodding. “Best of luck…break a leg. Isn’t that what they say here in the theater?”

  “Yes,” I gave her a small smile. “Nice to meet you.” Brushing past her, I headed down the hallway. I pulled open the door to the theater and hurried inside.

  CHAPTER 17: AMYI woke up about three hours early on the day of my first rehearsal with Shannon. Even though I had only slept for a few hours, I felt wide awake.

  Yesterday, in preparation, I had gone into the registrar’s office for show my valid contract and sign the school’s agreement for ‘Premiere Performers’. It was a program put in place to deal with the school’s working performers. It allowed students working in the industry to come in and out of lessons as their schedule permitted, provided that it did not interfere with the rehearsal schedule of the school. That was Liam’s one policy. He believed you could catch up with everything else, but rehearsal, where you learned the most, was not to be missed. So I was to attend Shannon’s rehearsals every morning, and Liam’s Beauty and the Beast every afternoon; making up class work on the weekends. My father was appalled at first at the schedule and worried about everything. To my surprise, it had been Liam who had come to my rescue.

  “What Amy needs for her acting career now is not more lessons. She’s miles ahead of even the senior students in the school. Now she needs experience and contacts with the right people,” he said to my father during a private meeting. “That was what this school was always designed for, and that is what we can give her. Amy is already well ahead of her mandatory credits. She was home schooled well and could have graduated a year early, I’m sure. Her graduation and education are of no concern. She would be the first choice of any college in the country.”

  Dad had hesitated, but when he saw my midterm report, he relented. I knew he didn’t agree with my dreams of being an actress, although I could see it in his eyes that he would cross that bridge when he came to it. At the moment, his primary concern was my graduation. However, when he left, I could only give Liam a look.

  “I’m not doing you a kindness, Amy,” he said, responding to my raised eyebrow. “I was simply telling the truth.”

  “That’s a first for you, isn’t it?” I snapped, and he couldn’t quite hide the wounded look on his face. For a moment, I felt bad about it. I hadn’t meant to snap at him like that, but it seemed every time I got close to him or someone near him, another thing came out that I didn’t know about. This wasn’t how relationships were supposed to be, and I knew it.

  His face hardened a second later and he turned away.

  “I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.”

  “Right,” I replied and left.

  Getting into the shower and letting the warm water wash away my fatigue, I scrubbed my hair thoroughly. I wanted everything to be perfect for my first day of rehearsal.

  I chose to wear all black because I didn’t know what my character would be like, and I slipped into my comfortable black sneakers. I pulled my hair back, but did full makeup and made sure my nail polish wasn’t chipped.

  Then, to finalize the look, I added a beanie hat and aviator sunglasses that I had gotten in a discount sale. Now, the image looking back at me was that of an actress; an artist.

  I dreaded going to Beauty and The Beast rehearsal this afternoon; hearing Liam’s voice command me from some dark corner of the auditorium. All I wanted was to go to Gatsby rehearsal and stay there forever.

  I left twenty minutes earlier than I needed to, resolving to walk slowly and take my time. I had the script tucked under my arm and my headphones connected to my cell phone. In my excitement and need for distraction, I video-called Sarah as I walked.

  “Amy?” Her face popped up on the screen, although it was blurry and dark. “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing,” I replied. “It’s my first Gatsby rehearsal today.”

  “That’s great, but uh, time change?” she said, settling back on her pillows. “You couldn’t have called me on your lunch break?”

  “By lunch I’ll be either awesome or dead on the floor,” I said, looking up briefly to make sure I knew where I was going. She sighed, and then smiled, propping herself up more.

  “So? Have you memorized your lines?”

  “Yeah. All four of them,” I said, looking both ways and then crossing the street. “But I mean…It’s not the number of lines you have, it’s the number of scenes you’re in. And I’m in a lot. In the background, but still.”

  Sarah laughed quietly, and then reached over to her nightstand to get some water.

  “I’m sure you’ll be great. They cast you, didn’t they? So it’s not like they don’t know how talented you are. Man, I can’t believe this is happening to you, I’m so jealous.”

  “Don’t be,” I said. “Because as soon as I get in good and make connections, I’ll slip your name in.”

  “Sweet,” Sarah grinned. “Hey, what abo
ut the ballerina? Porsche? Did they take her, so at least you’ll know someone there?”

  “Uh…” I looked up to narrowly miss a lamp post. “If they did, I don’t know about it. Dancers are usually separate anyway.”

  “Don’t worry, you’ll make new friends,” Sarah promised. “What did Liam say?”

  “He said…” I averted my eyes, looking elsewhere. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”

  “You miss him, eh?” Sarah asked and I shrugged.

  “I miss…having someone to talk to. I mean, you’re a million miles away and I can’t always just whisper something to you. And with Liam, everything felt so comfortable, like we could read each other’s minds. They call it chemistry in this industry.”

  “And what else do you miss?” Sarah quirked an eyebrow at me, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Shut up,” I said, and she laughed.

  “Look, Amy, I’m exhausted. Call me if you have a nervous breakdown, hopefully on your lunch break.”

  I nodded. I was only a few feet from the studio now and my excitement was building.

  I opened the door to the rehearsal building, trying to calm myself. I was breathing like I had just run a marathon and my heart was racing a million miles a minute. With shaky hands, I reached into my purse, pulling out a water bottle and taking a sip. Finally, I ducked into the washroom, redoing my hair and applying lip gloss. When I was only 5 minutes early, I emerged, heading to the huge rehearsal hall where I could hear voices talking.

  I was stunned by the amount of people crowded into it. They were separated into two groups and one of them was clearly more confident than the other. I quickly realized that the less confidant group was probably the one I belonged to, full of extras and crowd fillers. In the middle of the room, however, was what caught my eye. Belonging to neither group, the dancers flexed and stretched into impossible positions. They were the most gorgeous of the two groups, their bodies lean and toned and their faces glowing as they moved. In the center of the room, I recognized the two guys from the audition, although their names escaped me. To my delight, Porsche was there as well, watching as one of them helped another girl with a twist. She stepped forward, giving advice and demonstrating with her own twist, which was flawless.