by Wendy Smith
Reality hits. With my schedule, there’s no room for anything like that. I might have a lot of money in my account right now, but I can’t give up the security of my jobs.
Me: We can’t. The only night I have off is Sunday, and we have to get up to go to work/day care the next day.
Cole: We’ll work it out. You’re not alone anymore.
I sigh as I stare at the phone.
Cole: Good night, Brooke
Smiling, I tap out a reply.
Me: Good night.
10
Cole
It’s a little after nine on Saturday morning, and I take a deep breath before knocking on Brooke’s door.
I smile at the sound of footsteps running inside.
“Mommy, there’s someone at the door.”
Laughter grows closer. “I can hear.”
“Who is it?”
“How do I know until I open it?”
The door opens. “Cole.” Brooke smiles warmly, and it takes me back to our late-night texts. She reached out to me, and I didn’t want it to stop. “What are you doing here?”
“I hoped we might spend the day together.” I hold up the bags I’m carrying. “Full of family-friendly movies, and a huge bag of popcorn. I’ll pay for dinner too.”
Her mouth falls open. “You didn’t.”
I shrug. “Only if it’s okay. I don’t want to interrupt your time with Kaia.”
“I’m only sorry I have to work tonight. Come in.” She stands aside and I walk through. Kaia stares up at me with wide eyes. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to spend the day watching movies.”
Kaia claps.
“Wait and see what I’ve got first.” I laugh, taking a seat on the couch and opening the DVD bag.
Kaia’s into it in an instant, her little mouth forming an O as she takes out several Pixar movies.
“You’ll have to vet them as to what she’s allowed to see, but I tried to find movies we’d all enjoy.”
Brooke sits beside me, and squeezes my arm. “They look fine to me.”
I look at Kaia. “Your mother and I used to camp out in my house and watch movies all night sometimes.”
“Can we watch these, Mommy?”
Brooke nods. “We sure can. Cole even has popcorn, and he’s lucky because I have that popcorn maker we got for Christmas.”
I grin, handing her the bag of kernels. “Perfect.”
“I’ll go and pop some of this. You two can decide what’s first.” She grips my shoulder as she stands. “Thank you.”
“I wondered if you’d let me look after Kaia tonight. Then we can talk when you get home.”
She looks between me and Kaia. I know she’s struggling with trust. She has to be.
“Kaia? Would you stay here with Cole while I go to work?”
Kaia screws up her face. “Can we watch movies?”
I meet Brooke’s gaze.
“Tell you what. I will let you watch movies until you run out of them, or you fall asleep. How does that sound?”
Kaia’s eyes grow wide, but she nods.
“I’m guessing you don’t let her stay up too late.” I chuckle.
“Not usually, but if I know her she’ll be asleep by eight at the latest.”
I grin. “Are you sure about this?”
She nods. “You’ve been pretty good at following through so far. Don’t screw up.”
I shake my head. “No chance. You know I want this.”
“I know. You’re doing fine.”
Kaia shoves a DVD in my face. “This one.”
“Inside Out? That looks pretty good. Let’s set it up.”
I drop to the floor, crawling over to the DVD player. She laughs, jumping on my back.
“Are you going for a ride?” I ask.
“Go, horsey.”
“You’re a funny girl.”
She giggles, and I open the DVD, sliding the disk into the machine. Flipping onto my side, I lower Kaia to the ground and pretend to look around. “Where did you go?”
“Over here,” she says from behind my back. The agony of her small elbows slamming into my side hits me.
“Jesus.”
“Kaia, don’t play so rough.” Brooke laughs. She has a big bowl in her hand. “That popcorn maker is faster and cleaner than the way we used to make it. Remember the hot oil and the saucepan?”
“Mom hated the mess we’d make, even when we cleaned it up.”
Brooke laughs. “I was terrified of leaving that kitchen less than spotless.” She sits on the couch. “I miss your mom.”
“I haven’t spoken to her about you. She was devastated when you left town.”
She sucks in her top lip, and it seems as if she’s fighting tears.
“But we’re not going to talk about that today. We’re going to forget all our parents exist, and just have a family day.”
She nods, and I climb on the couch, followed by Kaia. Kaia squeezes in between us, grabbing a handful of popcorn.
“Ready?” I ask. She nods. “Let’s start the movie.”
By the end of the afternoon, Kaia’s on the floor and still glued to the television. Brooke and I have inched closer to each other, until we’re close enough that I make my move. I do the old stretch, and slip my arm around her shoulders.
“Did you really just do that?” she asks quietly, her lips twitching with amusement.
“Do what?”
“That’s so corny.”
I laugh. “Are you complaining?”
Brooke shakes her head. “Not at all.”
She’s so close. I want to kiss her. Kaia taps my knee. “What’s up, little lady?”
“The movie finished. What’s next?”
I nod at the bag. “Whatever’s left, I guess. You find something else.”
She rifles through the last few DVDs. Brooke raises her hand, palms my cheek, and pulls my gaze to her. “You two are getting on well.”
“I’m glad.”
Brooke licks her lips. “You did good.”
“I just want to make the two of you happy.
“Well, you did that today.” She smiles, and it lights up my heart. “I really don’t want to go to work.”
I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. “Can’t you call in sick?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t have any sick leave.”
“Play hooky with me.”
Brooke frowns. “I can’t, Cole. Please don’t make this harder than it is.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.” I stroke her arm. “Today has been one of the best days ever. I just don’t want it to end.”
“There’s always tomorrow. And you and Kaia can keep watching.” Brooke’s smile seems forced. I can see the conflict in her, and I have to give her space, so I don’t press the issue.
“Hey, Kaia. Want to stay with me while Mommy goes to work?” I ask.
Kaia nods without taking her eyes from the screen.
Brooke laughs. “She’s taken to you pretty quickly. I don’t think I’ve seen her jump on someone so fast.”
“Do you think she knows?”
Brooke shrugs. “She’s smart. She knows her ABCs and how to write her own name. But she was just a baby when you left.” She leans in closer to me. “We’re really close. She gets sad when I do. Maybe she’s picking up on me letting you in.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
“You’re sitting on my couch with your arm around me.”
I chuckle. “Point taken.”
“Think you’ll be okay?”
I nod. “We’ll be fine. Thank you for letting me stay with her.”
She gives me a small smile. “I’m glad she’s getting a chance to know you.”
“Me too.”
It’s a little after midnight when she walks in the door, and she drops her bag and keys just inside on the floor.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey. How was Kaia?”
“Fast asleep by seven p.m.”
<
br /> She flops onto the couch, and I wrap my arms around her.
“How was your night?”
“Long. I wanted to get home to you two.”
“I wanted you here.”
She fixes her gaze on mine. “Thank you for today. It meant a lot.”
I reach for her face, pushing her hair back. “You two mean a lot.”
She’s so close, and her lips part as her eyes take me in.
I close the gap, and the kiss is familiar and sweet. I don’t want to end it, but I pull back to give her a chance to react.
She smiles.
“Still tired?”
Brooke laughs. “Exhausted.” She shakes free of my arms, stands, and straddles my legs.
“Is that right?” I ask.
“Want to try that again?”
“You mean you’re going to let me kiss you twice?”
Her smile widens. “If it’s good enough, I might even let you kiss me more than twice.”
I run my hands up her back, cupping her head with one of them.
But I don’t kiss her lips.
I nuzzle her neck, working my way up to her ear. She breathes in deep, and relaxes in my arms.
“Cole,” she murmurs.
“I want you.” I take her earlobe in my teeth, and she sighs.
“I said a kiss. You’re not making this easy.”
I brush my lips against her ear. “I’m not trying to. I want to be your husband, and do things properly this time. I want to be the father to Kaia that I should have been.”
“That’s what I always wanted. Where were you?”
“Not where I was supposed to be. I’ll spend forever making it up to you.”
“Forever’s a long time.”
I plant kisses on her collarbone. “I’ve missed you so much. Forever’s nothing now I’m with you and Kaia.”
“Cole.” She sighs, her fingers digging into my hair as she wraps her arms around my neck. My cock hardens when she rocks her hips.
“What do you say, wife?” I grin. “Are you going to give me another chance?”
“As long as we go slow.” She gasps. I don’t think I’m the only one getting off on the way she’s moving.
“How slow do you want me to go? Want some help there?”
She sucks in a breath as I fumble with the button on her shorts. I fucking hate these things. Hate that she has to wear them just to do her job. Hate that men who drink there seem to think the shorts are an invitation to touch what lies beneath.
“What does it take to undo this damn button? Do I have to rip these off you?”
She laughs as the button gives, and I slip my hand into her shorts between us. My fingers find her clit, and she sits up a little to give me better access. Did we do anything like this when we were younger? I can remember a lot of fumbling.
As she grows slick beneath my fingers, I stop caring about what happened in the past. We’re in the here and now, and she’s mine.
“Cole.”
I slide my fingers back and forward with enough pressure to make her moan my name. That’s what I want to hear.
But when I look into her eyes, there’s so much confusion.
Her entire body shakes as her hips slow. I drop my gaze to her lips. She licks them slowly as she catches her breath.
As quickly as it started, she pulls away, slipping from my lap and standing.
When she reaches for the waistband of her shorts, I think she’s going to pull them down. Instead, she buttons them up.
“I think you’d better go.” Her cheeks flush as if she’s tired from her efforts, or embarrassed. It’s hot and confusing all at once.
“Go? But we—”
“This was a mistake.”
I reach for her, but she steps back. “I guess we both got a little carried away.”
“It’s too much.”
She won’t meet my gaze. I stand, and gently place my hands on her arms. Planting a kiss on her forehead, I linger for a moment.
“I’m sorry, Brooke. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You weren’t doing the wrong thing. It’s just so confusing.”
I want to wrap my arms around her, but I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. “I know. Thank you for today. It’s been amazing.”
She nods. “Thank you for thinking of it. Kaia really had fun.”
“I hope you did too.”
She flicks her gaze up to meet mine. “I did. I’m sorry, Cole.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I lick my lips. “But before I go, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What’s that?”
“I love you. And I’m not saying that to get laid, and I’m not meaning in a friends way. It’s like the time I’ve spent with you has made my heart connect the dots. I want to be with you, Brooke, and it’s not like before. It’s not us being pushed into something that’s not right for us—it’s us having something we both want.”
Her eyes well with tears. “I wish you’d realized that four years ago.”
“So do I. I hope you know you were always in my heart. We had a lifetime of growing close, and I miss it.” I press a kiss to her temple. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
She shrugs. “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
I nod. “Good night, Brooke.”
I’m like a zombie walking out of that building. What happened between us was spontaneous, and we both wanted it. Being with her is like having the other half of my soul back. The half I didn’t know was missing.
I wish I’d realized it earlier.
The sweet scent of her lingers as I start the car and drive away.
I’m so lost.
11
Brooke
I’m so glad it’s Sunday. Otherwise, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to get up and go to work after the night I’ve had.
I’ve never acted like that before. I practically threw myself at Cole, and was rewarded with the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. But something in me broke—this nagging feeling that letting him in is wrong won’t go away.
It hurts to hurt him, but I can’t rush into something that might hurt me again. Or, more importantly, hurt Kaia.
Though I think it’s way too late for that.
She comes running into my room. It’s close to midday, and she’s been watching cartoons all morning while I’ve lazed in bed. My bones ache. I’m so tired. It’s tempting to get pizza tonight to avoid cooking. That’s becoming a habit.
“Mommy, are we watching movies with Cole today?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s just us.”
“Is he coming to take his movies?”
I swallow. I never thought about the pile of DVDs he left behind. They’re not labelled for a rental store. I’m assuming they’re his.
“How about I send him a text and ask him. Did you want to watch one?”
She nods. “I want the Toy Story one.”
“I’ll come and put it on and text him.”
With a kiss, she climbs down from the bed, and I raise my palm to my forehead. Things were awkward enough.
I slide out of bed and smile at how she’s set herself up. She’s pulled the covers from her bed and taken them to the couch where she’s snuggled up in front of the television. Just like Cole and I used to.
“Are you comfy there?”
She nods.
“Want some lunch?”
“I ate the popcorn in the kitchen.” She grins.
“Wasn’t it yuck? I can make you some fresh.”
“I’m full now.”
Laughing, I pop the movie into the DVD player before heading into the kitchen to make a coffee. I need caffeine before I get up the courage to text Cole. What was so easy the other night is about a million times more difficult after what happened between us.
When I close my eyes, I can smell him. He uses the same laundry powder his mother used to, and it’s that familiar scent that takes me back to our teenage years. I’
d bury my nose in his chest when he comforted me over Mom getting in trouble, which happened a lot.
With the coffee and a bowl of cereal, I head back to the bedroom and my phone. What would have happened if I hadn’t told Cole to go home? Would I have woken up beside him this morning full of regret? Or would it have been the start of a new life?
I’m scared.
That’s what it boils down to. The past four years have been hard. There have been times when I didn’t know how I would continue, but I’ve had to. There was no other choice.
I pick up the phone.
Me: Kaia wants to know if you’re going to pick up your DVDs.
I chew on my bottom lip, staring at the phone and willing him to answer.
Cole: They’re hers. I bought them for her.
Me: That’s sweet. She’ll love it.
Cole: Sorry I didn’t tell her that last night. I didn’t think about it. How are you feeling today? Tired?
My heart aches.
Me: I’ve only got out of bed to get coffee. Thank you again for yesterday. I swallow. And last night.
Cole: I wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk about it yet. Let me know when you’re ready. I love you.
My thumb hovers over the key pad. How do I respond to that?
I put the phone back on the bedside cabinet and take a long sip of coffee.
I have a lot of thinking to do.
In the evening, Kaia climbs into bed with me. I try and get to sleep early on a Sunday and get a good rest in preparation for the long week ahead.
“Cole didn’t come?” she asks.
I smile. “You like him, don’t you?”
She nods.
“He’ll be back. Soon. Those movies are yours to keep, too. I forgot to tell you earlier.”
She purses her lips. “They are?”
I nod. “He gave them to you so we can watch them any time you like.”
Her eyes shine with happiness. “Can we have popcorn?”
I laugh, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her toward me. “Of course we can.”
She’s asleep within minutes. I lie there, staring at the ceiling.
