HisTimidFox

by VictoriaVallo

  When they reached one of the fountains, she stopped and sat down, patting the spot beside her. Thomas sat down and tried to look as if he had no idea what her answer was going to be.

  Bella smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I really do love you, Thomas. You were my hero growing up. And you’ve always been a dear friend. But I … I just can’t see you that way. You’re more like a brother. I know you’d be good to me, but I can’t lie to you. Or myself. I can’t marry you. I’m not in love with you.”

  “I understand,” Thomas said, nodding.

  Bella hesitated. “You do?”

  “Yes. I know you didn’t mean to laugh, but that reaction told me something very important.”

  “I’m so sorry I did that. I was shocked. That’s all.”

  “That’s what I mean. You were shocked because you’d never thought of me as a lover, and you assumed I’d never thought of you that way either. But when you came back home safe, I had to take the chance. I wanted nothing more than to protect you and take care of you, even though you certainly don’t need it.”

  “What do you mean?” Her brows came together as she turned her body toward him.

  “Bella, you were held captive by pirates for months, and not a soul would know it to look at you. You testified against him with your head held high. You were calm and composed from the moment you arrived back here. I was a babbling mess, and you had to calm me down. You’re one of the strongest people I know. I guess that’s part of why I love you.”

  She reached over and took his hand. “I suppose I see what you mean. Most women would be nervous wrecks. But … they win if I walk around being scared. Missing out on my life. I fought back every step of the way, looking for an escape. I was very lucky. They killed everyone else that was captured with me. I watched and learned. Figured out how to fight the right way.” She shrugged. “I survived. It’s all that matters.”

  “Of course. I didn’t mean to make you dwell on it.”

  “No, it’s fine.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m fine. I swear.”

  They were silent a moment, and then he said, “Thank you for considering my proposal. And for being so kind in your refusal.”

  She tilted her head and laughed. “So polite, even after I’ve rejected you.” She let go of his hand and touched his cheek. “You’re so sweet and kind. One day, you’ll find the right person.”

  How many times had people been told that? He tried his best to smile. “I know. And so will you.”

  She dropped her hand back to her lap. “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely curious.

  “I don’t think everyone falls in love. I think there are lots of ways to find happiness. And some people find it alone. Within themselves.”

  “Maybe. You certainly don’t have to have a lover to be happy.”

  She studied him for a few seconds. “You’ve had lots of lovers. You never wanted to marry any of them?”

  “Um…” He had not expected her to bring that up. He hadn’t even been sure if she really knew or not. “No. I never wanted to marry any of them. But there haven’t been that many.”

  “Oh. Sorry. I wasn’t just saying that because you’re a fox—I have no prejudice against shifters at all—but I always see so many men and women coming from your room. Or you coming from theirs.”

  “There have been … several.” He chewed his lower lip and asked, “Did that affect your answer?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “No. I think we should all love freely, and that means not caring how much anyone abstains or indulges. Or anything. We need to be true to ourselves.”

  “Good advice,” Thomas said, starting to wish this conversation would end.

  To his relief, Bella stood up and smoothed her dress. “I’ll see you later, all right? Come talk to me if you need to.”

  Thomas rose and took her hand, kissing it quickly. “I’m fine. We’re still friends. Always will be.” He doubted they’d ever spend much time together anymore, but despite the ache forming in his chest he knew he would never be able to cut her from his life.

  She gave him a quick smile and then slipped her hand from his and walked away. He didn’t turn to watch her go. Lowering himself to the edge of the fountain again, he stared down at the ground.

  I shouldn’t have asked her. We both got hurt. I knew she didn’t feel that way about me. He rose and walked over to the very edge of the garden, where he had a nice view of the ocean. He saw a ship that he assumed was the one he’d sent Viktor to meet. Watching the people move about on the deck and the sails billow in the wind, he thought about why he’d wanted to marry Bella. He loved her and wanted her to love him, to need him and depend on him. She was beautiful and had all the qualities he’d ever desire in a life partner. But would they have worked out? Been happy? They’d never know now, and Thomas frowned as he wondered what it would be like for someone to love him in return. The faces of past lovers came to mind, but he couldn’t imagine marrying any of them.

  His gaze wandered to the beach close by, and he watched some children playing there. His vision began to blur, and he realized his eyes were watering. He wiped at them hurriedly, glancing around to be sure he was alone. Once he’d composed himself, he hurried back to his room and sat at his desk. He still had work to do, and personal disappointments weren’t an excuse not to attend to his duties.

  Chapter Two

  Viktor headed for Thomas’s room, as he’d had no luck finding him anywhere else. Escorting the prisoners in had taken much longer than he’d anticipated, but he felt he’d learned a lot. The harbormaster and Captain Reever had answered all of his questions and given him good insight. More importantly, Viktor was warming to the idea of putting down roots. He’d always imagined he might return home and settle down if he ever married, but that had only been a vague idea in the back of his mind.

  One of the maids he’d been flirting with that morning smiled at him as she passed, and he smiled back. They’d be heading back to Castile in eight days, so Viktor didn’t have much time if he wanted to make a move. He rested his hand on the hilt of his sword as he turned another corner. He’d flirted with lots of people since his arrival, and he thought maybe he’d wait and see if any of those sparks survived his absence. According to Thomas, they’d likely be back within two months.

  Despite his initial attraction to the cute fox shifter, Viktor hadn’t flirted with Thomas beyond that first day. The quiet young man kept to himself, though he was talkative enough when it came to his work. Above all else, Thomas seemed to have something weighing on him. Viktor didn’t want to pry, though he liked the guy enough to want to help, if he could.

  Viktor knocked on Thomas’s door, and it opened a crack under the pressure of his knuckles. He heard someone inside and called, “Hello? Thomas?”

  “Huh?”

  The word sounded a bit garbled, almost slurred. “It’s Viktor. You told me to come find you.”

  “Oh.” Thomas paused. “Yeah.”

  Viktor pushed the door open another few inches and soon realized was what going on. He slipped in and closed the door, just in case Vane Godwin didn’t approve of his steward being tipsy before dinner. The smell of liquor couldn’t be denied, and Viktor slowly made his way over to the desk. Papers and books seemed to have been pushed to the floor, and Thomas had his head on the desk facing away from the door, a glass and a nearly empty bottle of amber liquid beside him.

  “Thomas? Are you all right?” Viktor asked.

  “No.”

  “Can I do anything?”

  “Tell me … how st-stupid … I am.”

  Viktor came around the other side of the desk and knelt so he could look at Thomas. “Can’t do that. You’re a very smart man.”

  “Am not.” Thomas sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, hugging himself.

  He eyed the liquor bottle a moment. “What happened? This seems very unlike you.”

  Thomas worried his lower lip betwee
n his teeth before saying, “Asked her to marry me.” His eyes were glazed, but he didn’t appear to be as drunk as Viktor had at first suspected.

  “Her?”

  “Bella. We … grew up together. I l-love her.” He cast his gaze down. “I … thought I did.” He shook his head and frowned. “No, I do. I do.”

  “Sounds like you’re having doubts.”

  “She said no.”

  “Oh?” He’d thought that had to be it, but it seemed best to let Thomas tell his story in his own time.

  “Yeah. Thinks of me as a,” he sighed, “brother.”

  “That’ll happen when you grow up together. I’m sorry, Thomas. She seems quite lovely.”

  “She is. Lovely. Smart. Strong.” He sighed again. “Too good for me.”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  Thomas looked over at him, his focus wavering a bit. “Hardly know me.”

  “True, but I like you a lot.”

  Thomas’s lips parted as he looked at Viktor. “You do? We’re … friends?”

  “Yes, I’d say we are.” He stood and looked down at Thomas. “Would you prefer to be alone?”

  Thomas tilted back in his chair and started to fall backwards. Viktor reached out and grabbed the chair, stopping its progress and setting Thomas upright again. Thomas slumped against him a moment, his face and body overheated and clammy.

  “You’re so tall,” Thomas said, rubbing one eye while his other hand reached out to the desk, as if he needed to steady himself.

  “I am. Sorry.” Viktor wanted to smile but didn’t. He liked that Thomas thought of him as a friend and didn’t want to ruin that.

  “Don’t be. It’s great. I wish I was tall. Handsome.”

  “You aren’t really that short. And I think you’re very nice to look at.”

  Thomas’s eyes went wide, and he actually paled a little. “You think … I look good?” The shock in his voice almost had Viktor laughing.

  “Yes. I do. I thought you were cute from the moment I saw you.”

  “Cute. Great.”

  Viktor crossed his arms and sat on the edge of the desk. “What’s wrong with cute?”

  “Cute isn’t tall, dark, and handsome. Cute isn’t a nice ass and muscles that everyone ogles.”

  Is he saying I have a nice ass? That he’s “ogled” me and my muscles? Hmmm. “Why would you want any of that?”

  “To be loved.”

  “Your outside won’t make someone love you.”

  “I know,” Thomas said, frowning. “But it sure helps,” he added more softly.

  Viktor’s heart ached at the pain he saw on Thomas’s face. The little shifter was still young enough this might be his first heartbreak.

  Viktor knelt again and looked up at Thomas. “Look, I might not be the best person to give advice, but—”

  He stopped talking as Thomas vomited on him.

  * * * *

  Thomas started shaking, covering his mouth with his hand. He felt his face go crimson as he looked down at Viktor, who had gone completely still and was now staring at the river of vomit running from his chest all the way down to his boots.

  “Oh, gods, I am so sorry!” Thomas said.

  Viktor looked up, his smile forced and tense. “It’s all right.”

  “No, it isn’t.” Thomas stood up, steadying himself when he felt dizzy.

  Viktor grabbed his arm and steadied him, then made him sit back down. “I can clean this up. You sit.” He stood up carefully. “Need a bucket?”

  “I … think I’m fine.” Thomas stared at the floor, wringing his hands as Viktor slowly crossed the room with his arms held out at his sides.

  “You have something I can wear?” Viktor asked after carefully pulling his shirt off and tossing it into an empty laundry basket.

  “There’s a robe in the water closet. It’s big on me, so it might fit you all right.”

  Viktor yanked his boots off and then undid his sash and belt before peeling his leathers off. Then he stood there, completely naked, looking at his belt and sword to ensure they were clean. Then he grabbed a towel from a shelf and began rubbing himself down. He went into the water closet but didn’t close the door. He wet a cloth in the lavatory and cleaned his face and then a few spots on his chest and stomach. Thomas felt his body quicken as he watched, and he looked away before Viktor could catch him staring.

  The man’s perfect. And he’s just standing there, not caring. Must be amazing to be that confident. He glanced up again. Easy if you look like him, I guess.

  Viktor grabbed the robe and slipped it on, tying it loosely. Their eyes met a moment, and Thomas looked down again.

  “Hey, I’ve had worse,” Viktor said. “Once a guy puked while he was sucking my cock.”

  Thomas laughed before he could stop himself. “Gods, you serious?”

  Viktor nodded, looking a bit more relaxed. “Yeah. It was awful. Luckily, we were outside and near a little stream. But it did put an end to the evening.”

  “Guess it would.” Thomas smiled, but it soon faded. “I am so sorry. You’re trying to be nice and look what I did to you.”

  Viktor nodded to the bottle. “How much have you had?”

  Thomas held up the glass, measuring a few inches with his finger. “Three. I’m not used to drinking at all. Probably why I got sick. I spilled a little. That’s why it smells so bad in here.”

  “Drinking helps. For a little while.”

  Thomas clasped his hands together in his lap. “Bet no one’s ever turned you down.”

  “You’d lose that bet.” Viktor pulled up another chair and sat down, crossing his arms. “Been turned down many times.”

  “Ever proposed to anyone?”

  “No. Never had a relationship long enough to think about it.”

  “Bella didn’t even know I had feelings for her. It was stupid to ask her.”

  “No, it wasn’t. Now you know.” Viktor rested one arm on the desk and leaned forward. “And after what happened, I don’t blame you. You thought she was gone forever. I’d probably have proposed the moment I saw her again.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I can be impetuous. If I was in love with someone … let’s just say I’d probably make quite a fool of myself.”

  Thomas swallowed. “I wasn’t faithful.”

  “Huh? You weren’t together. Isn’t that what you said?”

  “Mmmm hmmm.” Thomas sighed. “I mean, I’ve loved her for five years, but it didn’t stop me from having sex with other people.”

  “But … you weren’t together. You were free, just as she was. Having feelings for someone doesn’t stop you from being attracted to others.”

  “Maybe I don’t love her. Maybe I just like her and thought it would be perfect. It would all work out. I wouldn’t have to do all the awkward stuff.”

  One of Viktor’s eyebrows came up. “The awkward stuff?”

  “Getting to know someone. Seeing if we could get along. If we could live together happily.”

  “You still would’ve had to do that. Going from friends to lovers can be even more awkward.”

  Thomas tried not to focus on how well Viktor filled out his robe as he asked, “You ever done that?”

  “Slept with a friend? Yes. He’s married now. It was a one-night thing. I’d say he’s still my friend, but it changed our relationship.”

  “It did?”

  “Yeah. We didn’t talk as freely after that. I sort of wanted it to happen again, but I don’t think he did.” Viktor shrugged. “But I don’t regret it.”

  “I feel as if she’s going to feel sorry for me now.”

  “Can’t help it if she does.”

  “I know.” Thomas looked to the laundry basket. “Want me to have your clothes cleaned right away? Go get you something from your room?”

  “You feeling better?”

  Thomas stood up. “I think so. I’ll drink some water.” He tried to take it slow as he crossed the room and entered the water closet. He
turned on the water and splashed some on his face before reaching for his glass and filling it. He drank slowly, feeling Viktor’s eyes on him.

  The gods only know what he’s thinking.

  Thomas wiped his mouth and set his glass down, feeling somewhat better. His stomach pitched a little, but his head felt clearer. “I can take your clothes to the laundry room and grab you something else to wear.”

  Viktor looked down at the robe he wore. “I wouldn’t mind going back to my room in this.” He grinned. “Might be able to turn it to my advantage.”

  Thomas laughed, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck, which was stiff from when he’d had his head lying on the desk. “You might.” He cleared his throat as he looked up. “Met anyone interesting?”

  Viktor shrugged one shoulder. “They’ve got some very pretty maids here. I didn’t realize the Hall of Vanes was so extensive. It’s like a little village all its own.”

  “Not all of them are this big, but a lot goes on here since it’s a major port.” He pointed to the door. “I’ll get something for you.” He paused then, hoping he hadn’t misread Viktor. “If you’re fine with me going in your room.”

  Viktor nodded. “Yeah. Sure.” He gestured to his clothes. “The boots got out unscathed, so you can leave them and my sword and belt. Just grab whatever is quickest.”

  “All right.” He picked up the clothes, which smelled awful. “I’ll be back soon.”

  “Thanks. But take your time.” Viktor stood up and moved to the bookshelf, tilting his head to read the titles.

  Thomas went out into the hall, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the doorframe for a minute, his eyes closed. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. But then he opened his eyes and shook his head. He’s trying to be your friend. Don’t spoil it. He doesn’t deserve to be used like that. Thomas made his way down the hall, hurrying as everyone who passed seemed to notice the aroma coming from the basket.