The Way Back to Us

by Jamie Howard

  Slowly and clunkily she moved through another few bars of the song. It was almost recognizable if you knew what you were listening for. And you were listening really, really hard.

  Gavin’s bedroom door squeaked open. “What the hell is that song you’re massacring.” He stretched, gripping the doorjamb. The edge of his shirt drifted up just enough to give me a peek of the thin line of his happy trail.

  “It’s Bon Jovi.” She scowled at the guitar, like she could stare the instrument into submission. “‘Wanted Dead or Alive.’”

  “I thought you were a musical prodigy.” He sauntered over to us, still yawning.

  “Guitars are the devil’s instrument.”

  “Pretty sure that would be the violin.”

  They both chuckled, but I missed the joke entirely.

  Gavin looked at me quizzically. “‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’?”

  “Really, Gav?” Daphne arched an eyebrow. “Dating someone who doesn’t know her music?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Says the girl who has nothing but derision for Lynyrd Skynyrd?”

  “What kind of respectable musician has that many y’s in their name?”

  “Between the two of you . . .” He ruffled his hand through Daphne’s hair. He sucked in a deep breath and his gaze sharpened. “Do I smell honey basil grilled cheese?”

  “I left you four in the refrigerator. Consider it an apology for the whole misunderstanding.” She strummed out another chord and cringed.

  “I’ll consider it the beginning of your very long and likely unending apology.” The microwave beeped as he tapped on its buttons. “You’ll have to work a little harder when it comes to everyone else.”

  “Ugh.” She set the guitar down, balancing it carefully against the coffee table. “I’m never going to live this down,” she said to me under her breath.

  “Well, the way to Gavin’s heart is through is stomach so I think you’re headed in the right direction.”

  “Is that how you wooed him? With a decadent grilled cheese?”

  “Hardly.” A laugh shook through me. “The first time I met him I almost broke his nose.”

  “Hey, hey!” Gavin shouted from the kitchen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if you’re whispering about it it’s probably something bad.”

  Daphne ignored him. “Did you punch him?”

  “No. God no.” I reached inside my shirt and pulled out my necklace, cradling the worn penny in my palm. It was still warm from where it’d been resting against my skin. “We both went for the same penny.”

  The wheels in her head turned so loudly I could hear them. “How long did you say you’d known each other?”

  Well, shit.

  Gavin’s reappearance saved me from having to take a trip down that rabbit hole. I had to be more careful about what I said around Daphne. She made it really easy to talk to her, but she was sharper than a damn tack.

  In one hand, Gavin carried his carefully piled plate of grilled cheeses, in the other, the sandwich he’d already eaten almost half of. “I’m not sure I’m a fan of the bonding that’s happening here.”

  From the depths of his pocket, his phone or maybe it was still Ben’s phone, shrilled out an obnoxious beep. Stuffing the half-eaten grilled cheese in his mouth to free up a hand, he dug it out and gave it a quick scan. “What now?” He complained around his mouthful.

  He passed the phone to us so we could read the text.

  Felix: Need you downstairs ASAP. Emergency.

  Chapter 31: Gavin

  Taking the word “emergency” to heart, we all trucked downstairs post haste. Felix answered the door immediately, like he’d just been waiting behind it for us to show up. The worry etched across his face was my first clue something bad was going down. Jules’s appearance sealed the deal.

  She was dressed the same as always, casually in a T-shirt and jeans, her hair in a loose ponytail and her face free of any makeup. Nothing all that strange there. It was the look in her eyes though, like someone had simply drained the sparkle and shine from them. Like someone had stolen the real Jules and left only a shell of her behind.

  Not even knowing what was up, I wrapped her in a hug, keeping a careful grip on the plate of grilled cheeses I’d brought with me. “What’s going on? Are you alright?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “But it’s best we wait until everyone gets here. I only want to have this conversation once.”

  “Grilled cheese?” I offered.

  Her smile was painted in sad lines. “Thanks, but I can’t eat. Not now.”

  Dani inched closer to us, trying not to interrupt. “Hey,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure I gave you your keys back and to thank you for . . . everything.” She shrugged.

  I glanced down at the set of keys in her hand, confused. “What’s with the keys?” I left my question general, not really caring which one of them wanted to fork over the answer.

  Jules tossed the set of them on the table. “I told Dani she could borrow the Audi to drive up to Concord.”

  Something inside me cracked a little. It was probably the wall I’d tried to construct around my heart to keep it safe. In all reality wasn’t much of a wall, more like a haphazardly built, ramshackle fence. “You were going to drive to Concord?”

  “Well, I couldn’t fly.” Dani’s cheeks pinkened.

  “But you said—” I darted a glance at Jules. “I thought there was a three-hour limit.”

  She wouldn’t look at me. “There is.”

  She’d been willing to break another rule for me. Risk it to make sure I was okay. The realization snapped any of the last restraint I was holding onto. “I love you,” I blurted.

  Jules eyes went wide. “I’m gonna . . .” She pointed to the living room, slipping out from underneath my arm and carefully extracting my plate of food from my hand.

  Dani’s hand rested gently against the base of her throat. “Gavin.”

  “I know the timing is shit and there’s absolutely nothing romantic about Felix’s kitchen, but I love you, Dani, and I don’t care who hears me say it. I don’t care about any of it. All I care is that you know it. I want you to hear it in case I don’t get another chance to tell you.” I nudged the bottom of her chin so she’d look at me. “I love you Dani. Whenever your birthday is, whatever your name is, even though I know you’re going to leave. Right now, in this moment, I love you.”

  Her eyes filled, and she rested her forehead against my chest. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

  I rested my chin on top of her head. “It’s always been like this. Just because I didn’t say it earlier doesn’t mean it was any less true then.”

  And just because she hadn’t said it back to me, didn’t make that any less true either. Back in the day I would’ve given anything to hear her say those words. I waited, time and time again for them to slip through her lips. Now, I realized, I didn’t need to hear it. She showed it to me in the way she looked at me, the way her eyes would find mine across the room. It was the brush of her hand against mine in passing, the feeling of her legs twisted between mine when we woke up in the morning.

  Warmth spread through my shirt and it took me a second to realize she was crying. Ah, shit. That wasn’t what I wanted. “Don’t cry, Dani.”

  “It’s not fair,” she whispered, her voice broken.

  Another knock sounded through the room and she pushed away from me, turning her back, and pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. She searched out Jules and mouthed, Bathroom?

  Jules pointed it out, eyes full of sympathy.

  Everyone else filtered into the room together—Ian sans Bianca, Ben with Rachel in tow, and Annabelle, Jules and Felix’s wedding planner. Now, she was an odd addition to the group. Her being her meant it was some sort of wedding related emergency. Dressed sharply in a navy dress, an iPad tucked under one arm, she took in the room in one calculating sweep.

  “Let’s take this to
the living room,” Felix said, leading the way.

  Jules sat in the oversized armchair, Felix at her side. Ian, Ben, and Rachel took one couch, Annabelle and I sat on the other, Daphne perching on the armrest next to me. I left an open cushion between us, which Dani filled as she hurried from the bathroom, no evidence on her face that she’d been crying.

  I didn’t miss the looks all of them but Jules cast her way, and I gave them a look right back that said, Cut it the fuck out. I’d stayed out of it when the rest of them had their heads up their asses, which Ben still did, so they needed to mind their own fucking business and stop making Dani feel worse about something she couldn’t even control. If they only knew everything she’d already compromised on to make things work with us, they’d keep their mouths shut.

  “Thank you guys for coming,” Jules said, crossing her legs. “I know it was short notice, but, well, we don’t have a lot of time.” Her eyes dropped to her lap and Felix threaded his fingers through hers.

  “I think most of you guys know that Jules’s little sister, Elle, has been battling Juvenile Huntington’s.” He tightened his grip on Jules’s hand. “We got a call last night that she’s taken a turn for the worse.”

  Rachel’s hand drifted up to cover her mouth.

  “We talked about it and it’s really important to both of us that Elle is there for our wedding, and—” His throat worked as he swallowed. “—the current timeline just isn’t going to work.”

  Jules turned to Annabelle. “We really appreciate everything you’ve done, but at the end of the day neither of us really cares about a big wedding. What really matters to us is that everyone we love is there. So, we’ve decided to go to town hall next weekend. We’d love if you all—”

  “Hold on,” Annabelle interrupted, her gaze dagger sharp. “Town hall?”

  “Like Jules said, the where doesn’t matter. The who does,” Felix said sharply.

  Her chin lifted. “Are you suggesting that, given a week, I couldn’t put together something for you that’s better than town hall?”

  “It would have to be somewhere close to home.” Jules looked to Felix for confirmation. “My family has a lot of property. Not anything gorgeous but a lot of space.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if we could make it work. I don’t have a dress, we’d need—”

  “None of which you’d need to worry about.” One perfectly painted fingernail tapped against the screen of her iPad. “That’s my job.”

  “You could pull that off?” Felix’s eyes narrowed, assessing her.

  “Under two conditions.” She held up two fingers. “One: you give me carte blanche. The food, the music, the dress. All of it. I can make it happen, but I won’t have time to consult you on every decision.”

  “Done.” Jules leaned forward, intent. “What else?”

  “Two: as fabulous as I am at my job, I’m only one person.” Her gaze circled the room, and before she opened her mouth I already knew what was coming. “In order to pull this off, I need a team. To be frank, I could a hire a team of professionals, but it’d be pricey. If, let’s say, your friends were willing to pitch in—”

  “Whatever you guys need,” I interrupted her.

  “What Gav said. We’ve got you.” Ian added with a nod. “Bianca’s in a meeting, but I know she’d say the same.”

  “Anything I can do to help,” Rachel said.

  Ben looked to Annabelle. “Just name it and we’ll get it done.”

  I glanced to Dani, waiting to see if she might chime in. She caught Jules’s attention. “If there’s any way I can help, I’m more than happy to.”

  My hand gave her knee a squeeze and a second later her fingers laced through mine.

  “You’ve got a string quartet at your disposal.” Daphne blushed as all eyes turned to her. “After everything you guys did for me, it’s the very least I can do.”

  “Go.” Annabelle flicked a hand at Jules and Felix. “Be with your sister. All you need to do is show up next weekend. We’ll hammer out the rest of the details.”

  Chapter 32: Dani

  Gavin’s hands slid down my back, slipping into my back pockets. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait for you?”

  “Go with the guys.” I kissed him, a quick tease against his mouth. Behind us traffic buzzed by, the blare of a taxi’s horn shouting. “I just need to take care of something and I’ll be on the road maybe an hour behind you. I promise to be careful with the Jeep.”

  Another kiss, longer this time. Gavin groaned against my lips. “I’m not worried about the Jeep.”

  “I won’t miss the rehearsal dinner.”

  “Rehearsal dinner, schmearsal dinner.”

  I laughed as he dropped his forehead to mine. “And after the dinner, I’m all yours.”

  “Hah.” He snorted. “I’m sure the demon known as Annabelle will have crafted some additional torture for us for this evening. We’ll be turning napkins into swans into the wee hours of the morning. Or maybe it’ll be paper flowers this time. Hand cut.”

  “Stop.” I smacked him playfully on the arm. “I’d gladly subject myself to another week of Annabelle’s torture if it means Jules and Felix get their day.”

  “What about us?” He tweaked my nose. “In a perfect world what would our day look like? Would it be a huge ball gown and champagne fountains?”

  The thought made me giggle. Me in a huge, princess-style gown. That was rich. I sighed and shook my head. We’d been doing this a lot over the past week. Pretending the future was ours for the taking, that one could possibly exist for us. “No, nothing big. Maybe an elopement. I wouldn’t want to wait.”

  “Vegas?” His eyebrows climbed toward his hairline.

  “Possibly.”

  “For the record, it wouldn’t matter to me.” His hand dropped to mine and his thumb brushed my ring finger. “I’d buy you a big rock though.”

  “How big are we talking here?” I teased.

  “Big enough to sink the Titanic.”

  Another taxi sped by, leaning on its horn. Traffic and car horns—the soundtrack to the city. “I should go. I don’t want to be late.” My dad would have a field day with that. It was bad enough that going to Connecticut for Jules and Felix’s wedding was openly defying him and our basic rules of survival, not that he knew that was happening, but to add tardiness on top of it—it was just a bad, bad idea.

  “You’ve got the keys to the Jeep?”

  I nodded. “You remembered Elvis’s bowtie?”

  “And mine.” He kissed me again, his hands lingering on my ass, his tongue slipping into my mouth to drive me absolutely mad. “Drive safely and I’ll see you soon.”

  “You too.”

  He didn’t let me go, so I gently shoved him away. “Go.”

  “Fine.” He held up both hands in surrender. “Look, I’m going.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and turned my back, a smile still dancing on my face. I traced the line of my lips with a finger, memorizing the shape of them. It was one of the things I’d miss the most when I had to leave—the feel of a smile curving my mouth, how much time I spent laughing. There wasn’t much reason for laughing when Gavin wasn’t around.

  A quick glance at my phone showed I’d have to hurry to make my meeting with my dad. Mentally, I recalculated my route to shave off a little time. Not a big enough adjustment that it would be dangerous, but not quite out of the way enough it could be deemed safe either.

  The sun beat down on me, the heat of the sidewalk seeping through the soles of my sneakers. Sweat and exhaust were the most dominant smells in the air; if I tried hard enough, I could catch a tiny hint of pretzels. Living with Gavin was like living with a food bloodhound. It must’ve been rubbing off on me.

  I rounded the corner and rushed into Lucky Leon’s. We were back to our second spot, the first repeat we’d had so far. The bell jangled as I entered, a wave of stale air washing over me. Behind the counter was the same waitress we’d had the first time. She’d be disappointed agai
n today with our lack of order.

  The cracked upholstery of the booth scratched my leg as I slid in the booth. “Dad.”

  He set his coffee mug down, the chipped ceramic mug thumping against the Formica table. “Have any trouble getting here?”

  “None.” I pulled a napkin from the metal dispenser and set about folding it. Anything to keep my hands busy. “You?”

  Lines formed at the corners of his eyes as he narrowed them at me. “You weren’t followed?”

  His tone of voice forced my eyes up to meet his. Something was wrong. I knew it. “Of course not. You know how careful I am.”

  “I know how careful you were.” He tossed a manila envelope on the table.

  “What’s this?” My stomach turned inside out.

  “Open it.”

  I didn’t want to. Dread was a tightly curled ball churning in my gut. This was wrong, all wrong. Gingerly I grabbed the envelope and twisted the metal prongs so I could pull open the flap. I tilted it and a stack of pictures tumbled onto the table.

  Pictures of me in the Hamptons.

  Pictures of me outside Gavin’s place.

  Pictures of me shopping for wedding flowers.

  “What is this?” My voice trembled. The Hamptons. He had pictures of us at the Hamptons. “You knew. This whole time, you knew.”

  “Do you think I don’t do my research, Dani?” A muscle ticked in his cheek. “Did you think I came back here not knowing that boy from Syracuse was here? What kind of threat he posed to us?”

  “So why did we come back at all?”

  “I thought you were smarter than that. I thought you’d grown up and gotten over this silly fantasy.”

  A throat cleared. “Welcome back to Lucky Leon’s. Can I get you something to eat or drink, hun?”

  My gaze was locked onto my father’s, unflinching. “No, we’re good here.”

  “Uh-huh. Whatever you say, doll.” Her footsteps shuffled away.

  My skin was tight and hot with anger. “What was the point of all this? Was it just a test?” The last few weeks, our last meeting replayed in my head. “Was the guy following you even real?”