Shadow Heart (Broken Bottle Series Book 1)

by Taeuffer, Pam

  Chapter 35

  The Movie is Over,

  Now the Action Begins

  I looked at Ryan as I kneeled on his big thighs.

  The waves and curls of my hair kissed his body in wispy light glances. When it touched his shoulder or cheek, his skin twitched.

  “I think you may be too much for me. You’re a sweet man and I already love you as a friend. But I can’t see us lasting in a romantic relationship.”

  “I’m just right for you. You just don’t see me the way I see you—yet.” He kissed me again. It was as if he was urging me to submit to his dominating essence.

  “Okay.” I gave in quickly and climbed off his thighs, moving to my side of the bed so I could calm down. “Movie time.”

  I clicked the remote and the movie started.

  I pursed my lips, trying to ease the pressure in my body, forcing long, slow breaths from my mouth.

  “Let’s snuggle.” Ryan reached for me.

  “I’m exhausted. Damn, Ryan, this is only our first date, and I need to breathe. Let’s just take a little break.”

  “You’re okay.” His upper back and shoulders were against the headboard, and the rest of his body stretched out like the lion I’d imagined him to be.

  He looked long and luscious.

  I wanted to someday trace his body from his forehead all the way to his toes; my fingertips touching all of his juicy parts I'd skipped over while sitting on his thighs a few minutes earlier. I did so, very slowly . . . in my mind.

  “You’ve got a devilish look,” Ryan smiled.

  “Mm hmm.” I avoided looking at his handsome face.

  “Just for tonight, can you take one little step with me? Let me show you that I can be near you and respect your wishes. Can you trust me that much?”

  I nodded.

  “Scoot down a little so your head’s on my chest.”

  He knows I’m in heaven there.

  “What are you trying to do, give me heart failure?”

  “Something like that,” he grinned.

  I positioned myself the way he wanted and he adjusted his body so we fit together comfortably. As I lay my head on him I gave a long sigh and patted his chest.

  “I love these,” I said softly. “I know you know, but . . . I do.”

  We lay together while the movie played, and the splashes of chills rolled over me. He rubbed my back, shoulders, arms, and occasionally my bottom. I moved his hand several times, pretending I didn’t want it there. The bundle of nerves on my “backland” sparkled that night when his fingertips touched and brought the ample cheeks of my behind to life.

  I couldn’t resist a small kiss on his chest. I held his right pec in my hand, squeezing it every so often, patting and pinching his stomach gently, and enjoying his little belly. I heard him take deep breaths, while he caressed my head.

  The free spirited enjoyment circled through me as if I were in my backyard, making mud pies, digging and plunging my hands deep into the soothing moist earth, squeezing the moist, rich soil through my fingers.

  The tactile sensations of his body were lovely.

  I finally trusted he wasn’t going to push me for sex. I relaxed. In fact, he was so soothing that I fell asleep and later woke up as he was getting out of bed.

  He turned off the TV and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Nicky, wake up, honey.”

  “I’m awake,” I said with my sleepy voice.

  “Do you want me to leave? The movie is over, so . . .”

  I knew my parents wouldn't be happy I had a boy in my bed, but for once I pushed away my cautious life. I put my arms around him and pulled him down to me.

  “I want you to stay with me so I can feel your chest all night. I’ve wanted to touch it for so long.” Still sleepy, I repeated, “Since last year, Ryan.”

  He let my fingers surround his neck and he lay with his arms on each side of my shoulders. His big pitcher’s hands caressed my head and his eyes shone in the moonlight.

  “I know you have. Before you even said a word, I saw your desire when I was at your front door to take you to Yountville last year." He kissed my lips softly. "Thank you for telling me.”

  We changed positions so we lay on our sides facing each other. He lifted my leg and pulled it over his hips so it wrapped partially around him. My heel rested on the back of his thigh.

  He took me gently into our early morning.

  “Ryan?” The soft iridescent light coming through my window lit up his face.

  He opened his eyes. “Yes, Ms. Young?”

  “I’m glad we don’t have to let go tonight,” I patted his back. “I knew it would be nice to be with you.”

  “I don’t ever want to let go.” His hug became a little tighter.

  His stomach and hips pressed toward mine, opening me so his penis was against my "private spot." Only the thin material of my pajamas and his sweats separated us from experiencing more of each other.

  “We should change positions.” I didn't want to bring any more temptation to the primitive part of my evil twin trying to push out from me. Feeling his penis was awakening way too much.

  I began to worry what I might do with just the right kiss.

  He turned over and lay on his back, taking my body with his.

  Now I was lying partially on top of him, trying carefully to avoid his erection.

  He lifted my leg right on top of it.

  “Ryan?”

  “Mmm.”

  “Doesn’t that hurt when my leg is on, um,” I hesitated, deciding how I’d finish my thought.

  “My penis?” His wonderful, low and delicious laugh rumbled. “No, it doesn’t hurt. Far, far from hurting. Damn, Nicky.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know if I’ll go to sleep at all. Lying here with you has me wide-awake. You know I’m not used to being a Boy Scout.”

  I know! We all know it!

  “You can kiss and hug me all night long.” I gave him that much. “I don’t care if you wake me up. If you need kissing, just kiss me and I’ll be ready.”

  “Neither of us will get much sleep in that case," he squeezed me with a gentle embrace.

  “That's okay. Do it. Ryan?”

  “Yes?”

  “You can sleep over any time. You’re like a big stuffed toy lying next to me. I love sleeping with my furry toys, and you're the best one yet.” I exhaled with a satisfied and sleepy moan.

  I felt his chest rise as he sighed deeply.

  “Ryan?”

  “Yes, Nicky?”

  “I have a lot of faith in you.” I kissed his nipple.

  “Oh, woman, you’re taking me over.”

  “Good,” I flattened my hand on his chest, squeezed his pec, and repeated, “Good.”

  I went back to sleep wrapped up in his arms, his essence, and his promise of something that might be wonderful.

  Throughout our evening together, I gave Ryan my kisses. In just one night, I learned many intimate things about him.

  When his body moved toward mine and his arms began to open, he wanted to embrace me. When his muscles flexed and bulged, or his thighs tightened, he wanted to move his hands or body on me. When his head tilted very slightly, it was for a kiss. I felt his breath come into me, saturate me, and the deep sounds in his thick neck became little serenades. My belly felt his stomach and chest swelling out. My lips quivered with the anticipation of his mouth opening for a kiss.

  The loveliness of the man lying next to me flooded my body.

  My fortress cracked open.

  I began to initiate.

  I pressed into him, pulled his chest close, and opened his mouth with mine.

  “I want . . .” I licked his bottom lip and sucked on it lightly. "I want that.”

  We danced in the world of in-between, playing among our wishes and desires, asleep and then awake again, wanting more.

  We flew into kisses like night birds in the spring, somewhere above our bodies, gliding softly through a possible future.<
br />
  One lingering kiss, his body pushing out to mine, his moans and sighs tugging on the ache in my belly . . . it was his last kiss before the alarm on his watch rang in the morning.

  Was there anything to stop our dreams?

  Chapter 36

  He’s Leaving, of Course

  It was 6 a.m.

  I stretched, pushing my belly into Ryan's; rubbing my feet on his masculine, hairy legs.

  “Do you have to get up right now?” I moaned with the awareness of a new day. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “I don't either. We fly out at twelve and I still need to pack. God, your body feels good.”

  “Can’t you have someone pack for you? You must have someone. People do stuff for you all the time, don’t they? Snap your fingers and they come running to you?”

  “Oh yeah?” He sounded amused. “Like who?”

  “A housekeeper, or personal assistant—people like that. You guys are spoiled. Aren't there tons of people waiting for a call?”

  “You have me all figured out?” he challenged.

  "Yeah," I giggled, flirting mercilessly.

  "I have been looking for a personal assistant, but she needs special qualities. Until now, I didn't think I'd ever find her. You've got the job, Ms. Young."

  “I accept. I’m sure going to miss you, my Ryan.” I put my hand on his cheek. I felt different. There was easiness with him—with us—that morning. My affections came without hesitation.

  “Come with me,” he announced boldly.

  “You're teasing, but—"

  "No. I want you with me. Tell your parents you're coming. Grab your suitcase. Or don't. I'll make sure you have everything you need."

  "You're making it impossible for me," I answered. "You know I can't. We need to go slowly if we want my parents on our side. Maybe your next trip. I hate saying that, and I understand no woman you've been with would say that to you, but . . ."

  When he got on top of me, I felt the contrasting hardness of his erection. Ooh, he’s a heavy, beautiful, man.

  “I respect that," he reassured me.

  "I hope the road isn't too much temptation for you," I said timidly. "I know how many women want you."

  "No one will take my attention from you."

  “We’ve all heard about your reputation,” I reminded him. “Don’t forget, I heard you and Kevin.”

  “When I talked about other women with Kevin, I said I was tired of everything. Did you hear me say that?”

  “I heard you say you’re, um . . . you’re, um . . . tired of shooting something,” I looked away, unable to keep eye contact.

  “I’m sorry about that.” He turned my head so I'd look at him once again. His face flushed. “At the time, I didn’t know you were standing there. We—I—said things I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry to have been so disrespectful.”

  “I get that you wouldn't have said the same things if you knew I was there. I shouldn't have stayed but I'd never heard men talk that way. I was curious."

  "We shouldn't have been so careless. You could have been a little girl or boy standing there. My life isn’t what you think it is, you know. It’s a lot of . . . fake.”

  “Oh? And how do I think it is?” I teased.

  “You think I bounce happily and carefree from one thing to the next,” he framed his answer as if he'd posed a question.

  “No, not one thing to the next, one woman to the next,” I corrected. "I've never pegged you as flighty when it comes to the important stuff, but you and women? Oh yeah. You've most definitely had your share."

  “Yeah, well," he cleared his throat. "That lifestyle gets old. You don't understand, but it does.”

  “Yeah, okay. You seem to love it, so whatever.” I don’t believe you.

  “It was fun at one time, I admit that. I was curious like you and wanted to explore everything I could. I knew early on it was just another kind of recreation.” He put his finger on my lips. “You look so appealing like this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pictured us in just this way—me looking down at you, dominating you in a tender moment, while your sweet face looks up and dominates me."

  “Ooh, that sounds . . . we can dominate each other, then?” I giggled, trying to lighten the moment. He didn't smile. I realized he wasn’t teasing. His gaze burned into me.

  “I’m fighting my feelings for you even as I lay on your body.” His thighs flexed. “All I can visualize is giving into our desires. I want . . . I want to give myself to you.”

  “But you don’t know who you’re giving yourself to,” I threatened.

  “Do you really think I hadn’t noticed you before our visits to Yountville?” he whispered. "The questions I asked, our long conversations to and from the Veterans' Hospital . . . you know by now that's why I wanted to go alone with you. I asked everything I needed and you revealed yourself so . . . sweetly."

  “What?” I tried to catch my breath, hardly able to speak.

  “I’ve been looking for you for so long, Nicky."

  “But you’re a young man,” I insisted. “Your freedom . . . I’m flattered—actually overwhelmed that you like me. I like you, too. But I haven’t done anything meaningful like the other women you’ve seen.”

  “You’re meaningful,” he said softly. "That's all I need."

  “The other day,” I continued even though I was shaken. "I mean, I admit I dressed the way I did on purpose. I wanted to see if you’d, well, the way you look at women, I wanted to see if you’d look at me like that.”

  “Go on,” he prodded.

  Oh hell, there’s his sensuous smile again.

  “I wanted to see if you’d react, given the way I dressed, the same as I’ve seen you react when women show themselves to you. I had it in my mind—"

  “React? How?”

  “You know what I mean.” By the heat I felt in my cheeks I knew I was blushing.

  “Tell me,” he said bluntly. “I need to hear you. I love hearing you explain yourself.”

  “I thought if your eyes went up and down and all over me like I’ve seen you do with other women, it meant you were only interested in having sex with me. Now that I think about it, it seems ridiculous.”

  “What did you learn?” he asked knowingly.

  “That your feelings are much more than a physical attraction.”

  “Why?” He played with a button on my pajama top.

  “Because you didn’t do any of the things I thought you would. You showed me you cared by giving me your jacket. You talked with me on the beach about my dad and went with me to Sammy’s. What I experienced—you're different. I think . . . special. Very special.”

  “Why else?”

  “God, Ryan, haven’t I said enough?”

  “No. Tell me everything.”

  This is so hard looking up at him. His body is on me and his eyes are so focused on mine.

  “What really got my attention was when we were at the beach. You didn’t try anything.” I recalled the evening vividly. "When I was upset, all you wanted to do was comfort me. Your kisses on my forehead . . . everything told me.”

  “Told you what?”

  “You are a man to take seriously and you take me seriously. Your kisses. They penetrate me right into my core. They’re sweet and so much more than just a kiss. They say things. I’ve never had those kisses.”

  “I know."

  “When you were talking about my father’s troubles and I asked you to help him?"

  "Yes?"

  "I saw such kindness in your eyes. Even with all that, I still don’t get it. If you’re serious about looking for someone to love, why wouldn’t you want an accomplished and educated woman? I mean, at least someone who can travel with you.” I played with a loose thread on the comforter. “I just don’t see how this can end well and why you wouldn't tire of me. I'm afraid of everything.”

  Something bad is always around the corner.

  “Don't be afraid. We'll talk it all through, no matter what it is. I see
us so clearly.” The knot in his brow softened. “The thing is, you’re much stronger and smarter than you really know. You don't give yourself enough credit for all you've accomplished. And one thing’s for sure . . .”

  He left the words hanging and I jumped in.

  “What?”

  “Each of us has had our eyes wide open since last year.” He kissed my ears, face, and neck. “You know, it’s morning now."

  "Yeah?"

  "My Boy Scout promise expired last night.”

  With that comment it seemed I sprung to life. It was as if my body had been asleep and now tingled everywhere. His seductive smile made his face warm and lovely.

  “What?” Panic rang through my head as he began to take off my pajama top. I was pinned underneath him. I couldn’t bring my arms across my chest to cover myself. “Ryan, don’t. I can’t fight you like this.”

  “Then don't fight me. I want to feel your bare body against mine,” he said. “I won’t put my mouth on your breasts. I just want . . . your body," he gasped. "Your . . . mmm, your soft woman's body. Your hips and your breasts . . . you don't understand your body, but you, Nicky Young, are all woman.”

  What does that mean?

  He closed his eyes and moved his chest across mine from side to side. My nipples rubbed against his; both of us having hard pink stones on our chests rising up and getting firmer every second that passed.

  “Ryan?”

  He raised his head as if I had called him back from another world.

  “Mm-hmm?” He barely mouthed his response.

  “I don’t want to tease you, do you think maybe you should get up? I’ll lie with you as long as you want, but I can’t, um, that is, I’m not going to . . .”

  “You’re not ready for me inside you?” His voice seemed to slide down my belly.

  “Right.”

  “Why didn’t you wear a bra to bed if you didn’t want me to feel your breasts?”

  “It sounds ridiculous now, but I thought you’d sleep downstairs,” I admitted.

  “How could I do that when you're so near?” Ryan breathed hard. His eyes were closed. It seemed like his body tightened when I talked about letting go. “This night passed too fast.”