Shadow Heart (Broken Bottle Series Book 1)

by Taeuffer, Pam

  “You’re easy,” I blurted.

  “You think I’m easy?” he laughed.

  “I don’t mean it that way,” I clarified. “I mean you’re easy to be with.”

  “I’m counting on that.” He stood up to put on his shirt.

  “Oh, damn it, do you need to cover up that big thing so soon? I love that mountain.”

  He turned around and immediately sat down on the bed.

  Oh, what did I do? You knew exactly what you were doing, Nicky. Keep going.

  I pulled the sheet up to my neck and covered my breasts.

  “Nicky, that’s not nice. You know I could pull that sheet completely away from you.”

  “Yeah, but a good Boy Scout doesn’t do that.”

  “That’s over, baby.” He grin was wicked.

  Baby? A new term!

  “You better get ready. You’ll miss your plane.” I pointed to the invisible watch on my wrist. “Going on seven. Getting late.”

  “Uh-huh, it’s not that late. You can’t tease me like that,” he whispered. Once again he pulled me on top of him. “Knowing I’m getting closer to everything about you turns me on so much. I’m having trouble holding back. Please, don’t tease me.”

  He tenderly supported the back of my head and turned over so that once again he was on top of me. His big hands lifted my knees, and opened my legs around his hips. As his kisses became deeper and more intense, my lips were ironed and pressed side to side in his open-mouth. His body followed the same motion—his hips arched, pushed, and rocked against my belly.

  I want to take these pajamas off so I can rub against him.

  “Baby,” he sounded breathless.

  “Yeah,” I gasped. Help me.

  “I want you,” his labored breathing matched mine. “Even through this sheet I can feel where I’d fit right into you. I know it’s too fast and I don’t want to disrespect you or your parents, but,” he took a deep breath. “I wish . . .”

  “What?” I pushed.

  “I wish you would come with me.” A note of sadness filled his voice.

  “Me, too. But we both know it's too fast. My parents would flip out. I want them on our side, not against us.”

  “Please stay with me inside here.” He touched my body, my heartbeat . . . I felt him everywhere. “I feel sick leaving you. I know you should be with me.”

  His soft lips kissed me once more. It was so deep that he pushed my head down into the pillow. I felt as if honeybees were swarming around their hive, ready to sting me with deliciousness.

  “Hard and fast.” He studied me.

  “What?” I was sinking underneath him in every way.

  “I’ve got to bring everything hard and fast to you. I’m going to make you so desperate you'll beg to feel my love around you.”

  I smiled at the vision.

  “While I’m gone you’ll have the chance to talk with the people I told you about. I’ve listed their names and numbers on a piece of paper on your nightstand. You, Nicky Young, are quite a woman. I can’t wait to see you again." He rose to his feet. “When I return I’ll rub on you like a rich, soft lotion.”

  Yes, I can see it, see this, see . . . us. Rubbing me . . . rich lotion . . . The way he talks, it’s like poetry.

  “Can’t you help my dad now? I’m already attracted to you. My eyes are open and I’m looking at you like you wanted. Please, can you?”

  “As soon as you make me your man I’ll make the calls to help your family. Until then, I need you to understand more of what I want—for both of us.” He sat back down on the bed and held my hand. “You only see your career and school. You’re afraid I’ll ask you to give them up for me. But I won’t. Give me a chance.”

  “Okay, I’ll try you out.” I laughed nervously. “Are you sure you want me to talk with all these contacts of yours?”

  “I’m sure. What these people can do is give your loved ones a gentle push; something your family and friends may not have been able to get on their own—at least not so quickly. You need to find out about your dad, regardless of your decision about me. Can’t you talk with him and help him understand the consequences he might bring down on your family?”

  No, none of my family can “talk about it.” Everything is tucked away in our vault of secrets. We take what comes and we “deal with it.”

  “I don’t know. Our family, we don’t, um . . . that’s not what we do, Ryan.”

  “Do your best to make him tell you,” he pushed. “If he won’t say anything, then you’ll find out through my contact at Municipality, but it would be nice to hear your dad explain it.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I’m not counting on it.”

  “Oh, Nicky . . . bye, my sweet love.”

  “Bye, Ryan. I’ll be waiting for your next kiss.” After a big, juicy smooch and one last bear hug, he walked out of my bedroom.

  I grabbed the pillow and dozed off, my head resting on the same spot where only a moment ago, Ryan’s lay, his eyes and hands holding me inside them. As I hugged it, I imagined he was still with me.

  Already, I hungered for his return.

  Chapter 37

  One More Goodbye

  I woke up to my cell phone ringing.

  My sleepy voice gave away the obvious.

  “Nicky, honey.”

  “Hey, my Ryan,” I tried to sound like I was wide-awake.

  “Mm-hmm, I am yours. I’m sorry if I woke you. I had to hear your voice once more before we take off.”

  “Ooh, I’m so sleepy, but I’m glad to hear from you.”

  “I didn’t give you a chance to get a lot of rest.” His voice sounded happy—almost euphoric.

  “No,” I giggled. “You sure didn’t. I need to get some lip balm so my lips don’t get chapped.”

  “You told me to wake you up any time I needed your kiss . . . you really didn’t think you’d get much sleep, did you?” Already his sexy laughs paraded one after the other.

  “I didn’t know what it meant when I said that to you. I have nothing to compare us to.” I spread out on the bed.

  There was a long silence.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “Your innocence peels everything away and makes me feel like I’m just a boy again.”

  “Well, that makes two of us. Not a boy, well, you know what I mean. How do you think I feel when you keep asking me why and how, and Nicky explain this and that? You never stop!”

  I heard his muffled laugh.

  “Being with you last night and this morning, the way you trusted me to lie on top of you . . . I think I’ve been struck by lightning.” The joy in his voice was infectious.

  “I’m going to write all about my lightning with you, Ryan. I’ll write about how I finally got to lie on your chest. Oh, I love it!”

  “I’ve never had anyone talk to me like you do. It's . . .” It seemed he wanted to say more but he trailed off.

  Maybe he's afraid like you are.

  “What do you mean? Tell me everything.” I repeated what he so often said to me.

  “You get to me,” he revealed. “Your innocence mixed with your wisdom—it's overwhelming.”

  “Overwhelming? I’ve never heard that.” I turned over and rubbed my belly, wanting to bring back the feeling of his hand on me. “I’d say that’s you.”

  “Anyone who doesn’t understand your brilliance doesn’t see you. Seems like we have a lot of similarities, don’t you think?"

  "Seems like." I stepped right into his bear trap.

  “Makes us a pretty good match.”

  “Maybe.” I’ll never make it as your girlfriend because my head will explode.

  “Every day while I’m away, I’ll think about lying next to you, remembering your breasts and lips on me.”

  “Me, too. Tell you a secret? Even when I was pissed at you for stopping our trips together last year and then not talking to me, I hoped we'd come together again. I knew you were special. Even from . . .”

  Careful Nick. Don’t share
too much this soon.

  “Even from?” he pressed. I could hear the noise of the airport in the background.

  “Last year in Yountville.” I want to say from the first time you kissed my hand, but I can’t be that vulnerable.

  “I can’t wait for more of those days,” he sighed.

  “You owe me. Don’t forget, I had a date with you, so it’s Yountville next.”

  “I haven’t forgotten our deal. Bye-bye, sweet Nicky. I can still feel your nakedness on my body. The way your lips opened and let me take them inside my mouth? God, I . . . I’ll see that luscious belly of yours in ten days. Oh, what I want to do to it.”

  “Okay.” I’ll never make it being near him. “Bye, Ryan.”

  After I hung up, I lay in my bed a while longer. I rolled over to the side where he’d slept, hoping to smell him. Even though he'd left for his road trip his presence remained. I thought about the movie, saw the hot chocolate sitting on my nightstand, the popcorn on my hope chest, and of course, felt the bliss of his kisses.

  What a difference in the way I feel being home after having Ryan here. Would it be so bad living here while going to Stanford? Wouldn't it be something to date him? Don't hope for too much, Nick. More broken promises . . .

  After catching up in my journal, I made my appointments with the people Ryan knew that could help my family. All of them were scheduled for the next day—Friday.

  First in line and most important was Sid Freeman, my father’s supervisor. All I needed to do was mention Ryan’s name and he confirmed me for 9:00 a.m.

  Next were the people who could influence Jenise’s future, her department head professor, Mr. Woodson at SF State, and the President of City Architecture, Mr. Blockley. They confirmed for 12:00 and 2:00 p.m. They were less important to me. After all, Jenise and I weren't close any more and she had every chance to make her own way. Still, we were sisters and I felt an obligation to check it out.

  Walter Dixon, the athletic director at Stanford was next. He was also the manager of the men’s baseball team and the man who would make decisions about Jerry. He confirmed for the late afternoon at 4:00 p.m.

  Last would be those who could help my girlfriends. I wasn’t even sure I cared about pursuing those contacts so I put those calls on hold. I had to see how the long day ahead vetted itself before getting in deeper. Like me, my friends were just starting their lives. What did it matter if they had to take another opportunity rather than their first choice? They’d never know.

  Would it matter if you had to choose a college other than Stanford?

  When I finished setting up the appointments, I got out of bed, trying to leisurely meld into the day. I noticed Ryan had forgotten his jacket and sweat pants and saw a note on top of them.

  “I’ll pick these up when I get back—they’re yours to wear if you get cold, Ryan.”

  The warmth emanating from his written words shot right into my heart, the same as if I’d taken a syringe of his love and injected myself.

  I tucked the piece of paper in my journal and then brought Ryan's jacket to my face. There was something erotic about breathing in his scent and it made me want him in a sexual way. I knew he was probably with the team; perhaps even on the plane, but my Evil Twin—the bold, new voice inside me—wouldn’t let me remain passive. I had to call him and let him know the way his note made me feel.

  “Nicky?” Ryan answered, “Everything all right?”

  “I know you’re probably on the plane or getting ready to board. I shouldn’t bother you; I know that. I’m sorry to call.” I sounded like I was out of breath.

  “Slow down and just tell me, sweetheart.”

  “I just found the note you left on your jacket. I know you can’t understand how great it made me feel. Without saying a word, you’ve told me I matter.”

  “Of course—"

  “My anxiety—I always think anything that's going good is coming to an end,” I interrupted. "I'm afraid you'll run out of patience because I doubt and fear everything."

  “If I didn’t want a relationship with you, I wouldn’t spend time talking with you and your family." There was muffled noise in the background. "One minute, Kevin!" he shouted. "It doesn't bother me to take things slow. I know you need that from me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “Yeah, but I’m not the cat’s meow you’re used to. I need to be reassured—a lot. I apologize to you in advance.” I laughed nervously and he did, too.

  “I’m not laughing at your explanation, but the cat’s meow? You crack me up.”

  “Well, I don’t do the peacock thing, wearing bikinis and skimpy stuff. Are you okay with jeans and T-shirts? From what I've seen at the ballpark, you like women dressed another way.”

  “Seems like you dressed just like them the other day,” he teased. "You sure you don't have a whole closet of short shorts?"

  “Yeah, I, well, normally, you know, I don’t dress like that, and well . . .”

  “God, I hope not, or you’d give half the men in San Francisco a heart attack the way your body moves." His low laugh slithered through the phone and took control of my belly. "Oh, sweetheart, don’t you understand? Everything about you is phenomenal. I’ll be in cold showers every day as I think of you.”

  Oh man, that feeling in my stomach, it goes right to my toes.

  “I hope you guys do well on your road trip.” I paused a few seconds and then added, “Don’t be too wild. Remember, you promised to be a Boy Scout for me.”

  Uh-oh . . . silence. Is he embarrassed to talk in front of his teammates? I shouldn't have called him. What was I thinking?

  “I will be a good boy for you. And be a good girl for me, too.”

  “I always am. Bye, my Ryan.”

  “Nicky?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You’re never a bother, baby. Last year when I asked where I should pick you up for Yountville?"

  "Yeah."

  "What did I say?"

  "That you didn't mind going out of your way for me.” Who knew we'd be discussing comments that I questioned last year?

  “I meant it then and I mean it now. The way you think is, hang on a sec." He yelled to someone in the background. "It isn’t stupid or silly." Muffled noises again. "I know! I said I'd be a minute! I hate to hang up, but I really have to go. Your thoughts are magnificent. I love hearing them.”

  “I'm sorry. I know you're leaving. I don’t know what’s okay when someone is on a team like you are. Here I am, some girl calling you.”

  “You can call me whenever you want. Just remember, I won’t be able to answer your call if I’m pitching.”

  What a silly boy.

  “Okay,” I giggled. “I won’t call when you’re on the mound.”

  “We’ll go over everything as it comes to us.” His voice went low. “I'll go over everything very slowly so you understand. I can see you need a lot of tender loving care and I intend to give you plenty of it.”

  “Okay.” I swallowed hard.

  “I’ll love you in ways . . . ways that are beyond your most imaginative fantasies,” he said with complete confidence. "By the way, can I hear some of them when I get back?"

  Another shot went from my belly to my lush spot. It was wonderful hearing him talk like that.

  “Nicky?” He waited for a response.

  “I heard you.” Don't ask me to respond. Guess he wasn't embarrassed talking in front of his teammates. Damn . . . I hope no one was around him.

  “I left something for you at my place. I was wondering . . . would you take it to Yountville? I was going to call you later, but since we’re talking now, they’re expecting it Saturday morning. I left it with Ross, the doorman. He works weekdays from one in the afternoon to around ten in the evening.”

  “Sure. I'd be happy to.” I put his address in my cell phone as he told it to me. I’m going to his building! “But you were supposed to go with me when I went there next time.”

  “I promise we’ll go when I get back. They r
eally need the boxes and before eleven if that’s okay,” he said briskly. “I was going to have them couriered, but if you can do it . . .”

  “I’ll get them. I love going up there.”

  “Thank you, my Nicky.”

  “Yes, my Ryan, you’re welcome.” I was amused that he repeated the term of endearment I’d used for him earlier that morning. “Talk to you later.”

  I was sure I would burst any moment with Ryan Tilton happiness. I sat at my desk writing about the “something” stirring inside me as well as our night together. It was as if my body had announced, “Hello, I’m here and I want more.”

  When the ink dried on my journal’s pages, I reviewed the raw reveal that came from deep inside me. I realized, that although I’d denied them, tucked them away, and at times covered them in anger . . . I had deep feelings for Ryan.

  Chapter 38

  A Sober Talk

  “Nicky!” Mom yelled up to me. “I’m going shopping, do you want to come with me?”

  “Yeah! I’ll be right down.” My night with Ryan made me feel good about everything. I wanted to share those feelings with Mom and everyone else I came across, hoping that somehow they might feel my exuberance. We spent the rest of the day together, grocery shopping and running errands, even finishing with a late lunch. Did she feel a change in me, too?

  As we were driving home, my cell phone rang.

  “Hey Colleen, what’s up?”

  “A bunch of us are goin’ out to the beach to have a barbecue and bonfire. Wanna come?”

  "Um . . ." I really just want to write and daydream.

  “Jerry’s gonna be there," she teased and made the words dance. "I told him I'd call you. He didn't think you'd be available until Friday, but can you make it? Don't you wanna come now?”

  “I'll get back to you,” I stalled. “What time are you leaving?”

  “If you want to ride over with Brett and me, we’re leaving around seven. Oh, and bring a warm blanket. It's BYOB, but I know you don't give a shit about that. We've got enough food.”

  “How come you’re still with Brett?" I probed. "I thought you’d be with Sy by now.”