A Secret Shared...

by Marion Lennox

  ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘And Harry’s changed me. I hardly understand what that change is all about either. I agree I’m struggling. But what I feel for you...’

  ‘Needs to be tempered with sense. What you’re struggling with is a good dose of panic at being a single dad.’

  ‘I don’t think I am,’ he said, looking out at Harry. ‘I want to do this.’

  ‘Then do it,’ she said. ‘And in a year or so come back and see me—if you still want to.’

  ‘You’ll still be in your enclosure?’

  ‘Leave it,’ she said roughly, rising to her feet. ‘Let it be, Jack. I’m happy here and it’s taken all my life to get this happy. Please don’t mess with it.’

  ‘I won’t,’ he said, and he didn’t rise to stand by her. He let her be, even if it nearly killed him. ‘It’s your call, Kate. You’re right, my life is being turned upside down. All I know is what I feel. How can I trust that? I’m not sure I can, but I need to try. Let me know if you do, too.’

  ‘I’m fine as I am,’ Kate said.

  ‘I’m sure you are,’ Jack said. ‘But I’m also sure you’d like to be free. But the way you’re feeling...asking you to love me might be asking you to go from one enclosure to another and I’d never do that to you. Just know that if you ever want it, Harry and I will be waiting for you. Waiting to be free together.’

  * * *

  There was a lot there for a woman to think about—almost too much. Luckily the rest of the day’s sessions were straightforward. The dolphins did their stuff, the kids didn’t push injured limbs too far, the day was gorgeous, the mums and the dads were happy—all was right in her world.

  Except Jack loved her.

  What was wrong with that?

  It scared her witless. It made her want to run.

  Why?

  Because a part of her—a really big part—said giving in to love left her exposed, as she’d been for most of her life. Love was gossamer chains that, when tugged against, became spiked steel.

  Maybe she was being stupid, she conceded. She was comparing the love Jack was offering to the suffocating love of her parents—and to what Simon called love, the love of greed and cruelty.

  But still...it was too much of a coincidence, she told herself, and she knew it was true. Jack had been left to care for his injured nephew. She’d formed a bond with Harry. Jack knew, or at least he must guess, how much she’d love to care for such a child as her own, and Jack needed that commitment. Because if she committed, he wouldn’t have to.

  Her parents had loved her because they’d needed her. Simon had ‘loved’ her because he’d wanted control and money. And here was Jack, who needed a mother for his child.

  But it was more than that. She could trust Jack.

  How? She didn’t know, but there was somehow a deep sense that seemed to be working by instinct, that watched him up the beach now as he dug holes with his nephew, that said here was a man she could trust with her life.

  But there was another part of her, the part that had been on the run for years, the part that had been battered and broken by a dreadful marriage, and that part said she was a fool. Had she learned nothing?

  If Jack had come to her without Harry then...

  No. Not even then. Trust had to be absolute, and how could she ever leave herself vulnerable?

  She wanted to head somewhere and weep.

  She wanted to lay it all out in front of Jack and let him tell her it was nonsense.

  Instead, she bounced in the water and cheered on her little clients, and as she worked with each of them she thought of the shocking paths that had brought each of them here. Life was cruel. Random.

  You had to protect yourself, she thought, and suddenly Maisie was lunging down the beach, through the shallows to reach her like, beaching herself on her mistress like she’d found her very own island. She was landed with an armful of soaking golden retriever. Maisie wriggled and licked and dripped and Kate thought this was the kind of treatment Maisie reserved for her very neediest of patients.

  So why her? Why now?

  Because she needed her. She hugged back and if she sniffed back a tear it was hidden in the fur of soaked dog. Finally she pulled away, and smiled and looked back to where Matilda Everingham was using her one good arm to try and keep a ball out of Hobble’s reach.

  Matilda was recovering from a car accident. This place was helping her recover.

  Like it was helping her recover.

  ‘And you can’t recover by jumping from the frying pan straight back into the fire,’ she told herself, and glanced again at the man and the boy on the beach. ‘They need you but so does everyone else here. I won’t let love blackmail me into anything.’

  Yet...Harry was earnestly telling something to his uncle. Jack laughed and hugged his little nephew and the sight did something to her insides.

  She could be part of it.

  Yeah. And she’d be left keeping the home fires burning, taking over Jack’s domestic responsibilities, and Jack would go back to the life he knew. She could not trust.

  ‘And that’s the end of it,’ she said, turning back to Matilda and trying to edge aside her soggy dog. ‘Thanks for the hugs, Maisie, but stick around. I just might need more of them.’

  * * *

  So much for taking things slowly. He’d scared her witless. She thought he was wanting a mother for Harry.

  Maybe he did. Maybe her doubts were justified. He spent the next couple of days trying to give her space, while he tried to sort out his own thoughts.

  A couple of days didn’t help. Or maybe they did. Every time he saw her he became more and more sure that what he was feeling had nothing to do with Harry.

  His thoughts kept drifting back to the night of that student party all those years ago, when Beth had floated home after meeting Arthur. His normally quiet, reserved little sister had been glowing.

  ‘I can’t tell you... I can’t explain... All I know is that he’s the one. If I’m wrong I’ll break my heart but he seems to feel it, too. Oh, Jack, I don’t believe in them but I seem to be in the middle of a miracle.’

  Her joy had left him confused and concerned. What was she letting herself in for? How had it happened? Maybe if Arthur had looked like the next James Bond he’d have understood, but Arthur had been a bespectacled, mild-mannered man who’d looked at his sister as if he’d been granted his own miracle.

  And now he was looking at Kate and feeling exactly the same.

  But it wasn’t reciprocated. Kate was running scared, and with reason.

  So what to do?

  In the end he decided he simply didn’t know, but one thing was sure, nothing could happen here. He was the guardian of one of Kate’s patients. She was treating him with professional detachment and he had to accept that. Pushing boundaries would not only be unfair on Kate, it could very well jeopardise Harry’s recovery.

  So wait.

  Until when?

  He didn’t know. He and Harry were only booked here for another couple of days.

  Still, he had to wait.

  Waiting was easier said than done, but he did have things to do to fill in the time.

  He was thinking of his life in Sydney as it had been. On call twenty-four seven. Living and breathing for his career.

  He was thinking of his life as it now had to be, if he was to fit a small boy into it. No, he thought as he worked through priorities. He didn’t need to fit Harry into his life. His life and Harry’s had to merge. Two lives, equal priorities.

  With Kate...three?

  He couldn’t ask her. Not yet. He got it, he thought. She’d been controlled for so long that for him to assume the control was his had been...cruel. He didn’t know how to fix it. He only knew, for now, he needed to focus on Harry.

 
So for now his focus was total.

  He had a life to reorganise. He had a family to make, including Kate or not.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SATURDAY. LATE MORNING. Harry was Kate’s last client before lunch. Up until two days ago Jack had joined them in the water, but for the last couple of days he’d pleaded a need to get work done. But it wasn’t true. He’d done everything he needed to get his life after Dolphin Bay sorted. For now he had time to sit on the beach and watch a vibrant, loving woman encourage his nephew to do things no one could have imagined him doing two weeks ago.

  She was a miracle-worker. Harry’s bad leg kicked now with full extension. What’s more, almost the whole time in the water he chatted. He’d never be the most voluble of kids, but he answered questions and he asked his own.

  ‘Tell Hobble what you want him to do,’ Kate told him, and the little boy considered the dolphin and set him a challenge.

  ‘I want you to swim all the way round the pool before I get to the edge,’ he decreed, and Jack grinned at the little boy’s school teacherly tone. Also the task he’d set him. The pool was vast in circumference and they were fifteen yards from the edge. But Harry started swimming, and Kate whistled. Hobble zoomed round the pool like lightning, Harry splashed in a frenzy to the side of the pool and they arrived together. Harry surfaced nose to nose with the dolphin, crowing with delight. ‘I almost beat you.’

  ‘I don’t believe it.’

  He’d been so entranced an entire battalion could have sneaked up behind him. It wasn’t a battalion. It was scarier. His sister-in-law was standing on the sandhill behind him. Helen.

  Helen wasn’t looking at him. She was staring out at Harry.

  ‘Oh, my,’ she murmured. ‘Oh, Jack, look.’

  ‘He’s good, isn’t he?’ As astounded as he was by her visit, his pride rang out clear and true. ‘Two weeks and he’s a new man.’

  But Helen was already running down the sand, calling out to the pair in the water. ‘Harry. Harry, it’s Aunty Helen. Oh, Harry...’

  Jack watched as Harry froze. Kate was beside him. She put her hand on his shoulder and bent and said something, and Harry’s shoulders braced. Who knew what Kate had said but whatever it was it seemed to have worked. Kate took his hand and together they waded from the water. Harry was promptly enveloped in a giant aunt-hug. Then Maisie bounded along the beach. Of course she did. Visitors and Maisie not on hand to welcome them was an unheard-of phenomenon. Aunt, kid and dog became one gigantic cuddle.

  Jack grinned, but then he thought, Why is she here? To take Harry home?

  The hug was separating into its component parts. Helen took Harry’s hand, whether he willed it or not, and led him up the beach. Jack saw Kate hesitate and he sent her his very best pleading look. She hesitated a bit longer, eyeing the group unenthusiastically, then gave a rueful smile and a shrug and came.

  He was a stronger man with Kate behind him, he thought. Or should that be in front?

  ‘Hey,’ Helen said, releasing Harry for a moment to give Jack a hug. ‘You’re a magician.’

  ‘It’s Kate who’s the magician,’ Jack said mildly. ‘Kate, this is Harry’s aunt, Helen.’

  ‘So you’re the hunted wife,’ Helen said, and Jack winced. How many people had Helen told?

  ‘I’m Harry’s counsellor and physiotherapist,’ Kate said, carefully calm. ‘Harry, I’ll leave you to your family reunion.’

  But Helen stopped her leaving. ‘Is Harry ready to go home?’ she asked. ‘What he’s doing with his legs...that’s fantastic. And Jack says he’s talking. He’s healed?’

  ‘We’ve been talking of going home, haven’t we, Harry?’ Kate said, and the little boy nodded. Mutely. He wasn’t sure what was going on and he wasn’t prepared to commit himself.

  ‘We have two more full days,’ Jack said.

  ‘I’d rather take him home earlier if it’s possible,’ Helen told him, briskly efficient. ‘Doug’s looking after the children for the weekend but he needs to be back at work on Monday. If we could take Harry tomorrow, that would be splendid. Jack, when you were dubious about this place you told me your airfares from Perth are flexible. Annalise has told me you two are splitting up. I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided it’d be best if we go home together, giving Harry time to adjust to me.’

  What followed was silence. A very long silence. Kate stayed still and watchful. Helen was smiling, expecting assent to her plans. Harry stood mute, staring down at the sand. Into the stillness Maisie crept, pressing firmly against Harry. It was as if she sensed she was needed.

  Kate took a couple of steps back but she didn’t leave them. Jack was looking...tense. His look had been a plea for her to stay. Why?

  This was none of her business. She should go—but she was riveted to where she stood.

  ‘It would be good if we could fly home together,’ Jack said at last, choosing his words with care. ‘It’s great of you to offer, Helen, but I’ve promised Harry we’re staying until Tuesday. I don’t break promises.’ He hesitated. ‘And he probably doesn’t need time to adjust to you. He’ll be living with me.’

  ‘Well, that’s dumb,’ Helen said. ‘That’s why I’m here. I know you’re being sentimental but sentimentality doesn’t come into it. It’s crazy to think you can fit childcare around your career. Harry’ll fit into my tribe so easily we’ll hardly notice. You know we can love him, Jack, and you know you can’t.’

  Harry studied the sand some more. Kate found she was holding her breath. Could she breathe? She seemed to have forgotten how.

  Jack looked at Helen for a long moment and then he looked at down at his small nephew. He stepped forward and swung Harry up into his arms. And held.

  ‘I thought we’d agreed, Helen,’ he said, quite lightly. ‘Harry’s a bit of a loner. He likes quiet and having his own space. He and I get on together. You have your five kids. I have Harry. We can organise things around my career.’

  ‘But Annalise said...’ Helen started.

  ‘What did Annalise say?’ Once again, he spoke lightly but behind his words Kate sensed steel.

  ‘That you can’t manage him together. She’s not prepared to take him on. She says it’s breaking up your relationship.’

  They shouldn’t be having this discussion in front of Harry, Kate thought, but Jack had the little boy in his arms and he wasn’t letting go.

  ‘Our relationship,’ Jack said, just as lightly but still with that undercurrent of steel, ‘has already broken up.’

  ‘Only because of the child.’

  Harry had pretty much gone limp. His head was burrowed into Jack’s shoulder. She should take him away, Kate thought, but then she decided it wouldn’t work. Words had been said that couldn’t be unsaid. Harry was bright. He’d have taken in everything. This was all about his future and he was entitled to stay.

  ‘You’re on call all the time,’ Helen was saying. ‘Your career is brilliant but life-consuming. Tell us how that fits with childcare. Even a nanny won’t give you the sort of commitment that fits in with your career. You need to find a nice domestic wife and you’ve never looked like finding one of those.’

  A nice domestic wife...

  Kate thought again that she’d been right to back away from the magnetic appeal of Jack Kincaid. Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly... What he’d offered had been a sweet and sticky trap. It was another form of the loving she’d been used to—with his needs and manipulation behind it.

  But...

  ‘No,’ Jack said, deeply and evenly, and she blinked. So did Helen. The word was a resounding negative, a blunt statement, loud and strong, echoing over the sand hills and out to sea.

  ‘What do you mean, no?’ Helen said waspishly. ‘What are you intending to do? School and after-hours crèche at the hospital? What if he’s ill? You’re Head of Onc
ology, Jack, have some sense. I won’t let you neglect him.’

  ‘I have no intention of neglecting him. I’ve quit at Sydney Central.’

  ‘What...?’

  ‘Harry’s not the only one who’s been doing some healing here,’ he told Helen. ‘Dr Kate’s good. She’s been telling me I can’t rely on anyone to do what I need to do myself.’

  And Kate blinked. What was happening? Instead of reacting angrily to her rejection, he’d changed his course? Surely not.

  ‘Okay, maybe I could find someone,’ Jack said, and was she imagining it or did he glance at her? ‘As you say, a nice domestic wife. I have no idea how to find one but I dare say I could try. But this isn’t anyone’s responsibility but mine. Helen, these last two weeks have been time out for me, too, and I’ve figured a few important things out for myself. First and foremost is that I love Harry. He’s my nephew as well as yours. I loved his mum and dad to bits and I love him.’

  Wow. That was a biggie for a guy to say. Kate watched the stillness of the little boy’s body and knew he was taking in every word.

  ‘Secondly, my work’s important,’ Jack went on. ‘But as I said, these last couple of weeks have been an eye-opener. I’ve been watching Dr Kate and seeing the amazing work she’s doing. I’ve fought my way through medical circles to be top in my field in oncology. Nothing’s been more important than my work, but Kate’s shown me that there are different types of important. So, yes, I still want to work in my field but I’m going back to basics.

  ‘I’ve rung Sydney Central and resigned as Head of Oncology. I’ve applied for a hands-on position, working at grass-roots level at a town further down the coast. Nothing’s firm yet but I’m hoping it comes off. It’s a large town rather than a city. There’s a need for an oncologist but only one who treats patients directly, and that need’s not vast. I’m thinking I can work from nine to four on weekdays. It’ll be a huge cut in income, a huge cut in status but it means with the help of a decent housekeeper who’s prepared to step in in an emergency, Harry and I can look after each other.’