by WEST, T. J.
She yawns and replies, “Night.” After a couple of minutes, we’re both out like a light.
A loud bang on my front door wakes me up. Looking at my phone, it’s three-thirty in the fucking morning. “Who in the fuck is poundin’ on my door?” I grumble. Peta stirs next to me, but I kiss her on the cheek and tell her to go back to sleep. But it’s unlikely since the banging won’t stop. Whoever this shithead is they’re gonna get their ass kicked for waking us up. I know it’s not Ed, he’s long gone for the night, and the back door to the bar should be locked. Or maybe someone broke in. Damn, just when I need a gun, I don’t have one.
Slipping on my jeans, I hear someone’s voice on the other side of the door. It’s muffled, but I’d know that voice anywhere. Closing my bedroom door behind me, I stalk to my entryway.
Bang. Bang. Bang! “Open up, you little bastard! It’s your good ole Papa!” Fucking hell. He and my mom are supposed to be in prison for running a meth lab in their house. For five years, they’ve been locked up and should be in there for another ten. How in the hell could this have happened? It’s been bliss not havin’ them in my life. They’re nothin’ but a waste of the human population. They don’t deserve to breathe on this earth.
My stomach is in knots from knowing he’s here, no doubt wanting money, but the only way to get rid of my old man is to face him. He can no longer win. I’m a grown ass man who can beat the shit out of him. He may look like Clay Morrow on the show Sons of Anarchy, and try to take me down, but hell will freeze over before I’d ever allow that to happen.
I take a deep breath before I open the door. Standing in front of me is the low life asshole who ruined my childhood looking like he’s been drinking and shootin’ up again. Go figure. “The fuck you doin’ outta jail and at my place, old man?” I ask in a menacing tone.
He leans forward in my face. “Time for a family visit, and talk financials,” he replies with a sick grin on his filthy mouth. Beside the fact he sounds like shit, he looks like he came straight from the underground sewer and smells like it too. He’s one disgusting son of a bitch; torn up jeans, holes in his shirt and a jacket that has seen better days. I can’t believe we share the same blood.
I ain’t lettin’ this man inside my apartment. No way. So I step out, shutting the door behind me and hope to fuck Peta doesn’t hear anything. “Don’t know how you got up here, but you better fucking leave before I knock you straight down those stairs, or better yet break your fucking legs,” I seethe through my teeth, pointing to the stairs.
He throws his head back and laughs; shoulders shaking, like what I just said was the funniest shit he’s ever heard. “Still the same asshole of a son. Let me in, you big fucking cry baby.” He tries to get past me.
“Hell to the fucking no.” I stand my ground, but like always, my eyes deceive me and automatically shift over his shoulder. I still can’t look my old man in the eye no matter how strong I feel right now. He doesn’t scare me, but to him, I’m always going to be that little boy who flinched from just the sound of his voice.
“Still can’t look me in the eye,” he snidely remarks. “Always was a scared little shit.”
The smell of his skanky breath that’s hittin’ the side of my face can kill an army of ants. It smells like ass.
I can’t hold out any longer. This rage I’m feeling inside is crawling out of my skin. He no longer has the power. “Get the fuck out!” I flat out push him to the wall across from my door. His back hits it with a thump.
“Gettin’ some guts, are we? Now, that’s more like it.” He chuckles.
Holding out my fist and ready to knock him to the floor, a crazy trigger in my brain shoves my glare up back to his ugly mug. “Tellin’ you again…get the fuck away from me before I kill you with my bare hands. That’s not a warning either,” I repeat myself, but with an added threat.
“If you wanna keep that face of yours, I’d suggest you listen to the boy and get the hell outta here.” My head suddenly jerks to see Ed at the top of the stairs, holding a shotgun and aiming it straight at my dad.
With my fist still clenched at my side, I see my dad slowly swallow in the fear of getting his head blown off. A bead of sweat trickles down the side of his temple, and for the first time in my life I see a look of cowardice. He’s finally shown what a true pussy he really is. But of course he has to have the last word. “Comin’ back for money, you hear me?” He points at my face and then eventually walks away. Ed gives me a curt nod before he trails behind him to make sure he leaves the premises. My dad isn’t coming back here. So help me God, I’ll make sure of it.
My legs give out the second my dad leaves my sight. Sinking down to the floor, I sit against the wall, leaning my arms on my knees, head down and take a few minutes before I go back inside my apartment. I can’t do this shit. No way in hell can I allow Peta into my life when I have a father who’s a lunatic on the loose. He’s bad news and can hurt her. My dad may have lost some balls tonight, but it doesn’t mean he won’t look for another way to get to me. Peta won’t be involved if I have anything to do with it. I need to go back in and take her home. As much as this is going to kill me, we’re done.
Walking back inside, Peta comes running out of my bedroom, still wearing my shirt, looking as gorgeous as ever and comes barreling into my arms. “Jason–”
My hands limply hang from my sides. “Get dressed. Takin’ you home.”
As if she didn’t hear me, she asks, “Who was that outside? Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
No way can I look her in the eyes, so I push her out of the embrace and turn my back on her. “Doesn’t matter. Now…get dressed,” I order her over my shoulder.
“What?” She scoffs. “This is crazy, I’m not leaving, and you can’t order me to.”
She’s so damn strong headed. Turning back around, Peta has her arms crossed with a puzzled look on her face. I know she’s confused with my sudden change of behavior, but I can’t get into this with her right now. “Don’t have a choice. You don’t belong here, or with me. This thing here…” Motioning a finger at each of us. “It was one big fucking mistake.”
She gasps, shaking her head. “You know that’s not true.” She raises her voice. “Please, let’s just go back to bed and we can talk about it.”
“No!” I shout impatiently, causing her to jump. Swiftly, I grab hold onto her upper arms and shake her. “Don’t you understand? I’m not bringing you into my shit. What we did tonight…it won’t ever happen again. Now for the love of fuck, get dressed!”
The look of horror and shock in her eyes is enough to cut me in half. I’ve lost her. I blew up and shook the living day lights out of her, possibly bruising her arms in the process. I feel sick to my stomach. No doubt she’s finished with me. It’s the way it supposed to be though. We’re not made for each other and she’s certainly not made for the life I live in. Not while my old man is out there, I won’t bring her into a relationship when she’ll only get hurt in the end. Better to end things now before our feelings for one another get stronger.
There’s a shirt lying on the floor, so I put it on and slip into a pair of flip flops that are over by one of the bean bags. I grab my keys, a ball cap and wait for Peta to be ready. It’s about ten minutes before she finally steps out from my room. The tension between us is as thick as smoke. It’s so bad and uncomfortable I feel the need to hurl. She’s so fucking perfect for me, but it’s just not enough. It’ll never be enough.
As I’m about to open the front door, Peta says, “Don’t bother taking me. I’ve called Sandy.”
God damn it. “I drove you here, I’m takin’ you home,” I reply, irritated.
She shakes her head and wipes a lowly tear rolling down her cheek. Fuck me…I hate seeing her cry. Taking hold of the door handle, she has one final say for me. “No, you’re not. Goodbye, Jason. Thanks for the fuck.”
With a slam to the door behind me, I yell out to no one, “Fuck!” I yank my hat off, throw it across the room and turn
around, draw my fist back and punch a hole in the wall. A puff of white dust slowly settles around my hand as I take it out of the hole. Sinking down to my knees, I hold my fist, welcoming the pain. Knowing I slept with Peta without a condom, there’s a chance I got her pregnant. I fucking hate myself right now; for having a father who’s a sick bastard, to being brought up in a home without love…only abuse. What the hell was I thinking of sleeping with her without protection? That’s just it…I wasn’t thinking. This is bad. Really, really bad. If she ends up pregnant because of my carelessness, I’m fucking screwed.
PROBABLY BY THE LOOK ON my face and the silent treatment I gave Sandy, told her that I didn’t want to talk about what had happened up in Jason’s apartment. For the first time ever, I felt numb and nonexistent. It was a pain like I’d never experienced, not even with Travis. This was so much more. My heart hurt. Like I knew from the start, he had the power to emotionally destroy me and ruin my hopes for a real relationship. It’s as simple as that. I must have a black cloud hanging over my head with a curse. It’s telling me I’m doomed for life; love doesn’t exist for me. It’s fucking pathetic.
The words he said to me: “I get to break that hellish chain you’ve been living with for so long.” It was an empty promise and something I should be used to by now. Seriously though, it doesn’t matter how wonderful our evening had been, and how intense and beautiful we were together in bed…Jason broke me, and I have the bruises to show for it.
Sandy took me back to her house and I slept on the couch. She gave me a hug and left me alone. No words were exchanged until the next morning because sometimes words are simply not needed. So I was grateful she didn’t give me another I told you so lecture. I think she knows this time is much different.
A week later and Thanksgiving is here. I usually love this time of year. Getting together with family and friends has always been very special to me, but this year my mom and her boyfriend have gone on a two-week cruise to the Bahamas. As much as I am disappointed in this, my mom needed the break. Her boyfriend Mac, of three years wanted to give her an early Christmas gift. She’s worked so hard at her job as a manager at a bank, so the time away will do her some good. Not only is my mom out of town, so are three of my brothers.
Andrew, Benjamin, and Jackson are away on business. My brothers own a construction company and have been on site overlooking things. I’m not too happy they chose business over family, but I guess it was too important to leave. Andrew, my oldest brother established a motorcycle club back when he graduated from high school, called Brothers of Freedom. Benjamin, Jackson and my youngest brother Thomas followed him right after they graduated as well. It’s not an evil club, like how most people think motorcycle clubs are. They have their club to help others that are less fortunate, which include charity work; renovating old houses or building a brand new home for a family in need. My brothers are inspiring and good men.
Since practically my entire family is away, I’m spending the holiday with Sandy and Quinn. My brother Thomas will also be joining us. He’s the only one who stayed behind. He retired from the Military and just started working with our brothers again. I’m really glad he’s going to be here today. I haven’t seen him or the others in a couple of months. Talking on the phone or texting isn’t the same as actually seeing them.
I’ve been working double shifts lately to pass the time quicker. Even though Quinn forbade me to do this, Sandy explained to him it was what I needed. She didn’t go into great detail about my reasons, but I get the feeling he knows Jason dumped me. Since that night, June and I had a chat about my recent drama. She feels for me and thinks Jason may come around, but I highly doubt it. Besides, those bruises on my upper arms confirmed that whatever is going on with him, I can’t help him. When he grabbed me and shook me, I almost peed myself. He scared the living shit out of me. I had never seen him so angry in all these years we’ve known one another. I know in my heart he didn’t mean to physically hurt me, and I know it’s not okay to be treated so harsh; deep down he’s a caring, sensitive man. He was trying to get through to me, and I wasn’t listening. Well I got the message loud and clear. Even though what we had was only for a short time, I miss him, love him and my heart is hurting for him. But it’s best we never see one another again.
Walking into the kitchen with two large pumpkin pies in my arms, Joey greets me with a smile. “Happy Thanksgiving, Peta.” He’s gotten so tall and handsome. Those blue eyes, great smile, and blond hair would make any young teenage girl come crawling. He’s also a huge sweetheart.
I set the pies on the countertop and give him a hug. “Thanks, Joey. Happy Thanksgiving. How’s school going?”
He shrugs. “Eh, it’s fine. I’m just glad to be on break, finally. I always have so much homework.”
High school sure doesn’t let you take any breaks. I remember hating school. But with dance, I had to make sure I studied my ass off and got good grades if I wanted to keep doing it. “I bet you’re tired, huh?”
“I am, totally.”
I lean a hip against the counter, crossing my arms. “Did you get the part of Sebastian in The Little Mermaid?”
“No, just the ensemble.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Maybe next time.” He smiles. No matter what, this kid always has a positive attitude.
Just then, Sandy comes up from behind him on her toes and kisses him on the cheek. “I keep bringing up singing lessons if he’s serious about singing in a musical. That would help his chances.”
“Yeah, I know Mom, I know.” He rolls his eyes then walks away, leaving the kitchen.
“Poor guy,” I say.
“I know, but like I said, he needs to be persistent if he wants to pursue acting after high school.”
“I hear ya, but knowing Joey he’ll do something amazing with his life.”
Sandy bends down and opens the oven to check on the turkey. My mouth is watering, it smells so delicious. “That he will, no doubt. I’m proud of my boy. He’s achieved so much.”
“He’s a good kid and you’re a great mom.” Up until Joey was ten years old, Sandy was a single mom, working full time at Reds. At the time, Quinn became the new owner, and while that didn’t go over so well in the beginning with Sandy, you can see how things turned out.
“Thanks.” She closes the oven door and smiles at me then walks over to the pies. “These pies look so good.”
There’s a bottle of wine on the counter so I retrieve the wine bottle opener and begin screwing the wine open. “Costco has the best pies ever.”
“Yes, they do.” Sandy takes out a wine glass from the cupboard for me and water bottle from the fridge for her. “Thanks for picking them up. I just haven’t had any time to bake.”
I shrug. “No worries. I’m glad to at least do something since you seem to have everything ready.” After popping the wine open, I fill my glass.
“Once I put the boys down last night, I prepared almost all night. I’m pooped.”
“Supermom.” I smile.
“Yeah, right.” She laughs. We raise our drinks, clinking them together.
Just then, Quinn strides in. “Smells amazing in here, Shorty.” He wraps his muscular arms around Sandy’s waist from behind, kissing her on her temple.
Placing her water on the countertop, she turns around and into his embrace. “Why thank you. Ready to carve in an hour, big guy?”
He lowers his lips to hers. “Yep. Bring me those knives so I can sharpen them up.” Slapping his hand on her butt.
I’m feeling very much out of place right now. Because of what happened between Jason and I, being in the same room where there’s affection with these two, I need to make an excuse and leave the kitchen. “I’ll be right back. Gonna go use the little girl’s room.” I put my wine down then quickly walk to the guest bathroom.
Closing the door behind me, I lock it and sink down to the floor, leaning my back against the door. With my legs up and my elbows on my knees, I pla
nt my face in my hands. I’m so fucking tired of feeling this way. My heart has been beaten over and over again. I’m surprised I’m not dead yet. How long will it take me to get over Jason? I thought losing Travis was painful. This doesn’t even compare. It’s a gut wrenching pain, that literally, I’m feeling nauseous just thinking of never being with him again. A lonely tear slides down my cheek. Wiping it away, I sit here for a few minutes, wallowing in my pity party of one. Not wanting to make Sandy worry about why I’m taking so long, I get up from the cold floor and dab my face with a tissue. I look in the mirror to make sure I don’t appear as if I’d just had a meltdown. This day is not going to be a sad one. I’ll do whatever I can to put on a happy face and enjoy the holiday with my family.
I’m startled to find Quinn on the other side of the door when I open it. He’s standing in his normal alpha stance; arms folded, legs spread, and with a creased, concerned look on his face. “Oh, hey Quinn.”
“You’ve been upset all week and Sandy won’t go into detail on why. What did that douche do to you?” The slight anger in his tone doesn’t surprise me.
Crossing my arms, I lean my shoulder against the doorjamb. “He’s not a douche, and I’m fine.” I look down at my shoes, not wanting Quinn to see my actual feelings.
“Quit shittin’ with me, Peta. I’ve seen it enough times to know when someone’s hurt you.”
As much as I adore my best friend’s husband, I’m so not in the mood for rehashing that night with Jason. From around the corner, I can hear my brother Thomas talking with Sandy. He’s finally here. With a wave of my hand, I tell Quinn, “It’s a long ass story. I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
“Standin’ right here and we’ve got time.”
He’s definitely standing, and very much in my way. “As much as I appreciate your concern, right now isn’t the time to discuss my horrible love life…again. My brother just arrived, so I’d like to go see him. Please.”
