Fortune Funhouse (Miss Fortune Mysteries Book 19)

by Jana DeLeon

  “I’m not sure you’re supposed to.”

  “Anyway, he told me that I needed food and sleep because I had a big job ahead of me trying to help you while flying below radar. He said if my mom woke up, he’d call immediately, and that anyone who tried to get near her who wasn’t approved wouldn’t like the consequences.”

  “I’d take that bet.”

  “I guess you called in a favor?”

  “No. Actually, Mannie called me earlier on behalf of the Heberts. They’d heard about Emmaline and wanted to see how she was doing. Then they offered all their resources to get this sorted. They also knew about Palmer and were less than enthusiastic.”

  Carter shook his head. “I don’t know how they do it. Big Hebert rarely leaves his office and yet he knows everything that happens within a hundred-mile radius ten seconds after it occurs.”

  “There are a lot of people who want to be in his good graces,” I said. “I imagine his phone rings all the time with news that people think he might be interested in.”

  “Probably so. Normally, I would have sat my stubborn butt there in that hallway all night, but Mannie is imposing enough to keep people away. The fact that he can back it up helps.”

  “And the fact that he’s right. You sitting there all night isn’t going to help anyone. I have some leftover pot roast and rice that Gertie made. You want me to make some up for you?”

  “Actually, if you could put it in a container, I’ll just nuke it when I get home. I need to feed Tiny and get a shower. I’ll probably eat in my recliner and not bother to move after that.”

  “I’ll get you fixed right up,” I said, and headed for the kitchen. Carter trailed behind me.

  “Did you guys come up with a game plan?” he asked.

  “Sort of,” I said. “We talked to Celia tonight to see if she saw anything during her jaunt through the funhouse.”

  “How’d that go?”

  “About as good as you might expect but without the usual nasty attitude. She rang her bell pretty hard when she hit that glass and she’s not back to regular Celia yet. But she didn’t see anyone.”

  “You think she’s remembering correctly?”

  “I think so. She was genuinely distressed when I told her that she’d tripped over Emmaline on her dash out of there and was relieved to hear she’s stable. She wasn’t nearly as nice about St. Ives.”

  “She didn’t like the competition.”

  “And it sounds like he was a contender. Going on the assumption that St. Ives was the only intended victim, the first thing on the agenda tomorrow is to find out more about him. The general knowledge seems to be he was such a pain in the rear that no one wanted to learn more.”

  “I’d say that’s accurate. He made a call nearly every day to the sheriff’s department complaining about something. Noise violations. Parking too close to his driveway. He even wanted me to cite my own mother because her rosebush was encroaching on his property line.”

  “But he was renting.”

  “I know. And I informed him that the property owner didn’t care about the roses so he could get over it. Then a couple days later, part of her bush was gone and it caused more of it to die. Mom was fit to be tied.”

  “I’ll bet. Did you do anything?”

  “What could I do? No one saw him do it. No one had security cameras. I’m certain it was him but the law requires more than my certainty.”

  “That part of the law sucks.”

  He smiled. “The part that requires evidence?”

  “Exactly.”

  “I think there might be a couple problems getting that requirement eliminated.”

  I sighed and set a bag with a container of pot roast, French bread, and mint cookies on the table in front of him. “Maybe I was born too soon. In the future, I bet the police will be able to run on the opinion of certain people.”

  “I’m afraid the future is going to rely on the opinion of computers.”

  I waved a hand in dismissal. “That’s just silly. Computers don’t have intuition, and no amount of artificial intelligence in the world is going to acquire it. Heck, you can’t teach intuition to other people. It’s either there or it’s not. Tell me one time that I’ve thought someone was a bad guy and been wrong.”

  “You haven’t been. You’ve sometimes been wrong about what they were guilty of, though.”

  “Like when?”

  “Like the time you thought that contractor was entering into his client’s house to peek on her in bed and it turned out his ten-year-old daughter was the guilty party and was using his key to visit her kittens.”

  “He did have a pair of her panties in his toolbox. Hardly innocent. And because of that little revelation, the girl’s mom has full custody and the girl got a kitten.”

  He smiled. “Well, as long as she got a kitten.”

  “Everyone should get a kitten.”

  Carter rose and gave me a kiss, then he grabbed his bag of food. “Thanks for this. I’ll call you in the morning once I’ve seen my mom and talked to the doctor.”

  I nodded. “And if you hear anything tonight, call. Or if anything happens.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like Mannie dispatching someone?”

  “That’s a polite way of putting it.”

  “The CIA was big on manners.”

  “Good night, Fortune.”

  I let him out and locked the door, then set the security system because I knew he was doing the slow walk on the porch, waiting to hear the beep. The alarm probably wasn’t a necessity any longer now that my father wasn’t hanging around, attracting terrorists to the area. But I figured I might as well stay in the habit. With the way I did things, it would be necessary again, probably sooner rather than later.

  “Let’s go to bed, Merlin.” I turned off the living room lights.

  I grabbed my cell phone and headed upstairs. Merlin ran by me, probably so that he could claim the good pillow. But he was in for a rude awakening because I wasn’t having any of that tonight. I needed a good night’s sleep.

  If this investigation went like the others, it might be the last one I had in a while.

  I felt as if my head had just hit the bed when my phone rang. I sprang up as though I had been shot out of a canon. Merlin, who was used to my antics, took that opportunity to claim the good pillow. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was just a bit after midnight and it was Ida Belle.

  “Get dressed,” she said when I answered. “I’m on my way.”

  “On your way for what?”

  “Maisey Jackson called me. There’s someone lurking around Emmaline’s house.”

  Chapter Six

  I bolted into the closet. Three minutes later, I was standing in my driveway, fully clothed and armed when Ida Belle and Gertie pulled into my drive. I glanced back at Gertie and did a double take. Clearly, she hadn’t had as much notice as I had to get ready. Her head was covered with curlers and she had some sort of green stuff on her face that looked like it was going to take a sandblaster to get off. Her wardrobe consisted of a pink tank top that said Bless Your Heart and bottoms that, based on the gap in the front, looked like a pair of men’s boxers. At least she’d managed to pull on tennis shoes.

  “Are those boxers?” I asked.

  Gertie nodded. “You wake me up at midnight with no notice, this is what you get.”

  “We can use her to scare the creeper,” Ida Belle said.

  “What if she’s scaring me now?” I asked. “I know I’m going to regret this, but why are you wearing men’s underwear?”

  “Because they’re loose and comfy,” Gertie said. “Sometimes you need to let things breathe.”

  “If you didn’t have those curlers wrapped so tight on your head,” Ida Belle said, “your mind could breathe and you’d make better choices in sleepwear.”

  “Okay, the sleepwear discussion will have to wait,” I said. “Fill me in.”

  “Maisey called and said she was doing a midnight ceremony in he
r backyard when she heard the fence open over at Emmaline’s.”

  I started to speak but Ida Belle interrupted me.

  “And before you ask,” she said, “Maisey fancies herself a Wiccan this month, which is why she’s out in the yard when decent people are in bed.”

  “At least it’s not Satanism,” I said.

  “That’s October,” Gertie said. “The whole Halloween-horror-movie thing. She lets that ride until late November, then she goes for Jewish. I think it’s for the eight days of presents.”

  I wrinkled my brow. That was a lot of information that I wasn’t sure I wanted. “Did she call the sheriff’s department?”

  “No,” Ida Belle said. “She figured Carter was at the hospital so that only left Deputy Breaux and Sheriff Lee. We were the better option for actually getting something done.”

  I knew Carter was at home but didn’t figure that information mattered at the moment. Right now, anything to do with Emmaline could be construed as part of the state police’s investigation. If Carter knew, the first thing he’d do was rush over, and then there would be hell to pay with that idiot Palmer for not calling him.

  “How does she know for sure it was Emmaline’s fence?” I asked.

  “The hinges are starting to rust and squeak like crazy,” Ida Belle said. “She recognized the sound. So how do you want to handle this?”

  “If the creeper went through the gate, then he accessed the property from the front,” I said.

  “Not necessarily,” Ida Belle said. “There’s a back gate that opens into the woods. I don’t know if that one squeaks, though.”

  “Given that she probably doesn’t use it often, I’m going with it probably does,” I said. “So he could have entered either way.”

  “Which means he either walked over or has a getaway stashed nearby,” Gertie said.

  “Then I hate to say it but the best way for us to sneak up on him is through the woods,” I said.

  “I figured you’d say as much,” Ida Belle said. “The house at the north end of the block has a big RV parked in the drive. I can pull past it and, if anyone’s looking, it will look like we are parking in the drive, but then I can head down the green area to the tree line.”

  “You think anyone will call the police?” I asked.

  Ida Belle shook her head. “The couple with the RV are both deaf as doornails. They won’t even hear us pass. And there’s no light at the tree line so no chance of anyone spotting the SUV.”

  I nodded but I wasn’t completely happy with the plan. There was a lot of area to cover and if the creeper heard our approach, he had a lot of ways to make his exit. And the front of the house was completely exposed. Granted, it was riskier taking that route, even this late at night and with the dimmest streetlights ever erected, as someone might look out a window and spot him.

  “How about this?” I said. “You drop me off one street over and I’ll make my way through the middle of the houses. Drop Gertie off at the south end of the street and she can enter the woods that way, then continue to the north end and park where you suggested. That way, we’re covering all directions.”

  “Perfect,” Ida Belle said, and made a left turn.

  She cruised midway down the block and I hopped out. I poked my head back in the SUV.

  “Do not attempt to apprehend this guy on your own,” I said. “We don’t know if he’s armed. If you spot him, send a text and we’ll close in.”

  They both gave me a thumbs-up and Ida Belle drove off. I knew Ida Belle would follow orders but Gertie was somewhat of a loose cannon. If she thought she could apprehend someone, she might try to tackle them or worse, try to lob some dynamite in their direction. Since the whole explosives thing didn’t always go as planned, I hoped she’d leave off accessing her handbag for anything but a flashlight.

  I selected a house that I knew was in line with Emmaline’s and tried their gate. It didn’t have a screeching problem, so I crept into their backyard, hoping there wasn’t a dog problem either. Nothing came out to bite me, so I pulled myself up on the fence and checked the next yard. It looked clear of furry helpers too, so I pulled myself over the fence and headed for their gate. I slipped through it and immediately crouched behind a set of shrubs on the side of the house.

  The streetlights in Sinful left a lot to be desired and the nearest one to Emmaline’s was two houses down, which meant her front yard was only illuminated by the single lonely bulb on her front porch. The light didn’t reach beyond the edges of the porch, so the sides of her house were completely dark, and the cloudy skies meant I wasn’t getting any help from the moon. If someone was there, I wouldn’t be able to see them until I was right on top of them. More likely, I’d hear them before I saw them.

  Unfortunately, I couldn’t cross the street without exposing myself, but it was a necessary risk. There had been no cars parked on the street where Ida Belle had dropped me off and there weren’t any parked on this one, either. The creeper could have parked in a driveway to avoid scrutiny, but that was a big risk. I tried one last time to peer into the inky black, then inched to the edge of the shrub. The overwhelming urge to run was present but it wasn’t the smart play. I could walk without making noise but running, even in good shoes, would echo in the still night. If the creeper was in the backyard, he’d hear me approaching.

  I made it across the street and slipped behind the hedge in front of Emmaline’s porch. Then I crept to the side of the house with the gate and listened. At first, all I heard was the sound of night insects, but then I heard noise in Emmaline’s backyard. I was trying to figure out how to get over the fence without being heard when a truck came down the road, pulling a trailer filled with rattling junk. His neighbors were going to hate him when he pulled into his driveway with that racket, but I would have gladly kissed him.

  I used the racket to cover my movements as I climbed onto Emmaline’s trash can and eased over the fence, then landed and crouched in the thick grass in her back yard. I remained stock-still for a couple seconds, until I heard sound again. It was coming from around the corner, at the back of the house. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Ida Belle and Gertie. I wasn’t sure either of them was in a position to answer, but if possible, I wanted to know their location before I made a move.

  Position?

  I hit Send.

  Ida Belle: North corner of yard. Outside of fence. All clear.

  Gertie: I’m in a tree.

  That statement was both unhelpful and frightening.

  Ida Belle: Get out of that tree before you fall!

  Gertie: It’s the only way I can see into the backyard.

  Well, since there weren’t any trees at the back of the yard inside the fence, at least she was on the outside.

  Until she wasn’t.

  The limb splitting might as well have been a foghorn because it echoed through the still night air like it was in stereo. The back of the yard was pitch-black, so I couldn’t see anything, but I heard whoever was at the back of the house start running. I got into ready position because I figured he’d be around the corner any second. And when he attempted to exit through the gate, that’s when I was going to take him out. Then I realized he was running away from me.

  Straight for the back fence.

  The clouds cleared enough for the moon to peek out, and dim light flooded the yard. I saw Gertie on the ground in the back corner and it looked as though she was wrestling with the limb. The limb appeared to be winning. As I took off running after the creeper, I yelled at her to take cover as I didn’t know if he was armed. She looked up and tried to rise but it was too late. The creeper had already reached her.

  I pulled out my nine-millimeter.

  Gertie was bent over, trying to free her foot from the limb, when the creeper jumped onto her back and launched himself over the fence. Gertie yelped and fell face-first into the limb again. When I was about five feet from the fence, I jumped up, grabbed the top, and sprang over. I hit the ground and rolled, thankful that
there hadn’t been a tree stump or a thorny bush in my landing spot as I’d been coming in blind. I sprang up and scanned the woods, but the moon had disappeared again, and the lack of light combined with the trees made it impossible to see anything.

  I could hear him, though, so I set off in the direction of the noise as fast as I could traverse the unfamiliar and heavily wooded terrain. His progress didn’t seem any better than mine and he cursed as he ran, but he didn’t dare use a flashlight and neither did I. Neither of us wanted to give away our position. I didn’t know for certain he was armed but this was Louisiana, so I was going with a 99.9 percent chance.

  I heard an engine fire up ahead of me and turned up my speed, the shrubs and branches tearing at my arms and face as I ran. I was closing in on the sound when I burst from the trees into a clearing. Except that it wasn’t a clearing and I didn’t have enough room to stop.

  I ran off the embankment and into the bayou. I had no time to twist into a dive, so I went for a cannonball and prayed I didn’t land on stumps or alligators. I felt like I was suspended in air forever, but it was only seconds before I hit the surface and sank below. Immediately, I uncurled and pushed my way back up. The sliver of moonlight was back, and I could see the bank just fifteen feet from where I was treading water.

  The boat’s motor echoed in the distance but I couldn’t see it at all. Not wanting to spend any more time in the dark bayou than required, I started swimming for shore. As I pulled myself up the bank, I saw a flashlight bobbing above me. I figured no one but Ida Belle would be running through the woods this time of night, so I called a warning about the embankment and the bobbing slowed. A couple seconds later, the light illuminated the piece of shore I was standing on and I looked up to see Ida Belle about five feet above me and peering over the side of the embankment.

  I grabbed cypress tree roots and hauled myself over the edge, then lay flat on my back, taking in large breaths of air. Ida Belle leaned over and did a full sweep of my body.

  “Are you all right?” she asked. “I only see superficial injuries.”