Fortune Funhouse (Miss Fortune Mysteries Book 19)

by Jana DeLeon

  “That’s because you can’t see my pride,” I said. “I can’t believe that guy got away from me.”

  “Well, he did have a pretty big head start,” Ida Belle said. “And it’s the woods at night with little to no moonlight. I assume you weren’t going to risk a flashlight.”

  “No, but neither did he.”

  “How close were you when you went over the bank?”

  “I don’t know, maybe fifty feet.”

  “That’s pretty impressive considering you started almost an acre away. Did you see the boat?”

  “No. It made the corner before I came up. Darn it! I was so close to catching him.”

  She shook her head. “Unless you took him down in the woods, it wasn’t going to happen. He had a getaway driver.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “No way you were only fifty feet away when you went in and he was already out of sight by the time you surfaced without someone else prepared to launch. If he’d had to get in the boat, untie, start it up, and pull away, you probably would have gone right over that edge and into the boat with him.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. I guess we better get back and see if Gertie’s still fighting that tree branch.”

  Ida Belle shook her head. “What the heck was that woman thinking, climbing a tree?”

  “You know Gertie.”

  Because I was looking at Ida Belle, I didn’t notice the flashlight above, but I heard the running.

  “Stop!” I yelled, but it was too late.

  Chapter Seven

  Gertie cannonballed off the ledge and into the bayou, a flashlight clutched in her left hand, her pistol in her right.

  She surfaced, sputtering water everywhere. Ida Belle directed her flashlight in front of her so that she could see where the bank was, and Gertie started swimming our direction. I waded back in a bit to help her up. The flashlight was long gone but she still clutched her pistol. Priorities.

  The green mask was streaked and she had leaves stuck in her hair, but at least her makeshift sleeping wardrobe was intact. Although now, everything drooped just a little too much for comfort.

  “Didn’t you see the embankment?” I asked.

  Ida Belle stared.

  “What was I thinking,” I said. “Of course you didn’t see it. And you’re not wearing your glasses. Did you lose them in the fall?”

  “No,” Gertie said. “I lost them in the tree, but I didn’t have time to look for them. You needed backup.”

  “So you ran half blind through the woods,” Ida Belle said. “Chasing me, who was chasing Fortune, who was chasing a criminal. Please tell me you were not planning on firing that gun in the dark with no glasses on.”

  “I wasn’t,” Gertie said. “Probably not.”

  Ida Belle shook her head. “I swear, you’re more dangerous than the people we’re chasing.”

  We made our way back through the woods to Emmaline’s house and let ourselves in the back gate. It made a loud screech but at this point, that hardly mattered. We retrieved Gertie’s glasses from the broken limb and made our way to Emmaline’s back porch.

  “He broke in,” Gertie said, pointing to the half-open patio door.

  I sighed. “As soon as Emmaline is conscious, Carter’s going to have her hide for not setting her alarm.”

  “You can’t blame her, really,” Ida Belle said. “She never had one before all that stuff went down with your father and since Carter couldn’t exactly tell her what was happening, she’s never caught on to the seriousness of the situation.”

  “Even if she had, that’s all past us,” Gertie said, and glanced back at the door. “Or was supposed to be.”

  “Well, I’m sure this doesn’t have anything to do with my father,” I said. “But clearly, someone wanted in Emmaline’s house.”

  “Opportunist, maybe?” Gertie suggested. “Someone who knew she was in the hospital and thought they could make an easy score?”

  “Possibly, but you know what that means,” I said.

  “That it had to be a local,” Ida Belle said.

  “Why does it have to be?” Gertie asked.

  “Because only a local would know where she lived,” Ida Belle said.

  “Anyone can google,” Gertie said. “It could have been someone who saw or heard about her being hauled off from the fair. Locals also know that Carter is her son. Do you really think anyone who lives here would risk it?”

  “It’s a valid point until you figure that locals would also know Carter would be at the hospital with his mother,” Ida Belle said.

  “Well, either way, we need to call the police,” Gertie said. “I assume this will get passed on to the state idiot since it’s Emmaline’s house, but we need forensics to work the scene.”

  I blew out a breath. “And I need to call Carter.”

  “Do you really want to bother him at the hospital?” Ida Belle asked. “I can call Walter. Carter sent him home not long after we left.”

  “Carter’s at home too,” I said. “Mannie showed up and told him to get some rest.”

  “Carter’s at home and you went chasing the bad guy into the woods without even letting him know what was going on?” Gertie asked.

  “It’s better if he’s not involved,” I said. “I’m sure it will hack him off, but he’ll also know I’m right.”

  Ida Belle nodded. “It’s going to be really hard for Carter to sit on his hands, but that’s what he has to do. He trusts you, so that makes it somewhat easier.”

  Gertie shook her head. “He’s still a man, and that’s his mother lying in a hospital and his girlfriend chasing a potential killer through the woods. I think you guys are seriously overestimating Carter’s self-control. The man is a war hero. They don’t sit back and let other people do the work.”

  Ida Belle frowned. “She may be right…especially given the amount of stress he’s under. You should probably prepare for logic not being the first place he goes.”

  “That’s why we’re here to remind him,” I said as I dialed. “We knew from the beginning that this wasn’t going to be easy, especially for Carter.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked as he answered. I figured he’d been asleep but a call from me at this time of night could only mean something was seriously sideways.

  “Someone broke into Emmaline’s house,” I said. “Ida Belle’s calling the police, so I’m sure your buddy will show up soon.”

  He let out an impressive string of cursing. “On my way,” he said and hung up.

  “That went well,” Gertie said.

  “Yoo-hoo! Ida Belle? Gertie?” a woman’s voice called out from the side of the house.

  “Back here!” Ida Belle yelled. “It’s Maisey.”

  A couple seconds later, I heard the gate screech open and then footsteps approaching. Then a completely naked woman rounded the corner. I picked up a patio chair cushion and blocked my view. It could also double as a silencer if things came to that.

  “Good God!” Gertie said. “Why didn’t you get dressed before you came over here?”

  “It’s not 6:00 a.m. yet,” Maisey said, as if that explained everything.

  “The cops are on the way,” Ida Belle said. “I don’t think they’re going to care what time it is.”

  “I have freedom of religion just like the Baptists and Catholics,” Maisey said.

  “We don’t march around naked in public,” Gertie said. “At least not on purpose.”

  “Well, it’s a stupid law,” Maisey said.

  “That may be, but the state police are coming, not Carter,” Ida Belle said. “Palmer Reed is in charge of the investigation, so unless you want to spend the rest of the night naked in a jail cell, I suggest you hightail it out of here.”

  “That jerky kid that used to soap my front steps?” she asked.

  “That jerky kid is now an even jerkier adult,” Gertie said. “A jerky adult with a badge.”

  “I can’t sit in jail tonight,” Maisey said. “I have to
roll naked in the dew at dawn.”

  “Then you and your nakedness best get back to your property,” Gertie said. “Preferably in the backyard if you insist on being outside.”

  “Preferably with clothes on,” I grumbled.

  I heard the gate screech again and inched the cushion down to make sure the area was clear of naked people before I dropped it entirely.

  “That woman is certifiable,” I said. “I’m getting eaten up by mosquitoes. How is she strolling around naked and hasn’t been carried away by them?”

  “They’re probably scared,” Gertie said. “And how in the world does she stay so thin?”

  Ida Belle shook her head. “If she’s rolling around naked in the dew, I don’t even want to know what she considers a meal.”

  “Arugula topped with eye of newt?” I suggested.

  Gertie shook her head. “Every time someone says that word, I get excited but then wonder why they would eat only a rugelach. Then I’m horribly disappointed to be reminded that I’m thinking of the yummy pastry and arugula is greens.”

  “I agree,” I said. “Hardly seems fair to tease your taste buds with awesome dessert and then hit you with a salad.”

  I heard Carter’s truck pull into the driveway and went through the gate to wave him into the backyard. He hurried toward me, his expression a combination of worry, aggravation, and exhaustion. I knew he was completely over all of this when he looked at Gertie and there wasn’t even a tiny smidge of eyebrow lift.

  “He jimmied the patio door,” I said.

  He was completely silent as he leaned over to inspect the door.

  “Did you go inside?” he asked.

  “No way,” I said.

  “Well, at least there’s that,” he said. “Now, do you want to tell me why I’m hearing from you that there was an intruder here instead of getting a call out through dispatch?”

  “Maisey was in her backyard and heard Emmaline’s gate open, so she called me,” Ida Belle said. “She figured you were still at the hospital, as did I, so I collected Fortune and we came to check it out.”

  Carter narrowed his eyes at me. “But you knew I was at home.”

  “Yes,” I said. “And I also knew that if we had to call for backup that dispatch would be calling the state police on this and not you. You couldn’t be part of this, Carter. Everything has to be done by the book to protect your job.”

  “So you trespassing to attempt to catch a burglar is by the book?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Emmaline is welcome to press trespassing charges if she’d like.”

  He shook his head. “Did you see anything or was he already gone?”

  “Oh, Fortune chased him into the woods,” Gertie said.

  “You did what?” Carter stared at me and I could tell he was mad.

  “I didn’t want him to get away,” I said. “But he had the jump on me and apparently a getaway boat and driver ready to go.”

  “And that’s why you’re wet?” he asked. “Please do not tell me you tried to jump into his boat.”

  “Nothing like that,” I said, although if I’d had the opportunity, I certainly would have taken it. “It was pitch-black and I ran off an overhang.”

  “I did the same thing,” Gertie said. “Except after. When it was too late to shoot anyone.”

  Carter gave her a pained look, then turned back to me. “You could have been killed or seriously injured.”

  “Well, I figured putting a bullet in him wasn’t going to score me any points either, so that was my best option,” I said. “You want me on the case, so I am. This is how I handle things. And I’m pretty sure that a burglar ranks low on the list of people I’ve pursued.”

  “Besides,” Ida Belle said, “we have a far bigger issue here.”

  Carter blew out a breath. “You mean, is this connected to my mother’s attack?”

  “It’s connected one way or another,” I said. “The question is, was this a crime of opportunity because the house was empty, or were we wrong with our original thinking and the attack on Emmaline was intentional?”

  Carter cursed, then grabbed one of the patio chair cushions and tossed it into the lawn.

  “We weren’t supposed to shoot it, were we?” Gertie asked.

  “It crossed my mind,” Carter said.

  I’d already pulled my pistol out and they all stared.

  “Habit,” I said, and tucked it back in my pants.

  “Should we look inside?” Gertie asked.

  “I’d love to but probably not,” Carter said. “It would just give that idiot Palmer something else to snipe at me about. He’s already going to be mad that you three beat him to the punch.”

  “I expect we’ll hear all about it,” Ida Belle said.

  I shrugged. “Nothing he can do. We didn’t break any laws except for that trespassing thing, and like I said, Emmaline is free to press charges.”

  I heard a car door slam and Carter frowned and headed for the front to collect Palmer. Figuring we’d have to listen to far more complaining from him than I was interested in, I plopped down on a chair. I didn’t plan on wasting the energy it took to stand through a butt-chewing. Ida Belle and Gertie didn’t even hesitate before following suit. I could hear Carter and Palmer arguing as they walked. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but I figured I knew. It wasn’t long before Carter came back around, a clearly irritated Palmer trailing behind him.

  “I should have the three of you arrested,” Palmer said.

  “Go ahead,” I said.

  His jaw flexed.

  “Oh wait,” I said. “You have no grounds. Unless, of course, my boyfriend’s unconscious mother presses charges for trespassing. Give that a shot.”

  “Welcome to my world,” Carter said, but I could tell he was taking a certain joy from Palmer’s aggravation.

  “Good Lord, this one isn’t even dressed to leave her house,” Palmer said, and pointed at Gertie.

  “You should see the one who called us about the intruder,” I grumbled.

  “You’re both wet.” He peered more closely at Gertie. “And what the heck is on your face?”

  “It’s an age-reducing gel,” Gertie said. “Tomorrow, I’ll look like Madonna.”

  “Not unless the whole town is drunk, you won’t,” he said.

  “There’s no need to be rude,” Gertie said.

  “You should have called me when you were made aware of the intruder,” Palmer said.

  “I don’t think we’re under any obligation of the sort,” I said.

  “You’re interfering with a police investigation,” he said.

  “Are we?” I asked. “So you’ve ascertained that Emmaline was an intended victim rather than an accidental one?”

  “I didn’t say that, but the timing is suspect,” Palmer said.

  “Not if you’re an opportunist,” I said. “If you’re an opportunist, the timing is perfect.”

  “And if you’d bothered to let me do my job, I would have the guy in custody and we’d know that for sure,” Palmer said.

  “No, you wouldn’t,” Gertie said. “Not unless you can run faster than Fortune in the woods in the pitch-black, hurdle fences in a single jump, and oh yeah, run on water.”

  “I’m putting him down for none of the above,” Ida Belle said. “I’m pretty sure she could take him arm wrestling as well.”

  “I’d take that bet,” Gertie said.

  Palmer fumed. Carter grinned.

  “Do you think we could get on with this?” I asked. “I’m tired and I’m going to need another shower before I can go back to bed. And since this talking is more exhausting than the running I did, I’d like to get it all under way as soon as possible.”

  “I suppose you’ve all traipsed through the crime scene, ruining it,” Palmer said.

  “Nope,” I said. “We’ve been waiting on you to do that.”

  He glared at me.

  I flicked my hand at the patio door. “Let us know if you need anything.”<
br />
  Even in the dim light, I could see the flush rush over Palmer’s face. If he could have shot me and gotten away with it, I think he would have.

  Finally, he turned to Carter. “You want to come with me and let me know if anything’s missing?”

  “I would appreciate it,” Carter said. “But I’m afraid I’ll only know the main things.”

  “That will have to do until your mother can take a look herself,” Palmer said.

  He reached for the patio door, then paused. “Crap. I don’t have gloves.”

  Ida Belle and I both shook our heads as Gertie pulled two pairs of gloves out of her bra and held them up. Palmer stared for just a moment, then snatched the gloves from Gertie. Carter said a polite thank-you and they went inside.

  “I wish we could go with them,” Gertie said. “I know Carter’s a cop but he’s still a man. He’s not going to notice things off in a woman’s house like another woman would.”

  “Except we don’t really know where Emmaline kept everything in her house,” Ida Belle said. “It’s not like we’ve gone cruising through her closets and drawers when we were here for a visit.”

  “Fortune would notice things,” Gertie said. “She remembers everything.”

  “I remember if I’ve taken notice in the first place,” I said. “I’m not so sure that the items in Emmaline’s house are burned into my memory, and I’ve only seen the main rooms and the bathroom.”

  “I still bet you’d notice things that two dudes won’t,” Gertie said. “Especially Palmer. The bad guy would have to be standing in front of him and holding a sign for him to get a clue.”

  “Just be patient,” Ida Belle said. “I have no doubt that Carter will have us in the house as soon as he can do so without causing a crapstorm.”

  “I think the crapstorm has already landed,” Gertie said. “Palmer looked like he wanted to shoot Fortune.”

  “I’m sure it crossed his mind,” Ida Belle said. “Palmer doesn’t like looking stupid.”

  “Then he should never leave his house and destroy all mirrors,” I said.

  They both laughed.

  “Palmer is going to hate dealing with you,” Ida Belle said. “He doesn’t like losing but he especially doesn’t like losing to women. And you being Carter’s girlfriend only makes it a thousand times worse.”