Wanderlust (1986)

by Steel, Danielle

  You will come? Ushi looked at her like a hopeful child and Audrey laughed and threw up her hands. They were impossible to resist, she had too much fun with them, and she hardly felt guilty anymore for intruding on their honeymoon, although she knew she should have.

  All right. I'll come. A cheer went up from the group, and they set out the next day in high spirits. They left their car at the station, and piled into a gondola like happy tourists as the gondoliere serenaded them all the way to the Gritti Palace. He asked them if they had been to Venice before and all three of them nodded, and as he took them beneath the Bridge of Sighs, he told them all to close their eyes and hold their breath and their wishes would come true. And Ushi and Karl held hands as they did it. Audrey only smiled down at Molly in her arms, she had nothing left to make wishes for, and she was desperately fighting the memory of Charlie.

  It was difficult just being there, and being so close to the love Ushi and Karl shared made it even harder. But on the other hand, she knew that if she could survive returning to Venice again, she could survive anything, and they were good sports about taking her everywhere with them. And eventually Audrey confided in Ushi. She had to share her feelings with someone. It was too painful being there, remembering it all, and knowing it was over forever. She told Ushi about their trip to China ' her staying in Harbin ' his coming to San Francisco ' and her refusal to drop everything to marry him ' and then his marriage to Charlotte.

  How terrible for you to meet him in Antibes. She understood fully now how painful it must have been for her, and she was even sorry they had urged her to come to Venice. It seemed terribly unkind to have done it to her, now that she knew all the details. You know, I said to Karl, I don't think he loves her. She was referring to Charlotte. She is a very smart woman, and Karl said he liked her. But she is not a woman with heart ' you know, Audrey? Audrey smiled at her English.

  He's married to her anyway, Ushi.

  It must be very hard for him too. Audrey nodded, but it didn't change anything. And now she had to forget him. You must meet someone else. She was thinking of a friend of Karl's, a teacher at the university. He was forty years old, and a widower with two young children, and Ushi was very fond of him, much as Vi was of Charles. You will come to visit us. She didn't say more for fear that Audrey would resist her.

  For the rest of their stay, they did all the appropriate things, museums, churches, they visited the glass factories, and eventually Audrey stopped imagining that she saw Charlie at every corner. It had helped baring her soul to Ushi. And the night before they were due to leave, Karl turned to her with a gentle smile. He had grown very fond of their American friend, and they were both crazy about Molly.

  Why don't you come to Germany with us?

  Audrey laughed. Haven't you seen enough of me, Karl? It really is becoming a m+!nage + trois. She smiled at his wife. I should think you'd be happy to get rid of me. She was taking the train to London the next day, and they were going back to Berlin to the new home Ushi was so anxious to decorate, and Karl had to get back to the university.

  It would keep Ushi happy while I am working. James and Violet won't be back in London yet anyway. He knew she would be staying with them. You will be too lonely there without them. He was always concerned about her, and they had both been marvelous during the whole trip. And she had to admit, she was tempted to go with them.

  I really don't want to impose ' . She hesitated honestly, not to be coy, but they were so insistent that she return to Berlin with them for a week or two, that she relented. And when they left the next morning, they were all in high spirits. Venice had been beautiful, but Audrey was happy to leave it.

  The train they took followed the same route as the train she had taken with Charlie years before, to join the Orient Express, but this time when the train reached Salzburg, instead of going east, they headed toward Munich, with a stop across the border in Rosenheim.

  Ushi was sorry she hadn't had time to warn her family that they would be stopping in Munich for an hour. It wasn't enough time to go to her parents' house, but she thought she'd at least give them a call if it was a decent hour, or maybe even warn them from Rosenheim, if she could get a connection through the telegraph office there, and the three of them laughed as Molly slept on one of the velvet banquettes as they finally left Italy, crossed Austria, and approached Germany. They felt the train slow down as they ordered another bottle of champagne and some caviar, and they all noticed soldiers and uniformed officers on the platform outside, conferring with the conductor and various officials from the train. The conductor finally shrugged and waved them inside, as Ushi frowned and looked at Karl.

  What do you suppose that's all about?

  Some of the F++hrer's men, he said it derisively but in a soft voice. He hadn't thought much of Hitler from the first, and he didn't like his strident speeches about Aryans, but he knew enough to keep his political views to himself. Others at the university had had trouble the year before, and the Nazis seemed to be quick to label intellectuals Communists if they didn't share their Nazi views. So he kept quiet usually except with Ushi of course, and he had been pretty outspoken with Charlie and James in the South of France. But now he seemed very relaxed about it as the porter arrived with the caviar, and a soldier standing directly behind him.

  Passports, please, the soldier said, looking disapprovingly at the luxuriously appointed living room of the compartment where they sat. Karl handed over all three, and the soldier glanced at the American one first. Amerikanisch? he asked Audrey with a terse smile.

  Yes. She was embarrassed to be caught slathering caviar on a piece of toast when he asked, or did all Americans do that? She smiled at him, and the soldier glanced over at the sleeping child.

  To whom belongs the little girl?

  That's my daughter. Audrey was quick to speak up. She always carried copies of Mai Li's adoption papers with her, but there seemed to be no trouble about that. He handed the passport back to her with a curt nod, and quickly turned to the passports the Rosens had given him.

  You do not have the same name. You are friends? His eyes were not warm, and Karl was quick to explain.

  We are just returning from our wedding trip. We didn't have time to change our passports before we left. The soldier smiled as though pleased, but Audrey didn't like the way he looked at him.

  He stared right into Karl's eyes. You are a Jew, aren't you? Audrey was shocked at the blunt words and she watched her friend. The muscles tightened in Karl's jaw but his eyes gave away nothing.

  I am. He didn't falter for an instant.

  And your wife is not Jewish. Is that right? He had seen the von in her maiden name and knew that she wasn't, but he only took the passports with him, and rapidly left the compartment without saying more. Audrey wanted to ask why he hadn't given the passports back, but she was afraid to say anything.

  They've gotten even more charming in the last two months apparently. Karl looked annoyed and Ushi quickly touched his hand.

  Don't say anything, Schatz. They like to feel important. He probably got annoyed by the caviar and champagne. Karl only shrugged with a smile.

  Jealous peasants, to hell with them. The four of them laughed and at that moment the soldier returned accompanied by two officers. They did not mince words, but went directly to where Karl sat next to Ushi.

  Are you aware of the Nuremberg Laws? The tallest of the officers addressed Karl and Audrey saw that he had a razor-thin scar running lengthwise down his cheek and she wondered if he had won it in a duel. He wore the insignia of the SS on his lapels and his eyes were as cold as steel as he looked them over.

  Karl seemed to remain very calm. I am not aware of the Nuremberg Laws. He looked respectful but casual, and he gently held Ushi's hand. Her palm was damp with sweat, and his hand was trembling slightly.

  There was a congress meeting in Nuremberg one week ago, and the law of September fifteenth was enacted, making it punishable by death for a Jew to have intercourse with an Arya
n. He glanced rapidly at Ushi, back to Karl, and the threesome group was stunned into silence. Karl looked as though he were in shock. You can't be serious.

  The officer glared at him. The F++hrer is always serious, sir. This is an extremely serious offense.

  Karl's face had gone white. This woman is my wife.

  That does not alter the crime. He clicked both heels and stared at him. You will come with us now. You are under arrest, Herr Rosen. He purposely omitted his title of Doktor.

  For an instant they sat without moving, totally shocked, and then as two soldiers appeared and grabbed Karl by the arms, Ushi let out a horrible scream and grabbed at him as he told her to calm down. He looked desperately at her and then Audrey, begging her with his eyes to take care of Ushi. There was nothing he could do. He had to go with the soldiers. And Audrey held tightly to her hand as they led Karl away and the two women stared at him in horror. And then as though rapidly coming to her senses, Audrey told the porter to unload their bags. They had to get off at once and find out where Karl had been taken.

  Ushi was hysterical as Audrey tried to appear calm, and spoke to the porter in halting German to arrange for a taxi to drive them into town. This was utterly crazy. She kept urging Ushi to sit down on one of the bags, and she was trying to keep an eye on her as her mind raced and Ushi sobbed, and by then Mai Li was crying too, frightened by the tumult she sensed around her. Audrey's heart was pounding horribly as the train pulled away and they were left alone in the station. They had seen Karl driven away in an ominous black wagon and now Ushi wailed at her, sobbing uncontrollably.

  Where did they take him? ' oh God ' where did they take him?

  We'll find out. It was impossible. It was all a bad dream ' intercourse with an Aryan punishable by death? ' they were crazy. Audrey spoke to the stationmaster as best she could and a car arrived to take them to a hotel, where Audrey dropped their bags in the lobby, demanded a room, any room, and immediately asked for a telephone connection to Ushi's father. It calmed Ushi down a little to have to go through the motions of calling him, but as soon as she had him on the line, she became hysterical again, and Audrey had to explain to him what had happened. It was a nightmare.

  My God ' they did what? ' oh my God, where is he?

  We don't know. I was going to contact the police after we called you.

  Don't do anything! He sounded frightened, and he promised to make some calls and get back to her. And while they waited, Audrey urged Ushi to lie down on the room's narrow bed. She lay there, sobbing and Audrey brought her a glass of water which she sipped gratefully, looking at Audrey with huge, anguished eyes as Audrey tried to pacify both Molly and Ushi.

  Oh my God ' what if they kill him? ' oh my God ' . Ushi clung to her like a frightened child, and it seemed to take her father forever to call them back. But at last the phone rang and an operator announced a call from Munich. But it was Audrey whom Manfred von Mann wanted to speak to, and not Ushi. He told Audrey what he was afraid to say to his daughter.

  They killed twelve men in Munich last week for precisely the same crime. We were thinking of calling them and telling them not to come home. But the others were laborers, merchants, some indigents that the Communists made a fuss about. No one of Karl's stature, of course. We didn't think this would happen to him. But it had. And Audrey was terrified now that they might not get him out. It was hard to believe what Ushi's father was saying.

  Did they tell you where he is?

  Not yet. But someone I know in the High Command is going to call me. How is Ushi? He sounded like a nice man and Audrey glanced over her shoulder at her friend. She was trembling on the bed with a glazed look. She was in shock and Audrey was worried.

  Not very well, I'm afraid. It was the only answer she could give.

  I will come to Rosenheim myself.

  I think that's a very good idea.

  But when he arrived Ushi was hysterical and they had had no news all day. Ushi had insisted on calling the local police herself and then going there but they refused to let her see Karl all day despite all of her entreaties and the names she dropped on his behalf. They would have none of it and said that he was a condemned man and not to be spoken to. He had committed a crime against the Reich, and that she owed it to her people now to marry an Aryan, and produce children for the Reich. She got more and more hysterical as she talked to them, and she almost hit one of them, and would have, if Audrey had not physically pulled her away and forced her to go back to the hotel with her.

  Audrey was aghast at what was happening to them, and once the Baron von Mann had arrived she had a moment alone to talk to him and ask him what he thought would happen to Karl. He looked grim as he answered her, thinking of the men who had been killed for the same reason the previous week. I don't know. They may send him to a camp. They are sending many people away now. Jews like Karl. I warned her of that. He looked agonized by his own helplessness. They are capable of anything.

  And they were. The generals Baron von Mann knew insisted they couldn't do anything to help. According to the Nuremberg Law of September fifteenth of that year, Karl Rosen was guilty of a crime punishable by death. Audrey came to hate the words they heard again and again, and when the Baron returned to the two waiting women at midnight he did not have good news for them.

  They're taking him somewhere else tonight. I'm not sure where, but the officer in charge promised to tell us tomorrow. I'll go there first thing.

  Taking him somewhere? Ushi's eyes were wild, gone was the laughing girl of only hours before. She was barely recognizable now. Her hair was unkempt, her makeup was smeared, her face was tearstained and there was even mascara on her dress from the tears that had fallen there, but she didn't care about any of it, only about Karl. Where are they taking him?

  I promise you, darling. We will find out as soon as we can. She wailed in her father's arms, and he cried at his own helplessness and the horror of his son-in-law's fate. He even regretted letting her marry him now, if this was the kind of grief she must bear. But he bore no malice to Karl, and he went directly to the police station again the next day, and was told that Karl had been taken to Unterhaching to a facility there. It was a long silent drive, and all that they heard were Ushi's sobs on the way. Even little Molly was silent as Audrey held her. When they arrived, they didn't even stop at a hotel, they went directly to the police station, fearing for Karl's life, and by miracle, they saw him being loaded into a truck, wearing chains, just as they arrived. Ushi let out a piteous scream and dashed to him as Molly began to cry, and by reflex Audrey held her close and hid her eyes, as Baron von Mann stood between them and the soldiers standing by. Ushi had almost reached Karl when her father caught up to her and pulled her back. She fought him ferociously as the soldiers leading Karl shoved him viciously with their sticks and he called out as they pushed him into the truck.

  I'm all right ' I'm all right ' Ich bin They slammed the door as Ushi stared with wide, horrified eyes. He hardly looked like the same man. His clothes had been torn and his face and head were caked with blood, and she sobbed horribly as her father held her in his arms, and a moment later the truck was gone, and the only answer to their inquiries was that the problem had been resolved.

  The Baron insisted that the only thing left for them to do was to go home to Munich then. He could get more information there, and there was no point staying in Unterhaching now, so they all got back in the car and drove into Munich, never stopping until they reached his schloss. He confided his daughter into her mother's arms then, and Audrey fed Molly and put her to bed after a warm bath and sat alone in her room, waiting for news of Karl. They were all in shock. It had been like a nightmare for all of them, and there seemed to be nothing they could do to save him. And later that night, seeing the light under her door, the Baron invited her to come to the library to share a schnapps with him. They spoke of the insanity of the new laws, but even here the Baron didn't feel entirely free. They spoke in whispers, next to a crackling fire, behind c
losed doors. No one trusted anyone in Germany anymore, not even in their own house. He made several phone calls again that night, but to no avail, and it was two more days before the news finally came. With much regret, he had called Karl's parents to inform them and they were grateful for everything he was trying to do. But in the end, none of it helped. He set down the phone, and cried softly into his hands, before going upstairs to tell his wife and daughter. He told his wife first, and together they went in to see Ursula, locked in her room, looking almost mad by then. She stared at them as they came in, and sensed instantly what they were going to tell her. Audrey heard her piteous scream from her own room, and she ran out into the hall where she waited as though something would change, someone would come ' but it was over for Karl. He was dead, murdered by Hitler's men, and as Audrey stood in the long drafty hall she remembered the sound of his laughter, the warmth of his eyes, and she realized for the first time in her life what a rare gift love was ' how ephemeral ' how quickly gone ' suddenly Ushi was no longer a bride ' but a widow ' Karl was gone ' and it could have happened to anyone. She suddenly realized how lucky she and Charlie had been, and how foolish he was to waste his life now, with a woman he didn't love, and who had trapped him.

  It was hours before Audrey was able to see Ushi that night, and when at last she did, there was nothing she could say to her. She only held her in her arms and let the girl cry. She sounded as though her heart would break, and when Audrey looked into her eyes again, she knew that Ursula von Mann Rosen would never again be the same woman.

  Chapter 30

  The phone rang in Antibes just after six o'clock the next morning, and James heard it first and groped over Violet's head to reach for it.

  What time is it? she murmured at him, squinting at the clock she couldn't see. The sun had just come up, but it was only two hours after they had gone to bed, and they had all drunk far too much champagne. Charlie and Charlotte were still there and Violet didn't like her any more than she had before, and she really didn't give a damn anymore. But she couldn't imagine who was calling them now, as James sat up very straight on the edge of the bed next to her.