Wanderlust (1986)
Page 30
Yes? ' yes. A long pause, a frown, and then, Audrey? What's wrong? He had heard her crying on the other end and immediately suspected something terrible had happened to her. Did you have an accident? Violet's heart stopped, thinking of the little girl, and she clutched James's arm instinctively. Oh my God ' oh no ' He turned his eyes to Vi's and she looked panicky.
What is it, James? ' what happened to her? He waved to her to be quiet, and carried on. The connection was far from excellent, and Audrey was much too upset for him to ask her to stop. She had had to talk to someone, and Vi and James were the only people she could call.
My God, how terrible ' oh the poor girl. How is she now?
Oh James ' Violet began to cry, certain that
Molly had suffered a terrible accident, and James took hold of her hand and held it reassuringly, shaking his head and then mouthing to her.
' it's ' not ' the ' child '
It's not? She looked startled. Then who was it?
Where are you now? Do you want to come back? We're going home in a few days. It might do you good to come back here, Aud ' all right ' but for God's sake, get out. Wait for us in London at the house. And give me your number there. Try and get some sleep and Vi and I will call you in a few hours. Do you want to speak to her now? He turned toward his wife hopefully, ready to hand her the phone. All right ' I'll tell her that ' and Audrey ' His eyes filled with tears and his voice went hoarse. Tell her how sorry we are. They rang off and he sat staring at his wife. He didn't even know how to find the words, and then he sighed, and tried to remain calm. They've killed Karl. It was blunt, but it told her what she had to know as she looked at him, horrified.
Oh my God ' James! Who killed Karl? And how is Ushi? ' Oh no! She began to cry, staring at him frantically, and he put an arm around her and brought her closer.
The Nazis did it. They took him right off the train, put him in jail, and shot him. Apparently they've passed some totally insane law that makes it punishable by death for a Jew to have intercourse with an Aryan, married or not. Have you ever heard of such a thing? They're mad. But worse than that they had killed Karl Rosen.
Oh my God. It was all she could say, and she cried in her husband's arms, and then they went downstairs hand in hand to have a cup of coffee, and they were still sitting there at eight o'clock when Charlie came downstairs. He looked serious, and somewhat hung over, but as soon as he looked at them, he knew something was terribly wrong.
Was that the phone I heard around six o'clock? James nodded and Vi began to cry again. Oh my God ' what is it, Vi? He sat down next to her, and James told him what had happened to Karl, as Charlie sat staring at them.
It can't be ' they can't do a thing like that! His voice was suddenly loud in the quiet room ' they had been so happy ' so carefree ' so much fun ' and so much in love. They're insane.
Yes, they are.
Is Ushi all right? he asked James.
I don't suppose she is. At least they didn't touch her anyway. They were on their way back to Berlin, but they're at her parents' in Munich now. Audrey's there with her.
What's she doing there? He looked troubled at that. He didn't like to think of her anywhere near a horror like that, and it pained him to think that she had seen it happen.
I didn't ask, but I imagine she was still traveling with them.
Is she all right?
She was terribly upset, understandably, and I told her we'd call her back in a few hours. Charles nodded and poured a shot of whiskey into his coffee cup, and offered the same to James. It was a bit early for that, but they both needed it, and Vi helped herself to some too, as Charlotte walked into the room wearing a beautiful white satin dressing gown.
What's all this? We're all up before the dawn.
She smiled in her cool, businesslike way that always made one feel as though there should have been a desk in front of her, but this time no one smiled back.
Charlie looked at her dismally, sipping the powerful brew in his cup. The Nazis killed Karl Rosen.
How terrible! She looked generally horrified and the four of them talked about it for the next two hours relentlessly. She had some very clear views about German politics, and thought Hitler far more dangerous than most people realized. The men were grateful for the views she shared with them, but in the end, none of it mattered anyway. Karl was dead, and would never come again.
James and Vi called Audrey again that afternoon, and she said she was leaving for London that night. The Nazis had refused to return Karl's remains for religious burial, so there would be no funeral, and Ushi was in such a state that she thought she ought to leave the family alone. There was nothing left that she could do for anyone, and it seemed kinder to just quietly disappear. She promised to call Vi and James the next day when she arrived at their home, and she sounded as shocked and dazed as they all did in Antibes. It was a quiet, mournful day for everyone, and Vi and James went for a long walk on the beach, as Charles sat quietly on the veranda and Charlotte took a nap in their room. It was dinnertime before they all met again, and when they did, Vi noticed that Charlotte didn't look well. She was almost green.
Are you all right? She knew how unpleasant early pregnancy could be, and in spite of herself she felt sorry for her. She looked terrible, and Charlotte shrugged with a game little smile that barely covered up the misery she had felt all day.
I'm fine. I think I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me. She had been throwing up all afternoon, and Charlie had felt genuinely sorry for her when he'd gone to their room to get something and found her on her knees in front of the toilet. He made a cup of weak tea for her but even that came back, and he hoped she wasn't going to feel that way for the entire pregnancy. It was the first time she had ever been ill since she'd told him.
Violet smiled at her sympathetically. I don't think it's anything you ate, Charlotte, my dear. That always happens to me for the first three or four months. Dry toast and tea is about the only remedy and even that doesn't help much sometimes.
I really don't think it's that. She was embarrassed that Violet knew about the pregnancy. But Vi only looked at her knowingly and smiled.
She ate very little that night, and went to bed immediately. Violet was talking about going back to London with James to meet Audrey as soon as possible, although they invited the Parker-Scotts to stay on for as long as they wanted.
We really should be going too. Charlotte has to get back and I have a book to do. They were planning a safari in Africa as a delayed honeymoon, but it hadn't fit in with their work schedules so they had settled for a few weeks in the South of France, but now they both had serious work to do. And with the death of Karl, it marked an end to their summer revelry, and it was time for all of them to go home. The only thing that bothered him was that Charlotte was suddenly feeling so ill, and after having a last drink with James that night, and talking about Karl again, Charlie went back to their room, and found Charlotte moaning on the bathroom floor, her head resting on the toilet.
Charlie ' She was so breathless she could barely speak by then. I'm having ' a terrible ' pain ' . He thought instantly of a miscarriage and was about to run for Violet, but she waved him closer to her and pointed to the right side of her abdomen. There.
Shall I call a doctor? He was terrified. Something terrible was happening to her, and without even waiting for her to answer him he bolted from the room and knocked on James and Violet's bedroom door.
Yes? Vi called out to come in and Charles looked disheveled and worried as he strode into the room and found them both talking quietly. They had been talking about Ushi and Karl again, the nightmare was haunting everyone. Charles, is something wrong?
Charlotte is deathly ill and she says she has an awful pain ' . He looked helplessly at Violet. I'm afraid I don't know anything about all that, but she ought to have a doctor at once. I really think we ought to get her into hospital. Without saying another word, Vi ran down the hall struggling into her dressing gown as she went, a
nd Charles turned to his old friend. Maybe we shouldn't have talked about Karl so much ' Sometimes I forget she's pregnant ' . He ran a nervous hand through his hair and waited for Violet to return, and when she did, she looked worried as she glanced at James.
I think you'd better call Docteur Perrault.
Is she having a miscarriage? Charlie was horrified, and consumed with guilt. They should never have spoken of such upsetting things in front of her, it was just that she seemed so strong all the time. Is she in terrible pain?
Vi turned to him, sorry for him. She's all right, Charles. Whatever happens, shell be all right. Women's problems look more frightening than they are sometimes. We'll take her into hospital, and by tomorrow she'll be fine. But he found that hard to believe as he carried her vomiting and gagging to the car, wrapped in a blanket and her ruined dressing gown. James drove, while Violet held her hand, and Charles stared into the backseat at her. She looked as though she were dying back there, and he felt even guiltier for all the things he didn't feel for her. It was like watching someone you didn't know.
James sped around the curves in the road as quickly as he dared as Charlie urged him on nervously, and the moment they got to the hospital in Cannes, Charlie sped inside and returned with two orderlies who summarily loaded Charlotte onto a gurney and disappeared with her. The threesome followed her rapidly, and Docteur Perrault was already there, waiting for them. He took a good look at her, as nurses checked her pulse and blood pressure, and Charles hovered nearby. It took him less than two minutes to assess the situation of Madame, and he turned to Charles with a troubled frown.
It is her appendix, monsieur. I believe it may have perforated, or it is very close. We must operate at once. Charles nodded, somewhat relieved, although still worried for her.
Will she lose the child?
The doctor looked pained and frowned. She is pregnant as well? Charlie nodded at him. I see ' we will see what we can do, but there are very few chances she will keep the child. Tears stung his eyes as he nodded at him. We will do what we can. And almost as soon as he spoke, Charlotte was whisked away and Charles was left to sit in the waiting room with James and Vi.
The moments ticked by endlessly, and it was three hours before he saw the doctor again. He came in, removing his surgical cap, and with a sober look in his eyes that frightened them. For an instant, Charles thought she might be dead.
Your wife is doing well, monsieur. He looked directly into Charlie's eyes. Her appendix had indeed perforated, but I think we cleaned everything up in time. She will be here for three or four weeks and she will make a full recovery. Charles was relieved for her, but the doctor hadn't told him what he really wanted to know. He took a deep breath and looked at him.
And the child?
The doctor stared at him, not wanting to say more in front of James and Vi. May I speak to you alone, monsieur?
Of course. But he assumed that meant the worst for the baby she had been carrying, and he was shocked to realize how much that meant to him. It was almost as though that was all that he had left now. He followed the doctor from the room, leaving Vi and James to wait for him, and the doctor led him into a small sitting room down the hall. He pulled out two chairs and indicated for Charles to sit in the other one, which he did.
May I ask you some rather personal questions, sir?
Certainly. But he still had told him nothing more of the child, and Charlie was afraid to press him. Perhaps there were complications ' or the baby had been lost after all. He ran all the possibilities through his mind as he waited for the doctor to speak.
How long have you been married to Madame?
Charlie had no qualms about being honest with him, not for the sake of the well-being of their child. The baby meant a lot to him. He had sacrificed everything for the child. Almost four weeks. But she got pregnant three months ago, in Egypt ' . as though that mattered to anyone. But the doctor was shaking his head. She's more pregnant than that? Then that was what he was worried about, but the doctor was looking at him sympathetically. So sympathetically it hurt.
I'm afraid there is a misunderstanding here, and I do not wish to intrude on your personal life, monsieur. Madame is not pregnant. She has had a hysterectomy, five years ago, she said. I checked everything, everywhere, because of what you told me. There is no baby, monsieur. There is no pregnancy. There is no uterus. And there can never be. I am very sorry to have to tell you this. He looked at Charles, and Charles felt as though he had been hit with a hammer or the doctor's fist.
Are you sure? His voice was a painful croak.
Totally. Madame will tell you so herself, I'm sure, just as she told me. Perhaps she was afraid to admit to you that she can never bear children, but I'm sure that over the years you will adjust to this. There is adoption, of course ' . He reached out to touch Charles's arm. I'm very sorry, monsieur. Charles only nodded his head, unable to speak as he stood up.
Thank you ' thank you for telling me ' was all he could finally say as he left the room '
she had lied to him ' lied to him ' everything was a lie ' about the baby she had conceived in Cairo, and he felt so guilty about it because he wanted to make love to her all the time and he wasn't careful enough ' and the abortion she didn't want ' how he had respected her for that ' even though it meant marrying her ' and the baby who would be like Sean ' the baby that would never be born ' that never was ' she had lied to him ' he was overwhelmed by blind rage as he walked into the other waiting room, and he could barely speak to Violet and James.
Would you like to see your wife, monsieur? A young nurse smiled sweetly at him and all he could do was shake his head. She is awake now ' you can just see her for une petite minute, but instead he pushed his way past the nurse and out the door and stood waiting outside the hospital for Violet and James. He had to take big gulps of air, and Violet could see from his face that something terrible had happened to him, and she felt sure that Charlotte had lost the baby.
Charles?
Don't speak to me ' please.
' Charlie ' He wheeled on her then and grabbed her arm.
Vi ' don't ' please! She could see that he was crying then, but she didn't understand that they were not tears of grief but rage. Do you know what she did to me? He railed at them, unable to control himself. She lied to me! There is no baby! There never was ' she had a hysterectomy five years ago. James stared at him and Vi caught her breath.
You're not serious! She was horrified. And poor Audrey '
I am.
But that's hideous. James clenched his teeth as he got in and started the car and gestured them both in beside him.
Come on, you need a drink. And they gave him more than one when they took him home. He didn't wake up until noon the next day, and when he did, he showered and shaved and went directly to the hospital where he walked into Charlotte's room and looked grimly down at her. But she knew why he had come and what his expression meant. She had taken a risk, and figured she could keep it from him, and she had lost the game. She was smart enough to know when it was time to lay her cards down.
I'm sorry, Charles. I thought it was the only way you would marry me. She was right of course but that didn't make it any better now, for either of them. I wanted to make something special of your career, and take care of you ' .
I don't give a damn about my career. Don't you know that by now?
I didn't then. I understand it better now. But you're wrong, you know. You could be the biggest writer in the world, an internationally important man ' . She said it as though offering to make him king and he stared at her.
And what would that make you? My publisher? Is that so terribly important to you? She wanted him like a puppet on a string.
Men like you have to be tended like special flowers. She tried to smile but it was obvious that she was still uncomfortable from the surgery but she was completely alert. Her senses were not dulled, and her eyes focused on Charlie perfectly.
Didn't you think I'd find out?
What an empty life that is. He looked sadly at her. How little she knew of life, or of him. I suppose I should wait a week or two to tell you this ' until you're on your feet again. She suspected what was coming next, and she looked up at him sadly. She had wanted him for such a long time, like a rare, rare diamond she wanted to own. But I don't want to string you along with lies. I'm leaving you. The joke is over now. We can go back to our own lives. You have your own flat and I have mine, and everything will go back to the way it was before, except that I won't be seeing you again. Someone else can handle my work, perhaps your father would like to take it on again, but that's the least of our problems. I'll call my solicitor when I get back to town.
Why? ' why are you doing this? She struggled to reach for his hand but he eluded her and she was barely able to move after her surgery the night before. What difference does it make if there's no child?
I could live with that ' but what I can't live with are lies. You trapped me into marrying you. You wanted to own me, like a piece of property. And I can't be bought, or trapped, or caged, or made to write on cue like a dancing dog. The only hope we had of something decent growing between us was that child. And that child was a lie.
I called your father and told him what had happened to you, and he's on his way down from London now. I'll wait until he arrives and then I'm going back with Vi and James. Violet says you can stay at the house for as long as you like when you get out of hospital, and I'll let you explain it to your father if you like. I don't want to embarrass you. But I don't want to be married to you either. I'm sure you'll thank me someday. And with that, he turned and walked out of her room, and stood on the street outside, staring up at the sky. It was as though Charlotte had never entered his life at all, and all he could think of suddenly were Ushi and Karl, and the love they had shared, the love that was so like the one he had known with Audrey before, and suddenly all he wanted to do was go back to her. He looked like a new man when he returned to Antibes and stormed into the house.