Wanderlust (1986)

by Steel, Danielle

  What time do we leave? he asked Vi and she stared at him.

  I thought you wanted to wait until Charlotte's father arrived.

  He'll be here tonight and he's staying at the Carlton in Cannes anyway.

  I suppose the four o'clock train tomorrow would do. I'll ask James, and then cautiously, by the way, Audrey called again. She's back in London now. He nodded, his eyes locked in hers. She said to say hello to you. He nodded again, and then left the room with a worried frown.

  He didn't see Charlotte again, and he spoke to her father at the Carlton on the phone. The conversation was terse and he seemed to be under the impression that Charlotte had had a miscarriage as well as appendicitis, but Charles refused to explain any of it to him. That was her problem. She had told the lies. Let her explain it to him.

  His only problem was seeing Audrey again, and convincing her that he wasn't a total fool. There was always the possibility that she wanted nothing more to do with him. And that was what he had to find out now.

  Chapter 31

  Charles rode back on the train to London with Vi and James, and the children, and their nurse, in three private compartments on the night train. Vi left most of the servants in Antibes. They were mostly French, and she only brought the butler and housekeeper down from London every year to oversee things, but they had taken an earlier train that morning so as to be there when Vi and James arrived. And as usual, when they did, everything was in perfect order at the house in London.

  Do you want to come in for a little while, Charles? Lady Vi was holding Alexandra's hand, and James was helping to sort through the luggage, determining who belonged to what and what went to whose room. Most of it was Vi's, with second place going to Lady Alexandra, most of whose clothes Violet bought in Paris every year.

  Charlie seemed to hesitate for a moment and she smiled. He looked very young suddenly and she felt sorry for him. He had had a terrible shock in the past two days, and she knew he had taken it very hard. They had talked about it quietly on the train while James slept, and he had admitted to Lady Vi how much he had wanted the baby. And in some ways it surprised her. He had always seemed like such a free and easy person, she couldn't imagine him wanting to get tied down now. But it seemed to be the only consolation for him in marrying Charlotte.

  She'll agree to a divorce, of course, won't she? She had assumed that Charlotte would be reasonable now that he knew the truth about the baby, but Charlie had shaken his head with a glum look as she stared at him.

  She's Catholic.

  Vi looked shocked. That was the excuse she used about the abortion ' she can't be serious about refusing to let you go now. She married you on the basis of fraud, for heaven's sake.

  I know. But she says she won't agree. She's still talking about the great things she can do for my career. He had sighed and the conversation had gone nowhere. She wanted him to take some time to think it all out, while she recovered, and she was expecting to see him when she got back to London in a few weeks.

  But his mind was far from Charlotte now as he hesitantly stepped into Vi and James's front hall and looked around as though expecting to see Audrey leap at him from a doorway.

  She might be out. Vi whispered to him, knowing what he was thinking and he turned to smile at her, but the moment he did, he heard Audrey's voice, and turned to see her coming slowly down the stairs. Her face looked drawn despite her summer tan and her eyes were filled with grief. She had done nothing but think of Ushi and Karl since she got home, and it was easy to see how devastated she was by what had happened on the train.

  She checked on the stairs for only an instant when she saw him and then came to kiss Vi, and then James, and then the children, and then she turned to him with a look of sorrow in her eyes. Hello, Charles. How was the trip?

  Fine. He felt like a schoolboy. Are you all right? He took a step toward her as she nodded and for a moment Violet thought he was going to kiss her. And as though Audrey sensed it too, she stepped back and they stood awkwardly in the hall for a moment, as Vi took off her hat, and shooed the children upstairs with their nanny and then suggested that they all have a cup of tea. It had been an emotional week for all of them, although Audrey did not yet know of what had happened to Charlotte.

  They all went into the library to sit down, and Violet disappeared to speak to the cook, and a moment later James went to discuss something with the butler, and suddenly Audrey found herself alone with Charles, and the moment was extremely awkward. She assumed that Charlotte had gone directly to the office, or their flat, and she was suddenly wondering about the wisdom of staying with James and Vi, if it meant seeing Charlie all the time. Antibes had been painful enough without repeating it now. She took refuge in talking about Karl, and she had to stop several times as she tried to explain to Charles what had happened.

  It was ' the ' most ' terrible thing I've ever seen ' . She couldn't erase the memory of when they'd taken Karl off the train and Ushi had begun to scream ' and then later, seeing him with blood caked around his head, and led off in chains. Oh Charlie, as she said his name, it sounded like old times to him, what will happen to her now? She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to regain her composure, and suddenly she felt him touch her hand.

  You have to try to forget it. His voice was gentle but her eyes flew open wide.

  Forget it? How could I possibly ever forget it?

  You won't. But there's nothing you can do now.

  And torturing yourself won't help. The memory will dim in time. He looked at her very intently. Most things do. She was inclined to disagree with him, and it was as though he read her mind, and knew exactly what she was thinking. But not all. The words were barely more than a whisper as their eyes held. I know this isn't the right moment to tell you, but ' He took a breath and went on, ' I left Charlotte in Antibes.

  Audrey wasn't sure she understood him, but he said it so intensely. Will she be back soon?

  He shook his head. I mean I left her. I want a divorce.

  Good God, Charlie! What happened? She looked stunned, almost as stunned as he still felt.

  She lied to me about the baby.

  Audrey looked shocked. You mean it wasn't yours?

  No, I mean it wasn't anyone's. She wasn't pregnant.

  Are you sure? Audrey couldn't begin to imagine telling a lie like that. Maybe she lost it.

  But he only shook his head again. She had appendicitis, and we had to take her to the hospital. They operated, and I warned the doctor that she was pregnant. He laughed bitterly and sat back in his chair, remembering the moment when the doctor had told him the truth. He must have thought me a damn fool anyway. He said she had a hysterectomy several years ago. He sighed and tried to smile at the woman he still loved. She admitted it to me the next day. I think she felt the end justified the means. But I'm afraid I don't agree. The only thing I wanted out of that marriage was the baby.

  Audrey was not surprised, but the rest of the story shocked her profoundly. Will she agree to a divorce?

  Not yet. But she will. There's really no other way. I'm not going to stay with her now. We agreed that it was just for the child, and I told her I didn't love her when we got married.

  Audrey was looking at him strangely, and the shock of Karl's death came instantly to mind again. She remembered how Ushi had loved him. What if she had known he would die only a few weeks later? Would she have done anything differently in that case? Suddenly it cast a different light on everything and she didn't have the heart to be angry with Charlie. I'm sorry, Charlie. She looked into his eyes, and he saw the same gentleness and compassion he had always found there, and for the first time in two days, he smiled, and he meant it.

  I'm not sure I am ' . And then, without further ado, he reached for her hand, and held it close to his heart. Can you ever forgive me? He put her fingertips to his lips and she smiled at him. This time she did not pull her hand away, she only looked at him, trying to absorb all that had happened to them both in so few d
ays.

  There's nothing to forgive, Charles. I couldn't come with you when you needed me.

  I understand that better now. But I was so angry at the time. I wanted you to come with me so desperately. Her staying in San Francisco didn't seem so unreasonable to him now, but at the time it had driven him mad. I wanted to come back and forget you ' and I tried. He smiled sheepishly and her eyes smiled in answer. And Charlotte helped certainly. His eyes clouded as he said her name. I never realized how determined she was to get what she wanted. It's frightening really. Audrey nodded, suspecting too that she wasn't going to give him up as easily as he thought.

  What did you tell her when you left?

  That it was over. Permanently. I didn't want there to be any doubt in her mind. And now he looked at Audrey and spoke directly to her. Or in yours ' if it's of any interest to you.

  She grinned at him, looking suddenly girlish. It might be. And then suddenly there was laughter in her eyes. Life was too short to waste a moment with someone one loved as much as she did Charlie. ' If you play your cards right ' .

  Aha! So that's it ' you're going to make me dance, are you? He was suddenly laughing too, and his heart felt lighter than it had in a year ' in fact, since he had left her in China.

  I just might, Charles Parker-Scott. After all, you deserve it ' running off and marrying someone else. She looked at him with mock outrage and put a hand on her hip. What a rude thing to do! He laughed harder and pulled her toward him so he could kiss her. And it was at exactly that moment that Vi walked back into the room.

  Ooops ' sorry ' . She turned on her heel with a satisfied smile and was about to leave when Audrey called her back. I don't want to interrupt anything important.

  Quite all right, Charlie grinned, Audrey was just outlining a course of torture for me ' to make me pay my dues, as it were. His eyes sobered for only a moment. Not that I blame her.

  Quite right. Lady Vi agreed. You deserve to be horsewhipped, Charles, after what you put the poor girl through.

  The poor girl? The poor girl! Think of me! I quite assure you I didn't have much of a good time with the old girl either!

  Lady Vi looked at him disapprovingly and Audrey smiled. It was odd how suddenly it was all so funny, and only a few hours before it was a stone in her heart from which she doubted she would ever recover. Audrey looked at him seriously for a moment. Are you sure it's over, Charles?

  It should never have begun. I was terribly, terribly stupid.

  And now?

  I hope I'm a great deal smarter. I'll give up Beardsley as my publishers if I have to.

  I don't think Mr. Beardsley would be foolish enough to let you do that, James added as he walked into the room, carrying a decanter. A bit of sherry anyone?

  The ladies agreed and Charles suggested something a trifle stronger. Suddenly he wanted to celebrate. He didn't know what would happen yet, but he felt freer than he had in a long, long time, and suddenly they all seemed so lucky to be alive. And in an odd way, what they had felt was like a gift from Karl and Ushi Rosen.

  They tried calling Ushi to comfort her that night, but her father said that she wasn't speaking to anyone, and they could tell from his voice that they were still distraught about what had happened.

  It's difficult to believe, isn't it, Aud? Charlie had his arm around her as they sat in front of the fire in the darkened library. James and Vi had already gone to bed and they had been talking for hours, about the past year, about Ushi and Karl, about her grandfather ' and even Charlotte. Life is so much too short ' you never know what a great gift you have, until you've lost it.

  I think the secret of a successful life is enjoying each moment. It's just so impossible to believe that Karl is gone though ' . She looked pensively into the fire and felt Charlie pull her closer.

  Audrey ' She could feel him staring at her and she turned her eyes to his.

  Yes?

  Will you marry me when I get this business with Charlotte settled? He had thought about it all day, when to ask her, what would be proper, how long he should wait, and he had finally decided to throw caution to the winds and just ask her. And she was looking at him with a quiet smile. Being with Charlie was all she wanted.

  I should have done that a long time ago. It would have saved us both a lot of trouble. But he was shaking his head. He understood her better now.

  You couldn't have then. It's taken me a long time, but I do understand that. And then he looked at her very intently. You didn't answer my question. Will you?

  Yes. It was a strong, quiet word, and as soon as she said it, he kissed her.

  Chapter 32

  The matter of Charlotte did not resolve itself quite as easily as Charlie had hoped. She returned to London in early October, and as soon as he heard that she was back, he had his solicitor call her. But he ran into a brick wall when he did. Charlotte Parker-Scott, as she insisted on calling herself now, would not agree to a divorce, now or in the foreseeable future, ever as far as she was concerned. She put it down to religious reasons, but Charlie couldn't accept that explanation. In all the time they'd been together, she had never gone to church, except for their wedding.

  Then what do you suppose she wants? The solicitor was puzzled. She's got all the money she wants, and she doesn't seem the sort of woman to cling. She had dealt with him like a man. In fact, she had been rather brutal about it.

  Charlie couldn't figure it out, but Audrey and James and Vi all agreed. They thought she wanted to be known as Charlie's wife. It gave her the dignity she had been lacking, an old aristocratic name, and the cachet of being married to one of England's biggest authors. She wanted to impress her friends.

  But she can't do that if I'm not there, can she? Charlie still couldn't see the reasoning behind it. But the others insisted.

  Of course she can. All she needs is your name, and to give people the impression that you're married.

  Fine. Then I'll let her keep the name. He said as much to his solicitor and told him to call her, offering to let her keep his name, as long as she agreed to a divorce, but once again she declined their offer. He even offered to give her the rights to both of his movies, since she had been so excited about them. But again she refused, and finally Charles went to see her father in desperation. And he found him just as unbending as his daughter, possibly more so.

  But why? Why does she want a marriage in name only?

  Perhaps she thinks you'll come back. And you might ' . The man sized him up with his eyes. She's good for your career, Charles. Charlotte will make you someone you will never be without her. But that only mattered to them and not to Charlie.

  I'm quite content with the way things are. Professionally, I mean. And surely, she can't want a captive husband.

  Her father smiled, but his eyes were cold. Almost as cold as hers. Perhaps that's all right. I've suggested to her myself that she could do better, but she's quite satisfied to hang on to you, Charles. And I don't expect this to change our business arrangements. Charles had another five years in his contract, and as he had said to Audrey only the day before, it could be damn awkward.

  I assume you'll have the good taste not to expect me to work with her.

  If you insist. But it was obvious that he would have preferred it, and then he narrowed his eyes as he looked at Charles. You know, she hasn't told me why you left her, but I suspect it's because of that woman you were in love with when you met her.

  It had nothing to do with that. I can assure you of that. It has to do with a misunderstanding between Charlotte and myself. A misunderstanding. Another word for a lie. Fraud. Deceit. He still wanted to kill her when he thought of it. She can explain it to you herself, if she likes. I will not, sir.

  Nor will she. She's too much of a lady. Like most fathers, he was blind to his daughter's flaws and Charles was half tempted to relieve him of his illusions on her behalf, but he would never have done that.

  So where does that leave you, my love? Audrey asked him over dinner that night.
They had been seeing each other almost every night, and frequently in the daytime, in the month that they'd been back in London. She was still staying with Vi and James, but she was talking about renting a flat for a while. She didn't want to impose more than she already had, although it was wonderful for Molly to be with the other children, especially Alexandra who treated her like a big doll and loved to comb her hair and dress her. Do you suppose she'll come around? Audrey was still asking about Charlotte.

  Eventually someone else will come along, someone much more important, and she'll be anxious to get rid of me. As fast as possible, I hope.

  Maybe we could introduce her to someone. She looked at Charles ruefully and he laughed as he pulled her into his arms to kiss her. And afterward she told him of what she had done that afternoon, but he wasn't as excited as she had hoped he would be. She had spent the afternoon looking at flats, big enough for herself and Molly and one servant. You don't look very pleased. There was disappointment in her eyes and he shrugged.

  I suppose I'm not. I want you here in London, of course. He was glad that she had nothing to rush home for, but he had hoped to be rid of Charlotte by then, officially as well as physically. And for the moment, there was still no relief in sight. I have a better idea. But he wondered what she would think of it. He was almost afraid to ask her. I never use my guest room. Fortunately, no one is stupid enough to want to stay with me.

  She laughed. And you're going to rent me a room?

  He smiled but shook his head. It was second best to what they wanted, but it would have to do for a while anyway, and he was tired of visiting her at Vi and James's. He wanted what they had once shared in China, waking up side by side every morning, falling asleep in each other's arms, feeling her silky mane cast over his arm, as he felt her soft breath on his chest. I'd like you to move in with me, Audrey. We could give the guest room to Molly, and put her nurse in the dressing room. And if that doesn't work, we could rent another flat. I wouldn't mind doing that actually ' . His face lit up as he looked at her, and half an hour later, they were talking animatedly about renting a house somewhere near Vi and James, and then suddenly he stopped and looked at her. You know I still want to marry you, don't you? This is just until I get the divorce, however long that takes. You do understand that?