Love, Lust & Faking It

by Jenny McCarthy

  Least compatible with Aries and Libra.

  LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

  In the bedroom: Generally Leo likes to be the center of attention, but they are happy to share the spotlight in the bedroom. While they are enthusiastic about sex, they are not too creative and tend to stick to the positions they are used to as well as the same initiation routine. If you want to slip something new into the mix, make sure you make it out like it was all the Leo’s idea. Leos have big egos and like to play the “leader” role.

  Compatible with Aries: Aries also see themselves as leaders, but the Leo is strong enough to avoid complete domination by the Aries. It is important for them to have a family, and they want the best for those around them. The Leo’s love for life and importance of loyalty feeds the Aries need for admiration and brings out the best in the Aries partner. The Aries partner will also be adventurous enough to lead the Leo into more creative sexual encounters.

  Compatible with Sagittarius: The leader within the Leo brings out the loyalty of the free spirit that is Sagittarius. Sagittarius is happy to let Leo be the leader; they want a stronger partner who can understand their free-spirited, independent ways. Sagittarians are willing to explore all avenues of all relationships, and they will also have some inventive sexual ideas to spice up the Leo’s sexual behavior. It’s been said that Leo is the only one that will be able to keep the Sagittarius from straying.

  Least compatible with Taurus and Scorpio.

  VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 22)

  In the bedroom: Virgos prefer a more subtle approach and are not into the theatrics that some of the other signs enjoy. While the Virgo may be slow to get started, he won’t be quick to finish. Virgos love passionate marathon lovemaking sessions. Virgos guard their most intimate feelings and emotions, and only a trusted companion or lifelong friend will be allowed to see that side of the Virgo. Once you have established trust with a Virgo, they will be devoted for life as a romantic lover or, should the relationship end, continue their devotion in the form of friendship.

  Compatible with Taurus: Virgo and Taurus is a conservative pairing. The Taurus is a loyal friend and faithful partner, worthy of the trust given by its Virgo partner. Taurus and Virgo are a good match sexually because neither one is interested in creating a fantasy or going through any extravagant foreplay routines. The Taurean’s sensual massages and intensely romantic physical contact gives just enough push to get the Virgo going and then some.

  Compatible with Capricorns: Capricorns and Virgos have a high probability of a long-term relationship. They intuitively know their likes and dislikes. Capricorns love advice from Virgos, and Virgos are able to teach the Capricorn how to relax and take a load off. Capricorns possess a fierce ambition for success and tend to stay straight on their path to the spotlight. This drive for the spotlight is perfectly complemented by the Virgo’s desire to please others and organized and meticulous nature, giving the Capricorn a partner that will assist in helping him or her achieve even more.

  Least compatible with Gemini and Sagittarius.

  LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23-OCTOBER 22)

  In the bedroom: When trying to pursue a Libra, you must pull out all the stops—candles, music, flowers, chocolates… you get the idea. If the mood is not right, the Libra isn’t interested. It is important for everything to look perfect and harmonious. It is important for the Libra to be praised inside and outside the bedroom. They love to be praised, and perhaps in the case of the Libra, flattery will get you everything. The Libra will be open to spicing things up if you create the right atmosphere for it.

  Compatible with Gemini: Libra and Gemini stimulate each other. Jealousy is not an issue. Experimentation is welcomed, and communication lines are always open. Gemini are easygoing in nature, so there will be lots of laughter, good conversation, and lightheartedness within this relationship. The main issue to look out for between these two is the openness to multiple partners; this can often lead to the ending of any relationship.

  Compatible with Aquarius (also seen in the Aquarius section): When an Aquarius and a Libra come together, the friendship that is so important for the Aquarius to establish shines front and center not only to the two involved in the romantic relationship, but also to those in their social circle.

  Libras are incredibly indecisive, and love that the Aquarius is willing to step into the decision-making role. The Libra’s indecisiveness could open the doorway to some kinky sexual experimentation, but it is the companionship foundation that binds these two, not the leather ropes.

  Least compatible with Cancer and Capricorn.

  SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23-NOVEMBER 21)

  In the bedroom: Scorpio is the master of his or her own destiny, strong and very sexual. The intensity that boils inside the Scorpio is unleashed in the bedroom. Sex with a Scorpio will probably be the best sex you’ve ever had! And I’m not saying that just because I am a Scorpio. The sexual partner of a Scorpio should expect to be dominated and open to new things. The biggest problem for the Scorpio is finding someone who will be a strong enough entity to be able to go up against the Scorpio and be fascinating enough to keep it interested.

  Compatible with Cancer: Scorpios match up with Cancers because Scorpios have no problem directing the Cancers to their wants and needs in the bedroom. They are both emotional. The loyal nature of the Cancer keeps the Scorpio’s jealous tendencies at bay. There is a lot of intensity between these two, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual.

  Compatible with Pisces (also seen in the Pisces section): Because of the Pisces’ willingness to give and please the Scorpio before himself/herself, in hopes of receiving praise for a job well done, the Scorpio feeds on admiration and loyalty from those around him. Scorpios exude an intense display of emotion, and when that display of emotion is favorable or reassuring toward the Pisces, the Pisces gets his or her fix and will be content. Additionally, the Scorpio’s needs are met by the Pisces’ efforts to satisfy and openness to fantasy. Scorpios are strong individuals in every sense of the word; emotionally and physically they are in control, and prefer to be with someone they consider a “weaker” partner so they can maintain that power.

  Least compatible with Leo and Aquarius.

  SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22-DECEMBER 21):

  In the bedroom: Sagittarians are free spirits who truly like to make sure their partner is taken care of. Sex with Sagittarians is fun and exciting, never boring. While they are willing to experiment with toys, places, and imaginative situations, they are also willing to experiment with types of relationships as well. They are honest, and in order to have a successful romantic relationship, they will need an honest partner who will be open to adventurous sexual experiences.

  Compatible with Aries: Aries and Sagittarius are both brutally honest, with a no-holds-barred approach to life. They are both spontaneous in nature and enjoy the same extravagant lifestyle choices. Sexually, the Aries are more powerful, but if the Sagittarius can find useful information from these exciting sexual experiences, then all is good. But if the information is not found useful, the Sagittarius is quick to move on.

  Compatible with Leo (also seen in the Leo section): The leader within the Leo brings out the loyalty of the free spirit that is Sagittarius. Sagittarians are happy to let a Leo be the leader; they want a stronger partner who can understand their free-spirited, independent ways. Sagittarians are willing to explore all avenues of all relationships; they will also have some inventive sexual ideas to spice up the Leos’ sexual behavior. It’s been said that Leo is the only sign that will be able to keep the Sagittarius from straying.

  Least compatible with Virgo and Pisces.

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  Cheating: Thou Shalt Not Covet Another Vagina

  For every beautiful woman, there’s a man tired of having sex with her.” That quote has been around a while. Not sure what idiot came up with it, but it does have some re-deeming qualities. Most of us out there are worried about our men looking at, desiring, or leaving us for a hotter wo
man. The good news, according to this quote, is that his long duck dong will eventually turn into a low mein noodle after time. As a result, we’re forced to go deeper within relationships to find inner beauty and a soul connection that can get past flaws, fat, and hairy butts. Old people wouldn’t have a chance in hell if all we cared about was having sex with hot people. Most young people would look at a seventy-year-old couple and think there’s no way Grandpa wants to get it on with Grandma, but that’s not true. He does! (And thanks to Viagra, he can.) Horny seventy-year-olds. Ew! Cheating stems from us thinking we are not getting something from our partner. According to my Twitter poll, in response to the question, “Why do we cheat?” the following excuses came back:

  He/she doesn’t make me feel sexy.

  I’m bored.

  He/she never wants sex.

  I need excitement.

  I need an escape.

  I don’t feel loved.

  I’m seeing if the grass is greener on the other side.

  My partner let himself or herself go physically.

  I cheated on my boyfriend/girlfriend to help me get out of the relationship I was in.

  People tend to blame their partners for their cheating. Now that I’m older and a bit wiser, I find that hilarious. If you look closely at the excuses for why we cheat, they are always self-serving. Everything we do is for ourselves and no one else. I’m not making it up. Again, if you do The Work at www.thework.com, you will find that it’s always about you and you alone.

  A friend of mine, who has a ten-year-old son, disagrees with this point. “That can’t be true all the time. I do things for my son, like take him to a good school to get an excellent education. That’s for him,” she told me recently. I answered, “Why do you take him to a good school to get an education?” She responded, “Well, because I want him to have ample opportunities in life.” I responded, “Exactly my point. Look at that last sentence. ’I want him to have ample opportunities.’ Your child didn’t ask you for it. You are doing it for you, but you think you are doing it for him.”

  I used that example first because it might be easier to swallow than husband-and-wife situations. It shows how we unconsciously blame everyone else for things we do, when it’s always about us. Byron Katie is an expert in this area, so if it confuses you, please check out www.thework.com. So, let’s get back to cheating, using that same theory. Let’s look at the Twitter responses …

  “He doesn’t make me feel sexy, so I cheated on him. He should tell me I’m pretty and desirable more so then I won’t have to go out and get it from other people. It’s his fault.” Let’s dig in to that one, shall we? The girl is feeling like her man doesn’t think she is sexy because he never tells her so. That could absolutely be true. He doesn’t tell her, “You’re hot, and I totally want to tear you up, baby.” But what is really driving her to cheat is her own insecurity. That too is a hard one to swallow for many people, because who the hell wants to go in and uncover that pile of past insecurity shit? She used sex to fill that insecure hole in her heart and then blamed her husband for it. Is it the husband’s fault that she has an insecurity issue? No. I’m sure he doesn’t help the situation, but that insecurity belongs to her.

  I brought this topic up at my sister’s baby shower, and a Southern girl named Mary said, “My husband cheated on me four years ago.” I responded, “You mean your ex-husband?” She said, “No, my husband.” I replied, “Why in the world did you stay with him?” Which brings me to another issue with cheating. Why do girls stay with a cheater? I twittered this question to my girl tweeters and they responded with, “Because I still love him.” I was amazed to find the majority still stuck it out with their man. Does this mean girls are weak, insecure, or secure enough with themselves to give love another chance? I asked Mary to talk about why she stuck it out. Here’s what she said:

  My husband grew up in a really poor neighborhood in South Carolina. His parents were really religious, and there were a lot of demons within the walls of his home. There was a girl across the street who was the same age as him. He knew she was getting equally abused. Kevin [Mary’s husband] longed for this little girl named Sue to be his girlfriend. When they reached the appropriate age to date, she moved away and they never saw each other again. I knew this story so well because Kevin brought it up all the time. It didn’t bother me. I thought it was sweet. I had been married four years and had become pregnant with my second child when my husband’s past came knocking on the door. Not literally, but with social networks pretty much anyone could be found. Sue, his next-door neighbor, was passing through town and asked if she could stay with us and catch up on life. I thought it was sweet and felt bad that she was probably tortured in childhood just as bad, and that maybe my husband and her could talk about it and heal.

  So Sue showed up, and we listened to her tortured stories of how horrible it was growing up. She then segued into what she does for a living now, which was working as a prostitute. I thought that everyone deserves respect, so I let her stay.

  She said they chatted the rest of the weekend and said their good-byes. As the weeks went on, Mary’s pregnant belly grew bigger and bigger and her husband got meaner and meaner. She couldn’t understand what was going on. She figured maybe because they were on their second child, her husband was feeling more pressure. He would yell at her for no reason, and then finally he came clean. He admitted to having sex with the hooker in their son’s bed!

  “Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “What did you do?”

  She said that her husband was eaten alive by guilt and couldn’t hold it in anymore. Funnily enough, instead of killing him, she went after the girl. “I wanted to kick her ass, but I couldn’t because I was pregnant. So instead I went into all of her accounts and changed her passwords and then would send numerous e-mails about how she destroyed my beautiful family. My daughter had just been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome during this time, so leaving my husband wasn’t really an option at this point. I just decided to torture Sue through e-mails. I guess it worked. I actually made her feel bad. She sent me an e-mail apologizing.”

  Mary forgave Sue in the end and then turned her attention to her husband. They fought like crazy, and every time they argued, she would throw the “You slept with a hooker” trump card and win the argument. If she asked him to run to the store and he said he didn’t feel like going, she would come back with, “You slept with a hooker.” Then he would go to the store. She would ask him to get up with the kids, he would complain that he was too tired. “You slept with a hooker.” This went on for quite some time. Finally Kevin said, “Forgive me or let me go. I can’t keep having you do this. I’m sorry, but can we please just get on with our lives?” They are still together and have worked in therapy to move past the infidelity, but she says that the pain of being cheated on will always linger in her heart.

  Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, are just the most high-profile of the latest cheating scandals. I don’t know how either couple is going to be able to move on, but if I were Elin, I would use the “You slept with fifteen sluts!” scenario for a long, long time. I can’t possibly guess why these men cheated, but based on the many male responses I received to my Twitter poll, it was about ego. Whether Jesse James’s ego was hurt by his Hollywood power wife, or Tiger Woods had an egocentric need to fill his “I’m amazing-ness,” we will never know. It belongs to them.

  I haven’t cheated on any guy since I was in my mid-twenties. I also have never been cheated on since then, either (as far as I know). I’ve come to the conclusion that if you feel the need to cheat, get out of the relationship or examine your thoughts and feelings as to what you think you are missing. Sex is fun for thirty minutes, but infidelity is tortuous for a lifetime.

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  Sex Facts: Did You Know …?

  Did you know …

  … that sperm has vitamin B12 in it? It contains other stuff like fructose, various salts, and future children. The way some heal
th freaks are, I wouldn’t be surprised if they start bottling it up and selling it with other vitamins. Ew!

  Did you know …

  … that pigs’ orgasms last for thirty minutes? That’s insane! If reincarnation is real, I’m coming back oinking.

  Did you know …

  … that half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal? Um … I take that last part back about wanting to be a pig in the next life.

  Did you know …

  … that the first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 B.c.? It was replaced by elephant droppings, when they realized crocodile dung wouldn’t work. Holy crap!

  Did you know …

  … that the word avocado is derived from the word testicles? Hahaha.

  Did you know …

  … that kissing can keep the dentist away, because saliva washes food from the teeth and lowers the acid that causes decay? Hmmm, so am I washing away food that was stuck in his gums all month?

  Did you know …

  … that the more sex you have, the more you will be offered? The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy. I’d like to see Paris Hilton bottle that one and sell it. Actually, maybe not. One might need an antibiotic after applying.

  Did you know …

  … the sperm count of an average American male compared to thirty years ago is down 30 percent? Yikes, with that rate, in vitro could be a good stock to buy for the future.