A Merry Little Christmas

by Julia Williams

  ‘I’m so pleased for you,’ said Marianne giving Pippa a hug.

  ‘Me too,’ said Pippa, ‘me too.’

  ‘So how do you find it, managing Lucy at home?’ the interviewer said from one of Pippa’s comfy armchairs, while she sat self-consciously on the sofa.

  ‘Well, fortunately, living in an old farmhouse, we’ve got a lot of space,’ said Pippa, ‘and we’ve been able to adapt the house to Lucy’s needs as she gets older. But it’s increasingly difficult managing her physically as she gets bigger and stronger. I have very little to spare for my two sons, which is why the support from the Sunshine Trust is so fantastic. Without the respite care package I’d have gone under years ago.’

  ‘And your husband?’

  ‘Is a great support,’ said Pippa quickly, ‘but I really don’t want to talk about him – this is about the Sunshine Trust and what it does for families like ours.’

  ‘So it’s been a strain on your marriage having Lucy?’

  ‘No!’ said Pippa quickly, ‘not at all. Dan couldn’t have been more supportive and is a wonderful father to Lucy.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘But nothing,’ said Pippa.

  ‘But he’s not here,’ said the interviewer, ‘have you separated?’

  ‘Whether we have or have not,’ said Pippa getting really riled, ‘is none of your business and has nothing to do with Lucy. Look, I really don’t want to talk about this stuff. I agreed to do an interview about the Sunshine Trust, not about my personal life.’

  ‘Sure, sure,’ the interviewer said smoothly. ‘I was just trying to get the back story.’

  ‘The back story is that without the Sunshine Trust this family would have fallen apart,’ said Pippa. ‘And for families like ours it provides an invaluable service, and allows us to cope with the challenges life presents us with. Plus Lucy loves going there, and she benefits from having time away from us too. It’s a win-win situation, which is why we’re all so devastated about losing the service.’

  ‘That’s great,’ said the interviewer. ‘Thanks Pippa, we’ve got a lot of material we can use there. Now would it be all right to film you looking after Lucy? And some shots with Lucy at the Sunshine Trust would be good.’

  ‘Yes, that would be fine,’ said Pippa. She looked at her watch. It was two o’clock. ‘Lucy comes home in an hour, but I can show you all the adaptations we’ve had to make to the house if you like.’

  There followed another hour of Pippa being trailed round the house with the film crew, stopping and repeating answers to questions over and over until the director was happy with everything. By the time Lucy arrived home Pippa had had enough, but Lucy seemed thrilled to be the centre of attention so Pippa obligingly wheeled her in and out of the lounge several times, got her in and out of her chair, pretended to get Lucy ready for bed at least five times, and finally showed the difficulties of cooking tea when Lucy suddenly demanded the toilet.

  I’m going to be famous, typed Lucy when they’d finished. Typically, she’d laughed through the whole thing, so Pippa hoped they’d have some positive footage of living with a child like Lucy. As she’d said to the interviewer, there was much to be positive about, ‘And the Sunshine Trust helps us all stay that way,’ she told him. ‘It’s our lifeline.’

  The boys arrived home in the middle of it all with Marianne, who had helpfully picked them up from school, and cheerily took part in background shots, and spoke enthusiastically and eloquently about the impact of having Lucy in their lives. When Nathan answered the question, ‘Do you sometimes wish Lucy wasn’t in your family?’ with a perplexed, ‘But Lucy’s special and it wouldn’t be the same without her,’ and George stoutly responded ‘No, why would I?’ Pippa felt herself well up. She’d always worried that the boys had missed out because of having Lucy as a sister. What a relief that they didn’t see it that way.

  Eventually the crew left, and Pippa had to go about actually making them tea, and actually putting Lucy to bed, before sitting down with both boys and giving them a cuddle on the sofa.

  ‘Thanks guys,’ she said, ‘you were great. I couldn’t have asked for two more perfect sons.’

  They wriggled out of her hug with a, ‘Yuk, Mu–um!’ each, and then Nathan said, ‘Is Dad going to stay over again?’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Pippa. ‘Would you like him to?’

  ‘So long as he doesn’t get angry again,’ said Nathan.

  ‘Well he’s working on that,’ said Pippa. ‘So let’s take each day as it comes, shall we? And who knows, maybe we’ll be back to normal soon.’

  Ha. Normal? As if she’d ever known what that meant.

  Cat came into the house from two days away in London, talking about her next book and the next series of Cat’s Country Kitchen, with both her publishers and the TV company. She’d had more long lunches than she’d been used to for a while and a couple of late-night sessions with her agent, chewing the fat about her home situation. It had done her good to get away; given her some perspective on the situation. Anna, her agent, who had been there, done that, a decade ago with her own rebellious teens, had been a fount of sage advice.

  ‘You’re going to have to talk to her,’ she said. ‘However she appears to you, Mel’s a teenage girl in a lot of trouble. She needs her mum, and she needs your support. I know it’s not what you wanted for her, but like it or not, it’s happening, and the sooner you all face up to it, the better.’

  ‘I know,’ said Cat. ‘It’s just so hard when you’re living with it all the time. Thanks though; it’s done me good to get away.’

  ‘And something else to think about, I hope,’ said Anna. ‘I think it’s great they want to do another series of Cat’s Country Kitchen in the spring, and the sales from Cat’s Country Christmas are really encouraging. Especially in this difficult economic climate.’

  ‘True,’ said Cat, ‘at least that’s one area of my life that I’m not making a balls-up of.’

  As she opened the door, she was nearly bowled over by Ruby.

  ‘Mummy!’ she said giving Cat a boisterously huge hug. ‘It’s so unfair, Mrs North hasn’t made me Mary, and everyone said I was better than Ruth Patterson. And Ruth doesn’t know anything about having babies, whereas I know all about them.’

  Ouch. Another downside of having a pregnant teen daughter – making your eight-year-old grow up far too quickly.

  ‘I heard that, runt,’ said Mel crossly as she came down the stairs. She had suddenly ballooned out, and she was so obviously pregnant now, Cat couldn’t believe she’d ever missed it. All those damn baggy jumpers Mel had been living in had clearly helped her cover up a lot.

  ‘Please don’t call your sister runt,’ said Cat automatically, and Mel bristled. Great start.

  ‘You okay?’ said Cat.

  ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ snapped Mel.

  ‘No reason,’ said Cat, ‘just asking.’

  She put her bag down and followed Mel into the kitchen, where James was cooking a chicken madras and Noel was pouring himself a glass of wine.

  ‘Hello,’ she said giving him a kiss and a hug. ‘I’ve missed you.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Noel, giving her a kiss on the lips.

  She stood enveloped in his arms, for several long and lovely minutes. It was wonderful to be home.

  ‘Parents, please,’ said Paige who was sitting flicking through a magazine at the kitchen table. ‘Can’t you get a room or something?’

  ‘I’m allowed to snog my wife in my own home,’ said Noel, mock-seriously. ‘Besides there is no guarantee of privacy anywhere in this house, so getting a room isn’t an option.’

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea, Mum?’ Mel said.

  ‘That would be great,’ Cat said, hoping it was a peace offering. ‘I’ll just go and dump my stuff upstairs and then come down and catch up with you all.’

  Five minutes later, Mel knocked on her door with the tea.

  ‘Thanks, love,’ said Cat. She went to hug her daughter, and was relieved to see she
didn’t flinch away. ‘Mel, sweetheart, can we have a chat?’

  ‘Only if you’re not going to have a go,’ said Mel.

  ‘I’m not going to have a go,’ said Cat. ‘I was just going to say … we need to start thinking about when the baby comes. And you’re bursting out of your clothes. So I was wondering, do you fancy a shopping trip? Just you and me. How about it?’

  ‘I suppose,’ said Mel, noncommittal.

  ‘Great,’ said Cat. ‘Let’s go on Saturday. No time like the present.’

  ‘Fine,’ said Mel, ‘now can I go and do my homework?’

  ‘Sure, of course,’ said Cat with a sigh.

  It wasn’t much, but it was a start. One day at a time, Cat said to herself. One day at a time.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve only got two weeks left until the ball,’ said Pippa, who was poring over seating plans in Cat’s lounge. It felt incredibly cosy on a winter’s day with the fire burning in the grate. It was also exceptionally tidy, reminding Pippa she’d have to have a go at hers when she got home.

  ‘How on earth do you keep it so tidy?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s not normally like this,’ said Cat. ‘The cleaner’s just been. Right, now where were we? There are still a few tables not totally filled, aren’t there? Shall we do a quick email via the PTA at school? There are bound to be one or two people hiding in the woodwork.’

  ‘Good idea,’ said Pippa. ‘And I’ll leave some more fliers with Vera. She’s really good at selling tickets. It’s funny to think what a mouse she was before she met Albert. She never used to say boo to a goose.’

  ‘Do you think Dan will still come?’ said Cat, who had heard Pippa cursing about uneven numbers all morning.

  Pippa shrugged. She hadn’t yet got round to broaching the subject. Everything still felt raw and new between them.

  ‘I really hope so,’ she said. ‘He’s certainly more like himself than he was a couple of months ago, but I’m not sure how ready he is to come and socialise in the real world. It was never his favourite thing before.’

  ‘And how are you two getting on?’

  ‘It’s better,’ said Pippa. ‘He comes round most days now, and helps me with Lucy. But we’re both still a bit wary, so we’re taking it slowly. He’s stayed over once or twice, but he doesn’t seem to want to rush things, which is probably a good thing. How about you? What are things like in your house?’

  ‘Also slightly better,’ said Cat. ‘I’m planning a baby shopping trip with Mel, to try and bond with her a bit more. But to be honest, I’m dreading it. Going to buy baby clothes for my new grandchild was something I imagined doing in ten years’ time, when I’m thoroughly delighted about it; not now when I’ve only just said goodbye to the last chance I’m going to have of having my own baby. It just feels wrong and too soon, and I can’t get as excited about it as I’d like to.’

  ‘That is fair enough,’ said Pippa. ‘Despite what I said to you about Lucy, if I was in a more regular situation, I think I’d feel the same.’

  ‘The trouble is, whether I like it or not, this baby is on its way,’ said Cat. ‘So I guess I’d better get used to the idea of being a granny.’

  ‘What does Noel think?’

  ‘Well, as you can imagine he’s not exactly thrilled that his eldest daughter is “up the duff” at the tender age of sixteen. But he’s put on a much better face than me. He keeps going all gooey about baby pictures. I swear he’s having some kind of weird male hormonal response to it all. Maybe it’s because I lost our baby earlier in the year – his body’s gone into hunter-gatherer mode, and now he’s got a grandchild to look forward to, he’s gone doubly protective.’

  Pippa laughed. ‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘it’s probably not funny.’

  ‘Not terribly,’ said Cat, ‘but there’s only so much gloom a girl can take. You do have to laugh, otherwise you end up in the gutter slitting your wrists.’

  ‘And that would never do,’ said Pippa, laughing harder.

  ‘No it wouldn’t,’ said Cat, grinning herself.

  ‘That really is an excellent way of looking at life,’ said Pippa. ‘There’s nothing to be done about the crap things in our lives, so we may as well try and enjoy the rest of it.’

  ‘So let’s make this ball a night to remember,’ said Cat.

  ‘I’ll drink to that,’ said Pippa, raising her cup of tea.

  The shops were heaving. Christmas shopping was well underway, and Cat had already got a headache from hearing Simply having a wonderful Christmas time for the millionth time as she and Mel negotiated their way around the Shrewsbury shops. She felt quite nostalgic walking into Mothercare.

  ‘It doesn’t seem that long ago I was buying maternity clothes for you,’ she said wistfully, as she picked up a baggy top that she thought might suit Mel.

  ‘Why do you always have to rub it in?’

  ‘What?’ said Cat. ‘What on earth did I do now?’

  ‘I know you think I’m too young to be a mum,’ said Mel. ‘But you really don’t have to go on about it.’

  ‘That’s not what I meant–’ said Cat, but Mel had stormed out of the shop adding, ‘And that top’s gross. It’s okay for old women like you, but I’m sixteen. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean to say I have to look sad and ugly.’

  Ouch, hit your mother where it hurts, why don’t you? Cat felt that familiar twinge of jealousy. Oh to be young and pretty again, like Mel, even if she was pregnant. She caught a glimpse of herself in the shop mirror. Her fair hair was looking flat and uninteresting, and she was dressed in unflattering jeans and a baggy jumper and fleece. She looked frumpy, fat and middle-aged. God she was turning into a wreck, while Mel looked beautiful. It didn’t seem quite fair.

  ‘Mel!’ said Cat, chasing after her, ‘come back. Come on, sit down and let’s start again. I didn’t mean anything by what I said. I was just remembering how excited I was when I first bought maternity clothes.’

  ‘Well I’m hardly excited, am I?’ said Mel. ‘I don’t want to be pregnant, remember?’

  Resisting the temptation to say, And whose fault is that, do you think? Cat sat down with her daughter and said, ‘Look sweetie, I know this isn’t ideal. And it’s not what Dad and I wanted for you, but this baby is coming, so we’d all better get used to it.’

  ‘I don’t want to get used to it,’ grumbled Mel. ‘I want to be out with my mates having fun, like I used to. Not cooped-up indoors, feeling miserable.’

  ‘You don’t have to be stuck inside all the time,’ said Cat. ‘Come on, there are some pretty Christmas dresses we could get you if you want. Just because you’re pregnant you don’t have to cut yourself off from the rest of the world, you know.’

  That elicited a small smile.

  ‘Better,’ said Cat. ‘Come on, let’s have a look at these dresses and then we’ll start looking at baby stuff.’

  Half an hour later, they emerged with bags full of maternity clothes that Mel considered were halfway decent to wear, and a ridiculous number of babygros.

  ‘Mum, calm down,’ said Mel, laughing as Cat had been unable to resist more and more sweet designs.

  ‘I can’t help it,’ said Cat. ‘I used to love buying babygros for all of you, there’s something so perfect about a tiny baby in a sweet little romper suit.’

  ‘Barf,’ said Mel. ‘I didn’t realise you were so sentimental. It’s only a babygro.’

  ‘You wait,’ said Cat, ‘when you hold that baby in your arms, and look at it in that sweet little babygro, your heart will melt.’

  ‘No it won’t,’ said Mel, ‘because I’m not going to keep it.’

  ‘What?’ said Cat.

  ‘You heard me,’ said Mel. ‘I am not going to fall in love with this baby, because as far as I’m concerned it’s just a little blip in my life. I’m going to have it, get it adopted, and move on, and go to uni and get a career like you want me to.’

  ‘But–’ Cat was staggered. She’d only just
got her head round the idea of being a grandmother, now Mel threw this at her. ‘Don’t be daft, Mel, Dad and I will help you look after it.’

  ‘Yeah, like that’s what you really want to do,’ said Mel. ‘I can’t get rid of the baby any other way. It’s the perfect solution. I thought you’d be pleased.’

  ‘The cathedral looks rather lovely at night, doesn’t it?’ said Marianne, as she and Gabriel slipped into the pews of Middleminster Cathedral, ready for the evensong service. It was the first time they’d been able to get over to a service since Steven started school, and he’d been really keen for them to attend. The cathedral was a medieval building with later additions, with a glorious rose window to rival York’s and a staggeringly high nave. It was lit with candles for evensong, and coming in out of a cold frosty night, it felt welcoming and special. Marianne wasn’t terribly churchy, but she found something comforting about the old church traditions, and hearing choir boys at evensong was one of those traditions which she found especially uplifting.

  She and Gabriel had arrived early so that they could sit near the front and get a good view of Steven. It hadn’t been his turn with them this weekend, but as he had a very small solo, Gabriel had promised they’d be there. And after all the weekends that Eve and Darren had monopolised Steven, it was the least they could do. They’d come without the twins, who were round at Jean and David’s, and both she and Gabriel were really looking forward to hearing Steven sing.

  ‘Oh, I didn’t imagine you’d be coming too.’ Marianne looked up, and to her dismay, saw Eve and Darren bearing down on them.

  ‘We did say to Stevie that he probably only needed us to come along,’ Eve continued. ‘It’s a bit over the top if we’re all here, don’t you think?’

  ‘Steven asked us to come and so we’re here,’ said Gabriel with a deliberately level voice, but Marianne could see him practically grinding his teeth in rage. ‘And as we haven’t had Steven for the last two weekends, we really wanted to come and see him.’ He was clearly furious with Eve, and rightly so. She had grabbed more than her share of Steven’s weekends, and it was becoming a thorny issue.