A Merry Little Christmas

by Julia Williams

  Marianne grabbed hold of Gabriel’s hand and squeezed it. Honestly, that woman was the limit. To think she used to feel sorry for her.

  ‘Well now we’re all here, do you mind if we join you?’ said Darren, in forced hearty tones.

  It seemed rude and somewhat inappropriate in church to tell them what they actually thought, so Marianne and Gabriel moved further up the pew to allow Eve and Darren to sit with them.

  ‘We normally sit here of course,’ said Darren.

  ‘You’ve been before?’ said Marianne in surprise. ‘I thought this was the first time Steven had had a solo.’

  ‘Oh it is,’ said Eve, ‘but we want to support him at every opportunity, so we’ve been making a point of coming every week.’

  ‘Have you now,’ said Gabriel between gritted teeth.

  ‘Shhh,’ said Marianne, ‘I think it’s about to start.’

  The choir and the vicar had begun to process down the cathedral aisle and make their way up to the High Altar. Steven was among them, looking swamped by his choir gown, but his face lit up when he saw Gabriel, and Marianne felt a warm glow. Good, he hadn’t forgotten them, despite Eve’s apparent best efforts to prise him away from them.

  The service itself was beautiful, and Steven’s solo was enchanting. Every note seemed to hang in the air and soar up to the rafters of the beautiful old building. Marianne surreptitiously wiped a tear away, and saw Gabriel doing the same. What was it about kids and singing? It was that purity somehow that ripped into your soul, and made you remember what it was like to be young and free and innocent. Eve and Darren were all over Steven once the service was over, and Gabriel and Marianne scarcely had a moment to say well done to him before he was whisked away back to school with his class.

  ‘He’s thriving so much at that school,’ said Eve. ‘I think it’s the best thing we ever did for him. He was so full of it yesterday when we took him out for lunch.’

  ‘I thought you were having him for the whole weekend,’ frowned Gabriel.

  ‘Oh yes, we were,’ Eve said quickly, ‘but then Darren had a business dinner he couldn’t get out of, and he needed me there, so unfortunately we had to bring Steven back to school early. Unavoidable I’m afraid. Steven understood. And we’ll see him next week.’

  ‘No, I think it’s our turn next week,’ said Gabriel. ‘You’ve had him for two weeks running.’

  ‘Oh,’ Eve’s demeanour drooped. ‘You’re right of course. But I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if we dropped in and took Steven out for a quick bite to eat at lunchtime?’

  ‘Eve,’ said Gabriel firmly. ‘We have an arrangement, it’s much better to stick to it.’

  ‘Yes, that’s right, darling,’ said Darren, ‘and I think I’ve got a golf thing next Saturday anyway.’

  There was something about the way he said it, which made Marianne wonder if all was well in paradise. It was as if he wasn’t all that keen to have Steven all the time. Maybe Eve was pushing for it more because of her guilt, but Darren would have been happy with less contact.

  ‘Well that’s settled, then,’ said Marianne brightly. ‘We’ll see Steven next weekend, and you’ll have him the weekend after. And then we can all meet up again at the Christmas concert. Won’t that be nice?’

  She hoped that no one noticed her sarcasm, but luckily both Eve and Darren were so caught up in themselves it seemed to have passed them by.

  ‘Do you think we all need to come?’ began Darren.

  ‘Well if it’s difficult for you and Eve,’ said Gabriel, ‘please don’t worry, as we’re happy to be there for Steven.’

  There was a pregnant pause and Eve said brightly, ‘And of course, so are we, but it’s difficult in the week, when we both need to be in London. It’s so tricky for us both to get away …’

  ‘No worries,’ said Gabriel, ‘we’re here, and it’s so much easier for us.’

  Marianne dug him in the ribs, but he carried on remorselessly, ‘After all, my work doesn’t really take me away from the family ever, does it, Marianne?’

  ‘Never,’ grinned Marianne. ‘Come on, we need to get back to the twins.’

  ‘Honestly,’ said Gabriel as they got back in the car. ‘I know we’ve just been to church, but I’ve never felt more like murdering someone.’

  ‘I know,’ said Marianne. ‘Still, never mind, we won. We get Steven next weekend.’

  ‘We did, didn’t we?’ said Gabriel with a grin.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  ‘Do you think Mel was serious about giving the baby up?’ Noel had been staggered when Cat told him the news.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Cat. ‘She seemed pretty determined. I suppose it is the sensible thing to do …’

  ‘But …?’

  ‘I know we didn’t want this, and I know we’re getting ready to move on in our lives now and the last thing we need is a baby …’

  Cat broke off again, trying to make sense of her feelings. Her anger with Mel had begun to ebb away, and now all she could see was her daughter in trouble, and a grandchild going to a stranger’s home. And knowing she could have no more babies of her own somehow made it worse. Mel couldn’t have found a better way to hurt her if she’d tried. Perhaps it was her own fault; if she hadn’t pushed Mel away when she’d found out about the baby, if she could have brought herself to be more forgiving …

  ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’ Noel gently laced his fingers over hers. ‘Cat, this has been a tough year for you, losing the baby, then your mum, now Mel being pregnant.’

  ‘It’s hardly been easy for you, either,’ said Cat. ‘And I’ve probably been a bit of a drag, with one thing and another.’

  ‘No you haven’t,’ said Noel kissing her. ‘I’ve just been thinking though. Maybe, we can turn this round, make a positive out of a negative.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, neither of us wants Mel to ruin her life by having a baby, right?’

  ‘No of course not,’ said Cat. ‘All I want is for her to have all the opportunities I did, not shut herself off from them so early on.’

  ‘And you know I’d really love the thought of us having another baby?’

  ‘Yes, you were rather keen on having a new baby,’ said Cat. ‘God alone knows why.’

  ‘I like babies,’ said Noel. ‘And the thing is, we can’t have another baby, and we’d have loved one. And Mel is having a baby she doesn’t want. And it’s too soon for her, so why don’t we– ?’

  The question hung in the air between them.

  ‘What, look after the baby for her?’

  ‘And let her continue her studies, do all the things she should be doing at her age,’ said Noel. ‘Come on, it’s the perfect solution.’

  ‘So long as you change your fair share of nappies,’ said Cat.

  ‘Scout’s honour,’ said Noel. ‘See? Problem solved.’

  ‘Oh lord,’ said Cat. ‘A baby in the house. Are we absolutely sure we’re doing the right thing?’

  ‘Of course we are,’ said Noel, giving her a kiss. ‘And it’s the best thing for Mel and the baby.’

  ‘I’m not sure Mel will be all that happy about it,’ said Cat, wincing as she imagined Mel’s response. ‘She seems to think we don’t want to help.’

  ‘Well then,’ said Noel, ‘we need to persuade her we do, won’t we?’

  ‘Hi Steven,’ Marianne came to greet him as Gabriel piled out of the car with several bags. He was only home for a weekend, but it looked like he was coming for a week.

  ‘Sorry, he appears to have a lot of washing.’

  ‘Don’t they do it for you at school?’ said Marianne.

  ‘Yes, but it doesn’t smell right,’ said Steven. ‘And I took some to Mum’s and she made it smell all lavendery and old lady-ish. I like the way you make the washing smell, Marianne.’

  ‘How does my washing smell?’ laughed Marianne.

  ‘Like home,’ said Steven seriously, and she felt her heart melt instantly.

  �
�You’re not homesick are you?’ said Gabriel anxiously.

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Steven, ‘but it is nice to be back.’

  He played around on the floor with the dog, as if to demonstrate.

  ‘I mean, I do like school,’ he said. ‘It’s great. I’ve got loads of mates now, and I like the singing. It was fab having a solo at evensong.’

  ‘We thought you were pretty fab too,’ said Marianne, giving Steven a cuddle.

  ‘But it’s cosy here,’ said Steven. ‘And I like it best of all the places I live.’

  Gabriel smiled hugely and gave him a hug.

  ‘Don’t you feel cosy at your mum’s?’ Marianne said cautiously. She’d thought Steven had been happy to go to see Eve and Darren.

  ‘Well it’s okay,’ said Steven slowly. ‘It’s just … it’s all a bit tidy.’

  ‘I hadn’t realised you set such store by my slovenliness,’ laughed Marianne.

  ‘You know what I mean,’ said Steven. ‘Mum has white sofas. I’m terrified to sit on them in case I spill my Coke.’

  Gabriel and Marianne both burst out laughing. Steven was always spilling things.

  ‘Oh dear,’ said Marianne. ‘Well, never mind. I’m sure you have a lovely time when you’re there.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Steven, but he didn’t sound too sure, and Gabriel and Marianne exchanged glances.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ said Gabriel, ‘with your mum I mean?’

  ‘She’s fine,’ said Steven in a rush, and Marianne was taken again with his deep sense of loyalty to her. ‘But Darren’s – well, he’s a bit mean to her. I don’t like him very much.’

  ‘But I thought he bought you loads of great presents,’ said Gabriel. Marianne could feel he was resisting the urge to shout, ‘Yes!’

  ‘Only when he remembers,’ said Steven. ‘The rest of the time he seems to be on the phone and wants me to be quiet.’

  ‘That’s a shame,’ said Marianne carefully. ‘He’s not mean to you is he?’

  ‘No,’ said Steven, ‘he ignores me mostly. So that’s okay. It’s just that compared to here, it’s boring.’

  ‘Do you want to keep going over there then?’ said Marianne. ‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

  ‘Of course I do,’ said Steven. ‘I love seeing Mum. But coming here’s better.’

  ‘Thanks, Steven,’ said Gabriel, looking touched. ‘That means a lot.’

  Steven smiled shyly, and Marianne grinned. Father and son were so alike. It was lovely to see them bonding again.

  ‘Well this is exciting.’ Pippa’s mum and dad, Dan’s parents, Dan, Pippa and the children were all gathered round the TV to watch the documentary about the Sunshine Trust which was just about to go out. ‘I never thought I’d see my daughter on the telly,’ Margaret said proudly.

  ‘It’s okay, Mum,’ said Pippa. ‘It’s not like I’m going on Britain’s Got Talent. This is purely a one-off. And I only did it to get interest in our campaign.’

  The programme started with a panning-in view of the Sunshine Trust, and a hammily arranged shot of smiling children being welcomed by the staff at the home. ‘For families like these,’ the voiceover said, ‘the Sunshine Trust offers a vital lifeline.’ It then went on to describe three families in detail, showing each of them in their homes. Pippa was depicted baking, and declaring that ‘Baking clears my head, and does me good, it’s my default when I’m stressed.’

  ‘And are you stressed much of the time?’ said the interviewer.

  ‘Constantly,’ laughed Pippa on the TV.

  Pippa squirmed. She sounded like some demented airhead who was desperate to palm off her daughter on the respite care team.

  And it got worse. When it came to Pippa’s big interview, she realised that her words had been twisted.

  ‘Not only does Pippa have to care for Lucy,’ the voiceover said, ‘but recently, husband Dan has been feeling the strain and has moved out of the marital home.’

  ‘I never said that!’ protested Pippa, but then the interviewer was saying, ‘So it’s been a strain on your marriage having Lucy?’

  ‘I really don’t want to talk about this stuff,’ TV Pippa was suddenly saying. ‘Dan couldn’t have been more supportive.’

  ‘But he’s not here,’ said the interviewer tellingly, and the voiceover followed up with ‘Just another casualty in the fight for support that all families with special needs children undergo, which is why the support of the Sunshine Trust is so vital.’

  ‘I didn’t say it like that,’ said Pippa, ‘I’m sure they didn’t ask me those questions.’

  ‘Probably makes for a better story,’ said Margaret. ‘You know what these TV folk are like. Don’t worry about it.’

  Pippa loved her mum very much, but sometimes she couldn’t see what was under her nose.

  No one else seemed to have noticed, so Pippa sat back and tried to relax and watch the rest of the programme, which fortunately didn’t have any more surprises to throw at her, but she was left with a gnawing anxiety about what Dan was going to say. He’d been very quiet throughout. She hoped he hadn’t taken it the wrong way.

  But when it was over, and she was left alone with Dan and the children, he turned to her with a bitterness she’d never seen before.

  ‘Well, you couldn’t wait to put the knife in, could you?’

  ‘Dan, they misrepresented me,’ said Pippa. ‘I didn’t say those things.’

  ‘Well, clearly you did, because you were on TV saying them.’

  ‘What I meant was, I said them but in answer to different questions. They’ve joined it all up to fit a story they wanted to tell. I didn’t breathe a word about you, honestly.’

  ‘So how come they seemed to know all about my accident?’

  ‘I have no idea,’ said Pippa, ‘but I swear I didn’t tell them anything.’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ said Dan. ‘Here I was thinking we were getting back on track, and I was even – how stupid of me – imagining I could move back in. But you’ve put a stop to all that.’

  ‘Dan,’ said Pippa.

  ‘Dan nothing,’ said Dan. ‘You’ve let me down, Pippa. That’s it. It’s over.’

  He got up and walked out of the house without a word. Pippa was left, standing speechless.

  Mel

  FACEBOOK status Well that went well.

  Jen17: What?

  Mel: Baby shopping with mum )-:

  Jen17: Why

  Mel: Cos I told her I’m going to give the baby up for adoption

  Kaz: You can’t do that!

  Ellie: No!

  Jen17: Are you mad?

  Mel: I can. Why should I let this ruin my life? Andy’s not letting it ruin his.

  Kaz: But still …

  Jen17: You should talk to him.

  Mel: Tried, he doesn’t want to know.

  Ellie: Are you sure?

  Mel: Sure

  Kaz: But I wanted to be an auntie.

  Mel: Shut up Kaz.

  Teenage Kicks

  I thought Mum was against the baby. But she’s gone all weird.

  She made me go baby shopping to ‘bond’ or some shit. She bought half of Mothercare & got really soppy about babies. Shit.

  Sounds like she’s suddenly getting into being a granny.

  Thing is, she’s made me feel trapped. I don’t want a baby now. I’m too young.

  Every time it kicks and wriggles I want to scream. I don’t want this now. I’m not ready. I’ve got to get away. Or give it away. Or do something.

  So I’ve decided. I’m giving it up for adoption. It’s the grown-up thing to do. And I told Mum.

  I thought she’d be pleased.

  But she looked like I’d punched her in the stomach.

  I can never do anything right.

  December

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  ‘Fancy meeting you here,’ Marianne grinned to Pippa, as she got out of the car with the twins in the farmyard of Batty Jack, the local turkey farmer who h
ad earned his moniker by his obsession with the rare bat colony that had taken over one of his barns.

  ‘I don’t even know why I’ve come,’ said Pippa, who looked pale and drawn. ‘I have never felt less like celebrating Christmas. Dan’s not going to be with us, Mum and Dad had a cruise booked months ago. It’s going to be a sad lonely affair and I have no idea how I’m going to keep the children cheerful.’

  ‘Oh no,’ said Marianne, ‘I thought you two were getting on better.’

  ‘So did I,’ said Pippa, ‘but you saw that bloody programme, right?’

  ‘Ah,’ said Marianne, ‘Dan thought …’

  ‘That I’d deliberately been doing him down and blaming our marriage breakdown on his lack of support. I tried to tell him, but he walked out, and says it’s over.’

  ‘Oh Pippa, I’m so sorry,’ said Marianne. ‘Maybe if Gabe talked to him …’

  ‘I really don’t think it would make any difference,’ said Pippa. ‘Thanks anyway.’

  ‘Why don’t you come to us?’ said Marianne, as they walked across the incredibly muddy field with Batty Jack to inspect this year’s crop of turkeys. ‘I’m ordering a huge turkey anyway, and I’ve got a houseful. Better than being on your own.’

  ‘Do you know, that would be bloody wonderful,’ said Pippa. ‘If you’re sure …’

  ‘Absolutely,’ said Marianne. ‘Come on, you’re probably much better than me at this. Help me choose a turkey.’

  ‘Well this one, here, see, I call her Hermione,’ said Batty Jack, pointing out an enormous squat turkey, gobbling away. ‘Beautiful isn’t she? She’s a nice strong bird, with no fat on her, and she’ll be tasty and give you gorgeous white meat. And she’ll be dripping with juice and blood and give you the best gravy in the world.

  ‘Or here’s my gorgeous Lizzie. Now she’ll feed an army. You’ll be eating turkey till the New Year. How many have you got for lunch, my lovely?’

  ‘As of five minutes ago, fifteen,’ said Marianne.

  ‘Fifteen?’ mouthed Pippa. ‘Are you sure?’