What the Heart Desires

by Victoria Rose

what you did?”

  “You don’t have to. We can get pass this.” He took her hands. “We love each other, remember. We can start over if that’s what you want.”

  “I don’t know what I want, Keane. It’s too soon.’ She sighed and rubbed her

  forehead in frustration. “We can’t pretend that none of this ever happened; if that’s what you are asking me to do.”

  “I will give you time.”

  “No! Right now what I need are answers.” She untangled her hands from his. “Starting with Larissa.”

  His eyes widened in despair. “I thought we have been over that one already.”

  “We didn’t cover everything. Did you fall for me because I reminded you of her? It was the impression I got from your friends. Was that why you got involved with me, Keane? You owed me the truth on that one. I want to know.”

  He shook his head. “I fell in love with you, Becky, because you are you. No one knows what’s in my heart, and what I feel for you except me. No one has a right to make such ridiculous assumptions about us. I’ve told you before, Larissa and I had nothing compared to what we have with each other. You are completely different from her. That’s why I love you.”

  “It’s hard for me to believe that you love me, Keane.”

  He grabbed onto her hands and searched her eyes. “Then believe it, darling,

  because I do love every part of you! Always have, always will.” His eyes pleaded with her to understand.

  She looked at him and bit her lip. God, he was getting to her, and she didn’t want that, not with the anger she was feeling for him right now.

  “There is something else that has been bothering me ever since I got my

  memory back—did you have anything to do with my accident? Did you run me off the road?”

  He buried his head in his hand and gave her a miserable look.

  “Becca! God—no!” He seemed offended. “How can you even think such a horrible thing about me! I would never, and I repeat, never do such an awful thing; not to you or to anyone else for that matter. I may not have been truthful about a lot of things, but this is not one of them. That’s not me!”

  “I found it strange that you were there that day.” She continued.

  He gave her a very exhausted look. “It was pure coincidence. I drove by after you had the accident. I was nowhere close when it happened. I’m hurt that you would even think such a thing about me.”

  “What else am I supposed to think, Keane? Your actions for the last weeks

  haven’t exactly been entirely true and honorable. You knew who I was even

  before the accident. And please don’t deny it?”

  “I knew you were dating Justin McCarthy, the man who was responsible for

  Larissa’s death.” He finally admitted to her.

  “And you didn’t say anything, not a word, even when I finally got you to talk about her. You took advantage of the fact that I wouldn’t know who you were talking about. You knew that I wouldn’t be able to connect the dots.”

  “It’s not the way you think.”

  “You know it’s funny; had you told me the truth, it wouldn’t have changed anything between us because I was in love with you. I would have stayed with you.”

  “We don’t know that you wouldn’t have stormed out. I’m sure you would have had reservations about being in a relationship with me, knowing the circumstances that brought us together, knowing that I had kept your identity from you.”

  “I remember I was coming to see you that day.”

  “I figured that much out.”

  “When?”

  “I found the recording and papers in your car.”

  “I found out what Justin had done a few weeks after I started going out with him. I heard him on the phone with one of his friends, bragging about what he had done to Larissa. She fought back when he tried to force himself on her. He

  beat her until she passed out. That was when he staged the accident. He didn’t

  want anyone to find out what he had done. And for your information, I wasn’t exactly dating him—we went on a few dates together.” She felt she had to tell him that.

  “I knew there was more to Larissa’s death. The information you had only proved it.”

  “His lawyers paid off the lab technicians to alter his blood and urine tests. He was keeping the real results, and the pictures he took of Larissa after she passed out in his car as some sort of trophy. I realized that he was a monster, and it was only a matter of time before he did the same thing to another woman. I couldn’t let him get away with it.”

  “You were very brave for doing what you. Thank you.”

  “I did it for Larissa, and for her parents. I think they deserve to know the truth about what happened to their daughter.”

  “And they are extremely grateful. Were you running away from Justin that day?”

  “Do you think I can be with someone as depraved and evil as him? It was hard, but I stuck around until I could get my hands on those things. I heard the judge had reopened the case. I wanted to make sure that they come up with a conviction this time. Justin deserves to be in jail. His money shouldn’t allow him to walk free.”

  “Larissa’s parent will finally get some justice for their daughter.”

  “I’m happy to help them. I could have been in Larissa’s shoes. I met Justin at a

  fund raising event for at risk youths. He seemed like a normal, fun guy. Goes to show; you can never know someone. What happened to the car I was driving that day? It was a rental.”

  “I arranged to have it brought back to the rental company. I paid for the damages.”

  “I will need to see the bill.”

  “Really, Becca, not that again!”

  “It’s my responsibility, Keane, not yours. Besides, I have insurance.”

  He gave her a resigned look. “Okay. I will contact my accountant about it.”

  She knew he had no intention of doing that.

  “One last thing; how were you able to pull it off, Keane? Did you contact my family and friends and gave them some sort of story about me? I speak to my Mom every single day. There’s no way she wouldn’t have tried to get in touch with me when I didn’t text or call her. She would have reported me missing.”

  He gave her a guilty look. “I was able to retrieve your phone and text messages.”

  “Wow! You certainly were a man on a mission!” she told him sarcastically.

  “You sent text messages to them, pretending to be me?”

  He looked embarrassed. “Something to that effect.” He could barely meet her eyes.

  “And it wasn’t hard for you to do considering that I was going to be out of the country. I was planning to return the rental car after I met with you, then catch a flight to Canada. I was supposed to spend Christmas in Nunavut. I volunteer with a group of medical specialists a few times a year there; Christmas being one of them. I have been going to Arviat for the last two years. We work with the natives there, providing whatever medical and professional help we can offer to them. I wasn’t expected back in the country until January fourth. I keep in touch with everyone via text messages and a weekly phone call when I’m there. What you did was beyond awful.”

  “And I agree. I lied to you. I betrayed your trust. I invaded your privacy in the worst possible way. It was an extremely poor lapse in judgment. It is unforgivable, but I’m asking you to forgive what I did. I completely lost myself when I met and fell in love with you. We can get through this, Becca. I know we can.” He pleaded with her.

  “We can’t go back, Keane, if that’s what you are suggesting.”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I felt this relationship wasn’t important to me and worth saving. I don’t want to think what my life would be like without you in it.”

  “You should have thought about that before.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t think I can forget what you did, Keane. I need time.”

  He seem
ed hopeful. “How much time do you need? I will give you space, if

  that’s what you want.”

  “You don’t understand, do you?” Becca raised her eyes to meet his. “I can’t

  make a decision about us right now, Keane. I don’t want to. I think the best thing for us right now is some time apart. My parents, three brothers and two of my aunts are on their way here. I have to explain to them where I was for the last three weeks. I can not lie to them about that, Keane. I have to tell them the truth.”

  “I will tell that I am responsible.”

  “No, this doesn’t concern you.” She brushed him off. “They are my family—I should be the one telling them.” She pulled the covers back and climbed back onto the bed. “I’m getting tired. I think you should go.”

  “Do you want me to get the doctor?” He gave her a worried look.

  “No. I’m fine. I just need some time alone.”

  “I understand. I will be right outside. I will let them know you are awake, if they haven’t already.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I can buzz if I need them.”

  She lay back on the pillow.

  “Are you okay?” He hovered next to the bed.

  “I’m going back with my parents as soon as the doctor says I can leave,” she told him.

  Her voice was noncommittal and sad.

  He appeared shocked. “Is that what you want?”

  “Yes. I should be with my family. I have a life that I have to get back to”

  “And the one you have here with me.”

  “Is finished.”

  “So, this is goodbye?” he asked her in a pained voice.’

  “Yes. I guess so. I can’t be with someone I don’t trust anymore.”

  “And there’s nothing I can say or do to change your mind.”

  “Nope, nothing. I think you have done more than your fair share already.”

  “Bec…I…I don’t you to go. Not until we have talked things over more.” He gazed down at her with tortured eyes.

  “Good bye, Keane.” She cut him off.

  She turned on her side and away from him.

  He stood there for a couple minutes, looking down at her, not knowing what to say to her—what to do. It was clear she had already made up her mind about them—about him, and there was nothing he could do.

  He had lost her, and he had only himself to blame for it.

  He turned on his heels and walked out the door.

  She heard him go.

  She wished they could go back to that day, to the last few weeks they had spent together—but she knew that they could never do that.

  The tears started to flow, and she did nothing to stop them. She turned around and stared at the door, hoping that he hadn’t actually left, and that she would see him standing there, waiting to take her in his arms again, and everything would be okay with them again.

  But he wasn’t. He was probably on his way back to the ranch, or somewhere.

  And she suddenly realized that this was it—she didn’t even have a number for him, she didn’t have an address. She had never thought that she would need one.

  “Oh, my god!” She muffled her cries with her hand. “What have I done!”

  She rushed to the door and opened it, but it was too late.

  He was already gone.