Beautiful Broken Girl (Broken Girl series Book 1)

by Rachael Tonks

  I stare at him in utter shock. Of all the people, I never thought he’d be the one to say ‘stand up and be a man’. I know he’s had a shitty life without a father, but his Mom has done really well for herself and Pete has never really spoken about the hole that not having a father has left in his life.

  With a sharp slap to his back I retort, “Your turn to buy the drinks fucker, some red head hasn’t taken her eyes off you this whole time.” I nod in the direction of the bar.

  Pete leans back into the seat. “Can’t blame chicks for wanting a piece of this,” he laughs, running his hands up and down his torso. With a hefty push, I shove him off the seat. “Go get the drinks dude; a man could die of thirst waiting for your lazy ass!” He strides over to the bar. I pull out my phone and text Mom.

  Cole: Please don’t worry, I’m okay but I will be home late

  Mom worries and the last thing I need is her sending out a search party. My mind races with the thoughts of what Pete said. My finger hovers over Kennedy’s name. I’m dying to text her but I said I’d give her space. To hell with it. I begin to type.

  Cole: I miss you. Please get some rest. Cole

  Within seconds I feel the buzz of the phone in my pocket. I rush to pull it out.

  Kennedy: Coming home tomorrow, I hope we get a chance to talk.

  I shove my phone back into my pants pocket and down the rest of the bottle. Pete re-appears with drinks in hand. I can feel the tingle of the alcohol running through my system, a welcome feeling after today’s shit. I rub my ripped knuckles which sting from the assault on the wall earlier today. Fuck it felt good to let off some of the steam and tension that was building, but my hand is well and truly fucked.

  “Here Cole, get this down you.” Pete hands me a drink. “I called in the cavalry. I text Jake; he will be here in a bit. He’s just having trouble parting his dick from Abbey at the moment!” I let out a loud laugh, the contents of my mouth flying all over the table.

  “Dude, you are disgusting,” he grumbles through muffled laughter.

  “I’m disgusting? Have you heard yourself lately? Anyway, you’re just fucking jealous because Jake’s getting some and you’re not,” I hear my words as they begin to slur, hell I’m halfway drunk already. I blink, trying to shake the fuzziness in my sight. Gulping down my beer, I shake my head as the refreshingly cool drink slithers down my throat.

  “Man, I’m so fucking ready to ride that ass” Pete says as he watches Lizzy behind the bar. “Damn it’s been far too long!”

  “Jeez Pete, weren’t you just here a few weekends ago?” With a heavy sigh and a large backhand to my chest he pauses.

  “Oh here is Mr. Dickless with his new Honey!”

  Jake walks over to us with Abbey in tow.

  “Hi Pete, nice to fucking see you too!” They grab hands, pulling in for an exaggerated man hug.

  Abbey looks at me solemnly, slipping in beside me in the booth and resting her hand on the back of my neck. She starts to pat, “How’s it going big fella, shit just got real right?”

  “Fuck Abbey, my head is a total train wreck. That girl has got me spinning.” Breathing deeply in through my nose, I let out a huge sigh. I catch a glimpse of the guys walking towards the bar as Abbey continues.

  “Shit Cole, I just don’t know what I’d do in her situation. The thing is, you know it’s not just the pregnancy thing, it’s the whole how she became pregnant, you know what I mean?” she says incredulously. “You know she’s like a closed booked; she’s had to keep secrets for so long. I think she definitely finds it hard to open up, so I wouldn’t take it to heart that she didn’t share this with you. It’s not like you can say ‘Want a drink? Oh and by the way, I’m from a religious cult where I was abused for years!’”

  “Okay, Abbey I get it. Fuck I get it!” I snap at her, not because I mean to, but because I’m a bubble of pent up anger and emotion. The guys approach our table laughing and carrying a tray full of beer. Suddenly there’s a huge clatter and the sharp sound of glass smashing. I look across and can see Jake and Pete pushing back some dude who looks like a biker. I squint through my drunken haze to get a better look.

  “Hey fucking back off dude, look at the mess you made here.” The vague figure steps back arms in the air, he’s grinning.

  “Total accident boys, forgive me.”

  “Accident my ass, dude you owe us a full round of drinks,” Pete is brushing down his pants as he tries to remove the beer from the front.

  The biker dude cocks his head to the side while crossing his arms, “Is that so?”

  “Damn fucking straight man,” Jake interjects.

  I can feel Abbey squeezing my arm. “Let me out Ab’s, I need to sort this shit out!” I shuffle along and exit the seats, but as I try to stand, I am unbalanced and can feel a hazy whoosh through my head.

  “Just replace the drinks and it will all be settled,” I shout over.

  The biker starts to lick the moustache resting heavily along his top lip.

  “Sit down boy, looks like you’ve had enough already, I reckon I did you a favor. He turns and starts to step away from us. Pete is swiftly on his tail, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him back towards us.

  “Uh no you don’t, you owe us some drinks!”

  “Just leave it,” squeaks Abbey. “It’s not worth it; I’ll replace the drinks guys.”

  The next thing I know, I hear the slap of flesh and Pete is on the floor. Abbey is on her knees in an instant, trying to help him to his feet.

  “Hey hey, what the hell is going on over here?” Lizzy steps in front of the biker, pushing back on his chest. “Chuck I don’t want any trouble tonight, we said you could continue to drink here as long as you left your fucking trouble at the door, you hear me?”

  He steps back pointing to Pete.

  “This kid is winding me up. If he lays another fucking finger on me I will lay him flat”

  “Just go over to the rest of your guys at the bar, and let me deal with this,” she quickly kneels down to Pete who is just getting to his feet. His eye looks swollen and black already.

  “I think it’s best you guys get out of here, Chuck is a total nut job and the last thing we need is the police turning up, especially since you aren’t supposed to be in here,” she says with a hushed tone to her voice.

  Pete jumps to his feet and nods, “No worries Lizzy, we’ll split.”

  “I’ll go distract him at the bar so you guys can make a quick exit.” Lizzy strokes Pete’s face before handing him a piece of paper. “Call me later,” she whispers to him. She dashes back behind the bar, distracting the fucking biker hooligans while we hurry through the door.

  “Fuck, this is going to sting tomorrow,” Pete moans.

  Kennedy

  I haven’t slept a wink all night. My mind is on overdrive and shows no signs of slowing down. Jocelyn has been so supportive. She said they can provide me with a home and stability if I decide to have the baby. I think she wants me to have a variety of options to help make my decision. I’ve decided on one thing then changed my mind so many times tonight. If I opted for a termination, my life could go back to what it was, probably minus Cole. I can’t be sure he would want me now, even without a baby. The only problem I have with this option is that it means he’s won. That sick bastard would be ruining and taking another life, a poor innocent child. My child. Granted a child I never wanted, but this could be my chance to make a difference, be that strong person I’ve never been before.

  I am being discharged today under the proviso that I have to meet with a therapist once a week. They think me talking about the shit that happened to me will help me move on with my future. Talking isn’t going to do anything, apart from drag up and remind me of all the things I’ve tried to force to the back of my tiny mind. The memories that cause my nightmares; the images that cause my skin to crawl and make me shiver just at the thought.

  After shoveling down the hospital provided breakfast, I go to the bathroom and wash
up before dressing in the clothes Jocelyn brought in for me yesterday. The bleeding had stopped shortly after I arrived at the hospital, and they have advised I come in for an ultrasound in two weeks to check the progress of the baby. I stand in front of the mirror turning to the side, gently caressing my stomach. My pregnancy isn’t evident and I have yet to change shape. I have always had some curves, but nothing looks different. I had no idea there was even the slightest chance I was pregnant. I feel a sudden warmth as I slowly rub backwards and forwards. My head drops and I begin to shake before proceeding to brush my teeth. What on earth was I going to do?

  I walk back in to the main room just as Jocelyn arrives. “Hey sweetie. How are you doing?” I smile and nod, “I’m okay, thanks Jocelyn.”

  “Did you get any sleep last night? You look very tired,” she glances at me with a look of concern on her face.

  “A little, but I had a thousand things running through my head.”

  Smiling sadly at me, Jocelyn says, “I understand honey. This was never going to be easy, but I am here for you every step of the way. You know that, right?”

  I run towards her and embrace her tightly. “Thank you so much for everything, and for not turning your back on me when you realized what a mess I really am!”

  “There is no way I was ever turning my back on you. We all have our secrets, our pasts. Between you and me, I had some bad experiences too before I met Mr. Peterson. Don’t get me wrong sweetheart, nothing like what you’ve been through, but like I say, I have a past too. I understand.”

  Jocelyn’s confession leaves me dumbfounded. I am intrigued at what she is insinuating, but don’t press. It’s not my place. But I do wonder if Cole knows.

  “Anyway, enough about me, I am here to take you home so let’s get a move on. I bet you can’t wait to be in your own bed. Which I have cleaned, and all the sheets have been replaced, just in case you were wondering.”

  “Thank you.” Jocelyn wheels me out to the nurse’s station where she hands me my prescribed medication and a card with details for a therapy appointment on it. I shove it in my bag as we head out to the car. Jocelyn opens the trunk door and I throw in my bag, walking around and getting into the passenger side.

  Jocelyn belts up and grabs my hand, “Okay, ready to go?” I nod in response and we begin our journey home.

  “Have you heard from Cole my dear?”

  “No, why? Is he Okay? Well, I got a brief text from him last night, but apart from that no.” Jocelyn nods.

  “He’s not exactly in my good books at the moment, he didn’t come home at all last night, Pete called to say he was steaming drunk and now he’s crashed out on his sofa, with no sign of moving! I know this has taken its toll on him, but going out at 18 and getting drunk is not the answer,” she puffs.

  I smile sadly at her, “I guess we are all trying to deal with this in whatever way we can Jocelyn. I guess this is his way.”

  “I hadn’t thought of it like that. It still doesn’t condone his actions though” she puffs.

  Before long, we are back at the familiar sight of the Peterson’s home. It is comforting to see the place I have such fondness and happy memories of, but at the same time my stomach is doing summersaults at the thought of seeing Cole. Blood pumps harder through my veins as I take tentative steps towards the house, hoping he will be here.

  I walk in, scanning the rooms, but there is no sign of him. My stomach drops at yet another disappointment. “I’m going to go up to my room.” I point towards the stairs and Jocelyn nods in response.

  “Give him time Kennedy, this is all new and terribly frightening for everyone; especially for the both of you being so young and I know his feelings for you run deep.”

  Nodding, I turn and rush up the stairs. I reach my room and collapse on the bed. I am so tired, so drained, the comfort of the bed encases me as I lay there trying to steady my erratic heartbeat.

  Cole

  I skip the next few days at school; hiding out, just getting drunk, this seems like the only way I can push this shit out of my mind. I just can’t face going home knowing that Kennedy is there. I’ve been at Pete’s; his mom has been totally cool with me crashing there.

  I know I will have to face her sooner or later, but my head is fucked right now, trying to come to terms with this pregnancy bullshit.

  Fuck! I want her so badly, but can I possibly do this? She is having some sick fuck’s baby after all.

  I sit outside beside the pool, Pete hands me a beer and I gulp it down fast.

  “Hey man you need to go slow; you’ve barely sobered up from last night!”

  “What else can I do Pete? I just need to get her off my mind, you know!”

  “I don’t know how you plan on doing that Cole, she lives at your god damn house after all!”

  “Maybe I’ll just hide out here,” I fake laugh, sinking deeper into my seat, pulling my cap further down until it nearly touches my brow. He exhales loudly.

  “Not likely man, you need to tackle this head on, make a decision and stick by it,” he bites out.

  “How? It’s not like buying a fucking car you douche; this is lifelong decisions we are talking about. The chances are, she won’t want me now anyway; she has a baby to worry about.”

  “You have to go with your gut man. Let me ask you this- what would be worse for you, never being with Kennedy again, or being with her but her having a child? Because, let’s face it Cole, those are your two options, take it or fucking leave it bro!”

  “Jeez, you’re not really helping here!” I puff out. “It’s not that fucking simple dude.”

  “Sure it is, don’t over complicate things. If you love the girl, you will stand by her.”

  I stand up, rolling back my shoulders, pacing in front of Pete. “Of course I love her, dammit; I wouldn’t be this much of a mess if I didn’t.”

  Kennedy

  Cole hasn’t been at home since my release from hospital. I seriously need to start thinking about finding somewhere else to live. We can’t go on like this; it isn’t fair on either of us. I have tried messaging him several times, but he hasn’t replied.

  Between the ache of missing Cole and my frequent nightmares, I have barely slept. I feel so lost, damaged beyond repair. I choke back the tears as I lay curled up on the bed.

  I hear a light knock on the door and I jerk up in surprise.

  “Ken, it’s me Cole, can I come in?” My heart is beating faster than before, and I feel a tingle run through me. I can’t believe he’s actually here, knocking on my door.

  “Come in.” I quickly shuffle to sit upright on the edge of the bed. He walks through the door and sits beside me, not close enough for my liking. I am aching, physically aching to touch him; just hold his hand or stroke his face. But I don’t. I don’t know what his reaction would be.

  He shifts nervously, first pulling one leg over the other, then back down again, he shifts backwards so he’s resting on his hands behind him, then back upright again. Damn he’s making me feel awkward as hell.

  “Damn it Cole, stop fidgeting,” I fluster.

  “Fuck. I’m sorry. Shit, I don’t know what to say Ken. Are you okay?” He touches my hand tenderly.

  “Uh huh,” I know I’m blushing. Just his touch has me all stirred up.

  He smiles at me. A heart stopping, genuine smile. A smile I feared I would never see again. I lay my free hand over his.

  “Cole.”

  “Yeah Ken.”

  “You smell really bad. How much did you drink last night?”

  He puffs out a light laugh, “Too much probably.”

  “Certainly smells that way.” I smile back at him. We seem to be stuck there in time, neither one of us knowing what to say, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

  “I can’t get you out of my head, Ken; I tried to drink away the pain I feel here.” He pulls my hand up to his chest, his heartbeat so strong it vibrates through my palm.

  I fight back the tears furiously as I feel the sting be
hind my lids.

  “I’m sorry Cole, I don’t know what else to say, I should have been honest with you before we got into this relationship. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the past would catch up with me, I just had no idea it would be this way. It was never my intention to hurt you. It rips me apart knowing that I’ve hurt you.” The tears force their way down my cheek, I can no longer hold back as the pain tightens in my chest. Knowing I’ve hurt him and caused him so much grief tears through me.

  He quickly turns his body until it faces me.

  “Please don’t apologize for something you had no control over. You didn’t ask to go through what you did, so don’t apologize baby.” His voice is soft and mellow. I feel the rough skin of the back of his hand stroke my face, removing the tears that cascade down. I take a hold of his hand and bring it down to my swollen lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back.

  “Thank you Cole, you always know what to say to make me feel at ease.”

  “You’re shaking, come here.” He tugs me into his warm embrace. Cocooning my body in his rippled muscles, I relax into his hold. “I need to know if you’ve made any decisions. I’m dying here; the thought of being without you is totally fucking my head up!”

  I straighten up, looking deeply into his eyes. I don't breathe and I feel myself melt as we gaze endlessly at each other. I have no words.

  “Please Ken, talk to me, tell me how you feel?”

  I sigh back, “I’m scared Cole, really fucking scared. I’m scared that no matter what my decision is I’m going to lose you! My heart feels so heavy and my mind is confused,” my voice croaks out.

  “You won’t lose me Ken, I need you, but I need to know where your head is at.”

  “You want to know if I’m going to keep the baby. And what? If I decide to, will you still want me?” He looks startled and lets out a huge sigh. The silence is piercing.

  “I take that as a no then, won’t I?” I pull away putting distance between us.